rattle and bang

Hello everyone. Today's the day my phone line apparently dies at some point. It hasn't happened just yet. What with the pounding and banging, today isn't exactly conducive to talking. Some workers are updating the siding on my parents' house. I presumed most of the hard knocks would come from below me. However, siding apparently hangs from the roof or something. My room is on a corner of the house so there have been a lot of sharp hits. Sometimes, I half expect to have a hammer smash right through the wall or ceiling. Thankfully, it's quieter now in the afternoon.

I've switched to the Eset Smart Security package to protect my computers. So far, other than with the clarity of the license options prior to purchase, I'm extremely impressed. Once you deactivate the graphical interface, everything is totally accessible. I had to buy a separate license for each computer at a cost of $89 per two-year license. Not bad. However, had I gotten a two-user pack, it would have been much more reasonable. I can apparently combine things when it's time to renew my licenses in a couple of years. Other than that snafu, things have gone quite well so far. I'm going to plough through the manual to see about this laptop mode to try and reduce the impact on my netbook's performance or battery.

Lake Jo is pretty much out of the question this year. Simply put, I can do a whole lot more with $300 this Summer if I don't go. I'm just spent too much updating everything and getting ready for the married life I was so damned certain I was about to start. I can't say I'm at all bitter about the lack of extra funds. All the investments I made were designed to minimise what I might have had to eventually spend Janene's money on after marriage. They'll stand me in very good stead both for when I finally either get affordable housing on my own or move in with somebody I can actually damned well trust. I've rejoined PlentyofFish again in the faint hope of eventually finding such a woman. Who knows? Perhaps, I'll actually beet the stupendous odds and meet somebody new this Summer. Realistically, it'll be the dead of Winter before I'm even remotely likely to get anywhere. In the meantime, I can perhaps do some good for people in the forums. I managed to do that before from time to time.

Mobility plans have somewhat altered also. Anje and Tony are moving to Woodbridge so there's no point at all trying to learn to get to their current place. Adam's also thinking of moving but I suspect it'll be quite a while before he does. Also, his place is within walking distance and shouldn't be nearly as hard to learn. Wouldn't you know it? I finally work up the resolve to throw every last trick I have at this whole mobility thing and people either move or decide I'm not worth marrying. Go figure. One thing I'll have to look into is going to a church around here. I didn't exactly intend to stop going for good. It just seemed more practical to start going once Janene and I had settled somewhere. Also, things at the old church just never seemed to get beyond "see you next Sunday." Church is probably the only real practical avenue I have for perhaps meeting new people and for potentially doing some good for people who aren't halfway round the world from me. As much as I enjoy the emails I get, it would be good to feel like I'm part of a physical community. I just wish I could have a sense of permanence in life. Preferably, I'd like to find a woman to spend the rest of life with. That kind of permanant relationship would use a lot more of my potential to good effect and be far more rewarding. Failing that, a place that I could permanantly call my own would give me at least some sense of progress in life. As comfortable as it is here, it just isn't where I should be at damned near thirty-five. The light at the end of the tunnel has certainly winked out for now. I know I've learned a lot and am much more prepared now. I just have to keep on hoping, try to be patient, and make the best of life that I can meanwhile. That starts right now. I'm going to look into the Meadowvale Christian Reform church and see if I can't at least put something new into Sundays.

Getting On

Hello everyone. It's been a couple of days now since Janene broke up with me. Quite a wild internal ride. That shaken twisted gutted feeling denied me any sleep that first night. Tuesday was pretty much a complete write-off. How can one concentrate on anything after having such hopes for a better future dashed? Everything seemed so certain and so good for us. She truly loved me and got on fantastically with my family and friends. Everyone is completely shocked. This even included Adam who I wasn't at all certain could be shocked by anything.

Yesterday was quite a surprise. It was as if something inside me just said: "Mike, you did everything you said, kept all your promices, and gave her everything. You were willing to step out into absolute uncertainty with her. The fact that she feels the need for time on her own after what she's been through over the past while is a huge letdown but not your fault! Cheer the hell up!" I found myself feeling quite happy in an all too fragile punch-drunk kind of way. I was able to listen to CBC Radio and find it interesting. It was a podcast that was, appropriately enough, all about the concept of the haven or sanctuary. I didn't exactly get anything done but had a couple of good conversations with people. Last evening, I went out with Adam for some wings. Monahan's still does them absolutely scrumptiously if a lot more expensively than before. We had a very enjoyable time and conversation. However, I wasn't really up for a gaming cession afterwards. It works for him but for me, like alcohol, I can only enjoy them safely when I'm happy with life in general. They could all too easily entrap me if I were too careless about that. I don't think it'll be too long before I can start enjoying them again without reservations. Getting back to serious writing and work on Enchantment's Twilight is going to take a while longer. So is truly getting started on the mobility initiative. I'm going to get a lift from my parents for this much-appreciated visit with Ron and his friends. Once Ron's got a new cane tip and/or a whole new cane, I can try getting him to show me the route to his place via the bus. Ray, my instructor, will also be able to help with this as well as getting to Tony and Anje's place. Truly mastering those two routes plus getting to Adam's is probably going to take quite a while. There's also the digital recorder which has yet to actually arrive.

Other things also loom ahead to keep me busy. I'm going to switch entirely to using my cellphone. It's just not economical to pay for both and I don't know how long I'll be here. Over the next week or so, I'll have to make certain everyone has the new number. Strange to think of local incoming calls as being the most expensive. Skype will take care of most outgoing calls and also let me get voicemail without paying through the nose. I believe it'll work out reasonably enough. Also, in another twenty days or so, I'll start trying out a new computer security package. AVG has been pretty good to me over the years but I've heard good things about Nod32 Internet Security in terms of better accessibility for blind people as well as it being faster and less resource-intensive. Before I lock myself in for another three years with AVG, I figure I may as well look at the road not taken first.

It's afternoon now. In a little while, I'll be heading over to Ron's for a visit. I can't seem to locate my flashdrive for some reason. I use it frequently to move files between the netbook and PC as well as just to have a backup of important stuff. I'll probably have to get a new one and then, right after I do that, the old one will reappear. I had an incredibly long sleep last night and feel strangely clenzed. Things certainly don't seem as bleak and I know life will sweep me along given some time. I just hope somebody else comes along before time and solitude take too high a toll. Regardless, I'll make the very best of whatever comes my way that I possibly can and continue to share my gifts with the world.