Nearly Time to Get Married

Hello everyone. It's been over a quarter of a year since I last posted to this blog. Life has been anything but uneventful. Marriage is less than two weeks away now. Sara will officially be moving in on June 1. However, she has essentially been living here for a week. The paper work still remains to be done. I don't think I'm the only one to have life go somewhat chaotic just before marriage and trust there's enough leeway in the system to come with that reality. I'll feel a whole lot better once all the official stuff has been taken care of. Both ODSP and Peel Housing are struggling with case overload and it's not like we've sprung our plans to get married on anyone. We've given lots of notice and I trust that counts for something. It's an odd transitory period where nothing is happening quite like I expect it to.

I am on the whole incredibly thankful for this place and the life I've lead here as a bachelor. It has been peaceful and secure. As much as I've found tranquility, self-acceptance, friendship and peace living alone here on Aquitaine Avenue, I've also found periods of isolation and stagnation. My creativity and motivation have both suffered. I've wrestled alone against the demons of lack of extrinsic reward for work,  and the ever-present dangers of consumerism and boredom. Those demons are still very much with me, but I'm no longer alone. Changes are coming thick and fast these days.

One thing which sadly hasn't changed is my balcony. It has been in need of repair since work was interrupted by Snow at the end of last Autumn. There have already been countless days I would have spent mostly out there if I could have. There's no word yet on when that'll get done. Very frustrating indeed. Thankfully, there's Lake Aquitaine to walk around. I'll try to get used to taking my laptop out there and make use of one of the benches which have made such good landmarks on my walks. The batteries aren't nearly as good as they once were but I should still get a good three hours from the large one especially with the wifi off. I may also look into getting a blue tooth keyboard for my iPHONE and see how that goes. Not nearly as nice as my laptop plugged into an extension cord with very fast abundant Internet on the balcony sheltered from the sun. However, the only alternatives are indoors on a couch with the air conditioning blasting right at me, or else at my desk in an area of the apartment which can get quite uncomfortably hot. You never fully appreciate something until you no longer have it. there's some real truth in those words.

Events are sweeping me along into this new chapter of life far more quickly than I expected. This coming Sunday will be my last day attending the Meadow vale Christian Reformed Church. The Sunday after this one, I'll be getting married. After that, I'll be attending Sara's church regularly. Life goes on. It'll be bitter-sweet saying a fond farewell to the congregation who has been there for me these past years. They've been instrumental in my recovery and growth as a man. From just after I turned away from the worst sense of stagnation and hopelessness I've ever experienced, they've been there to help me build an adult life that is extraordinary and well worth living. Unable to find work voluntary or otherwise, they were my roots and place in this community beyond my family. The one place in the world who reached out to meet me halfway and where I knew I made at least some difference. Over the years, the cast of characters has changed. Key people who became more than just Sunday acquaintances have long since moved on. Like a Rock in a changing world Pastor Sam remains as a consummate leader and one of the best role models of what Christ wanted in God's Christians I've ever encountered. Through good fellowship, Pastor Sam's excellent sermons and some wonderful music, they've blessed me with a keen sense of God's love, joy and mercy which I'll carry to my grave. I'm coming away having made some friendships and connections which will survive this parting of ways. A nice change from prior church attachments. Two of these hopefully life-long friends will attend my wedding and reception. Perhaps, others will attend the wedding itself despite the distance and not being able to join us for dinner.

Wedding plans are quite in hand and things have been largely free of ongoing stress in that quarter. Sadly though, a number of people who I would dearly love to have attended can't be there. I found my lovely Sara years too late for my grandmother to have attended in person. She has passed away a little over a month ago now. I was unable to visit her during her unfortunate mental decline towards the end of her life. She really didn't want to become old and dependent on others. My last memories of her are from before she could no longer travel and live in her own apartment. In a sad sort of way, due to this geographically enforced distance, my memories of her are like she would have wanted everyone else's to be. She died in relative comfort during the night. There was something truly surreal about finding out she had passed away as Mom and I approached a store where I picked out my wedding suit. It felt like her passing was just sort of pushed past rather than really dealt with. She never wanted a funeral as such. However, there was a small ceremony in Winnipeg attended by relatives who live there. I'm glad she learned that I had found Sara and intended to marry her. I'm not certain how long that stuck in her mind, but she knew it for a while and wished me well. She has also visited my apartment here and seen how I've managed. I have all sorts of good memories of her going as far back into childhood as I have any memories at all. The only real closure I've found is that her confusion and mental suffering is at an end. If the God we both believe in is nothing to a figment of collective imagination, she is at least beyond misery. If I'm right in believing there is truth at the core of Christianity, then she now has a peace and clarity of perception we can't even conceive of in this world. As mom said, she'll be at my second wedding in spirit.

Neither of my uncles or aunts are able to attend the wedding. Thankfully, this is due to far less traumatic reasons than death. Other commitments and expenses have gotten in the way but I can still look forward to seeing them again in the future. All in all, my family contingent is around five people less than it might ideally have been. My brother is training to be a fire fighter and this will make it necessary for him to miss the actual wedding. However, he'll hopefully be able to attend the reception and dinner. The rest of his family will be there. I hope my nieces aren't bored stiff.

On the other side of the coin, most of my really close friends as well as some long-standing friends of my family will be there. That's a tremendous comfort. They've all helped me become the man I am and find the sense of purpose and belonging I've come to treasure. Mark and Wendy will be there. So will Steve Murgaski and Michelle Mcquigge. Steve has been a very close friend since childhood. The day would be fundamentally flawed were he not present. Michelle  got Sara and I talking again after over two decades. She has been a wonderful friend ever since she stumbled upon my blog a number of years ago. Carine and Richie will be there as our combination guests and photographers. Shirley, Rose and Joseph will also be there.

The suits, dresses and rings are purchased. My suit fits well and is quite comfortable to wear. I don't think I'll ever be all that comfortable with the idea of wearing a suit though. Standing in a thousand dollars worth of clothing that can certainly be used again but was essentially bought for one very special occasion is just always going to seem quite preposterous to me. Perhaps, once I've finished writing my book and am giving a lecture on accessible games somewhere, dressing up won't seem quite so pretentious. I don't expect so though. I've simply met one too many people judged harshly and tossed aside for their physical appearance when their good character earned them far better treatment than they received. The ring is something whose purpose is more easy to grasp. Rarely have I felt so out of my depth than when standing in a jewelry store helping to pick the rings out. However, the basic message of a wedding ring is very clear and simple. Something I can more readily appreciate.

Sara's new guide dog Aladdin has been an interesting somewhat chaotic addition to life. He's a playful two-year-old black lab who puts pretty much everything in his mouth. That has included electronics like the old Olympus 420 digital recorder I spent a good chunk of my 40th birthday hunting madly for. Gosh! So much has happened since I posted those Journeys of the Mind lectures. Trying to pick out the important stuff which should have gotten its own blog entry is a truly ludicrous exercise at this point. There have been some remarkable movies, podcasts and books lately. I really enjoyed Interstellar despite needing headphones to make out some of the dialogue. that movie tackled issues like climate change and family in a very interesting way. My favourite podcasts have been up to their usual snuff. It all tends to run together in my memory after a while. I keep saying that I'll try to do better in future and I always mean it. One of these times, it'll actually happen and you'll see more frequent shorter updates.

Anyhow, back to Aladdin; He has had to get used to Sara's parents' home and now must learn to think of my apartment as his home. Sara is attempting to instill some discipline and boundaries for him. While Aladdin seems to keep Sara quite safe, he is often distracted by the dogs, people and other animals near Lake Aquitaine. He sometimes grips your hand with his mouth. That seems a more accurate description than to say that he bites. There's absolutely no meanness in him. he loves getting attention from people. Apparently, grabbing and masticating things is simply part of a lab's nature. My desk and shelving are both stupendously ill-suited to having a young dog. At the very least, I think a new desk with drawers I can close is warranted. This desk has served me very well despite a wheel broken off during my move here. It still has my old Compuserve user number and password in faded Braille on its surface. I've had it for ages. Now though, I have no need of its length and open shelving which has proved so inviting to Aladdin's playful inquisitiveness. I've had to find inconvenient places for nearly everything that used to be so handy on those extensive open shelves. There's enough room on my left and right for him to stealthily approach and have his head grabbing and pushing at things on the wide open shelf beneath. Especially if I'm wearing headphones so Sara and I have some privacy, you can be completely unaware what he's doing until something falls onto the floor. He pulled a roll of dynatape out of my Braille labeller. Nothing is too inanimate to be safely uninteresting. I've stuffed all I can into the small drawer in my credenza. This again features a lot of open storage space easily accessed by inquisitive paws or snout.

This kind of unpredictability is precisely why I never wanted a guide dog, child or pet myself. You have to think six steps ahead all the frigging time. Right now, as Aladdin gets through what Sara calls his puppy brain phase and we try to build whatever normal life is going to look like from now on, this place just doesn't feel as tranquil.

Technology has at last rendered my OCR scanner obsolete. This used to take up a good chunk of my desk surface. Now, I can just lay a sheet out on the desk and snap a picture of it using my iPHONE. That capability still strikes me as miraculous even though I've had the KNFB reader app for months now. The printer is wireless so there's no longer any real need for most of my equipment to be on a long desk. I find it strange to think I could happily have passed years on my own with no great desire for much in the way of new furnishings. Now, I wish I had anticipated the consequences and changed it ages ago. You need to catch a dog right in the act of doing something even to have the ghost of a chance of teaching him that you'd rather he not do that thing. Thank God he doesn't seem to go after charging cables. There's almost no point having a garbage can near my desk now. He'll dig out anything you would likely put in there.

While having a higher desk with drawers will help minimize dog damage to things I want to keep safe yet handy, there are other aspects of having a new guide dog around which are less easy to mitigate. Poor Sara has to contend with everything from outdoor distractions in a very stimulating environment near Lake Aquitaine to some unfortunate bladder accidents. One of these happened in the elevator as we were heading down. Had he waited mere moments, all might have been well. The people in the elevator and the building staff were all wonderful about it. That's another reason I feel very blessed having ended up in this building. 'All of the staff I've encountered will go that extra mile when necessary. I've never had the sense of being a bur don on them unlike friends of mine in other buildings. All I really have to do personally is keep from unintentionally confusing the issue of who's in charge by being too friendly with Aladdin. It'll take a while for the relationship to really jell properly. He's had to cope with as much change as we have. I find it impossible to remain annoyed with him for longer than thirty seconds or so. I'm also forward-thinking enough to realize that he'll likely lead us to more positive adventures as a couple once he really matures.

As unsettling as it has sometimes been, hearing Sara and Aladdin start to lay down the rules for relating and living here has been fascinating. So many presumptions of mine have proved wrong. Aladdin has a metal crate large enough for him to turn around in. He actually seems happy to be left in there and goes to it often. The crate isn't perceived as any sort of punishment or torture. it's more like his small house where he feels safe. He can barf up something like apiece of leash leather and not feel bad or anything. He'd had to go through a period of being on leash constantly but that's over now and seems to have settled him down. He seems to have a very good internal clock. Around five or six, he starts getting that little bit more excited when Sara makes a move. He almost never barks and can be utterly silent for long stretches of time. At other points, he races madly around the apartment without hitting anything at all with head or tail although I expect him to bump his poor big head any minute. He sort of snuffles when excitedly playing with his kong toy. He'll bring it right up to you and push it into your hand as if to show off that he has it. Like other dogs I've known, he gives off those cute dog sighs when he's bored. He also sort of grown-growls as he relaxes or presumably shifts into a comfortable position of repose.

Apparently, Apple will be hosting its next big event a day after we get married. iOS9 will likely be revealed in some detail. Sara and I should be good for at least a couple more iOS upgrades with our 5S iPHONES. Adding further encouragement of this estimation of mine, rumour has it that the next iOS will focus on quality control and running better on older devices. All of which bodes well for my own experience as well as those who I am trying to help. I also hope we'll soon hear when the next iTUNES festival will take place. I really enjoyed the last one. I'm subscribed to the Apple Keynotes podcast and will avail myself of that after Sara and I are back from any celebrations after our marriage. I think we'll be pleasantly occupied in our own celebrating for at least a few days.

Sadly, one of the people who I help, Michelle, has decided to give up on her iPHONE for the present. I feel bad about that considering how much they cost. "With her iPAD, she'll at least still be able to use the apps and music she has purchased. It's very hard to determine how much her reasons are due to actual problems or simply different expectations or misperceptions. Her assumptions and desires can be hard to dig out or anticipate particularly when they involve visual appearance of things like Facebook. Thankfully, she's at last eligible for ADP funding and can get a computer and software which I fervently hope will give her less trouble than her old one. It was the very first computer I've ever felt which had suffered physical catastrophic damage. The laptop monitor shorted out or something and a chunk of the back blew off.

On the surprising other side of the coin, Gerry is doing quite a lot better with his iPHONE than I had any reason to expect. Mastering the device is a long and slow process but being totally blind, he just needs to worry about Voiceover. It's more complicated for Michelle since she wants to use her vision as well as Voiceover. Gerry has shown remarkable patience and fortitude here. As he gets the hang of more aspects of what his iPHONE is capable of doing, those efforts will be well rewarded.

I have at last upgraded to a larger Internet package. Sara and I both use the web for quite a bit and I think we'd have often paid for going over my former 60-gb data cap. Now, we've got 200 gb per month which should be more than enough for us. The new cable modem now does double duty as our router. I've turned off the network my trusty time capsule has long provided. It is, of course, still easy to access the files on it provided you have the password and Airport software. We've gotten our first jointly ordered groceries. This next month is going to be quite unique with the wedding, getting the move all done, doubtless seeing friends, and other stuff. A tad hard to really plan for. We just have to take things as they come for the next while.

Creatively speaking, I haven't gotten a whole lot done. The book proceeds in dribs and drabs. There'll be stretches of Summer where I think that'll change as the rest of life settles into the new "normal". For now, my priorities are starting the marriage and life here together well. There are also friends who haven't been seen or spoken with in a while. Over the May long weekend, we got to see Mark and Wendy. It was really good to catch up with them. I'm very glad they'll be able to attend the wedding. I didn't get to any fireworks. Sara had just unofficially moved in and Aladdin hadn't even begun to really settle. Hopefully, we'll be spending Canada day with family and friends. If not, Sara and I can catch the fireworks around the lake. Sara doesn't seem as keen on it not wanting to do something which might hurt Aladdin's ears. However, attending such festivities are an important opportunity for meeting local people at a time when they're not in an infernal rush and may be inclined to chat. Doing that for the first time on my own was a real milestone and I didn't get married in order to keep doing these sorts of things alone. Especially when we'll be attending a non-local church, you have to take opportunities to be a part of the local community. I volunteered at the Peel Multicultural Centre due to just such a chance meeting while walking around the lake. That's also how I first met Shirley.

The groceries have served us well this past week. We got everything we ordered. I think we'll be pretty good food-wise until the tail end of June. Things have certainly taken on a different feel lately. We're really starting to share daily life. So far, it's all going well. Not that kind of dreamy perfection books would have people believe in. Too much change is happening to both of us for that to be the case. We're able to come up with the compromises and good communication needed to have things go smoothly. On hot days like we've had, there have been many occasions where I'd have deeply enjoyed eating a Drumstick or other ice cream treat. We decided not to get those thinking we'd have enough special foods to eat this month. We'll really have to start watching our pennies a whole lot more than I'm used to doing while we figure out how the larger financial picture will shape up.

At this late stage, I think it's safe to say I won't be having a bachelor party. Nobody can really afford one these days. Adam's gone through some rough times and has plenty to do for me on the actual day as best man. I'd rather put money towards celebrating with friends as a married couple. Besides, I've had the experience prior to my last marriage. We've all got to prioritize these days. I'm hoping for at least one fun trip into Toronto to see Steve, Meko, Earle and company. There'll be other visits with Michelle and Gerry and hopefully, Angela and Tony. I haven't seen Ange or Tony in far to long although I've managed to help a little from a distance.

Both of us keenly look forward to being married. We aren't having any sort of honeymoon. We'll be getting all the paperwork sorted on the 10th with ODSP to merge our files into one. This process will then allow Peel Housing to set the rent and officially add Sara to the lease on the apartment. She will then be transformed in the eyes of officialdom from guest to lady of the lake. I have a dentist appointment and hearing test in the not too distant future. There'll be furniture decisions to be made once we know what assets we've got after the wedding. Extraordinary lives need a proper haven after all. Extravagant travel may be beyond our means but a comfortable apartment can be managed. One that is welcoming to guests and allows us to pursue our creative endeavours. Thanks to previous investments and our wonderfully supportive families, there are merely finishing touches remaining to be contemplated. Even if my balcony remains off limits, I look forward to a very special Summer spent in the best of good company.

Journeys of the Mind: Play is Where community Begins

Journeys of the Mind: Play is Where Community Begins Presenter: Michael Feir phone: 416-305-2757 Email: michael.feir@gmail.com Skype: Michael-Feir Twittter: mfeir Introduction: Games are more than mere pastimes. They are works of art with their own lessons to teach us about reality, ourselves and our companions in play. They help us to explore the consequences of our ideas in a safe manner. They are superb tools for breaking down barriers between people allowing friendships and discoveries to take place. They can also reduce the intimidation people feel when faced with technology they must learn to use. Important human connections are formed through play. Games have become a vital cultural medium. The digital games industry earns more profit than the movie and music industries combined. For all these reasons, it is vital that blind people share in these experiences as much as possible. In some cases, a game cannot be made accessible since its core challenges depend on players having sight. However, in far too many cases, a lack of awareness of what technology makes possible is a widespread needless impediment to play. Game developers often have no idea that blind people are capable of using computers and smartphones. Sadly, many games are inaccessible due to the developers of graphical user interfaces failing to provide easy means of conveying information to screen-readers. Technology and the Internet are drastically changing the economics and business case for making games accessible for blind people as well as people with other disabilities. Crowd funding platforms like Kickstarter make it possible for interested individuals to invest in projects of interest to them from anywhere in the world. This makes catering to a wider range of abilities and smaller interest groups economically viable. Manuals and rule books for role-playing games are now almost certain to be available in electronic formats which software like the Voice Dream Reader app for iOS devices can render accessible to potential blind players. Thousands of such documents could easily be stored on a smartphone and then either spoken or read in Braille via a screen-reader and portable Braille display. Affordable Braille embossing machines and 3d printers are poised to bring fresh possibilities of inclusion when it comes to physical board and modern card games. This lecture is available in three parts at the following links: Part 1: https://audioboom.com/boos/2805045-journeys-of-the-mind-lecture-part-one Part 2: https://audioboom.com/boos/2805227-journeys-of-the-mind-part-two Part 3: https://audioboom.com/boos/2805374-journeys-of-the-mind-part-three Key Accessible Gaming Sites: www.audiogames.net This site should be your first destination. It has become the central point for information and discussion surrounding games specifically relying on audio. These games need not be made for blind people exclusively. Most will be accessible to blind people provided they are able to hear. Key resources include a large database of all known auditory games. Each entry has a description, download and developer links, and much more. Very active well-moderated forums allow for hundreds of ongoing discussions between interested people to take place. Be sure to stop by the "new releases" forum to learn about the latest accessible games. www.applevis.com As its address implies, this site is focused on providing information to people using Apple products. There are tutorials, guides, thriving discussion forums, and rapidly expanding directories of information about apps. These directories are very well-organized and easy for community members to add to. If you're uncertain whether a given app is accessible, check for an entry in the app directory. Moderators also encourage people to make entries for apps which are found to be inaccessible. This serves to warn other people who might contemplate purchasing apps which are not useful to those requiring Voiceover. www.inclusiveandroid.tk This initiative is similar to Applevis. However, it focuses exclusively on Android devices and apps. www.htb2.com This site features a blog and podcasts which often discuss accessible games. The staff are knowledgeable and friendly. www.blindbargains.com This site is a long-established central point for good deals and news of interest to blind people. It often features stories about accessible games and the staff include long-time veterans of the blind gaming community. www.audyssey.org This site contains all 54 issues of the Audyssey e-zine I created in 1996 and edited up to issue 40 in 2004. Although the magazine itself is of purely historical value, the community which grew out of it is still a thriving conduit of email communication between players, game creators and other interested parties. http://www.64ouncegames.com/ This successfully launched business aims to make modern board games accessible to blind players. People will need to purchase the original board game plus the accessibility kit designed by 64 ounce Games. Sleeves containing Braille will cover pieces or cards. Dice, pieces and other essentials will be produced using 3d printing. For people seeking physical board and card games, this is your destination of choice. https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1704875037/rpg-dice-for-the-visually-impaired This project reached its funding goal and will soon offer Braille dice used in role playing games produced by 3d printing. http://www.ulule.com/a-blind-legend/ This project aims to create a video game experience completely in audio and make it accessible to blind players on mobile devices like smartphones. Using bin oral sound, players will be able to navigate, solve puzzles and fight in a fully 3d audio environment. Notable Games: *All In Play: This site was the first attempt at a game portal whose objective was to create games and a community for both blind and sighted players. It currently focuses on word and card games including the popular Texas Holdem variant of Poker. People can try the games for free but must then pay a subscription to continue playing and participating in the community. A text chatting system is incorporated into all games on the site allowing participants to communicate easily with each other at the virtual table. Tournaments occur frequently. www.allinplay.com *Shades of Doom: This game was the first attempt to give blind players an experience similar to this particular kind of popular action game. Players must find their way through a laboratory and shut down an experiment gone wrong. Find this game, a tank-driving simulation and more at: www.gmagames.com *Top Speed 3: This was the very popular culmination of a group of racing enthusiasts to bring the thrills of multi-player racing to blind people. The game supports force-feedback steering wheels if available but a keyboard is all that is required to play. Sadly, lack of time and interest has ended further development of game by this promising group. However, Top Speed 3 stands as a profound example of how far compassion can take us. www.playinginthedark.net *She Noire: This is the first game of a popular casual style known as "hidden object" to be made accessible for blind players. It can be played on Mac, PC, or iOS and puts you in the role of a detective with a shady past attempting to thwart a master-villain. You do this by finding and retrieving objects hidden in various scenes. Finding all of the hidden objects in a given scene advances the game's story. http://www.ticonblu.it/audiogame/index.html?lang=eng *ESP Pinball Classic: The company offering this title, Draconis Entertainment, has preserved it along with many others originally created by James North. This controversial but brilliant developer found a way to use the principles of stereo sound to present the blind community with a fully accessible authentic experience of six Pinball tables. Hear the ball roll and bump into obstacles after carefully timing your flipper strike or aiming your shot. Find this piece of accessible gaming history at: www.dracoent.com *Paladin Of The Sky: This game has quickly attracted a large player base. It is the first attempt to bring the experience of what is called a console rpg to blind players. A computer running Windows and a keyboard are required. www.vgstorm.com Find the following games in the appstore on your iOS device: *King of Dragon Pass: This game was originally inaccessible. It is a story and statistic-driven simulation complete with artwork and an interactive map. Players make choices on behalf of a clan situated on a magical world. The developer, David Dunham, had no idea that blind players would be interested until he was contacted. David chose to invest the time and resources needed to make this game accessible on devices running Apple's iOS operating system using the built-in Voiceover screen-reader. Blind players can enjoy this game knowing they have access to all information and options. There are now also versions for the PC and for Android. However, these are developed by different companies who did not include accessibility support due to the increased effort and cost this would have incurred. *Crossly: A game capable of generating endless crossword puzzles allows competition with other players. It has been made fully accessible using the Voiceover screen-reader built into Apple's iOS operating system. Other popular word games include Hanging With Friends, Ordet, iAssociate 2, and Clever Clues. *Papa Sangre II: This illustrates what can happen when audio games are made for everyone as opposed to just blind people. You are placed in a fully immersive audio environment as a dead spirit attempting to retrieve stolen memories thereby gaining the strength to return to life. The famous actor Sean Bean acts as your guide through this strange realm. You control your character by tapping on the corners of your device's screen and physically turning to steer your character. This game requires you to wear headphones or earbuds. *Frotz: This app now constitutes the most accessible and easy way to share in the joy of text adventures or interactive fiction as games of this kind are called today. There are literally thousands of games which this app can handle including Infocom classics like Zork. Voiceover allows complete control and access to this app letting people have the text read to them or read it themselves using a Braille display. Commands can be entered from the onscreen keyboard, dictated using SIRI, or entered in Braille with the keyboard of a Braille display or the new onscreen Braille input method introduced in iOS8. *Zombies, Run: This game introduces blind people to combining fitness and fun. Defend Able Township from hoards of zombies in a world where the dead can't even stay still. Since headphones or earbuds should be worn while running in order to enjoy the audio dramatics, I humbly suggest a treadmill or safe venue for running be added to the list of requirements. The accelerometer in your iPHONE or iPOD can track your runs and the came gives you supplies with which to build and upgrade your town as a reward for your real-world physical effort. The story is told during your runs via audio segments played in between your chosen play list of music. Recommended Reading: Reality is Broken: Why Games Make us Better and How they can Change the World by Jane McGonigal This blog posting by Ian Hamilton explains screen-readers and the difficulties currently being encountered when attempting to play what otherwise could be accessible games. Ian Hamilton is an advocate for participation of people with disabilities in games who undersstands the technical issues and economics involved. http://ian-hamilton.com/screenreaders-and-game-engines/ This recent article in the New Yorker discusses an audio-only game which caught the attention of the sighted gaming community. It discusses the growing economic case for accessible games. http://www.newyorker.com/tech/elements/a-video-game-that-you-cant-even-see When a group of Dungeons and Dragons players chose to include a blind person who wanted to participate, they found that including him meant discovering what role-playing was supposed to be. http://dungeonsmaster.com/2012/03/blind/ Terry Garrett wants to play the same games as his sighted friends. Good audio design helps this be possible. He can actually play the Oddworld series of games due to good sound design. http://kotaku.com/5766791/how-a-blind-man-plays-video-games Brandon Cole has learned to play many songs in a popular music game called Rock band. He has created a site with tutorials for blind people to help them play mainstream games. http://www.brandoncole.net/ Jordan Verner from Ontario has beet en Legend of Zelda; Ocarina of Time. He had sighted friends give him literally step by step instructions. http://kotaku.com/5484361/with-the-help-of-friends-blind-man-beats-legend-of-zelda Blind gamer Brice Mellen was able to become good enough at Mortal Combat to reach championship level play. http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/tech/news/2005-07-28-blind-gamer_x.htm This article caught the attention of hopeful players and game developers alike when it appeared on Polygon, a widely respected games site. http://www.polygon.com/features/2013/8/6/4550490/blind-games-rock-vibe

On Turning Forty and Other Happennings

Hello everyone. And yet another two months have raced past me between blog postings. It's now an apparently foggy Thursday morning, October 16th. Over the past day or so, I've started playing another of these smart phone games accessible to blind and sighted people called Hanging With Friends. It turns the classic game of Hangman into a competitive sport as you get points for solving your opponent's words and building long or tricky words for him or her to solve. When your turn comes up, the game exhorts you not to keep your fellow contestant hanging. Perhaps, I'll one day manage to transfer that exhortation to working on more frequent blog postings and not leave my readers waiting so long. One can hope. The past couple of months have been slow for long patches. Sara and I both needed to recover financially somewhat from July. Illness prevented us from getting together around the time of my father's 66th birthday as we had hoped to do. As things turned out, Sara joined us for Thanksgiving with my family for the first time. It was a very enjoyable milestone of our relationship. We were able to see A few friends during her stay including Steve, Shirley, Rose, Carine and Richie. I'm glad they're getting to know Sara better. We also ended up going to church. When it comes time to walk away from that community, it's going to feel very strange. We also had a good amount of time to simply be together. We enjoyed listening to a lot of things including the two episodes of Pathfinder Legends awaiting our attention. Two more of those are still forthcoming. It's so splendid to have found someone to share the great joy of audio dramas with for the rest of my life. I received an award last Thursday at the new Horizons Peel Multicultural Centre where I volunteer on Thursdays. It's a certificate from the government in recognition of my volunteer efforts in the community. I was quite surprised by that. I guess most of my efforts are directed at people who lack the authority to bestow such an honour. Most of the time, it feels like I've done more to help people online and in other countries than I've ever managed to achieve locally. People keep telling me that I'm doing more good than I think I am just by leading the kind of life I do and being there. I guess it just doesn't usually lead to the kind of results I'm able to measure. Any formal volunteering I've done certainly hasn't directly lead to ongoing friendships or much of a sense of connection yet. Everything seems so damnably indirect. I guess I'm slowly getting used to that. In a couple of weeks, I'll be basically exhorting people to believe in the value of games and play. That can also be very indirect and hard to quantify. Mainly, over the past while, I've been working on the presentation I'll give on October 30th at the CNIB National Braille Conference. It's about the importance of play and accessible games. For the most part, I'll be focused on computer and smart phone games. However, a lot of important events have occurred over the past while thanks to the convergence of technology which will change other areas of inclusive gaming. It would be wrong not to cover them so I've been revising my handout as new information became available right up until it was due for submission. It feels like development has suddenly kicked into a higher gear. Events are happening at the kind of pace I dearly wished for back when I edited Audyssey magazine. Ten years ago, I was at the top of my proverbial game and had a comprehensive overview of what was happening in the slow-moving realm of accessible games. Preparing for a presentation wouldn't have been nearly so demanding as it has proved to be. These past three months have seen a number of initiatives which have the potential to dramatically increase how included we blind people are. Adding to this, a great deal more attention has been paid to accessible games by the media. I've read more mainstream coverage of this in the last six months than I came across over the last three years. A kind of critical threshold of societal awareness and respect for the value of games has at long last been pushed through. People are at last realizing at a fundamental level that games and play aren't the wastes of time they've been made out to be. As these last weeks of preparation tic down, the weight of responsibility increases. Have I missed anything? Am I doing right by all the people who have chosen to make efforts to include blind people in the experiences of play most other people can enjoy? It got like this just before I published Personal Power, my guide to using the Internet and accessible computers to pursue personal life interests rather than the employment skills which everyone else focuses so exclusively on. People were left in such profound ignorance of what their equipment could let them do both for enriching their own lives and reaching out to share their passions with others. The CNIB completely ignored that effort on my part. I sure hope things go better this time around on that score. It's now a cold Monday morning. November 17th to be precise. A third month has scooted past me with reckless abandon since I began writing this post. Thankfully, I have meanwhile published an entry regarding my trip to the Mississauga Book Fest. That was an absolutely awesome day out. Things went somewhat downhill after that. My birthday was, as I worried it might be, spent making final preparations for my presentation the next day. I received a whole lot of birthday wishes from my friends and online acquaintances. It was great to hear from them. It lightened the mood considerably as I chased down quotes and frantically searched for a digital recorder I'm still convinced I have somewhere despite not having found it yet. Dad had just returned earlier that day from a vacation and was therefore suffering from that travel fatigue you have which always seems so out of place after an enjoyable trip. We ended up going out to that most ordinary of places Swiss Chalet. As usual, they didn't disappoint. We all enjoyed our dinner. However, I guess I fell into that cultural trap of thinking that turning forty warranted more of a special event. At the same time though, I couldn't get my head out of the presentation. I would really have enjoyed actually being with friends even over the weekend after. It would have been nice to perhaps go to a restaurant I had never tried before or even just be with some friends in a more familiar place. Doing something out of the ordinary would have been even better. Halloween took place on Friday. Yet another occasion often spent in the company of others. Given all that, I guess I didn't think I'd spend this particular chunk of time mostly alone. Had I not been so absorbed in preparing for the presentation, I would have taken steps to make damned sure that didn't happen. I'm so tired of personal and cultural events in my life going unmarked by shared celebratory experiences. Over the past while, I had felt I was at last building the connections in life to put an end to this sort of let-down. I had a fiance, made some local friends and reconnected with other long-time friends. Unfortunately, all of them were in financial tight spots, had other things happening or else presumed, much as I did, that I'd be busy. The presentation was a disaster in so many ways. It's probably just as well I didn't write a blog entry covering that event only. After all the rush getting my handout ready early so it could be made available in Braille, the CNIB didn't end up doing that for people. I was absolutely thunderstruck by that. All this talk about Braille being threatened on all sides and needing to promote its use where ever possible;And yet, they didn't have the handouts available in Braille? My mom went with me to help facilitate and was actually discouraged from handing out the printed copies we brought. Apparently, the CNIB will email copies of the handout to whoever actually bothers to ask for them. All that effort checking facts, making sure everything was current, and cramming as much information as possible into four pages... and they'll send copies to whoever bothers to ask for them? What the hell? The small size of my audience also surprised me. Until perhaps two weeks before I presented, I had expected somewhere from 30 to 80 people. This was, after all, the National Braille Conference of the CNIB. This organization remains the most widely recognized organization attempting to meet the needs of the blind in Canada. If you attempt to serve a need they're not, God help you getting funding. In total, there were 11 of the 17 people who had apparently registered to attend my talk. I attempted to switch gears and do something more interactive befitting a smaller group. This was hard enough but having the Internet connection fail threw me off even more. I hadn't ben told that the connection would time out if too long an interval elapsed between actions. Thankfully, I had saved pages on my hard drive in case I couldn't get any Internet. Other problems compounded things as I attempted to demonstrate some of the games. I couldn't find how to engage the graphics of Pontes Backgammon. King of Dragon Pass didn't let me get to the control section where I could have gotten rid of the music. Afterwards, I figured out that I had somehow switched audio ducking off. Audio ducking had previously been a default behaviour which decreased the volume of other sounds whenever Voiceover spoke. I had somehow turned this off inadvertently so the music made it hard to understand what Voiceover was saying. I really hadn't thought I'd be demonstrating any games so had focused on being as knowledgeable as possible rather than putting everything into a good state for such demonstrations. Apparently, from what little feedback I've had access to, people seem to have enjoyed the results of my efforts. That's something I guess, but over all, I feel like I've put my best into something which has overshadowed the past quarter of a year and ultimately achieved very little external good. I put my mom through a very stressful drive into downtown Toronto's rush hour and back which further increases my sense of wasted effort. Frankly, I could have done my talk online from the comfort of my own apartment's reliable Internet and easily drawn an audience four or five times as large as I had at the National Braille Conference. Mainly, this audience would be composed of people already familiar with at least some of what my talk covers. I would, in essence, be preaching to the converted as opposed to those who were new to the area of accessible games I had hoped the CNIB would help me to reach. My friend Steve Murgaski recently found an article called Breaking the Mold: From Clienthood to Citizenship. You can find it on the Canadian Federation of the Blind web site at: www.cfb.ca This was the transcript of a speech given at their convention. I presume this was their keynote speech. I agree with their position that the CNIB really can get in the way of progress for people. I can't count the times people have said: "Doesn't the CNIB do that for you?" I had a friend who tried to start a Braille transcription business but couldn't because people who needed to have things put in Braille would just go to the CNIB. I believe I also lost some money I could have earned training someone because they wanted someone who the CNIB certified. Frankly, I know more about the access technology I use every day then those sighted folks at the CNIB ever will. It also seems increasingly useless to alert them to areas where they could do some truly spectacular good were they to invest their resources. I could and would gladly make a living helping people get the most of the Internet and technology like smart phones and computers. What I'm not good at is selling things. I've never felt comfortable doing that. All the technical advising in this country is done by people who have ulterior motives. there's no in dependant organization people can call up for help using accessible devices or the Internet in their personal lives. Nobody seems to want to hire full time trainers anymore. It's all contract work so you don't get anything like a proper living doing that. People are spread thinly all over the place and there's just not enough concentration anywhere to really make a go of it. For friends and others who know or find out about me, I pretty much am that go-to guy. I know about the resources and access-friendly sites which let people pursue their personal interests. If they're so interested in saving Braille from extinction, the CNIB should be supporting initiatives like http://www.64ouncegames.com/ They're actually going to give us access to some honest to God modern board games. You know! The ones everyone's actually playing these days! They should be doing all they can to transcribe game books into Braille. There's no technical reason why that can't happen. At the very least, they should be advocating for the apps to be made accessible to Voiceover and PC versions accessible to screen-readers so people can use them with Braille displays. The Fighting Fantasy books won educational awards for encouraging children and teens to read. I'd have lost myself happily reading and playing my way through those books had they been accessible. As it is, I don't really have many fond memories associated with reading Braille. Blind people have missed out entirely on a phenomenon which would have made loads of those. I sacrificed my birthday and put my projects on hold in the hope that the CNIB would amplify my efforts into making some sort of difference. In hind-sight, they totally ignored my Personal Power guide despite it being dedicated to their Lake Joseph Centre. Rather than helping me put it on Daisy cds so it would be useful to people unskilled enough to get it online for themselves, they flat out ignored it. I sure didn't have the resources to do that nor could I have known to whom I should send it. They could have and should have but didn't. This experience has pretty much killed any desire to put my eggs of hope in the CNIB basket ever again. I remain very grateful for their orientation and mobility training, Lake Joseph Centre, and their digital library. However, I'll be looking elsewhere for organizations to help advocate for inclusion in play and online. Steve's right. I have wasted a lot of time and energy hoping and thinking that the CNIB would and should change into something different than the Victorian era charity that it still is at its core. As so often happens, I tried to set my disappointment aside and celebrated on my own that weekend. I had a little help from a good friend and my fiance in that enterprise. Sara gave me a gift card from Amazon. Using that as well as some of my own money I shouldn't have spent, I bought some books which had long languished on my wish list. Similarly, Michelle McQuigge, a good friend who got Sara and I back in touch, game me some iTUNES money which I used to buy some fresh music. I guess I felt compelled to take something significant away from the experience of reaching that cultural milestone 40. Helping to make Halloween more bearable was a splendid rendition of Frankenstein produced by www.bigfinish.com This remake deserves nothing short of top marks. They really cared about the source material and I don't think Mary Shelley would roll in her grave too much this time. They also did an excellent hour-long documentary and included the musical score plus out takes. Right up there with the LOTR movies in terms of value for money. I'm ever so thankful I pre-ordered that quite some time ago. There was also the Audio Defence zombie shooting game from Somethin' Else Productions. The initial release was somewhat buggy. They rushed it out to catch the Halloween vibe. Much as I enjoyed the small piece of it I could play with those bugs unattended to, they really should have waited. Their recent update has done wonders. I'll thoroughly enjoy and make use of what I bought so I can't say I regret the purchases I made with my non-gift money in the least. However, I really thought I'd have been too busy over the weekend enjoying friends and family to contemplate making them. I really can't blame anyone for the unwarranted sense of disappointment and disconnection I've had to overcome this past while. Turning 40 simply resounded in me far more than I thought it would. Having the presentation the day after made things harder to arrange around it. Having it go so off-kilter sure didn't help. I'll certainly think twice before agreeing to do something that major for no compensation again. When the big 50 rolls around. If I'm working or busy on that day, I had better be getting paid more than minimum wage for my troubles. Thankfully, I've managed to take steps to move beyond these disappointments. Having Sara over and seeing at least a few friends has helped a tremendous lot. It was great to see Mark and Wendy again after quite a long while. They treated Sara and I to Swiss Chalet. I just finishing the last of the cake Wendy made for the occasion. She makes splendid desserts and salads. We always end up having interesting conversations and enjoying each other's company. It felt great. Sara also got to meet John Morgan, that amazing and inspiring elderly philanthropist I've mentioned before in this blog. He recently provided the funds for me to get the KNFB Reader app. I was delighted to be able to show him what it could do. I also showed him my Aftershokz wired headset. I thought I had done that previously but he was so surprised at how well they worked that I've concluded I hadn't until that point. He certainly understands how useful they are now. That leaves the other problem; How on Earth to salvage all the time and efforts I've spent getting up to speed on all things accessible game related. I've put way too much time and effort into preparing for this presentation to simply walk away and move on with other things I've put on hold this past while. I'm become the overall expert I was back in the Audyssey Magazine days. Had things gone better and the audience been larger, I could have gone on with the sense of having done enough with that knowledge for the present. As things are, I just can't let that cataclysmic mess be the end of it. The way I see it, there are two steps to redeeming all that work. The first is to deliver the presentation as I had originally intended it to be done making certain that it becomes available to as wide an audience as possible. I therefore made an offer to Accessibleworld, and online site which offers audio chat rooms where events are held. No registration is required. People just need to enter their names and download a plugin. The site makes use of the Talking Communities web conferencing system to offer a very useful service. I've attended numerous virtual events there over the years and spoken once before on accessible games. I guess that was two or three years ago. So much has happened since that it seems like far longer. They've accepted my offer and I'll be giving my talk on December 8th. Even it numbers are low for the event, the talk will be preserved on the site's archive for any interested people to hear and direct others to. That's step one. Step two is somewhat more ambitious. I'm going to write a book. This book will explore the history of accessible games as well as new possibilities for inclusion brought about by recent technological change. It will also discuss the importance of games in learning and building relationships with others. One might wonder why I haven't already written such a book. There were several reasons. Chief among them was wanting to be known for other things besides my abiding interest in and knowledge of games. I fell into the very trap I hope to help others avoid and thought there must be a better thing for me to focus my efforts on than games and the need for blind people to be included in play. I wanted to find some way of working or at least volunteering in the real offline sighted world. If I couldn't actually earn a living, then I at least wanted to find some way of contributing meaningfully enough to earn the respect and friendship of people. I fundamentally didn't want to be so alone and feel as disconnected and powerless to make any of my experiential hopes and dreams come true. Surely, there was something out there for me. There really doesn't seem to be though. Writing a book on accessible games really seems to be how my gifts and talents can best be put to use. By trying so much to distance myself from the online blind world, all I really succeeded in doing was to cut myself off from the only group of people who could understand even a modicum of what I was going through and for whom I had achieved the sort of meaningful impact I wanted to in the local physical world. In the face of my inability to make any sort of breakthrough, the achievements I had made in the online world seemed not to have any value. Why add yet more wasted words and effort by writing a book? Another powerful disincentive was my sense of having written all the thought I had about accessible games in the 40 issues of Audyssey I edited. The well was beyond empty and I had no fresh insights to offer. Things had pretty much plateau ed. It didn't look like technology would offer any means of breaking down economic barriers to inclusion which hadn't already fallen. At best, we were stuck playing games that none of our sighted peers had thought were particularly cool in years. I was certainly proud of the wonderful community my efforts had helped bring about. However, I just couldn't view that journey I had undergone as being inspirational enough to justify a book. Writing about a triumphant journey to a point of near complete stagnation just seemed pointless and self-serving. This blog constitutes my written therapy. I'll write this book as part of my continuing efforts to leave some sort of worthy public legacy and give purpose and meaning to this new chapter of life. Dear God! It's very late indeed. Nearly a quarter to one on thursday morning. Not at all what I had intended. On the plus side, I think I've set things down here reasonably well and can now move on with a lighter heart. I feel better about things. This blog has always made for very good therapy. How appropriate. Winamp has chosen to play one of my new acquisitions from a nice New Age instrumental group called 7and5. Out of 59 songs, it picked the one called Sleep-walking. Go figure.

Attending the Mississauga Book Fest

Hello everyone. Last Saturday, I was able to go to the Mississauga Book Fest. I've wanted to do something like that for ages now but never really had the people in life who shared that interest. This year was at last different. Dani is a good friend of our family who also wanted to attend the festival. We both share a deep interest in reading, science fiction and fantasy. Going with someone who genuinely wanted to be there was very important to me. It makes all the difference when experiencing events like this. There are lots of people who might well have been willing to go as my guide but wouldn't go out of their own interest. It would have simply been as a favour to me. Dani truly wanted to go and was happy to be my friend and guide. I felt that I added more to her experience of the festival. It was a day of interesting conversations. Dani and I had lots of books and other things to talk about. We don't tend to actually get together very often so there was some catching up to do. The authors were terrific. We got to hear a number of panel discussions and talks about writing, publishing, and the increasing viability of self-publishing. Also, authors read from their own work. I never realized Tania Huff wrote more than vampire books. She writes fantasy and science fiction also. The highlight of the day was actually getting to meet Robert J. Sawyer, my favourite author for over a decade. Dani got a picture of that happening which I will include with this blog entry. I didn't realize she was taking the picture so there's a far better chance I'll look natural rather than self-conscious. I thought I'd be nervous or tongue-tied. When the moment actually came though, I simply felt very grateful, in the present moment, and that kind of quiet fulfilled sense you get when you're doing something dreamed of for years. He was very gracious in person. It was interesting to see that in how he interacted with the other authors during the day. I can't wait to read his next novel, but it won't be out for quite a while. I saw no need to buy a print book and have him sign it. He already has signed my books in a way by recording those wonderful introductions for Audible. That's more than good enough for me. People sometimes wonder where my optimism comes from given the frustrations and restrictions my blindness and poor orientation skills have combined to present me with. Writers like him who infuse their characters and stories with such warm positive wisdom are responsible for a good portion of that. Especially after I walk away from religion as a teenager, characters in such stories did a great deal to give me a model for morality. Robert J. Sawyer bucks a lot of trends and established traditions in science fiction. Doubtless, hi finances have suffered for his more optimistic take on the genre. He one of my personal heroes. I can honestly say that in person, he more than lived up to the high impression of his character imparted through his many books. How many people can say that they've met one of their personal heroes and not been the least bit disappointed? I certainly can now count myself among that number. Adding further to my optimism are a slowly increasing number of people like Dani who have found their way past being helpful acquaintances to being honest friends who feel that I have something to offer. If I had to go to that festival alone, I certainly would have done it. There were crowds of people and I would constantly have needed to ask total strangers for help getting around. People we encountered were certainly kind and would doubtless have lent a hand, but the day would simply have ended along with any brief contact I might have achieved. This way, a moment where a dream came true was shared with a long-time friend and serves as another memory in a slowly growing platonic friendship. I keenly look forward to attending future book festivals with her and Sara. Perhaps, others will join us also. Attending such events as part of a small group of friends would I think be the ultimate way of experiencing them. Particularly if the day included our invasion of an unsuspecting pub, restaurant or coffee place where we could enjoy food, drink and each other's thoughts of the day. It's nice to finally have a proper idea of what a book fest is actually like. I had some theoretical notions going in which, for the most part, stood up rather well. The only area where I really came up short was in thinking about the number of people attending. Frankly, I never could have imagined a library containing as much noise and free-flowing un-shushed cheerful conversation. I'll never be able to think of a library in quite the same way again.

A Splendid Fleeting Summer

Hello everyone. June and July have hurtled past at great speed. I feel like I'm on the crest of a wave. This has been a very unique vibrant Summer of interesting ideas and events. Sara and I have done a whole lot together since last I posted in mid June. I really didn't mean for a whole two months to go by before posting again.


The only sensible thing to do is try and write down my thoughts of these events in the order they happened. The graduation ceremony was very interesting. I never went to my own secondary school graduation. I just didn't feel connected enough. Hearing such a ceremony take place all these years later in a school I left after only two and a bit years was an interesting and satisfying look at a road not taken. The staff gave out awards for all sorts of things including attitude and citizenship. Unlike my own secondary school experience, I think they had a far more holistic sense of connection with their school. Extracurricular activities played a big role for them. I just didn't have the same opportunities in that area. I hope some of that activity gives them a better shot at jobs and such.

None of the school felt at all familiar. I wouldn't have recognized any of the staff, even the couple of them who ultimately recognized me. It all sounded unfamiliar. There weren't many people who I would have known as students. However, a lot of people who attended were friends I had met elsewhere in life. There were times over the weekend where I had no idea where to go or who was there. They never did any kind of role-call so there may well have been people I would have enjoyed meeting but didn't know were around. There was no good Internet connection there. This didn't inconvenience me but seriously hampered at least one workshop I attended where iPHONE capabilities were to be demonstrated. As I attend more of these reunions, I'll get to know more people and the experience should improve in that area. Sara is involved with the alumni and I had no desire to interfere with her duties. I expected there to be the odd dull moment as a result. It was quite fun most of the time and I'd certainly go again if the opportunity presents itself. Perhaps, staying in a dorm room would be a good move next time. Cab fare ate up considerable cash.

Sadly, Sara's excellent guide dog Rocky reached a point of deterioration where he had to be put down. he had begun to have real trouble standing to eat and moving was painful for him. It was an unexpectedly quick deterioration for her companion of ten years. I'm glad I could help Sara and her parents to fill his last days with plenty of pats, praise and love. He certainly deserved nothing less. It's been strange not having him present even for me. I've never encountered a dog as calm and obedient as he was. Sara has begun the process of applying for her next guide dog. Meanwhile, we've both attended Canada Day celebrations and done other things without him. The habit of treading carefully around my apartment for fear of stepping on a leg or tail while Sara was over has yet to leave me. For a creature who couldn't speak a single word, Rocky has left quite a legacy. I'm glad he could still enjoy things despite the pain and difficulty he was in right to the end.

Canada Day was spent at a party thrown by the Hoods. That's become a sort of family tradition over the years. The conversation was quite enjoyable as was the food and drink. Sara was fully able to enjoy the occasion. That means a great deal to me. Social connections and friendships are really the building blocks of life. Even when these relationships are more tangential most of the time, they still matter. We got our fireworks in earlier at an equally good party we attended with Sara's family. Getting to know them has been an interesting process for me. There was lots of time for that during the last visit. They love their sitcoms. In particular, there's the Big Bang Theory. I've now gained at least a modicum of exposure to that realm of geekdom. There are a lot of really clever bits of dialogue and banter. It's the sort of thing which I completely understand how people might logically presume I'd be hooked on. That just doesn't happen with me and any sitcoms. For them, they're a quite enjoyable way to spend an evening as their minds relax after a hard working day. The humour is there demanding one pay enough attention to get the jokes but the steaks aren't all that high should concentration waver. Not like with the documentaries I enjoy or Babylon 5. That show really demands that you pay attention and watch faithfully since each episode is part of a huge sprawling novel. I'll be keenly interested in seeing how Sara's parents handle retirement particularly on the entertainment level. They're very hard-working and basically focus their social time on family rather than friends. That's another area where I wonder if change will occur when the pressure and purpose their work best owes upon them is lifted away.

During that visit before Canada Day, we advanced preparations for our wedding next year. It'll take place on June 7th. The reception hall and church have been booked. More detailed work will take place closer to the day. I don't foresee any major issues or points of conflict. It ought to be a great day in our lives and for family and friends who can attend. I feel very good about things. As much as I've come to enjoy single life, I'm very glad there's a definite point of passage now.

Thanks to my tax refund and a generous bit of help from my parents, money is less of a worry than it otherwise would have been this Summer. I don't quite have the flexibility I was once used to having. However, I'll end the Summer in a reasonably good place without credit card debt. July in particular has been a remarkably enjoyable time. That good time certainly came with a price tag but was nothing like engagement plus holidays. Being away so much has also lowered my grocery bill somewhat. This next month should see a slow-down in excursions. I'll be able to attend the Peel Multicultural Centre more regularly. I've made some interesting acquaintances there and think the prospects for real friendships are quite high age gap not withstanding. There's a genuine interest in each other's knowledge and experience which I've found very refreshing. Work on the presentation I'll be giving at the CNIB National Braille conference at the end of October will speed up. I've set it aside and really enjoyed July but feel the need to crack on the effort over August. There's also the next newsletter for the Disability Concerns office. Lots to keep me pretty busy.

It's Wednesday, July 30. Sara has gone back to Brantford. We've seen a great deal of each other over the past while and have enjoyed that thoroughly. We went to the Murgaski cottage with Steve and his parents and had a splendid time. The weather wasn't hot enough for me to want to swim but I got out on a boat ride. We also enjoyed plenty of fresh air, food, drink and conversation. After the cottage weekend, we were all able to have a superb dinner with Michelle McQuigge at the Granite Brewery. Steve managed the navigating beautifully as he always seems to. Michelle couldn't join us on the cottage trip so it was good to be able to spend some time with her. I find it really gratifying that traditions and familiar haunts are starting to appear more in life. I feel so much more connected these days. Connected and able to give more back to society. I also feel blessed to have time to balance things out.

I've reflected on a great many things over the past couple of months. My relationship with Sara is in a very good place. It's different when you need to plan out visits and can't just see each other nearly every day as Janene and I were able to. There's a kind of ebb and flow in intensity. The growth of attraction and understanding of each other happens in a more spaced out fashion which gives time fore contemplation and longing to see one another between visits. Each of us also has more of a sense of two lives revealing aspects and aligning with each other as we invest time in getting to know what and who matters in our estimation. By the time Sara moves in with me here at the apartment, I think we'll both have a sense that it's totally comfortable, natural and about time we took that step. Meanwhile, we'll continue to enjoy aspects of our separate lives.

It's Thursday afternoon. I had an interesting half-day at the Peel Multicultural Centre. This after crashing early last night and consequently finding myself damnably wide awake at a little past four in the morning. I put the time to good use and wrote handouts about safe and fun destinations on the Internet. As things turned out, they weren't needed. We spent the time learning about Microsoft Word. My knowledge of that word processor is somewhat out of date these days. I've had absolutely no need for it in close to a decade. I heard how two very different teaching styles impacted our little group. I can use that to change my own approach a little when I present my material next week. |I'm glad I was at my most wakeful while there. I seem to be losing my energy now. I'll have to finish this tomorrow.

Gosh! It's August now. I've enjoyed July so much that I don't even feel cheated by the speed of time. I'm on the balcony enjoying a delicious thermos of coffee. The banking is done. I ended up going over my data limit on the Internet this month but only by a little. I'll be working on my grocery order today among other things. Other mundane concerns include such joys as vacuuming, mopping the floor, cooking and doing the dishes. No special plans this weekend. I'll try and get out for a walk or two around the lake. I haven't done nearly as much of that as I thought I would this Summer. Given all the writing I'll be working on this month, I may well atone for that as I strive to keep mental fog and writer's block at a safe distance. There's plenty to read and listen to.

For everything that ends up noted in these long blog posts, there are a million little points of interest which fall through the cracks. Sara and I have listened to many fascinating podcasts and some truly excellent audio dramas this Summer. The Dorian Gray series by Big Finish was a real highlight. The CBC gave us the Live Through This and How To Do It radio shows. The old standby From Our Own Correspondents presented by the BBC has remained the fountain of fascination I've always found it to be. NPR has added Snap Judgement and Ted Talks Radio Hour to the mix. These shows have lead to some very good conversations, interesting books to add to our libraries and pleasure of learning about all sorts of stuff.

It's mid afternoon now. I've done my chores and am once again on my balcony. Thought there might be a start the weekend show on one of the Internet radio stations but there doesn't seem to be. I'll check again at four. A new game called Paladin of the Sky has been released. I've mucked around with it briefly. It has a pretty generous demo. Sound presentation could be better. Looks like whoever developed this was somewhat strapped for cash. The game play seems somewhat shallow to me. There are large maps which take quite a while to explore. That exploration really doesn't strike me is a whole lot of fun. There are apparently hidden objects which you need to be lucky enough to stand on the right spot and somehow psychically intuit that you should hit the enter button to find. I'm fine with the idea of hiding object sounds amid other background sounds. Having absolutely silent objects in the middle of empty inactive maps just doesn't seem sporting. Combat seems somewhat luck-based although the magical attack system seems promising. I don't think I'll be paying the $30 price. Not enough gang for buck at least as far as my initial admittedly brief glimpse has revealed. In other recent gaming news, we can apparently expect something more from the developer of A Dark Room in the near future. Now there's something I'd have confidence to grab right off the bat. We also have the recent release of She Noire. It bills itself as the first accessible hidden object adventure game. I'm really torn about that one. Its price is high at around $30 taking the exchange rate with the Euro into account. There's no demo available. I have yet to see very much reaction to the game anywhere. There were days when I'd have jumped at all these things just to stave off boredom and be one of the first to take a crack at them. The temptation is still there but there are other considerations and priorities. I'm very grateful for that.

It's Saturday, August 2. I hope my friend Steve Murgaski is enjoying his birthday. I certainly am out here on my balcony. The weather is excellent. So was an early brunch. One of the podcasts I occasionally listen to is Documentaries from the BBC. I finally got around to hearing an episode on the possibility of ending the death penalty in the US. I learned that it's actually less expensive to maintain a prisoner for a life sentence than it is to administer the death penalty. I never would have thought that to be the case. Quite the reverse. My major objections to the penalty are that it removes any chance of atonement or redemption. This is true both for the guilty person as well as for society when someone innocent is unfairly sentenced to death. I'm put in mind of the Truscott case where it was later discovered that a wrongful conviction had taken place. At least in that instance, some restitution could be made for all of that man's lost years. Plenty more podcasts await my listening pleasure. There should also be some good online radio shows on today.

Just got back from a splendid walk around the lake a couple of times. I met and briefly chatted with a couple of people. It was a little hot so I'm not surprised there weren't as many people as I initially thought there might be. I came in a different way by mistake but my neighbour happened to be coming back in as well. That hasn't happened to me in quite a while. I usually hit the entrance dead on. Guess I've gotten out of practice. It really has been a busy Summer.

My relationship with this blog has certainly changed over the years. There days, I tend to record short audio postings on a service called:
www.audioboo.fm


I still feel that maintaining this blog is an important contribution I can make both to my own mental health and to society at large. I have no plans to stop posting entries here. There's something that just feels good about taking time to write down the happennings in one's life. Every once in a while, someone will stumble on my blog and find it of interest. In terms of what I give to siciety, I hope people can get a bit of a better sense of what live as a blind person on ODSP can be like. People either tend to presume that it's all grim and sad or that we have it incredibly easy and should be whipped into working. A whole host of things determines how well the system works for people. This is true both when it comes to employment prospects and when those prospects just don't pan out and people must make the best of the generocity of the state. I happen to be one of the latter despite considerable efforts to the contrary. It is possible, I contend, to live a good, productive and enjoyable life. I hope people see that and perhaps judge chronically unemployed people they meet less harshly. I think the recession has done some real good in that department. A good many fully able healthy people have gotten a taste of the kind of hopeless quest to make one's mark and earn one's keep which their fears and misperceptions plus actual disability have conspired to make people like me face.

One thing which I'd love to see would be a more facilitated way into volunteering in one's community. I was largely kept from doing that much at a younger age due to lack of transportation options. other blind people are really great at getting around and might not need that. However, insomnia might face them making one's best most wakeful hours uncertain. Perhaps, there's no good way of finding a best fit for everyone. I took a walk around the lake with my iPHONE and seem to have gotten lucky this year. I guess as long as people find ways of reaching out, something will probably happen eventually. It can just take a lot more time, faith and patience than it ought to.

Another Chunk of Time Gone By

Hello everyone. It's Thursday evening on May 22. I figured I'd do a blog entry since it's been a while. This week has been busy with work on my CNIB Braille conference presentation proposal as well as the newsletter which covers the CRC Disability Concerns conference I recently attended. Strange to think of the beginning of the month as recent but it really still has that yesterday feel. Work on the newsletter shouldn't have taken as long as it did. Contributions were slow to come in and there were far less of them than I had hoped for. Thanks to most workshops having handouts I was able to make ends meet. I only heard about the opportunity to speak at the CNIB Braille conference a week ago. The official deadline stated on their site had already long passed. Things collided today so it's been a long and busy one tackling what should have been more spread out. Tomorrow, I'll find out whether or not there's more work to do on the newsletter. They really liked what I gave them but it was too large to fit their usual pages. However, they liked what I did enough to not have me start cutting right away. If that isn't vindication, I don't know what is. They chose their keynote speaker and workshop discussion facilitators very well so there was loads of good information which seemed too potentially useful not to distribute widely to the disability advocates who couldn't attend.


This October, presuming my proposal is accepted, I'll have the opportunity to speak to participants of the CNIB Braille conference all about accessible games. I've blogged before about how every once in a while, our expertise actually comes in handy for people. Being unemployed pretty much makes it almost mandatory to jump at any such opportunity to demonstrate one's abilities or knowledge. I would be pretty much the best person in Canada to give a general introductory presentation about accessible games, their history and current events in that sphere. I've submitted my proposal, the first such formal document like that I've ever had to write. I've presented online and for smaller groups. This one would be to something like a hundred people.


It's now Monday, June 9th. This week could be pretty interesting all around. I have yet to hear anything from the conference organizers at the CNIB regarding my proposal. Apparently, the original deadline was April 31, a month before I even knew the damned conference even existed. There have been no updates to their conference web site at all. Before I do a bunch of work on a presentation suitable to such an opportunity, I'd really like to have some confirmation that I will in fact have the opportunity to present. There's plenty else I can do over the Summer. Not to mention the weekend of the conference coming right around my birthday and other family stuff such as Halloween. The CNIB really isn't putting any resources into helping potential blind speakers like me. Getting me there would have been a nice gesture. Centrally producing resources such as the right number of handouts for attendees once numbers were actually know would have been another big help. Instead, it looks like everyone has to do their own stuff. The only thing I'd feel confident in putting together on my own would be a two-page handout. Provided nothing happens to the web sites which serve as central points for accessible gaming, I could certainly take people on a quick tour of those resources if hooking my laptop into display facilities at the convention centre is doable. I really don't know the first thing about Power point or anything like that. One of the central sites was recently knocked out temporarily by hacker idiots. It took them at least a few weeks to get everything back up and running again. Thank God they managed it.


On the up-side, I'm now done with the newsletter for the conference I attended on behalf of my church. It wasn't a huge amount of work but dragged out until the start of last week mainly due to poor preparation ahead of the conference. By the time there was a sense of who was going, the organizers were just too busy to even catch my inquiries about pre-positioning people two write about the various workshops. The final result will be somewhat weighted in favour of the part of the conference which I attended, recorded and had handouts for. Given the circumstances, I'm pretty happy with what I managed to do. It seems as though the conference organizers are as well. The final draft will likely come out soon. Damned nice to have working on it behind me as this Summer gets underway.


That is going to happen quite quickly. Last week, I went to the Peel Multicultural Centre to speak to a group of seniors wanting to learn more about technology. On an earlier walk around the lake, I had encountered Maria, a lady who is trying to help with this program. After an extensive conversation, she asked me if I could come in. I was busy on the Thursday following our initial conversation but was free last Thursday. Apparently, people were impressed with me. So impressed that I was asked to come in on Thursdays from now on. It looks like I've finally found a way of really helping out in the community. They're happy to get me there and back. I've begun working on a sort of glossary of technology terms for them. I think I'll be able to help quite a bit. It's so damned good to have that kind of thing back in life again. After a couple of weeks, presuming things keep working out well, I'll add a new line to my slowly growing email signature turned unconventional resume.


Thursday is also the day Ontario goes to the poles to elect the next provincial government. I've taken the time to read each of the main party's platforms as I did last time. Unlike last time, which I guess was actually federal, I'm not very impressed with any of our choices. If you could pick and choose the best parts of each party's offerings, you might really achieve something. We've gotten ourselves into a very dismal political corner where scandal has hollowed out my once trusted Liberal party. I really can't vote for them in good conscience this time around. I've never trusted the Conservatives. If they win a majority, I'd be very concerned about them using cost-cutting approaches which put numbers ahead of people's lives. I absolutely agree that reducing the debt is necessary. We have to trim down our bureaucracy. I just worry that the frontline workers are going to be reduced in places where they really shouldn't be. The million jobs featured so prominently and apparently mistakenly in the Conservative plan would be created over the same timeframe with no drastic government cuts. Over the past while, I've heard reasonable objections to each of the party platforms. Nobody really has it right. The only questions is who might do the least societal damage. I'm leaning heavily towards the NDP, new democratic party, primarily because of their unenviable position. They've campaigned mainly on the premise that they couldn't support the Liberal government they had been previously propping up due to the weight of dishonesty and scandal having gotten too out of hand. Given that, they had better be squeaky clean should they win their first chance to govern in decades. I dimly remember Bob Ray in power back when I was a child. This would be a precious opportunity to shine for the NDP. It's been such a revolving door between the Liberals and Conservatives that I don't know that either party has nearly as much to lose by screwing up.


It's Tuesday afternoon. I'm on the couch with the air conditioning being used more to rid the apartment of stuffy humid air than to actually cool. Two days to go until the election. I made it twice around the lake this afternoon. It was just too dead and muggy feeling out there. I met with a good five or six people and gently inquired as to their election thoughts. None of them felt very happy or strongly about any of the choices. Here's hoping this next round leaves us in better shape leadership-wise.


Today has been a day of checking in with friends via the phone. I'm ever so thankful I have an unlimited talk and text plan. Nice not to have to worry about that at all. I got to chat with Adam, Steve, Wendy and Shirley at some length. Shirley's doing quite well and has guests from England who she wants me to meet later this week. That ought to be interesting. Mark and Wendy are also doing pretty well these days. It's been around three months since I spoke to those two. It'll be good seeing them during the Summer. Wendy hasn't been able to find employment but thanks to a funding shortfall, she finds her volunteer services in higher demand than usual this Summer. Having that level of commitment and activity in life is a comfort to her. I can totally relate to that. Getting involved with this seniors program gives me a much needed sense of community connection and purpose. I worry for Adam and Steve. A protracted fruitless job search has taken a heavier toll on them. Other than offer moral support and friendship, there's not a great deal I can do for either of them other than pray. Both of them deserve so much better than what they've been dealt. That's true of too damned many people these days. I got Adam talking politics for a bit. Under most circumstances, talking about things besides games with him is downright refreshing despite his deep and growing cynicism. Not so this time. He's pretty much at the point of absolutely no hope of things getting better on a societal level. Governments simply serve those with all the money leaving the rest of us with no real options or cause for hope in life. That pretty much sums up his take on things. I don't think that's altogether fair even about the Conservative party. However, it gets harder to argue with him when good friends are left hanging out to dry despite plenty of effort to the contrary. Reading lots of articles about how housing is increasingly out of reach for young adults, how people are waiting much longer to start families due to sustained financial insecurity, and how that North American dream of personal success is nothing but a pipe dream for the middle class, doesn't exactly give me a lot of ammunition with which to defend my dear old optimism.


Thankfully, I have reached a place in life where I have the luxury of not having to dig and scrape for my survival and have time to look out for my friends. I've been given a space in which optimism and hope are a reasonable approach to life. I can appreciate how a positive cheerful approach is rewarding me in many ways. It has made me more approachable as a person. I still fervently believe that a positive stance would reward the majority of people in some way. However, I also completely get where basically good people like my long-time friend become so frighteningly disenchanted. It's a perfectly reasonable if self-destructive response to what they're going through.


It's Friday afternoon. I'm on my balcony. We tried to get my cane repaired in the morning but weren't entirely successful. Mom and one of my favourite mobility instructors Harpal to a very good crack at it with the repair kit I bought along with the cane. The tip won't go on in a stable way. Other than that, it was a success much too hard fought for. Surely, there's a possible cane design which would give you a sturdy, reliable, but also easily repairable cane. It took so much effort getting the elastic cord through the segments and the handle. It seems such a shame to treat good graphite shafts as disposable just because the cord holding pieces together breaks but that's what I'll have to do.


A good family friend was celebrating her graduation from university today. I've known her since before she could walk. We had an excellent lunch at Milestones Grill. She was in very good spirits. Unlike me, she has had some good work experience opportunities during the time she got her degree so if anyone's ready to face this insane world where unemployment lurks around every corner, Alicia is. Mark, her younger brother, has had what you might called a stroke of luck. He'll be working at golf courses taking care of greens and doing other stuff. One of the perks seems to be cheep golf so that pleases him no end. I hope he makes the most of this opportunity.


Things are off to a fairly good start at the Peel Multicultural Centre where I'll be volunteering. I have begun to get to know these interesting folks and that'll help me focus on their interests technology-wise. Things seem pretty slow and relaxed. I don't have much of a sense of what the people funding this program are hoping for. I was given Internet access on my iPHONE and computer so I'll at least be able to demonstrate things more easily to people. Apparently, Jaws doesn't make it easy to see what I'm trying to explain so I'm going to se if either System Access or NVDA make things I'm doing more easy to follow.


It's a tad chilly out on the balcony. I think it'll be cooler for the next couple days and then warm again on Sunday. I can roll with that. It's still good walking weather unless it rains. I'm indoors for now. Last night while listening to the election coverage, I was out on the balcony enjoying a beer. The Liberals won a completely unexpected victory and now have a majority government. I was certain they were going to get the axe this time. An NDP minority was the best I had any hope for. The next four years are going to be interesting ones politically. The scandals of the past eight years are still out there and being investigated. On the plus side, Kathleen Wynne comes into power not owing anybody any favours. She can pick her cabinet without compromise. With such a clear mandate to govern, we'll finally see what an un threatened Liberal vision of Ontario is like. I've always preferred the Liberal message and ideals. They just need to get their moral fibre back and really deal with all these hover ring ghosts of mistakes past. I've always thought that would be more easily accomplished outside of power. Instead, the Conservatives find themselves needing to rebuild themselves and find new direction. It's not at all the result I had hoped for, but perhaps the Liberals can really rise to the challenge and make me really want them to stick around come next election. Anything's possible I guess.


It's Sunday morning. Very damned early. I guess I've had a little over five hours sleep. This included a strange dream of playing Poker with a deck of iPADS instead of cards. They would say strange things when you touched them. I don't remember any of the words. The preposterous notion of shuffling and sliding iPADS across a large Poker table has stuck with me into wakefulness. I've already done the dishes, wiped the countertop and table, answered a couple emails and fiddled with some different Real tech sound settings I've just discovered while wearing headphones at my desk here. It was fun to fiddle but I didn't find anything I'd use on a permanent basis. None of the various daily book deals interested me in the slightest. That's been mainly the case for a while now. So far, I've only had one book I purchased at full price become a daily deal.


Any time now, I'm expecting to hear that I have a fourth niece. I don't believe her name has been settled on. Dan and Allie have done really well at dealing with life's various demands. I'm amazed they're not more stressed out and impatient. Instead, they mainly seem to handle everything with good grace. No doubt, they'll fill this Summer with exciting trips and excursions for the kids and themselves. I don't know how they do it all. Perhaps, I'll see them today. Church will be first on the agenda in around five hours. It's been cooler these past couple of days. I've been comfortable in slacks. I hear we may be in for a cooler Summer over all this year but I'm not sure I believe it. Some ice coffee and tea from Tassimo would likely be a good thing to get hold of sooner or later. In all likely hood, the hot humid weather will put in a sustained appearance.


Sara and I will be going to the W. Ross McDonald school reunion next weekend. I've never been to one of those before. It'll make for an interesting shared experience to add to our year and a half as an engaged couple. She's actually involved in organizing the occasion. While I certainly have memories of the place, I wasn't really there to form any sort of lasting attachment to it. Sara will also be giving a speech at the graduation happening just prior to that. I never attended my own secondary school graduation. I just didn't feel connected enough to the place that I should bother. Here's hoping these very young adults feel differently and enjoy the moment. Such milestones are far to infrequently reached in life. University was a different story. I attended that graduation and was frankly expecting more of a celebration with friends and former classmates. There really should have been, but we all just went our separate ways. I didn't even say goodbye to anyone, staff or student. At least when I next reach a milestone like finishing one of my endless projects, Sara will be there to share in my triumph.


It's now Tuesday afternoon. I believe that makes a week that I've been working on this entry. My fourth niece has arrived in fine style. Her name will be Ailsa but the current thinking is that people will call her Dani. Guess we'll see. Everyone's doing well. My parents have been over in Hamilton helping out where they can. I've just finished doing a second load of laundry getting all the sheets and towels clean. Nice to have all that ready for action. Once I'm back, I'll have to stock up on groceries. I'll be packing this evening. It's always tempting to try one of these trips with just my iPHONE and a few accessories for it. I'd just dread the thought of writing anything longer than a few sentences on the iPHONE. Perhaps, now that Siri can take dictation, it wouldn't be so bad. I certainly have enough storage on the iPHONE to take all the reading I want. I may just do that this time around.


Other than this weekend, the only thing now firmly planned for Sara and I is a Canada Day celebration with Jim and Carol. They always throw a good party and it has become something of a family tradition to attend. I don't know whether we'll go on any major expeditions to see friends in Toronto or where ever hers might live but that's a possibility and I'm going to be ready for that. It's so damned good to have someone so special in life. Even with recent sleeping troubles, I'm still a very happy man these days.


Apparently, we could be in for some rough weather this afternoon. Sitting out here on my balcony, there aren't too many signs of this. The wind is picking up a bit and it feels like perhaps clouds are getting in the way of the sun. Harder to tell given the direction my balcony faces. It's pleasant enough just now but I'm using my sound bar speakers which attach to my laptop so I can get inside very quickly if need be. With that thought, I believe I'll say goodbye to you, my intrepid loyal readers, until next entry.