Parties, Phones and Other Stuff of Life

Hello everyone. It's around nine o'clock on this monday morning. Amia's third birthday party was a lot of fun for the whole family. The trip to Chuck E. Cheese was a big success. Since we went in the middle of the afternoon on a weekday, it was actually not too noisy or crowded in there. I was almost even able to play a proper game of Airhockey but it wasn't quite quiet enough to hear the puck move over the table. Guided around by mom and dad, I followed my two little neaces and helped out where possible. It was lots of fun.

The next couple of days were pretty dull. It was very cold out so the expedition to the bank and to take care of a few other things will happen a little later this morning. It's apparently going up to seven today which is a heeping lot better than minus ten. Trust me on that one. All the more true when part of the plan involves putting a few more reminder landmarks into the gps on the various routes near the Meadowvale Town Centre. I can see my self getting confused next spring when I start using them more again. As much as I enjoy Harpal's company, I look forward to a spring and summer without these lessons when I can just live life knowing how to get around my immediate area. It's been a long year getting to this point.

I've been looking more thoroughly into this whole iPhone thing. In general, I've been impressed to a point where I believe I'll take steps to alter my spending so that I can acomodate one relatively soon. It looks like it'll make more sense to get one through Rogers and sign up for a contract. I can keep my phone number and save a lot on the actual iPhone at the same time. I've learned that it's somewhat important that I get a current iPhone rather than a 3GS one because of a difference in ram available which impacts users of Voiceover due to the extra demands speech output imposes on the phone's memory. Thankfully, I can go middle of the road when it comes to storage space and believe that a sixteen gb phone would do just fine for me rather than the more expensive thirty-two gb version. Of course, I have to plan for however much an extra battery pack costs. Especially when using Voiceover, battery charge gets chewed through more quickly. Each ap will also cost a small amount but I just have to prioritise and build my collection slowly and carefully. I'll have quite a bit of help finding out which aps are accessible with Voiceover as there's quite a community of users now. It's not like I'm going to be a pioneer at all here. Not this time. Given my finances, those days are likely behind me for good. I can't say I mind that overly much. When things are working fine, I'm a lot less tempted to jump off the cliff and try something totally new without having a backup plan.

While friday and saturday were two excruciatingly dull days, sunday was a different story. I had church in the morning which included a soup lunch. Finally got my container back from them so I'll be able to bring potatoes for the next soup lunch unless it's at a point in the Christmas holidays when I've got other plans. I always feel good doing that and people seem to enjoy them. Thought yesterday was games day also but was wrong on that by a week. However, I was able to enjoy another Mosen Explosion during the afternoon. Added to that was an unexpected gathering in the evening held by Doug and Nan. They've made a real point of including me in a good few events over the past while. They sort of ended up having more of an impromptu party than I believe they originally intended and it was damned good to get out and be with people. I figured most people would become fixated in a card game and brought my netbook along to be prepare for that eventuality. There were enough people present that I always had people interested in conversation and never really used it except to allow one of the kids there to see the version of Talisman I have on it. Also, other than brief periods, conversation continued among the card players. That doesn't seem to happen with sports. As soon as a game comes on tv, quality of conversation seems to suffer greatly. You'd think an active card game would have more of that effect. It often does in my experience but not this time. Conversation just kept on chugging along nicely. There's so much history in the church community. Also, there were enough people and things to update each other on that the dynamics just worked better for a pure conversationalist like me. It made me wonder how differently my life would have turned out had my family not moved around so much while I grew up. It's not like we changed cities every year or anything but each move would break off relationships I had started. I didn't know anybody going into my secondary school. Only a couple of people from those middle school days while we lived in North York have ever contacted me. If I'm ever going to find more in life than this apartment and too damned many solitary evenings, it'll be through friendship connection. I've all but given up on another wonderful lady finding me online. Same goes for the job front. I just have to hope that circumstance will provide opportunities for people to see enough of my capabilities and good character to think it worth-while making allowances for my disability in a context more life-changing.

Earlier that evening, I had a conversation with John Morgan. He's still doing well and was quite excited to hear about the iPhone's capabilities for blind people. He had seen them and hadn't given them much thought due to their flat screens just like I originally hadn't. It'll be good to be able to show him something new that he won't have had to pay for at least in my case. He does so much for so many people. Everything from helping them shop to taking them places to getting them equipment they can't afford for themselves. I wonder if anybody but himself and God has a real idea of the shere number of people he's helped over the years. He mensionned at least three people I hadn't heard of before.

It's the afternoon now. Dad and I went for quite a walk and put in the landmarks I wanted. They ought to keep me from too much confusion regarding which way the route to the bank from Symposium Cafe is, [to the right when facing away from the door to Symposium] and the route to the drug store and post office, [to the left past the front of the fitness centre when facing away from Symposium]. We also enjoyed a good brunch. I hadn't had a delux omelet in quite some time and the mango fruit smoothy was as refreshing as ever. There's also a cession of our church mens' group this evening which I'll be attending. A very sharp contrast indeed to friday and saturday's creeping empty dullness. This friday, there's a Christmas breakfast in our building put on for residents. I have a hard time picturing how that's going to work here indoors and how they'll set it up. I don't ever find many people gathered in the lobby at any time and haven't heard about any rooms in the building for that kind of occasion. My friend Shirley is going so I'll head down with her and find out. I don't think they could use a tent at this time of year. Warm days are getting few and far between.

This week will be pretty unusual. I don't often have things happen on three out of five week days. It helps keep me from feeling quite so cut off from the world and divides time up better. I guess this sunday is going to include a games night. Other than that, I have no other weekend plans as usual. Hopefully, a nice bit of inspiration will at last come my way regarding Enchantment's Twilight. A few additional special locations, perhaps an actual game character or two [Dare I hope?], or a chunk of overall story arc. It's such a complex large kind of thing that I guess it might well feel slow even if I were able to put in a solid forty-hour work week on it through some autonomic mental creative inferno. Haven't had one of those since I worked on the Personal Power guide. At least that burst of creativity went to a good cause. On the bright side, I'm getting enough sleep these days so writer's block and a thankfully punctured solitude are the only two demons I face currently. I hope to get through the rest of the year without my sleep being screwed up. That would be nice and might even be an attainable dream. We'll just have to see.

A New Cellphone

Hello everyone. Didn't think I'd be writing in here again for a while longer but I received an unexpected setback yesterday. That marvelous cellphone donated to me around a year and a half ago was suddenly rendered useless due to being unabled to charge. I'm not even certain whether the failure is with the charging port on the phone or with the charger itself but the product has been discontinued now and I can't get a replacement charger. I suddenly discovered this mid-morning yesterday and the battery died. Thankfully, my father and I had planned to go out to Symposium Cafe and it wasn't a big problem to add in an expedition to look into the possibilities of finding an alternative charger. This has sadly proved impossible and I ended up having to quickly decide on a new cellphone. The Doro 410GSM I ended up choosing has the advantage of being a very simple phone with a good tactile keyboard. Unfortunately, I can't make use of the phonebook or most of its other features since it has no built-in speech at all. I can't even check my battery level and won't know it's low until it starts vibrating. I'll have to take my netbook more places in case I need numbers I could formerly find in my cellphone. Because I didn't choose to go with a contract, I thankfully didn't lose out on the $60 balance I had in my acount and will be able to eventually upgrade to an Iphone when my finances aren't quite so tight.

I had an excellent chat this morning in the virtual pub on Samnet. A good group of regulars showed up and we discussed cellphones, American Thanksgiving plus the children in our lives. It passed the time very nicely indeed. I also talked to a young lady who was far from her family doing coledge while serving in the coastguard augzilliary. She doesn't believe she'll be able to see her family until next year due to economics and distance. That must be a pretty hard thing to face on American Thanksgiving and even harder on Christmas. Glad I was able to help her pass some time more cheerfully.

Speaking of cheerful, I'm sitting here in anticipation of the third birthday party for little Amia. It's apparently going to begin with a trip to Chuck E Cheese. I anticipate a great deal of noise and rampant running little feet. I have fond memories of that establishment from back when I was a youngster. After that, it's dinner at my parents' house. I'm going to try and touch base again with Sandy this evening once I return here. It's going to take some geting used to having to dial his number rather than scroll through for his name. For at least the next while though, that's just how things will be. I'll get used to it.

Puttering Through Potter and Passing Time

Hello everyone. I figured it was about time I wrote another update. Things have been pretty quiet over the past while. The weekend was pretty empty of people other than a dinner on saturday night with some long-standing family friends. The food was terrific and included some excellent beef tenderloin. I spent the majority of the weekend reading the final three Harry Potter books at long last. I wasn't ever going to bother having lost interest after the fourth book some years ago. However, seeing as I hope to be volunteering with The Dam soon, it occurred to me that I might as well find out what happened to the little rascal which has so captivated everyone else. I probably skipped as many chapters as I actually read. The books are very well-written and have some excellent morals within them. However, I learned all those lessons from other fantasies which came before. It just isn't quite my generation of fantasy heros. At least I know how it all ends now and have probably read enough to fake my way through a Harry Potter inquisition. I don't believe I'll look into Twilight. I overdosed on Ann Rice's vampire novels over a decade ago and it'll be a while longer before I look into that world again presuming I ever do. I guess I've learned over the past weekend that one can never say never.

This week is off to a good start. I had another mobility lesson yesterday. When we got to The Dam, a student who worked there was present and we got to go inside. I was glad of the opportunity to have Harpal, my instructor, go over the basic layout of the place with me. I don't believe I'll take long to become quite comfortable in there. Having a brief tour also gives me much more of a sense of the function of the facility and volunteer group. Clearly, the emphasis is about having safe clean fun and building mentoring relationships with the youth around that. They have an Air Hockey table in there. I haven't played that seriously for over a decade now. Presuming fairly quiet conditions, I can hear the puck travel over the table and used to be pretty good at it. Doubtless, I'm rusty as hell. There are still some formalities and details to finalise including that police check. I very much look forward to getting started there. If, God forbid, something stops me from working there, I don't really have a plan B. It's getting too cold out there to think about learning yet another route this year. I still have to go over the one to the church one more time with Harpal and make certain I have that down thoroughly.

Today has been a good one. The groceries came in this morning and are now all stowed away. I forgot to get some new granola bars but I'm sure I'll live without them for a spell. Everything else came. I got a couple of different kinds of tea among other things. My writer's block continues which is the only real downer other than not having friends near my own age around here who share interests other than computer games. Yes, folks. Those empty weekends and evenings are becoming well past tiresome. I'd give up a whole lot for a new love in life who was seriously in it for the long haul. The chances of that situation changing any time soon are ghost thin. The closest I'll likely come to having a bunch of friends to converse with are fellow listeners to the Mosen Explosion of Mushroom FM. Somehow, Jonathan and Julia manage to create a kind of community atmosphere which allows me to forget how far apart we all are and how empty the apartment is. It makes for a pleasant four hours on a sunday afternoon even if the music is often older than what I usually enjoy.

Thursday is Amia's third birthday. I haven't seen my two neaces in a little while what with all they've been doing. I hope she enjoys this birthday more than the last one. Dad and I picked out some Christmas gifts last week at the Dollar Store. Next year, I'll see where they're at mentally and whether to take another stab at something from the Discovery online shop. I jumpped the gun a bit with that talking globe but I'll get better at it as they get older and find more interests. Tomorrow, I'll be eating at the Symposium Cafe with my father. Wednesdays are Martini days there and it's been a while since we've managed to catch one. I haven't gone there on my own in quite some time. Lately, it's just seemed like a lot of bother to go there and then be made even more aware of the missing lover and friends who ought to be there with me but are absent from life. Financially, things have tightened up as well over the past while and I've had to re-evaluate a lot of things. I'd happily forego some of the junkfood and more expensive but excellent food I buy to eat here at home if I knew I was going to be eating out with people more often. However, there just aren't all that many activities and reasons to go out anywhere. For me, friends are what turn otherwise empty events into the stuff of good memories. Even a trip to an art gallery has the potential of being interesting if I'm with people who don't mind discussing what they see rather than just gawking at it.

This afternoon, I've been doing some listenning. Soundprint had a nifty documentary in their archives about life at McMurdo Station in Anarctica. It focussed on how people lived up there rather than being about all the science that goes on. It was pretty fascinating. After that, I started listenning to the November 21 episode of Spark. It started out with a neat segment on designing soundscapes for places and the effect of ound environment and noise polution of people. Julian Treasure, a soundscape designer, lived up to his last name for me. He tends to think of sound much as I do. He talks about how people invest so much in the appearance of places but not much at all into how they sound. I certainly choose favorite restaurants on the basis of their sonic ambience and ease of conversation with companions almost as much as the food served. It's nice to know that at least someone out there thinks about that sort of thing. I've paused the episode as I write this entry and soon will make my dinner. Chicken souvlaki plus vegies and dip and some bread seem about right. I'm going to get a burger and fries tomorrow so I'll leave my fresh bag of Yukon Gold potatoes to try another day tempting though they are. Aura, that nifty creation from a kind Russian soul, is up to its usual magnificence filling my apartment with quiet moving forest sounds. I'll hear the rest of the episode as I eat. I've fallen a bit behind with Spark and other podcasts.

I get the podcasts but often at a time when I can't listen to them right away. They'll sit around for days and sometimes weeks before I get to them. Mainly, that's happening because I've been so drained and bored due to how differently things have turned out for me socially than I had hoped. Also, being on that ODSP Fireside group had the same kind of effect that being with Rebecca was having towards the end of our marriage. She dwelled so often on the negative, on what we didn't have, on what was wrong, that I found that I began to do the same thing and ignore the blessings we had available to us. It's an awefully wasteful vicious cycle to get into. Thankfully, I seem to hit bottom and bounce out of it fairly quickly if nothing pulls me down. I don't look at ODSP Fireside trafic much at all these days but plan to keep looking in on things occasionally when I can stand the overarching negativity. Meanwhile, one of the things which has helped pull me up is that my own group, Silver Smiles, is showing some signs of life again. We're still only five members and need to grow a lot larger before anything like steady conversation develops. However, they seem fine with the settings I've come up with for our group as well as with the archives of messages being public. I've made it so that people need to be invited to join the group and can request an invitation. Also, messages from new members are moderated by me. This way, people can't just join up and start making other members miserable. I didn't really want a role of gate-keeper but it seems to have made my current members feel a bit safer so I suppose it's for the best. This isn't at all like the Audyssey community which grew quickly around my magazine. Siler Smiles is a small fragile thing which will need to be slowly coaxed into being. There's a kind of nagging dread of making some foolish mistake which will spoil everything before it really gets going. I feel partially responsible for everyone's well-being just as I did with the Audyssey community before I made the charter and turned it over to others. I take no small amount of pride and comfort from the fact that it's still going strong all these years later. Whether I manage to pull off something similar with Silver Smiles is anybody's guess at this early stage. I think it's a worthy concept and am once again hopeful thanks to today's activity.

Free From Heavy Time

Hello everyone. Didn't intend to leave everyone hanging quite so long after that Halloween stunt. I thought it might draw a lot more comment than it has. It was fun to do though. Just having a fresh piece of writing see digital daylight is a good thing.

Life continues apace although change seems to finally be afoot. I can go through solitary time here without it feeling quite so heavy as it has. Last weekend, the church had a games night. I hadn't been to one in quite some time. I brought my netbook and found a couple of bright kids to play a game of Talisman with. One of them really enjoyed the game while the other was chalk full of questions about what it was like to be blind. Between them and Joseph, I had an excellent time. It also seem that I might get another opportunity to speak to school children about life as a blind person. That's always a pleasure. At long last, I finally met the volunteer coordinator for The Dam. Tht's the place for trouble youth that I hope to volunteer at soon. She seemed very positive about my doing so. She sent five questions via email which I answered earlier this week. Hopefully, those answers will stand me in good stead.

Last weekend was another solitary one with the exception of sunday which was nicely packed with church and games night. I was dismayed to see yet another poor lady get taken to task by members of the ODSP Firesite group for daring to be greatful for what she got from ODSP. I've seen that happen around seven or eight times now since I joined the group. It seems they think that everyone ought to be utterly miserable 24-7 or at least be quiet about their gratitude just because the system isn't working as well for everyone else. They figure that the more miserable we depict ourselves, the more liely we are to receive much-needed change. I fully agree that change is needed to ODSP and the idiotic rules which we must live by. However, I strongly disagree that we shouldn't be publicly grateful for the help we get. I may not be living the live I would most wish to but I'm happy I have enough to live on and a good apartment. I'm also greatful for the friends I have, my supportive family, my church, and a whole lot besides. I don't think it proper at all that I or anybody else in need should feel that they ought to be utterly miserable. Therefore, I felt compelled to act.

Silver Smiles is a Google Group I started which is for anybody facing hardship but who still finds things to be happy about in their lives and wants a place to share with others of similar mind. It also welcomes anybody who wants to get to know us as friends rather than mere charity cases. I thought I was off to a pretty decent start getting five members in the first day. However, that seems to be where we're sitting for now. Also, despite my best efforts, the conversation seems to have gone dead. I also sent out a rough draft of a group flyer for their thoughts on it but nobody has sent anything in days now. It appears that I might just have to take the bull by the horns and lead more unilaterally than I thought. I'm not giving up on this idea. I think the group could eventually do a lot to reduce the barriers which stop people from approaching and getting to know us as people who are worthy of friendship and love who happen to be disabled. So much human capital is just being chucked aside by able-bodied society. I hope I can be of some help to the five people I've got at present but that's impossible if they aren't willing to open up a bit. Guess I just have to keep plugging away at it. To look at the group home page and join up, go to:
http://groups.google.com/group/silver-smiles


I finally took my good friend Adam out for the dinner I had wanted to treet him to. We each had a great meal at Turtle Jack's after a day of gaming. He's deep into his coledge courses now. So far, things seem to be going well for him. I've also been going for walks around the lake with Shirley, a friend I've made in the building here. It's a good chance to get out and talk to someone with a different life and perspective.

This weekend has filled up rather nicely. I'm off to a church gathering tomorrow about that Belhar confession. Aparrently, this event won't be as one-sided as the previous one I attended seemed to be. I've read the thing at least six times now and can't for the life of me see what harm might be done by accepting it. I'm just a novice at this sort of thing though so perhaps I'll get more of a sense of things tomorrow. On Sunday, it looks like I'll be getting together with Mark and Wendy for dinner. It'll be good to see those two again. It's been a little while and they're always fun to talk with.

Floating The Raven

Hello everyone. It's yet another Halloween night. As usual, I find myself with nothing to do. Dressing up in costume has never overly excited me. There hasn't been a truly engaging horror movie worthy of that descriptor in half a decade. Once you pass the age of Trick or Treat, Halloween loses a great deal of its lust our. Despite every attempt to the contrary, I've never been able to find my way into those social circles where Halloween lives on for adults in the form of parties and other events. Those connections have passed me by. I've done everything there is to do here. Despite pumping hours into the Haunted House pinball table in ESP Pinball Classic over the last month, the game refuses to yield up a high score greater than fifty million points. That particular table has always been a favourite. Check it out at:
www.dracoent.com

Rather than let yet another special day pass in unremarkable fashion, I've decided to head out for a meal at a steakhouse I've recently discovered. Sambruno's Steakhouse is a small independent restaurant found at 2372 Sharp Street just off of GlenErrin. Instead of going under the street to get to the Meadowvale Town Centre, I just have to turn right and walk down Glenerrin a short way. I then come to Sharp Street and turn right. A stand of pine trees tells me when I've arrived at the steakhouse's driveway. The food is good and the music isn't too noisy. Mark and Wendy rather enjoyed the meal we ate there last weekend. Not too many people seem to have heard of the place yet. The prices are hard to beet though and the steak is just as good as one can imagine. They won't be hard up for customers very long I'd wager.

Navigating along the edge of the driveway and parking lot, I thankfully arrive at the door. There's always a danger of getting disoriented in parking lots. Sitting down at a small table near the door, I fold my cane and relax. The ambience is nice even if the choice of music is somewhat antiquated. It isn't too loud though. Just enough to render a long silence amid conversation more comfortable. The kitchen is situated towards the back of the place. It's door is flanked on either side by shelf-mounted stained glass statuary. Mainly, they're of various donkeys.

There's hardly anybody else here. I've just managed to settle myself when Gordo comes to my table. He's the only waiter in Sambruno's Steakhouse and is the sun of Mr. Geppetto, the chef of the establishment. I exchange pleasantries with the young man and order a beer. It's not like I'll be driving home after all. I ask if there are any specials on this evening. He informs me that I would do his father a great honour if I would try the filet immortalis. I'm always game for something new and agree to do so.

Gordo brings me a rich and foam-topped Bold Heart Bitter and leaves me to await my filet immortalis. I usually tend to drink rather slowly. However, I unaccountably find myself taking large gulps of this quite tasty brew. As I do, I'm filled with dark reflections about how life has turned out for me. All the effort gone unappreciated and leading nowhere. My creativity, once full of idealism and seemingly endless, now sputtering along in constant threat of vanishing for long stretches of time. Barring an outright miracle, I seem doomed never to find true and lasting love despite all my gifts and the best of intentions. A button just had to go and pop off my favourite pair of trousers this morning. The nerve! And then there was that formerly delicious orange that just had to turn bad the instant before I started to peel it. Why did I even come here? What was I expecting? I'm the only customer in this place. Even when I make an effort to go out, I seemed condemned to be alone! And what does the blasted sun think it's doing popping off for the evening so early? It's not like people get Halloween off! And then there's that ice cube that fell from the tray while I got a drink. Spent fifteen minutes chasing that thing around my kitchen floor as it melted away getting harder to find! Roar!!! I've somehow finished the whole drink already! What a rip off!

Showing a distinct measure of bravery, Mr. Geppetto brings me my steak dinner. My countenance must be a dreadful thing after such a fiercely negative line of thinking. That negativity quickly fades when I catch a proper sniff of my rather large dinner. It smells like the best steak one could possibly conceive of. The potato's, mushrooms and vegetables smell wonderful also, but they don't even rate consideration when compared to that delicious steak. There's a seemingly endless amount, more than I could ever hope to consume.

"I am most curious to know what you think of this steak. Other than myself and Gordo here, you are the first to try what I regard as my masterpiece." He eagerly stands watching as I cut off a piece and take my first bite. "What do you think of it?" He asks eagerly but not without trepidation.

"I've never tasted a steak this good before!" I answer truthfully as I dig in at full speed. "How did you prepare it?"

"That is a secret I will share with no one including my son Gordo. God willing, it will die with me. There is something profoundly precious about things or experiences which are only available for a short time. One strives for them all the harder if there comes a point beyond which one's desire cannot be satisfied. I made this steak in order to help others consider what it would be like to live forever. Hence, its name. You have eaten and enjoyed, but have some water and take a moment to consider." He hands me a glass of ice water and I do as he asks of me. "I have not always cooked in a steakhouse. We all take on so many roles in even a single lifetime. I was once known for my skill at carving wood. I have also been a fisherman, soldier, father, priest, and traitor to my beloved Italy when she fell to fascism under a greedy dictator who then allied with one of history's most evil men. This was when Gordo and I came to the new world. I have seen a great many marvels and have reinvented myself countless times. I grow very weary of that and believe I will remain in this steakhouse until I go to meet the one who made me."

As Mr. Geppetto talks, I can't help but hear that something swings slightly at his neck. Some sort of medal perhaps? He did say he was once a soldier. I ask him about it and he says that he has always worn this bronze medallion depicting a raven ever since it was given him many years ago.

"Call me superstitious, but I believe it keeps me in good health and alive. Let us not wander though. Think on what it truly means to live forever. You would know for certain that you would out-live any friends, lovers, or children you might raise. Everyone you know will eventually die and leave you to continue life's endless journey without them. You would live long enough to see anything you created crumble away and lie forgotten..."

He expounds further on this but my mind is otherwise engaged. I would be alive to know how absolutely everything turns out. I would experience all the marvels humanity devised. The future would be pretty much endless. I would also remain in the perfectly satisfactory healthy condition I currently enjoy. Mr. Geppetto was an old man when this gift was bestowed upon him. Of course he'd look at the glass as being half empty. The steak went down well enough but the burps I politely stifle are tasting like burnt shoe leather dipped in mud and dog turds. What's with that? Could immortality really be so unwelcome? Would it indeed lose its lust our? I ought to leave before I barf on the floor. While I'm on my way out, I believe I'll just snatch that medallion from his neck. He's told me enough to think there's something to that superstition. With my left hand, I successfully grab and yank hard on the medallion. He wasn't expecting that and bends forward so the chain comes off his neck easily. With my other hand, I pull out my cane which makes a formidable weapon at close range while folded and give him a thunderous thwack on the skull. Mr. Geppetto falls to the floor. Expecting a meaty thump, I instead hear a dusty clatter which confirms my hopeful suspicions. Without the medallion's magic to hold it at bay, time has at last caught up with this former wood-carver. I now hold perhaps the only key to immortality in my hands. Pocketing the medallion, I get out my duelling pistol anticipating trouble. How did a blind man get one of those? It pays to have interesting friends. Jape Watner and I attended the same Philosophy class in university where the whole issue of suicide came up for debate. Did we as human beings have the moral right to do ourselves in? He thought I should have an equal opportunity to blow my own head off as everyone else and so procured the seventeenth-century replica duelling pistol for me complete with powder and a single roundshot. Paradoxically, I now had the means to effect precisely the opposite of his intent and live forever. There's a cry of alarm and the distinct rasp of a large blade coming from behind me in the steakhouse kitchen. That spells trouble for me and the stakes will likely never be higher than right now. It's time to take my best shot and put this pistol to good use.

I turn and fire in the direction of the enraged yell and running feet. At last, I know what a genuine unrecorded honest to Got gunshot sounds like. Been curious about that for most of my thirty-six years. The shot misses Gordo and shatters one of the stained glass donkeys mounted on the shelf to the left of the kitchen. How utterly assinine! Shades! Such a shamefully shoddy shooting on Sharp Street! Poor Mr. Geppetto. I took his trinket, cracked his crown and nearly got his Gordo. As Gordo picks himself up off the floor from his headlong desperate tumble, I turn and run out the door. My talking GPS was never turned off but will take a bit to track in on me. Thankfully, the route back home is simple. I'm just not used to doing it at full tilt like this. At least there's no driving involved so I don't face the ignominious prospect of being T-boned after robbing a steakhouse. Didn't have to pay for my meal either. Flanks for nothing.

Rounding the corner onto GlenErin, I slow down as I listen for the underpass which will tell me to turn left and head towards home. It comes up quickly and I am now back on very familiar ground. My best defence is to try to appear as normal as possible. I therefore proceed leisurely along the path around the lake. I've really done it! Robbed a steakhouse blind and gotten away! Delicious, in more ways than one.

Slowing down gives me a chance to think about the evening's happenings. That steak tasted so good at first but so rotten after a while. Could immortality truly take on such a dismal lust our? It was hard to imagine. Could one really live so long that one got utterly tired of change? Behind all the glitz and gadgetry, was there really nothing new under the sun? Did I really want this for myself? So much to think about. Reaching a vacant park bench, I sit down to ponder further.

I had left quite a mess behind me. What would Gordo do? Going to the police seems out of the question. How would he explain his father's remains? How would he explain himself for that matter? He knows things only someone who had lived far longer than his apparent seventeen years would know. Clearly, Mr. Geppetto had somehow passed on some of his gift. How long had he been trapped at the threshold of manhood? How long ago had his mother died? I'm unlikely to be in any danger from that quarter. Despite the hefty hit on the head I gave him, Mr. Geppetto's last act had been to sigh in re leaf. This adds to my hesitation to put on the medallion. How did it work? If it could be willingly relinquished once put on, Surely Mr. Geppetto could have chosen his own hour of death. However, he had never done so. There always seems to be an additional price to pay for extraordinary abilities at least in folklore and such. Of course! It finally clicks. This medallion had been what animated Pinocchio before he became a boy. Everyone knows how Pinocchio ended his days; How he had once more become a wayward rascal and joined Bluebeard's crew of pirates; How he had tried to double-cross his captain due to an attack of conscience and been sentenced to hang from the yardarm [by the nose] until dead. Fate had other plans for the long-nosed liar. Before his sentence could be carried out, Bluebeard was attacked by a rival pirate. His ship and all aboard had been burned to ashes when the powder magazine exploded destroying the ship. Having lived as a human, Pinocchio nevertheless suffered a wood carving's fate. The man who, in death, wood boy be. However, no story explained how Pinocchio was originally animated. All those people who had seized Pinocchio for one misdeed or another had never realized what nestled deep in the hollow of his wooden heart. Once Pinocchio was a boy, he had no need of the medallion and the faerie had clearly chosen to give it to Mr. Geppetto.

Mr. Geppetto had been centuries old. Not only that, but he had been forced to live a life of complete honesty. The medallion couldn't prevent injury, but kept him in otherwise good health. However, had he lied to me about the medallion, his nose would have grown. No faerie remained to kiss it back to a proper length either. The world has moved on from those days. To live so long without ever even telling a white lie; An awesome achievement in and of itself. Not only that, but to find the strength to love again after outliving everyone he had ever known. Even without the gift or curse of immortality, Mr. Geppetto had clearly been a remarkable man.

Sitting by the lake, I hold the medallion and examine my desires. It's as if the world is holding its breath while I decide what to do with it. They say that time waits for no man. Am I the exception to that rule thanks to this stolen gift from a bygone age? If I decide wrongly, would it not only wait but also weep? That steak tasted so awful after it had gone down. Perhaps, more than anything else, this last work of art from a poor time-stretched soul is what ultimately compels me to stand once more. Facing the lake, I throw the medallion as far from me as I can. The last I hear of it is a quiet splash. I leave the length of my days to a wiser head than mine to decide. Heading towards home, I determine to float the raven nevermore.






*Epilogue*

I hope you've enjoyed this digital Halloween outing of mine. Did you catch all the wordplay? Presuming there's some interest, I may do another posting to go through all of that and how all the ideas occurred to me. For now though, I'll reveal one of the more sneaky ones. There was never a Jape Watner in my Philosophy classes. Jape, as some of you may know, is an old English word for a joke. The mind wants to hear and expect to hear Jake and I suspect the same would hold true visually. It goes without saying that I never have owned any firearms. However, I wanted a bad shot on Sharp Street and that angle was the best I could come up with. Rather than drive me at all towards suicide, my time in Philosophy class firmly convinced me of how all of our lives have value and should be treasured. Coming to believe in Christianity has only strengthenned that conviction. I hope eall my readers have a safe and happy Halloween.

Yet Another Interlude

Hello everyone. This has been yet another largely solitary period lately. There have been a few exceptions. I had the first meeting of our church mens' group. It'll be on mondays this year. The next one will be at my apartment. It looks like we'll be getting together every second week. It'll be good to have an actual group of people in here for once. I can't count the times I've heard or felt my couch and chairs reflecting on how utterly devoid of anyone but me they've largely remained since I've moved in here. For one evening at least, that will finally change. It'll be interesting to hear what they think and also get a sense of what my apartment actually sounds like when there are a good number of people present. Adam and his young partner in Journalism class showed up one morning last week to interview me for an assignment. I trust the writing went well for them. Hopefully, they got hold of a couple other game developers.

Another thing which happened this week was a meeting I went to with a few of my church elders. I took the time to explain to them the challenges I face when trying to find new friends and when looking for opportunities to volunteer in the community. Now that I've gotten my bearings at least when it comes to my building and immediate surroundings, it's time to take yet another crack at finding somewhere I can make some sort of positive difference which involves people rather than this keyboard. I absolutely need to find more opportunities for social interaction. I need to have at least the ghost of a chance for making new local friends for whom picking me up or coming round for a visit isn't such a damned big deal. I'm fed up with everyone else being too busy and yet not having anywhere other than this computer where I can share my gifts. If people are so damned overworked, then there should be a job somewhere for me that I don't have to search years and not find. I don't want to end up as alone and cynical as Sandy is but if nobody lets me into more of life's experience and company, I can see it happening. Creatively speaking, I'm already running on fumes here. I've gotten a few messages of interest on the online dating sites I belong to but in all cases, it has now been over a week since I've heard from any of them. I'd dearly love to have a new lady in life but without finding more to do in the community, my chances in that area are exceeding slim. I have just enough hope to keep me from closing my acounts and simply not bothering with it anymore. There have been so many brief flashes of hope followed by disappointment when you don't hear back and know that they've lost whatever brief spark of interest they once had. It's like I'm being stretched out on a rack nearly to the point of destruction. There's just so much empty solitary time. Perhaps, now that a few people who know something of my potential and realise my difficulty getting around are going to take a crack at helping me find somewhere, things may get better. I still find that I'm able to hope. God knows how long that's going to last. There are two places which they thought of and where they could put in a good word for me. The first and likely best one is the Dam. It's at the Meadowvale Town Centre so I could walk there and back myself. I was rejected two years ago when I applied there mainly because I couldn't walk there and back competently and wouldn't be able to commit to the required two years. Now, barring any outright miraculous or disasterous changes, both of these reasons no longer apply. The other idea would involve getting to and from Square One and wherever inside that large structure the Open Door centre is housed. I'd need someone to take me to and from that place. It's absurdly large and confusing even for sighted folks. However, if that were possible on a regular basis, I might also be able to volunteer there. In the former case, I'd be helping to mentor youth who are at risk. I believe I could do that well once whatever guidelines and such The Dam wants its volunteers to stick to are explained to me. My online leadership experience would possibly be useful there. My patience, ability to diplomatically solve desputes and calmness would, you'd think, be valued assets. The Open Door is a place which tries to help immigrants and other disadvantaged people. I would expect my language skills would be useful there. Here's hoping something works out. I don't fancy the mainly solitary Winter I'm in for otherwise. Nor do I relish the idea of next Summer being as damnably empty of company as this first one here turned out. I need to find a way of participating somehow.

Over the past week, I read an excellent book by the now dead author Michael Crichton called Pirate Lattitudes. It was a terrific story about a spectacular privateer raid on a Spanish fortress and treasure ship. The detail he went into was wonderful. He always did his research. Definitely a book I'll keep around for future reading. I believe I stil have a few sections left of Acquainted with the Night to finish off. It can slow down at times but has on the whole been a very interesting read. I just began a book of short stories about the Battle of Brittain called That Eternal Summer. The first story was about a man who came up with the bullets used by the Royal Air Force. Doubtless, the other stories in the volume will prove equally good reading. I also read the book The Taking of Palem123, and was somewhat disappointed. The recent remake of the movie with Denzel Washington was far better and more engaging than the book. I don't often come out with remarks like that being a life-long reader. However, it's true in this case. Hard to beet Denzel and John Trevolta squaring off. Dialogue and sound-wise, it was quite simply a fantastic film.

My free copy of Get Lamp, the documentary I was interviewed for a few years ago, arrived in timely fashion to brighten up the last weekend for me. It was quite good. I found it just as fascinating as I had hoped to hear the voices of the people who created the text games I've enjoyed throughout my life. A bunch of very smart and thoughtful folks. Jayson Scott has done a fantastic job with it. Thankfully, I didn't come off sounding as worn down as I was afraid I might given what I was going through at that time. It came with a collector's coin that feels pretty nifty. I got number 238. It feels a lot more substantial than what I expected.

The Mosen Explosion was on and filled my otherwise empty sunday afternoon quite nicely. I thoroughly enjoyed the half-year celebration of the station. It certainly doesn't feel like it's been part of my life for the past six month. The big surprise I was so curious about turned out to be some new professionally done jingles for broadcasters to use on the station. A very classy addition indeed. It really gives a whole new polish to how people come across on air and has certainly seemed to put a spring in everyone's step. I took a listen to their broadcasting tutorial. I simply don't know enough about music to do a regular show based on that. A talkshow might be possible for me. The last thing I need in life is yet another online commitment. However, if my current campaign to find somewhere around here to pitch in doesn't go anywhere, perhaps I'll reconsider as solitude takes its toll on me. One way or another, I can't let another year go past without doing something which will have a more immediate impact than my two long-term projects. I'd ever so much rather that impact be on people here in my neighbourhood.

This week ought to be less solitary. My grandmother is coming for a visit. My birthday is on friday so I'll be doing things with my family at least on thursday and friday. We'll doubtless pay a visit to the casino, this being my grandmother's favorite activity. Typically, we go out for a birthday dinner and have cake. Mom always makes a good cake. Baking one myself has never appealed to me. On saturday, I'll be seeing my Aunt Kay in Bright Ontario as we drop my grandmother off at her sister's.

Having a birthday draw close unfailingly makes me reflect on where I am in life. I had always pictured myself happily married at age 36. By now, I'd have a wife and a good group of friends close at hand to do stuff with. Didn't think I'd find myself a fairly new and still mostly isolated member of a community at the very beginning of the process of building a less solitary life. Yet, here I am. I kept myself well stocked over the whole summer hoping for guests I almost never had. These days, I've all but given up on the possibility of unexpected visitors. People just don't seem to drop in on each other anymore. I used to make certain I had my cellphone with me when away from my desk. These days, I'm just as likely to leave it plugged in on my desk and then have to race out and grab it when I win some cosmic lottery and the thing rings. Listenning for a knock at the door is also something I don't really do anymore. At times, I'll hear what I think is a knock only to open the door on an empty passageway. Wind and pressure differentials will at times cause my door to rattle in a manner which I can mistake for knocking especially as I usually have music or other sound coming from my computer speakers. Somehow, I have to change things this year. I thought finding friends would be so much easier than this in a building full of people and finally with a long-term place of my own. I'm blind, not extraterrestrial. There's a difference!

When visiting my parents last weekend, I got one of my birthday presents early. It was a much-needed new vacuum cleaner. At some undetermined point in the recent past, my old one had ceased to suck.[Not a good thin in this case.] Not knowing precisely when this happened, I'm very glad to have a brand new Dirt Devil. Now, I find I'm obsessed with making up for God knows how many useless cleanings. What crums might be lurking on my floor? This time, I'm feeding this paranoya somewhat. I'll do another round later this morning when I won't risk waking people up at this ungodly hour. I can say with absolute certainty that this vacuum cleaner absolutely sucks.[A very good thing.]

Surprisingly, despite a mix-up with my voter card, I ended up voting yesterday in our municipal elections. Hazel is our mayor once again. She still sounds pretty capable. I followed some of the election coverage on Rogers Cable last night. Hopefully, the new council will get stuff done. Now that this community has given me a place, I'll try to do my part and be more observant and use my voting power as conscientiously as I use any power given to me. One of the members of my church ran for school trustee but was unsuccessful. I think he could have made a good one. I meant to check up on who won the Toronto race for mayor but never got around to it. Doubtless, I'll hear the news at some point today and fill in that blank.

It's just approaching four thirty on tuesday morning. I fell asleep pretty quickly at eleven but woke up at a little past two. Got a bit of work done on a surprise I've been working on. You'll find out what that is pretty soon now, faithful reader. Finally got around to trying a new tin of hot chocolate I purchased quite a while ago. It certainly hit the spot. However, I'm starting to feel like it just might be possible to get some more sleep so I think I'll give it a go. I'd do a whole lot better at staving off insomnia if there were more to do in my days and some sort of routine in my weeks. Here's hoping more people let me into their lives so that can become a reality and not just a pipedream.

Hope Restored

Hello everyone. Happy Thanksgiving. The actual weekend was somewhat long, lonely and dull for me. When you can't get around and you're single, that happens quite a bit. Due to the busy schedules of family members, we're having our Thanksgiving dinner this evening. I did go out for dinner with my parents on monday evening. Dad's back from his Golf trip which apparently went quite well. It'll be good to catch up with everyone tonight.

Last night was yet another unexpectedly empty evening staring me in the face. There seems to be nothing else I can do to somehow start connecting more regularly and deeply with people around me beyond family. Despite a great deal of effort over the past half-year focussed on building more of a life offline, there just doesn't seem to be a way to punch through from casual acquaintance to more actual friendship. People know who I am here in the building but don't seem interested in anything beyond passing encounters. Everyone is so confounded busy. You'd think there would be somewhere I could volunteer or a lady out there who would value a patient, compassionate easygoing guy enough to show some interest beyond emails. As it gets colder out, I'll be less eager to head out for walks outdoors. Those walks and church are pretty much my only opportunities for socialisation that isn't digital. Unless you're engaged in some common purpose, nobody seems to have time to just get together let alone anything more. There are times when I feel like I might as well be on another planet.

People think that a life on social assistance is so easy. It's true in many ways. I have time that most people my age would kill for. I can sleep in, spend a day reading, put off chores, etc. However, I grew up with the idea that there would be a job, marriage, some way I could contribute to the community around me and be rewarded with companionship among other things. What I've learned over the years is that money talks and nothing else seems to count for much beyond best wishes. Virtues like honesty, patience, compassion, being able to appreciate more than one side of a story; Those things just don't seem to count. The days and weeks pass by and you can feel the weight pile up of what that time could have contained had the right people come along or the right opportunities presented themselves. You do everything you can withing reason to contribute positively and it just flat out gets you nowhere. It eats away at what I think of as the best of me. To add to that, I heard a very angry man yelling at a woman who i presume was a girlfriend. He yelled so loudly and with such fury that I heard him clearly from within the apartment despite music and my computer making noise at the same time. He sounded ready to rip her head off or smash her to bits. Stepping out onto my porch, I could hear the fear in the young woman's voice but not whatever she said. I grabbed my cellphone with the thought of calling 911 if I heard things get obviously violent. At least a couple of other residents were on their balconies also. One of them yelled down that she would call the cops. The woman seemed to move off while the man stayed there and yelled after her. He was there for quite a while cursing up a storm. I presume he was on a cellphone and not just fuming to himself. This incident was the very first intense encounter I've heard since I moved in here. It made my lack of female companionship feel all the more ludicrous. As my marriage fell apart, there were times when I was certainly angry with Rebecca but she never had to worry about her safety. I handled the separation and divorce with as much generocity and fairness as was humanly possible to the point where my parents felt I wasn't looking out for my own future interests. When Janene devastated me on the Easter monday before the last one, she was so relaxed that she even tried to joke with me. I don't think she had any sense at all of how my world had come apart so incredibly unfarely due to her sudden desire after all my patience as she completed her degree just to be free. People just don't seem to have any sense of consequence, of human capital being utterly squandered by their whims.

Yesterday was going to be busier. I had my mobility lesson in the morning. Harpal is always very patient and pleasant to work with. I'm getting closer to masterring the route to my church. It's getting cooler out there. I doubt I'll actually use the route to get to church until next spring. It's utterly impossible once there's snow on the ground and even excessive wind would make trying to get there or back very uncertain. Too many places to go off course in such circumstances. There's also a mid-block crossing with a stopsign that doesn't have any landmarks leading to it. I'd be relying completely on my Trekker Breeze which frankly isn't always so reliable. Later on, I was supposed to go for a church men's group. However, that had to be put off until likely next week.

The rest of the day and evening passed pleasantly enough but I had reached the point where there was litterally nothing else to do but turn in. I decided to check Twitter one last time first. Heather, a friend I knew back in secondary school, tweeted that the first miner was coming up. I had lost track of that whole situation and didn't know that a rescue was at all imminent. Thanks to Heather's announcement, I was able to tune into CP24 in time to hear the first miner be freed. Hearing that happen was nothing short of incredible. I stayed up late to hear the first few get pulled out. It's not like I'm paid to be up on time. One of the perks of my situation is that one has time to take things in as they happen. What a fantastic moment for the world. Proof positive of what good people are capable of when God lends a hand and their hearts are in the right place. I'm not ashamed to say that it moved me to tears. The world needs such moments of inspiration. I had been reflecting a lot on how disconnected and fragmented we were all becoming; wondering if there was really any hope for me finding a jenuine life partner at all, starting to doubt whether my projects would ultimately do anything other than pass lonely time and make me feel productive. The latest episode of Spark on CBC had gotten me thinking on how little people seem to watch in common other than perhaps sports. We all seem to be on our own little islands. And then, Twitter plus a friend I'll likely never physically meet again got me on the same page as the world. At times like that, you keenly feel the absence of someone to hold. The couch stretches out empty on either side. Thinking of those poor men, what they went through and the small capsule they're riding out of the shaft in even now, I was profoundly conscious of the space in my apartment around me. Such an incredible epic story made all the more remarkable because it's real.

Hearing the rescue was just what I needed to put things in perspective. For a while, at least, it has restored and recharged my sense of patience and hope. Those miners believed that God and people on Earth would come through for them despite tremendous obstacles and what had to be an excruciatingly long time even more devoid of markers of its progression than what I experience. It reminds me yet again that things could be a whole lot worse than they are. The fact that people were able to get together and pull this rescue off does a great deal to balance all the crap going on in the world lately. It shouldn't. God knows how many people die from starvation, cureable ilness, poverty and outright stupidity every hour. I guess just knowing that everyone was as glued to their screens as I was to my computer speakers while events unfolded tells me that there's still some connection. It's enough to keep me going and to restore my hope for a more included future. That's the power of Twitter and a really positive news story. I'll never be able to think of Twitter with quite the same sense of derrision as I've been known to in the past. Through it, I was profoundly moved yesterday and caught a moment of history as it happened rather than after the fact.