Time Flies... Away When You're Not Looking! No Fair!

Hello everyone. I guess I've left you all hanging for a while. Life has been pretty placid this past few weeks. I'm pretty much over whatever I caught at Lake Jo. However, it has unfortunately left a legacy of sleep irregularity. It'll likely take a while for that to sort itself back out. I have to try to keep more occupied during the days and stack things so that there's interesting stuff to listen to when I most need it to keep awake. Thankfully, the BBC and CBC plus TV has provided well in that area.

A number of interesting things have happened which I fully meant to blog about but never got around to. My father had an enjoyable sixty-second birthday. We went out to a Firkin pub along with some neighbours. I had an excellent chicken currie and enjoyed it thoroughly along with the easy friendly banter indicative of the long and healthy friendship my parents and I have had with them over the years. Earlier that day, they had an openning event for a bunch of exercise equipment which was installed around Lake Aquitaine over this past Summer. For the very first time, I was able to get to and from a community event completely on my own terms and time. Despite still being under the weather, it felt fantastic to finally have acomplished that cherrished milestone. Doug and his kids were there for a brief while as well. It's always good to see church friends outside of church like that. I spent a good three hours out there walking around. I met a nice Chinese man and his wonderfully curious six-year-old daughter who spent quite a bit of time walking and chatting with me. It made for a very pleasant experience. I'm not certain how motivated I'll be when it comes to actually using the equipment but I'll give it the old colledge try now that I'm finally on the mend. A day earlier, I also attended my friend Nan's 40th birthday gathering. It was a very full and happy house indeed. That family has obviously had a tremendously positive impact in the church community. It felt good to be a part of that celebration.

Earlier last week, I went to se Dan, Ava and Amia when they came over to my parents' house to be out of the way as potential buyers examined their house. We went out on a stroll to two different parks with play equipment. I got to push Amia on the swing and hear her laugh with utter joy. She kept wanting me to push her higher. I don't think I've ever heard her sound quite so happy before. I was also able to lift both of them up to bars they wanted to hang from but couldn't get up to on their own. It was quite enjoyable for me to be the helpul uncle I hope always to be for them. They seem to be enjoying school so far.

Last saturday was nice and busy. I had my groceries come in and everything's all stowed away where it ought to be. I also went out with Shane to Playdium. I've been curious about the place for years now and it was good to finally get to find out what it was like. It's not all that blind friendly. The noise level is tremendous and it's hard to pick out individual attractions or even hear who you're with in there. I got to try the hurricane simulator which was lesss spectacular than I expected but still a neat sensation. They also had a rollercoaster simulation. They did loops wonderfully but somewhat failed when it came to rendering the sensation for forward motion or vertical movement. We ended the evening with a nice dinner at Scores restaurant. It's good to have a friend who's willing to go to things like that with me so I can experience these places and not spend life wondering about them with no way to get there. Whether or not such trips are as fully successful as I might hope, it's just great to have someone around my age to try this stuff out with once in a while. Shane's much more a man of action than conversation and contemplation so I'm going to try and keep an ear out for events which would suit that disposition.

This certainly hasn't been how I hoped my first summer here would end. I've spent most of the past three weeks in here sleeping through large odd chunks of days. I thought I'd be walking around the lake, meeting people, and perhaps going down to Symposium Cafe now and then. Strangely though, I feel somewhat better able to cope with the countless solitary days I know are ahead. I foresee a long slow Winter in store for me this year. Perhaps, in time, I'll form the social framework or find something to volunteer at so that time doesn't drag as much. The past three weeks certainly didn't drag since I slept through an unusually large amount of them. Also, being as prone to nodding off as I found myself to be, I was glad not to have too many obligations. I had a bit of a break from that normal state of feeling like an engine with tremendous unused potential due to a lack of both fuels in the form of life experience and of there being any need for my optimum output. I can't count the number of days I've spent like that over the years wishing for *someone* my age to be with or *something* almost *anything* short of criminal activity, to be involved in. It was good to simply be able to enjoy the time in which I was conscious. I can't remember any of my dreams over the past while so I have no idea how much I enjoyed my time sleeping. Once my sleep pattern is back to something approaching normal, I expect some of that restlessness to return. However, I've learned a bit more how to better marshall the resources I have at hand. I let a lot of stuff slide while I was fighting off this illness. Normal things like, err, cleaning the apartment. That has been put to rights over the past few days. Feels damned good to have things shipshape again. Also, other less tangible things have been neglected. A prime example is the CBC Radio1 show called Tapestries. I've apparently missed three episodes since the new season started. Thank goodness for the podcasts. They're looking at some interesting stuff I've been thinking about lately. Little things like hope, loneliness, and death. There's also last week's DNTO episode to listen to. I've done a little better with Spark. That crew is certainly batting a thousand so far this season. As with DNTO, however, I have last week's episode waiting for my attentive ears. The BBC was commemorating the battle of Brittain over the past while. That has been utterly fascinating, heart-rending and awe-inspiring to listen to. I can't imagine trying to carry on with life while bombs were obliterating neighbourhoods. Mike Walker was up to his usual excellence producing a fabulously poignant audio drama about the conception and building of the Spitfire interwoven with the experiences of two trainees and all the surrounding men and women who took part in the effort. It really makes you think about how lucky we Canadians are never to have faced a modern attack on our country.

I'm a member of an email list called ODSP Fireside. It's for people who, like me, are living on the Ontario Disability Support Program. Unfortunately, I can only stand that list in small amounts. It's just so negative most of the time. While I whole-heartedly agree that the ODSP needs some major changes, I don't believe in dismissing the good intentions of the people who created the system and those who work within it on our behalf. At least they don't presume, like most people seem to, that the CNIB does absolutely everything for us thereby excusing everyone else from having to make any effort in order to allow us to participate in life meaningfully. I certainly resent how you can keep up to $6000 extra per year if it's given to you as a gift but would lose half of thatif you got a job and earned it. I also think it's criminal how those kind souls who take a chance and marry one of us has to risk their disabled spouce having to sue them for income before being let back onto the system should things go bad. There's also no way of finding love within the community of those on ODSP. We all seem to be pretty isolated from each other. There's a lot of talk on the list about how you get less money as a couple on ODSP than if you remained two single people. However, what seems to be overlooked there is that you would be paying less rent if you shared a place. There was a big argument on the list about whether one's choices in life put us in the place where we find ourselves or whether there are other causes. In my view, life just isn't that simple. It's a combination of both. Sadly, due as much to peoples' attitudes as to our disabilities, our life choices don't always carry the same weight as do most people's. It can be all too easy for people who haven't faced life with a disability to dismiss us as lazy or worse. I suppose I shouldn't have been as shocked to find that tendency as prevalent within our community as it seems to be. Only days before this whole discussion came up, I was joking with a younger blind friend looking unssuccessfully for work that perhaps some criminal experience would look good on his resume. I had found my own attempt to find employment so utterly discouraging that I was honestly only half joking. The next thing I knew I was reading the distressed messages from people on ODSP who had actually been convicted for crimes and now found that they couldn't find honest work since nobody would trust them. Ten years ago, I believe I would have felt nothing but a mild exultation that crime indeed didn't ultimately pay off, that there was in fact a kind of universal justice. Of course, back then, my first marriage still had some fight left in it. I hadn't had a near second chance at marriage evaporate during less than an hour after a great two-year relationship. I also hadn't encountered Sandy. He certainly didn't choose to be where he is in life now. Despite having worked for a well respected company for something over twenty years, he finds himself in even worse circumstances than I'm in. They would have been more identical to mine but for a few well-intentionned choices made while he was working. Rather than exulted, I'm left more haunted than anything else by my words made in jest. What happense when loyalty, patience, honesty, and optimism count for nothing but shallow encounters and best wishes? I can't count the times that women I've spoken to have been surprised to learn that I was unattached. They, of course, were already spoken for. Similarly, I meet all kinds of people who are just floored that a positive smart young fellow like me can't find a job. None of them, however, have been in a position to actually hire me and do something about that situation. When it comes to the point of real life-changing commitment, the buck certainly seems to stop in a heeping hurry.

For all that though, my life does have its bright side. My choices have certainly made a positive difference even if they haven't lead to happy married life. They've earned me the respect of my family and made me some great friends. Earlier in September, I found myself wide awake at around quarter to four AM. I knew to the core of my bones that there was just no way I was getting back to sleep for a number of hours so I got up and dressed. Making myself some Chai tea, I went out with it onto my balcony and sat at the table. It was very peaceful at that hour. Due to the blockage of my ears, things were even more distant and muffled than they otherwise would have been. It was as if I were three or four times higher off the ground than I actually was. Along with a cup of splendid Chai made all the better by my recently unplugged nose, the effect was utterly sublime. Other times, it's a piece of music randomly picked by Winamp that'll sweep me up and away. Pieces like Kevin Kern's Touched By Love, Era's I Believe, Watchman's Ease from the score to the game Oblivion or James Newton Howard's The Healing, which can be found in the score to the film Lady In The Water. There are so many unappreciated things like that out there which I've thankfully had the time to find over the years. Had life taken a less slow and solitary turn, I may never have come across these things I try to include in my blog entries. Recently, I was able to enjoy Raymond Feist's Rift War Sauga for the second time and to complete my collection of all the books in that sauga. I'm also going through the Dream Park Trillogy by Lary Niven and Stephen Barnes. again. There's so much to be found in those books. Apparently, a new book whose story takes place in the Dream Park universe is going to come out soon called The Moon Maze Game. God knows how I'll get an accessible copy of that one but I'll absolutely try. While I greatly enjoy books, it's a more distant and thoughtful enjoyment. I may lose track of time but you never foreget that you're reading even if, as in my case, you're being read to. Music and audio are what can more utterly transport me. They're what often pass for the equivalent of colour in my life. Every now and again, they let me forget that I've spent days alone. Audio dramas and described movies are wonderful for that also especially the first time you hear them. You can get swept up in the ficticious lives coming from the speakers and be carried along by soundcraft for a few hours. I sometimes even revel in the fact that there's nobody around to be disturbed. Thankfully, that only goes so far. You can't help but realise that the conversations don't include you, your asss gets uncomfortable, you need a drink. Talking online to people is somewhat the same. It can definitely be meaningful and can take the sharp edge off the long hours. However, there's the realisation that you'll never go out for coffee with them, shake their hands, have them over for an afternoon. It just isn't the same. Not for me at any rate. Given a choice, you'd find me in a coffee house or some other place where people actually go to talk to each other rather than empty bottles of alcohol.

Eventually, the artifice hits home to the sound mind and you're brought back to more humble reality. You get on with the dishes that need washing, the food that needs cooking, the project you're working on, the sleep I really ought to be getting this damned far past midnight. Good lord! Thank god my mobility lesson isn't until this afternoon. I trust you've found this latest look at life on Blink Row to be illuminating. If I'm at all correct about a universal justice, given the twelve hours of sleep I got last night and the good sleep I hope to get now, I'm on the way to a more normal routine again. Have a good day, everyone. I'll try not to disturb you with my snores for the next part of it.

Achieving Better Life Balance

Hello everyone. It's another sunday morning. I've been up since six. There's a potluck lunch today and I'm doing some of my potatoes. They're smelling quite good at the moment if I do say so myself. Haven't wrecked a batch in a while but there's always that unhappy possibility. I've also never had these sit for as long as they're going to before being eaten as they will be today. Guess we'll see how that works. Either way you slice it, these lunches are always enjoyable.

Last evening, I went out with Mark and Wendy to a local pub called Lion Heart. A little on the pricy side but the food was quite good. I'll be seeing those two good people in a couple of weeks when they bring me back home from my week's vacation at Lake Joseph. They're absolute treasures of friends. Mark took a look at the sound card inside my computer as the headphone jacks weren't working well. He left thinking he had failed to acomplish anything but seems to have manage to unwittingly fix the problem in splendid fashion. We were all a bit too full to embark on a walk around the lake after supper but I've been doing that a lot myself lately. I went out for such a stroll yesterday morning and ran into a fundraising event for Parkinson's sufferers. I had the chance to chat with one of the organisers and got some information to go over. I also at last got around to exploring that fenced courtyard and pool area that I always pass while going out to the path around the lake. Met a nice woman in charge of a couple of little ones and had a pleasant talk. I've been running into more people out there these days. I guess that's how it all starts. Over time, more people will begin to have a sense of who I am. It certainly helps me feel less cut off from everyone. While I still hope to find some way to volunteer locally somewhere, I don't have the same urgent drive about that. Now that I'm plugging away at Enchantment's Twilight again, I at least feel like I'm keeping up my end of the bargain. One day, I'll say the right thing to the right person who'll actually have a more immediate need for my gifts and unlike everyone else, I'll be available. Meanwhile, I've still got Sandy to consider. He's starting to feel like learning to do more with his computer. His poor health and sensitive nature plus the robbery have all conspired to make things slow to a crawl. I just taught him for the second time how to use Kurzweil to read his mail. I hope he sticks with it and it becomes a habit. He spent hours ripping all of the CDs that remain to him in case this mysterious bandit returns. It must have taken him hours of mindless drudgery to go through that even if it's only a fraction of the hundreds he had collected over the years.

I went out earlier this week with a bunch of people from church. Joseph just got a tatoo of Scrabble tiles of his initials. He seems to be happy with the result. It was good to enjoy an evening like that. Those sorts of things do a great deal to build my sense of belonging. Everyone was able to just relax for a couple of hours and actually converse. There's a growing sense that I'll eventually truly hit my stride and achieve a more lasting life balance. Hopefully, that will sharply decrease the chances of such long patches of creativity blockage as I've experienced.

Thank goodness! The potatoes turned out roughly as I had hoped. They weren't rendered rock-hard or anything so ghastly as that would have been. The lunch went quite well and my potatoes disappeared quickly. I'm home for a while listening to the Mosen Explosion on
www.muchroomfm.com
as I sip a delicious cooler with ice. It has a strong cherry flavour. Later on, I'll be heading out to dinner with my family. The kids are coming over also.

It's now monday afternoon. I found myself quite tired after returning from last night's dinner and went to bed early. Consequently, I got up rather early. The two munchkins were up to their usual cute and chaotic antics. Amia is starting to grasp that I'm blind. However, I don't think she quite understands yet that I can't see anything at all and never have. She looks forward to going to school. I'm not certain Ava is quite as keen on education but she'll doubtless hit her stride in the new school soon enough. Dan's working much closer to home now in a Keg in Hamilton. That should help free him up and cut down on whatever commuting costs.

I've had an excellent afternoon and evening. Most of it was spent outside. I walked to the mall and back twice. The first time was to try withdrawing money by myself from one of the ATM machines using earbuds and their speech capability. It was very easy. I accidentally went into the basket ball area and thereby met a nice young fellow named Justin who helped me back over to the path. I had just finished talking with Sandy after returning from that walk when one of the two Shirleys I've met called to see if I wanted to go for a walk. It was a great day for it and she's always interesting to talk with. They're still doing construction out there but that hasn't been much of a bother so far. After a nice long chat on one of the more shady benches, I went to Symposium Cafe to take advantage of the burger and beer special on monday evenings. Been meaning to do that more often this summer but just never got around to it. The burger was excellent, the beer selection was sadly lacking, and the chocolate mousse cake and special coffee I ordered completely obliterated any savings on the main course. Cesar came up to say hello. First time that's happened when I've been there alone. It's certainly good that there's at least a slim possibility that I won't always end up eating alone while there. On the way back, I met a couple who have a blind nephew. Talk about being in the right place at the right time. I've no doubt I'll be hearing from them again soon. Days like this make up for a lot of dull and empty ones. That's for certain.

Over the past while, I've added a bunch of new music to my instrumental and pop song collection. Hilights in the pop department include Charlotte Perrelli's album Hero. A number of nifty songs there including You're Never Alone, Show Me A Mountain and Adicted. FM, a band from the eighties, coughed up an excellent song called Does it Feel Like Love. For my instrumental collection, I purchased the Ladyhawk soundtrack as well as several albums each from Michael Gettel and Zen Garden. The stuff I've heard so far from them sounds great so I got impulsive and splurged on those two. Nice to have at least one area in life where I can actually afford to be a bit impulsive. On that note, I believe I'll get this posted and, get some sleep. Catch you later everyone.

A Busy Tuesday

Hello everyone. Today is certainly off to a good start. Moshi performed beautifully waking me up at seven as I instructed the little gadget to do. She was a little less keen to silence the alarm. Selective hearing trouble perhaps? I'll have to get her some AAA batteries. I've already had a small power failure here long enough to force me to reset Moshi's sense of time.

Today is a nicely busier one. I've got a mobility lesson with Harpal this morning in less than half an hour. Getting over to the bank is slowly coming together. Later in the evening, I have a meeting with the men's group from church. I expect we'll be discussing the next thing to be looked into. Apparently, it's going to rain this afternoon but things should be fine for this morning's lesson. I've got a little tidying up to do around here. Haven't vacuumed in a while.

Every so often, a song emerges that just totally hits the spot of where one is in life. This Summer, that song is on Amy Grant's new album. It's called over night and deals with how hard it can be to wait for what one hopes for. Somehow, unlike when you hear it from parents or friends, the message that all will be well in time and be all the more meaningful because you had to wait singks in powerfully. That seems pretty counterintuitive particularly given my normal stance of avoiding most overtly Christian music. Amy grant seems to have a real nack for not bible-thumping you. One can imagine hearing many of her hits on an ordinary radio station without suspention of disbelief. Hats off to her for winning space for some mp3s on my hard drive.

Another aspect of that Malcolm Gladwell book which deserves mention is the part where it goes into just how detailed and varied facial expressions are and how much we voluntarally and unwittingly give away with our faces. Any idiot who still believes that "blindness is just a nuisance" after reading that had better think again. I learned more from that book than from all the drama classes I took in hopes of getting a sense of that sort of thing combined. I miss out on a whole ton of information about people around me. Perhaps more disturbingly, what might my face be telling them which is outright wrong or unintended? Well folks, I'd best be off.

A Splendid saturday

Hello everyone. Today, the weather has finally permitted me to venture out of my comfortable lair. The heat wave wasn't fun last week but my air conditioner, cold drinks, the odd ice cream treat, and not having to venture out anywhere all conspired to stand me in good stead. I did go out to see my parents and Dan's family. Mom and dad's pool was actually warm enough for me for once. I had a good swim. Seeing Ava and Amia is always special. I'm hoping against hope that my insomnia has finally decided to leave for a while. Thursday was a very long day. I did two loads of laundry on what had to be the hottest day I could have picked. Stepping out into the corridor was like enterring ablast furnace. Still I god it done and had a couple brief chat with folks while I was down there.

I haven't gotten much done this week. Here's hoping once again that my writer's block also decides to back off soon. I'm managing to enjoy life for the most part but will only feel perfectly in balance when I start one of my projects moving forward again. Meanwhile, I keep looking for any opportunities to meet or talk to new people and listening to as much input as I can. One of the highlights took the form of a BBC radio drama about a family experiencing the events of July 7 2005. It was a very well done production and I hope they use it in their schools. It was the most moving thing I've heard in quite some time. Michael Walker always writes excellent radio dramas. His earlier work called Alpha looks at the intersection of religion and artificial intelligence and really provokes some interesting thoughts. Can't wait for his next one. Another highlight was the movie Unbreakable. I heard the described version of that and was quite impressed. All I need now is a girl friend to share this sort of thing with. I keep hearing this interesting stuff and then have nobody there to really talk about it with. So much just gets experienced and then lost. Everyone else is just too damned busy, too far away, or simply not interested. Were I some raving psychotic, I could understand. However, I think of myself is a pretty open-minded, level-headed, honest and fair sort of man. I don't have any hangups over appearances. You'd think there'd be a woman somewhere out there who was around my age, single, and would value what I bring to the table.

Today, I got up early again. Big surprise. I had a nifty chat with folks on Vipconduit. Gonna miss that community a little if I decide not to renew my membership in September. That hinges on what kind of a life I'm leading offline here. I'd much rather spend my money on people who I can actualy experience life with in person. Slowly, on days like today, I'm meeting more of my fellow physical community members. I walked twice around the lake today and ran into a lady who lives in my building. We had a good chat and exchanged contact information. That's a pretty rare occurance. She's a grandmother who lives in my building. Thankfully, she's got an English accent which she hasn't lost while living here so I actually have a halfway decent shot at recognising her voice from a distance or in a group. I've met so many people who sound too damned similar for easy identification but have no idea how tricky that is for me. Like a lot of folks, she certainly seems willing to help out. Hopefully, she'll be up for some interesting conversations. Just now, that kind of stimulation is what I need most. I'm taking pretty good care of myself in every other way. I feel like I've at least started that process of getting to know people. I met a number of other folks walking their dogs also. It's always fun to pat them but I'm just as glad as ever that I don't own one myself. Having grown up with a pet cat, I simply have no desire to be responsible for animals. That form of companionship just doesn't cut it for me. I need people who jenuinely care about me and who I in turn can care about and for. There are so many life experiences which are only enjoyed the most when they're shared ones.

Lately, as I've turned to the online world more for some semblance of company, I've found some solis there. There are some folks who just don't appreciate how circumstancially fortunate they've been in life to have found jobs matching their gifts. Blind people who have found that sort of success just can't seem to fathom how things simply don't work out for their less fortunate fellows despite best efforts. We're just not all superstars. I'd cheerfully shovel shit for a living if someone provided an opportunity with some degree of security. Just pay me enough to afford my own place and save a bit extra. Even unrewarded, I'll put in my best efforts to be as helpful a member of society as I can be. That should damned well count for more than it often seems to. I'd do much much more if I had the opportunity to which actually compensated me for such effort. Money's nice, but when you get right down to it, steady companionship of friends and, dare I hope, a special lady in life would be my ultimate reward. They say all things come to those who wait. I'm being as patient as humanly possible and will continue to be.
I talked to Rose for the first time in a little wile. She's had a bit of a rough week. Apparently, some idiot has accused her of taking advantage of me. I wonder if whoever it was has any conception of how good it can feel to actually be able to help someone during a time when you're feeling supremely unproductive and useless. She's pretty much the only member of the church who has taken the time to get to know me to the point where I can actually do some good. She's been completely honest with me. I have no false hope of us being any more than platonic friends. I would have cheerfully treeted a complete stranger to what I've treeted her to just to get out somewhere with an actual female friend who, unlike the rest of them, has time and inclination to make use of my gifts and time. For once, someone is taking me up on my willingness to help where I can. It's not like there are a whole flock of other people waiting to become involved with me as anything more than a charity case or someone who chats with me briefly on sundays. Though I still believe there's real hope for that over the long run, it's going to take all sorts of unnecessary time while everyone kills themselves racing through overly packed lives and I spend whole days doing next to nothing. Society certainly has a way of wasting human capital and killing or maiming kindness and altruism.

It's been a fantastic afternoon. I may come out again later this evening but the sun has begun to shine in an annoying way at the position on my balcony where I have stuff set up.
that always happens in the evening. I don't mind so much but it heats up my netbook and I'm a little concerned about that. I'm also expecting a delivery fairly shortly. Time to get this posted, pack up and head in after a wonderful day outside. There's church tomorrow. I haven't been in a couple of weeks so I'm looking forward to that. Catch you all later.

Thought I'd keep on going now that my delivery has arrived. I had ordered a Moshi talking alarm clock as well as a new cane holder. My old one needed "mending", as Rose says. Apparently, "sewing" is altogether a different activity deserving a different word due to scale of operation I guess. I like the new cane holder. It's better designed than my old one and ought to hold up nicely indeed. I had to engage in a bit of a battle with little Ms. Moshi though. The clock had trouble understanding that it was "sssssseven" rather than eleven PM. After finally scoring that verbal victory, I next discovered that you couldn't set the date vocally and had to use buttons. Thought I might get away without having to read the manual but I ended up needing it after all to inform her that it was july 10 2010 and not jan 1 2008. Having gotten that matter resolved, all that stood between me and success was getting Ms. Moshi to use degrees C rather than F. That also required the use of a button. Having at last said all the right words and touched her in all the right places, Ms. Moshi is Now behaving properly and will be ready with the scant but crucial information at her disposal when I need it.

back from a walk

Hello everyone. I've just returned from this week's orientation lesson. I'm hot and a bit out of breath. My legs aren't too bad but I'm not thinking of climbing any mountains today. Crossing Battleford is going a little better. It'll always be a strenuous crossing but I'm now somewhat more confident that I won't accidentally end up on the wrong corner. The Glen Erin crossing is still tricky due to the curb direction and actually being able to hear the serge of parallel traffic correctly.

I've grabbed a nice berry cooler and some ice. Been having one of those on most days lately although not usually anywhere near this early. Mom and dad are babysitting Ava and Amia. I went with them on Monday. The kids were certainly cute but I just found it too long a stretch of time. It was hard to get anything of substance done and I couldn't really help a ton since I don't know where things are. Once I get my own place, I could probably do a better job of it. Yesterday morning, I got quite a bit done on the game. I just hope this creativity lasts. It feels very precarious.

On the plus side, a teacher has shown some actual interest in me on Plenty of Fish. Usually, they've tended to be in the "I don't want someone I have to take care of" category. She seems genuinely interested in getting to know me rather than just about what it's like to be blind. What's more, I believe she may be close enough to actually get together with. How utterly refreshing. Here's hoping this time, things might go somewhere lasting.