Friday, March 12, 2010

Friday's Man

Hello everyone. I've had myself quite a good friday. The groceries came with only one substitution. Probably should have gotten another bottle of dish detergent but I think what I have will last until the next order. It feels wonderfully fresh in here. I had the balcony door open for quite a while. The ceiling fan drew the outside air in and spread it around nicely. Cooking was on the whole successful. The only exception being a new Stofer's barbecue chicken penini I figured I'd try. I couldn't scan or otherwise access the cooking instructions beyond determining that it was indeed microwaveable. I overestimated the time required and nuked the first one to an inedible crisp. I was annoyed but gleeful at such tactile wanton destruction. If there was a speck of liquid in the hot brittle pile that felt ready to crumble to dust, I certainly couldn't sense it. That thing was bone dry and utterly wrecked. The second one turned out splendid. Now that I know what I'm doing, I'll have to order a few more next time. They make satisfying light lunches.

I got more done on Enchantment's Twilight this afternoon. However, it's mostly game mechanics and possible locations. The character roster still hasn't materialised for me. That's beginning to annoy me. I had a good roster in those damned notes I threw away when I thought that any desire to work on an accessible game had died along with my marriage. I still have a kind of dim faith that something or someone will inspire me at some point. It'll just click into place like so much has in my creative efforts.

I went through my music folder on the backup drive. I tend to keep a stripped down version on my computer for regular use but keep every song I purchase or have otherwise obtained on the backup drive. I discovered something like 109 songs which I had eliminated from my hard drive one by one after Janene left me. They would come up in Winamp's random drawing and I would simply find them just too painful to hear. They seemed too much a part of what she and I had together. I couldn't stand them seeming to pounce on me laiden with all the memories of jenuine love, deep friendship, comfort, and good conversation which I had so suddenly lost any hope of enjoying further. Now, at last, those songs are all mine again to enjoy. Things like Matchbox 20's Real World, Creamy's Little Yellow Fish, and at least 105 others. Putting those songs back in the playlist gave me a quite unexpected sense of restorationn which seems somewhat disproportionate to the act and situation. God knows if I'll ever be fortunate enough to find another level-headed cheerful lady remotely interested in this unemployed blind ammature writer and digital do-gooder. Even supposing I get that lucky, whether I'll actually be able to trust her enough for love to happen at all is a very open question. I guess what I've discovered is that life has changed enough for me so I can wait for time to answer those questions. Meanwhile, I can continue to build this new life I have here with the whole of my being. I feel complete again. I've reclaimed what's mine.

Adding to this triumph was tonight's dinner. I cooked chicken wings and an experimental roasted potato in the oven. It all came out perfectly. Now, it's just a matter of trying out different spices. Once Sandy's all better, I can introduce him to the potatos that used to bring the superintendants in the apartment I shared during my marriage knocking at my door.

At last, I've started reading a new novel. Over the past while, I've been turning to old favorites like Raymond Feist's excellent Serpent War sauga. However, today, it was time to start Stephen King's Duma Key. I may or may not have that spelling right. Wouldn't you know it? The book is about a man whose old life comes to an end as a result of an accident which damaged his brain. On the advice of a psychologist friend, he goes to Duma Key in Florida to start over again and figure out who he is. It certainly strikes a chord with me. However, in my case, I believe that I've at last come to a place and situation where I can fully express myself and discover a lifestyle in keeping with my desires, goals and resources. A somewhat different journey similar in its scope of possibilities.

That life continues tomorrow when I'll likely be off to Hamilton to visit my two neaces and perhaps Dan and Allison. It'll be fun seeing Ava and Amia again. On sunday, I have church as well as a possible outing with Shane and one of his friends. Sundays are becoming far less likely to be empty these days. That suits me perfectly as week days can still drag at times. I still enjoy them but have that sense that there ought to be more people in them. I think this spring and summer will expose me to a lot more people living here. That should let me find an excellent balance. Presently, I think I'd better turn in for the nigh after an great friday.

1 comment:

Heather said...

Glad to hear that you're enjoying your new apartment so much, Michael - it's well-earned and much deserved.

I've started reading Iris Murdoch's 'The Sea, The Sea,' and for some reason, it had me thinking that you'd enjoy it a lot. I'm only just starting it, but thought I'd pass on the recommendation to you far, it's great!