Changing Times

Hello everyone. It's been an inexcusably long time since I've last blogged. Life has ben eventful and gone on pleasantly. I've enjoyed very good health and overall far better sleep thanks to the CPAP machine. It's not a complete cure. I still experience insomnia and shifting sleep hours. However, I typically get around five or six hours of unbroken sleep. That makes a stupendous difference. My dozes during the day have diminished greatly and I feel much more energetic in general. However, I seem to be stuck on getting five or six hour chunks of sleep and then being very awake. This can make for some long days at times. Every once in a while, there's a sort of small return of the old days where sleep is scarce and badly chunked. However, these stretches last one or two nights rather than the seemingly endless weeks I used to slog through.

All the sleep in the world couldn't hold a candle to my most exciting news. I am once again an engaged man. Sara and I hope to be married in around a year and a half or so. Neither of us fancy a Winter wedding. Beyond coming to that agreement, we haven't set any sort of date. However, simply having reached this point is thrilling beyond words for me. I ultimately proposed to her in the familiar comfort and privacy of my apartment. Originally, I had other more involved plans which Michelle, a very good friend to both of us, managed to convince me to abandon. Ultimately, Sara indeed preferred it that way. It got the nervous bit out of the way right at the start so from that point on, we could celebrate with friends and family as an engaged couple. And we have indeed celebrated in fine style.

The congratulations came pouring in via Twitter, email, audioboo and Facebook. We thoroughly enjoyed our Japanese dinner as well as a Babylon 5 movie. It was an excellent evening. I believe it's safe to say there'll be a great many more tranquil enjoyable evenings ahead. It's so indescribably good to be with someone who appreciates and shares many of my interests. Given the financial constraints living on ODSP puts people under even when in subsidized housing, sharing interests becomes absolutely critical to sustained happiness. She liked the ring I picked. The diamonds are small and imbedded into the ring. I thought that might be less of an interference to her when she played instruments. One thing which attracted me to the ring I chose was how very different it was than the engagement rings I bought for the two women who chose to walk away from me. Sara is very different from either of them as is the deep abiding love we've found. The foundation for something truly lasting is so much better this time. It deserved something which felt unique. Sara and I are starting out with a whole lot more in common. Emotionally, we're both stable cheerful people who tend towards being grateful for what we have and making the best of circumstances. Our financial prospects and circumstances are both pretty similar too so there'll be no destructive disparity to contend with. Also, we'll have this apartment to live in. That in itself makes the footing for this latest adventure in love far more solid. Our attitudes towards religion do differ somewhat but the basics are the same. Also, what we want out of earthly marriage is the same. We're both creative people who need some alone time to work on our projects. We also deeply value our families and friends and the time we can spend with them. Neither of us expect any sort of perfection from the other. Stability, tranquility and good communication are keys to a whole lot. There's definitely going to be disagreement on things but I believe we're both mature enough to keep things in perspective.

We had a wonderful week together visiting Steve and seeing friends in Toronto. Mom and dad took us to Symposium for brunch and we had a good time with them. My parents really like Sara and are very happy for both of us. She fits in very well with my family in general.

Soon after that, Steve arrived to stay with us for a couple days. He added wonderfully to our conversation and was, as always, the good and true friend I've known him to be. During our time in Toronto, we stayed with him at his parents' place. I've known the Murgaskis since early grade school days. They've always been very thoughtful and generous people. Steve took us to some very interesting places. There was lunch at Derry Queen with Earl and Meko. As fun as it is to see their children, it was good this time to be able to have a conversation without them having to be so vigilant. We also tried out an excellent Korean restaurant. I very much enjoyed that and can now say that I've tried kim chee among other things the names of which failed to stick in my memory. We also went back to Commo Encassa where we had a delicious meal with Michelle Mcquigge. I very much wanted to revisit that particular restaurant as it featured prominently in our very first Toronto trip. The owner went well out of his way to be helpful. I hope re return every now and then. All of us enjoyed the food and atmosphere. It was really good to catch up with everyone and start life as an engaged couple in such good company.

Each of us did Christmas with our respective families. We'll work out something more together and equitable from this point on. We both had a very good Christmas. Gifts were well received and given. My nieces were very rambunctious and happy. Dan gave me a gift card to be used at Symposium Cafe. My parents got their gifts from me early. The digital download links expired sooner than I thought they would. However, all ended well and they have the adventure games I picked out for them. One of the funny moments during Steve's stay with us was when he basically let the cat out of the bag concerning my present to Sara. I knew of her need for a new headset and took time to pick out the best fit for her needs that I could. Unlike my choice of rings where I felt woefully inadequate like I was grasping at intuitive straws, this was another matter entirely. I hoped it would come as a pleasant Christmas day surprise. However, I also worried about the card I made possibly being damaged in transit. As things turned out, she was glad to start using them right away. I was also on hand to explain the card. I guess nobody else had made her a picture using Braille characters. It's funny that I've always just taken for granted that most blind people using Braille would either have made or encountered such pictures. It seemed such a natural thing to experiment with as a child.

It's now Wednesday, January 8th. I'm in the living room of the house Sara and her parents now live in. It's my first time here. I can appreciate why it took Rockie time to adjust. Originally, he couldn't tell which floor Sara had called him from. It's a single-story very open plan house with a basement. This trip has done a great deal to reduce my sense of the unknown regarding both Sara's family and the Orthodox church she attends. On the home front, we've had several meals and a few evenings together during which to converse and get a game of Trivial Pursuit in. Haven't played that in ages. I've felt pretty comfortable around them since the first meeting but certainly feel good that we've gotten to touch base more. Despite very icy cold conditions, they've been working quite a bit. Sara and I spent a good deal of time here indoors when church events weren't happening. I introduced her to Calculating God, a favourite Robert J. Sawyer book. Each of us have acquired some new books over this period largely due to the podcasts and shows we jointly listened to. Due to the Orthodox Christmas season, she also had some work to do for her church.

Sara's faith experience is a very different one to my own. The people of her church are just as welcoming and seem pretty cheerful on the whole. The church itself is somewhat smaller and people tend to stand most of the time during services. That definitely takes some getting used to. Thankfully, despite being done in what I'm told is a more Russian style, things are all in English. This includes the innumerable prayers, singing parts, and chants. I have yet to hear anything I'd think of as a proper hymn. People sing things which strike me more as short passages, refrains and litanies. The overall impression is one of somewhat rigidly scripted interactivity. There's a tremendous amount of repetition. I find that somewhat jarring and less useful in terms of my own walk with God. Other than very brief sermons in comparison to what I'm used to, I don't get the sense that there's much in the way of commentary and thought from week to week about how life should be lived with God. That, as I understand it, is something left more to individuals. Resources are provided to support such spiritual development in abundance. There's a calendar and devotions, various fasts and feasts, prayers for various days, etc. All of this would certainly lead to a life in which one was extremely conscious of God, the church, and those who have tried to follow God's path in earlier times. I'll be honest here though. Most of what the Orthodox people put themselves through strikes me as needless overkill. I don't feel the least bit personally convicted due to my not having done any of this. Nor would I consider members of other faiths condemned in God's eyes for a less overly rigorous approach to worship. God wants us to be friends with him, not ritualistic robots jumping through endless thousand-year-old hoops. The whole Orthodox approach seems too much based upon the fear of God and of change itself. These are, of course, only initial impressions. I would have been far more hesitant to delve deeper into a relationship with God had I encountered an Orthodox church rather than a Reformed one right off the bat. The first church visit would have frankly sent me packing quite smug and secure in the knowledge that I had thereby avoided a lot of what would have struck me as ridiculously inflexible requirements. Due to my faith experience so far, I can at least appreciate that we all worship the same holy trinity simply taking very different approaches to reach the same sort of healthy transformation of the soul. Their methods clearly help them feel more spiritually in tune. However, they simply don't speak to my sense of what's actually called for in this time.

Contrary to what I might initially have presumed based on my impressions of Orthodox church life so far, the people have proven to be quite interesting, tolerant of people who disagree with them, unfailingly kind, and appreciative of worldly culture and creations. Conversation after the services was interesting and lively. You get a clear sense of a healthy small connected community. Because I've gotten to know Sara so well, I can more easily approach the idea of such a radical eventual change to my church life. All the ritual and such which sets off some gentle alarm bells for me really helps give Sara a strong sense of belonging both to God and to her congregation. I can understand the attraction of so much sculpted routine even if I don't share it. It builds a strong sense of community and shared experience markedly different from everyday life. Sara is deeply respected and valued both for her considerable gifts and her dedication to living a Christian life. She also takes the time to think about why she does things and what she believes. She really gets into the details of stuff. Using an old Braille note taker, she is able to have notes with her in the church which she can review silently leaving her ears free to focus on what happens around her. It was a real treat to be standing right next to Sara and hear her completely in her element going full tilt. She does a truly splendid job and her congregation deeply values her efforts.

Every so often in my walk with God, I'll encounter people who just seem to be in precisely the right place at the right time. A friendly small business owner whose good cheer was tinged with a quiet gloomy sense of a wonderful yet fallen world was an early mentor of mine. I still miss his friendship. We parted on excellent terms but his deep involvement with his own church and doubtless engaging with others as he did with me keeps him very busy. A very knowledgeable female pastor was there to keep me interested in God while my first marriage and what felt like my whole adult life crumbled to dust. Given my prior comfort with agnosticism, that was no small accomplishment. In my current church, there are numerous people who stand out similarly in different capacities. Pastor Sam is a clear case in point. You couldn't find a better pastoral voice if you tried. He's exactly the kind of man who illustrates how and why Christianity is still very useful and relevant in today's world. It's apparently his 20th year at the Meadow vale Christian Reformed Church. He was exactly the spiritual leader I needed to help me recover from when Janene broke off our engagement.

I've often remarked at how belonging to the same church since childhood would give you a strong sense of community and could improve one's prospects of finding a soul mate due to that extensive shared experience and history. Despite feeling very comfortable in the reformed church I presently attend, I'm not nearly as deeply embedded in it as I would be had I grown up in the community. I don't know all the right responses, don't sing the hymns, didn't go to missions, youth groups or school with any of them, etc. Coming in as an adult, there's always that sense of distance and a lack of shared history. We just don't really have the experientially common ground to properly take each other's measure. This makes the thought of eventually switching to a very different church community where I will likely feel even more distant paradoxically easier to contemplate. My own walk with God has always been a different and deeply internal one. It manifests itself in all sorts of decisions where other people might not necessarily realize that my belief in God had any bearing on a given situation. Ongoing reflection, observation and relationship are at the core of my experience.

Today, Sara's at a funeral. Never having met the man being laid to rest, I didn't feel comfortable attending as a kind of sociological observer. I'm sitting in the living room using my laptop's battery for once and working on this blog entry. I return to my apartment tomorrow afternoon. As much as \I enjoyed this visit, I look forward to picking up this hopefully final year of bachelorhood in earnest. The first order of business will be cleaning up the apartment and doing some laundry. At some point, I'll be getting my new iPHONE. I keenly anticipate that. I have a whole lot to reflect on over these next quiet days. A whole lot of exposure and experience has been packed into a relatively short time.

It's now Saturday afternoon on January 18th. I've been working on this entry off and on for around a month as life events piled up in wonderful profusion. The novelty of the year being 2014 is finally beginning to subside into normalcy. For me, the next couple of years will be a time of preparation and transition. Even after marriage, I would still count the first married year as part of that more fluid period where life rhythms and priorities are shared and established together. In a way, this past while has been a fitting and fond farewell to the largely contented single life I eventually managed to put together for myself. I let go of my customary financial discipline and simply let enjoyment of the beginning of what I fervently hope will be a life-long journey together take precedence. These past weeks have been exceptionally enjoyable ones starting life as an engaged couple. We've had relaxing days and stimulating ones with friends and family. Things change once you're engaged even if no day of marriage has been settled upon. Priorities change. As a single person, it doesn't matter quite as much if you overspend on books here and there. That's one area where I really have to start using wish lists more rather than just buying books right away. The same goes for music now that I've spent the iTUNES gift money I received. The focus naturally shifts to solidifying our relationship and saving money for a less solitary future. There are still important people in Sara's life who I have yet to be introduced to. Having money for such excursions is definitely more of a priority when you're one half of a couple. A lot of expenses including a missed Rogers bill, renewing apartment insurance, holiday gifts and groceries, the ring, accessories for my new iPHONE, etc, have mounted all at once placing me in a much tighter financial position than I'm accustomed to being in. My parents have been very helpful in that department but it will still take two or three months of very careful restraint to return to a more comfortable and familiar debt-free place. The basics are covered. Food, shelter, Internet and phone. It's those smaller impulse buys of books and tunes that I need to curtail almost completely over the next while. The same goes for snack foods. Also, I simply won't be ordering dinners from Justeat or Swiss Chalet for myself nearly as often as I used to. I'd much rather have that money to spend on such things when I'm with friends or have guests. Thankfully, I'm starting that journey from a position of having plenty to keep me mentally stimulated. This is especially true when it comes to books. I have assembled a magnificent digital pile of food for the mind. It should stand me in excellent stead whether I'm travelling lite with just my iPHONE or am at home on the couch using my laptop.

There are also many changes of habit to contemplate. Time spent with each other is slowly becoming less like a vacation as we allow aspects of our respective ongoing commitments to intrude more into our time together. Admittedly, Sara has done more of that than I have to this point. I guess I've simply been captivated by the wonder and joy of being in love. Now that we're sure of wanting to make the commitment of marriage, all sorts of conscious and subconscious changes will happen. As a single bachelor, I've tended to let things slide. This includes everything from skipped meals when I'm having a good creativity day to neglecting to shave in the near certainty that I wouldn't be getting together with people for several days. Dishes pile up in the sink. The vacuum cleaning is left for tomorrow or, ... whenever. As part of a married couple, prior experience has shown me that better habits do take hold out of necessity. Marriage adds more people to life who approach you as friends or relations to your partner. That makes a difference. You care for and about your soul mate. As a consequence of that, you end up taking better care of yourself too. It's a different sort of mental life space. Going through this preparation stave for the third and hopefully final time, I find I'm walking a tightrope between trying to learn from my experience and simply letting this relationship follow its own path. I have a tendency to over-analyze everything and have to be careful not to ever let that remove me from the present experience. I think I've done well at that so far. I think it'll actually become less of a factor once we're married since I've only had one of those and it took place in very different conditions.

I'm very much enjoying my new iPHONE 5S. It's a tremendous upgrade from the iPHONE 4 which has served me these past three years. It will now serve my father. Due to his iPAD experience, things have gone quite well so far. It's basically just a smaller iPAD with phone capabilities and GPS. One thing we just discovered today was that he never learned to close apps. All of the games my nieces played on his iPAD have been open in the background. The book I read while learning my iPHONE went through the app switcher and how to close apps you weren't currently using. Voiceover also gave instructions on how to close apps whenever I was in the switcher. No such hints are given sighted users apparently. You'd need to have read the user guide I suppose. It makes me wonder how many people who have complained about the battery life of iPHONES and iPADS simply haven't been closing the apps they're finished using. I keep hearing how less people read manuals before starting to use a product. With something like this situation, you'd think Apple would have found a way to make it visually obvious how to close apps and that you ought not to leave them all open.

It's very early on Sunday morning now. I went to bed feeling very tired at around ten last night. I've been having itchy eyes and a slightly stuffy nose this past while. That combined with the tiredness makes me wonder if I'm perhaps fighting something off. If I am, I can't complain too much about my lot in life given the wonderful time I've had these past weeks. Eventually, the ride ends and one has to metaphorically pay the piper. I'll be off to church in around seven hours or so. These early rises sure fiddle with one's sense of a proper day. I may perhaps get a couple hours more sleep but I'm somewhat doubtful of this. I'm feeling wide awake and not stuffy in the least.

There's more for me to learn about the capabilities of my new iPHONE 5S. I find the touch screen a lot more accurate and responsive. Voiceover jumps around far less than it did on my old phone. It's so good to have the extra storage space. That opens up a lot of new possibilities all on its own. For instance, I now have the complete English textual contents of Wikipedia as of September 2013 available to me regardless of whether I'm online or not. That takes around four gb of space. I don't have to be as careful with the selection of music and audio books I carry. I can have more old favourites while still having room for new stuff. The camera is noticeably better. I'm getting much better results when using apps to identify stuff. I have yet to experiment with OCR capabilities. I never got very good results before using Prismo or Text Detective. However, given my positive experience with item identification, perhaps this too has changed. I've begun to dabble with Siri. Getting familiar with its capabilities and quirks is going to take a while. There's also the new motion sensor chip. I'll be taking on the challenges of Zombies Run in a more serious fashion this year. I'd like to get into better shape and make exercise more of a daily habit. Yes indeed. Changes all over my personal life. I'm happy that circumstances have put me in this position including the financial aspects. I've fallen into consumerist habits lately that need to be better mastered. I managed to take control of my Mars bar addiction. Therefore, I have no real doubt that I can succeed when it comes to books and small purchases. I'm certainly not contemplating abandoning anything. Such items will simply have to do their time on wish lists. If I lose interest in them, they get taken off the list. If my desire for particular books or songs survive that trial by time, I may purchase them. It's a matter of putting the breaks on rather than chucking out the engine. You value things more if you have to wait for them. I used to do that more often and it's about time I got back into that groove. I don't take this as a loss of freedom. It's more like a restoration of balance. I don't regretted the majority of my investments. My instincts are good and I'll get lasting enjoyment from them. I just have to let more of the low-hanging fruit continue to hang. There was a time when I went something like four years without buying a single CD. I can do this.
There have been so many smaller enjoyments and life experiences which really deserved their own blog entries over this past half year. While I've captured many of these in audio boos, this blog has languished. Rectifying this will be one of this year's higher priority objectives. Expect to see at least one entry per month. Hopefully, there'll be far more shorter entries than that. These entries will hopefully be more specific to individual experiences or topics as opposed to these large sprawling postings. I'm also hopeful of making far more progress with Land of Trivia than I have so far. It has also suffered a lack of attention. I'm still searching for a more cohesive objective. Once I find that, substantial progress ought to be easier to achieve.
It's Monday. I got a very good sleep last night, the first in quite a while. There's no stuffy nose and my eyes are only very slightly uncomfortable. I go long stretches without noticing it at all. A nice change from a week ago. I'm not the only one fighting off this sort of thing. A number of friends, family and Twitter followers seem to be suffering similarly. Dad is getting used to my old iPHONE. It's been a pretty smooth process. Since he's not on a contract and doesn't want cellular data, it's a very inexpensive and powerful phone which will be put to occasional use. I've been using Siri more on my new phone and liking it very much. Papa Sangre II is also now playable for me. I couldn't use it on my old phone. It's a pretty incredible audio game. I'm very impressed with the user interface and game mechanics. Can't wait to see what Something Else comes up with next. There's still plenty to learn about and try on the new phone. I'll likely be discovering new and easier methods to accomplish things for months.
As this new year gets underway, I'm feeling very positive and hopeful. Having a credit card debt is a bit of an unwelcome novelty for me. However, I'm pretty confident that it won't take too long to pay it off. Winter slows things down when it comes to social life expenses. In other areas, I'm pretty well stocked and should be able to keep grocery expenses down over the next while. I've also recently succeeded in getting Qcast, my favourite podcast player, up and running on my desktop again. Additionally, I've figured out a setting change in the speaker configuration which seems to have improved overall how sound is handled. As fond as I am of my laptop, I feel good that I've figured out how to get a more satisfactory experience from my Mac. There are at least a couple of years before I'm eligible for upgrading my equipment and I like to go longer between upgrades if at all possible. I've been experimenting with NVDA and System Access. At the moment though, I need Jaws to use Jarte, my favourite word processing program. There are numerous other things where Jaws works better than my other two screen readers. However, work is constantly being done to improve each of them so I don't expect that situation to last too long. Uninstalling and then re-installing Jaws seems to have improved its performance so I've gained through my explorations despite having to conclude that Jaws is still a very necessary part of my digital arsenal.
I just did my first mission of Zombies Run for this year. Thankfully, I didn't have to start all over again. That holster on my Otterbox Defender case is actually pretty useful for when you're working out in a familiar environment. I just wouldn't trust it for travelling with. It's just too easy to imagine my iPHONE getting grabbed or snagged on some bush while walking around the lake and popping free of the holster. There's also Carine's experience of having her holster actually break. Recently, Earle had his phone actually stolen in his own building. I wish all the bad fortune in the world upon the miscreant who did that. These devices are so personal and so very useful to blind people. I hope the police are able to help recover the phone or at least rid the neighbourhood of one really heartless thief. Earle's done so much to share his knowledge and test apps for accessibility. I think of all that when I think of him. All the thief saw was easy money. There are some people who really make me question my normally compassionate stance. Thankfully, a friend was able to provide and inferior model for his use but I hope he beets the odds and gets his own back. I've only had my new phone for less than a week and I'd already hate to have to go back to my older one. One thing's for sure. I've enabled all the security features. I'm pretty sure Earle had them enabled too though. The Touch id is working very well for me and I have mine set to erase all info if ten failed access checks happen.
People often say that I live in a safer area here in Mississauga. I certainly have felt largely sage here. During my three years in this building, I've heard only one situation which might have turned violent had it continued. A man was dumped by his girlfriend and somewhat lost his cool in verbally spectacular fashion. I was ever so glad to be seven floors up on my balcony. Still, I only go out when at my most alert and don't take that safety for granted. Earle's building is somewhat larger than mine but I'd bet he's at least as well-known there as I am here. Most people seem to know my first name and will offer greetings or occasional casual conversation. Going much beyond that point seems to be asking a lot. Some friends who live in buildings owned by subsidized housing agencies have said that they feel that it's easier to find and maintain friends since everyone's facing similar circumstances. You don't have the gulf that comes when everyone around you has found their way into that ultra-busy successful consumer groove. The law has more of a hold on what people are willing to do since they have much more to lose in the first place, or so goes theory. As much as solitude has hurt over the years, I have been spared from the kind of victimization some friends have endured. To me, that now seems a fairly acceptable trade. Five years ago, I would likely have come to the opposite conclusion. What a stupendous difference half a decade can make in one's outlook.
It's now Tuesday morning. The water is shut off in my building for repairs of some aquatic sort. I'm nicely stocked up with water even if something went terribly wrong and we didn't get water back for several days. That's never happened during the years I've lived here. They keep this place very well. I've gotten my apartment queries answered by my contact at Peel housing. It looks like I need not worry about signing a lease each year like I thought I'd have to. That's nice to know. I asked about the procedure we'd have to go through when Sara and I reach the stage where we're ready to live here together. There's not much of one at all. We just need to meet with both our ODSP workers and Peel Housing and make sure the paperwork is all done prior to the move. There shouldn't be any problem at all. I was pretty certain that would be the case but it's good to hear it from an official source. We should be pretty much able to set our own pace.
I caught part of a discussion on Ontario Today, a talkshow on CBC Radio1. It was all about how something like half the work force in Toronto was in temporary contract work. I've been hearing more and more alarm expressed about what this profound lack of job security is doing to communities and society. It definitely worries me these days. People who work temporary jobs are less likely to complain since they then simply won't be offered another contract. It's an employer's makret where there's always someone else despirate enough to put up with being taken advantage of and keep quiet about it. Also, there's apparently no protection or garantee of receiving payment one is owed after a work contract expires. Very scary. I heard people talk about how that uncertaintly stops them from getting married, buying a home, moving away from their parents and starting families. I have time to listen, but does anyone in power who could actually make any kind of difference? It feels more and more like everything I once deeply valued as being part of the Canadian identity has eroded and is in danger of crumbling away in favour of short-term greed. Apparently, other countries have instituted legislation and measures which make job insecurity not such a terrible thing. I hope the paranoia of socialist ideas felt by our large neighbour to the south doesn't scare us away from implementing some. I don't believe we've passed a point of no return but I think we're on a slippery slope to such a precipice. All I can try to do is be there for the people who I've come to know. I can appreciate them and try to make them aware of their priceless human value. If we can rekindle a more outward sort of public consciousness, I still have enough hope and optimistic imagination left in me to envision radical positive change taking place within my lifetime. The building blocks of decency are all over the place. The just get buried in the daily scramble to keep afloat.
Today, I've begun to help with the newsletter put out by Disability Concerns Canada for church advocates. Over the next while, I'll be walking that tightrope of doing the most I can for my current church and denomination keeping in mind the eventual certainty of moving onto a whole new faith community. I don't want to be so intrenched that my leaving does any brief damage when that point comes. On the other hand, I'd like to avoid going through a large swath of time where I'm not doing anything for my church. The church has given me a community where my talents are put to use and appreciated. I've felt very valued there as a member despite not being able to contribute much financially. Unlike other spheres of society, the church is very good at respecting and recognizing other forms of contribution. Unlike the working and secular volunteer sectors, people in church seem more willing to put in some extra effort, such as getting me where I'm needed, so that my abilities can actually come into play.

Perhaps, new possibilities for community involvement will become available as married life turns from heart-felt wish into actual reality. Maybe, some bit of writing I let loose or someone I manage to help in some small way will connect the dots to a meaningful new adventure I can't even imagine now. Stranger things have happened. Slowly, the building blocks just keep on clicking into place. They come from new technology, new ideas from books and conversations, from the splendid music I've been able to obtain, from experiences shared with friends and family. As long as I keep myself ready and willing to give back, God sees to it that I'm able to in endlessly surprising ways. While nobody will ever convince me that one branch of Christianity has somehow gotten things all right, my journey up from spiritual bottom has firmly convinced me that there is a very real, merciful, loving God.

A New Year Begins

Hello everyone. Happy New Year's Eve. Sadly, a holiday case of the flu has forced me to sideline myself and cancel what would have been a most excellent party here. I kept thinking it would go away in time and it kept not doing so. Eventually, I had to do the responsible thing. Anybody who has any knowledge of my past and my recent long awaited good fortune in the form of Sara will have some understanding of what a painful decision that was for me to make. I had stocked up with supplies, called Piel Housing to inform them who was staying over as my lease requires, etc. A good number of my friends both new and old would have shown up. However, I couldn't face the prospect of possibly giving any of these good people this flu that has wrecked this holiday season for my family and I.

Christmas went ahead. Short of plague or life-threatening illness, I don't know that anything could have stopped that from happening. Everyone rose to the occasion and Christmas was a big success. I got a splendid audioboo of the present opening that came out far better than I thought it would. Sadly, I didn't think to take a picture. My nieces had an absolute blast. As usual, getting them to sit and enjoy the excellent Christmas dinner proved to be an impossibility. There was just so much new and nifty to play with. I imagine that'll start to change soon as expectations of good behaviour take more of a firm hold as they grow older. Everyone seemed to like what they got and really enjoy the day. Given the condition in which I now find myself, I'm very glad of this.

After Christmas, I kept thinking that the various changes in symptom were signs of me getting over this bug. I had a feverish night of being incredibly hot but with the consolation of far less stuffiness. When that went away leaving me chilled and achy, I figured things were running their course. However, the stuffiness has since returned. I've gone through a great many tissues which festooned my garbage cans. I've eaten lots of soup and other canned food. It's hard to plan more proper use of the vegetables and frozen meat when you're not certain which meals you'll be both hungry and conscious for. I've done my best. The extra supplies I got for the party will either keep until a hoped for gathering later this month or will stand me in good stead over the next while and be replaced in good time. Dayquil and Niquil are once again proving their worth giving me welcome re leaf and likely preventing me having a much worse time of it.

I'm far from the only one whose holiday plans have been thwarted by the flu this year. It seems to be reaching its peek over the holidays this year. Thankfully, all my friends seem to have avoided a similar fate to mine. I hope I've helped keep it that way and that they'll be able to join me for a gathering once I've recovered. It'll be awesome fun having them meet Sara and for her to begin to know the people who've made such a positive difference in my life. I'll just have to exercise the patience I seem to be known for.

I'm not immune to bitterness though. This positively sucks! It would have been a terrific beginning to this new chapter in life. There are some who seem to think I can be too cheerful about things. I'm pretty good at finding the bright side of things including some small consolations here. Nonetheless, I keenly looked forward to what would have soon been started. Making the calls to cancel it was really not fun.

Having said that, I thankfully have the ability to take a longer view. I'm in for a tremendously promising year. I've at last been found by a very special lady who seems to be everything I've hoped for in a partner. What's more, she's actually seriously interested in something beyond friendship with me. That's absolutely staggering in and of itself. There's also prospects for more interesting gatherings with both old friends and new. There's work on a few creative projects plus some interesting beta testing coming up. Add to that the many recent additions to my radio drama and audio library. Some interesting opportunities are presenting themselves to some good friends and it'll be very interesting seeing how things pan out there. I think I'm in for some interesting spiritual discoveries and theological discussions too. Even faced with current disappointment and discomforts, I still count myself a very fortunate man indeed.

It's early on New Year's day. I didn't plan to wake up at just shy of four. However, a dream where I was crushed by collapsing rubble inside the basement of an old house can put coffee to utter shame. I figured I'd best get up and continue working on this blog entry. If it comes again at all today, it'll take its sweet time. New Year's Eve was as enjoyable as humanly possible given the circumstances. I had a great Skype call with Sara and Rose. I'm glad those two got to be introduced at least virtually. Twitter also proved marvellous as has Audioboo. In particular, I got to hear an excellent boo of what that magic moment of transition from one year to the next sounded like in the Philippines. Pat Bouchard got a terrific recording while in the company of another of my Twitter friends Hannah Mae Aldesa. Pat's gone over there to complete studies in computer programming or something like that and they're providing hospitality. It sounds like he's having quite an interesting time of it. What a different approach to it all. You can't even tell when the moment occurs. It's just one big continuous party whose structure and tempo seems hard to define. Perhaps, there's more visual focus which Audioboo wouldn't capture. Have a listen to this young adventurous man. Pretty damned spectacular. Just follow this link:


http://t.co/ZiarzuOJ

I don't know about you, but I couldn't help thinking of my friend Steve Murgaski as I listened to that. I would quite enjoy getting those two in front of some beer whenever Pat returns to Canada. I can't wait to see Steve and company once I'm over this blasted bug. I'm still slightly stuffed and coughing. I also feel far from fully rested. I need more sleep if I can grab it in a couple hours. I have the sense that I'll need to crash at some point today but look forward to dinner with my parents. Tomorrow, things will just carry on. Hopefully, Rose can get the computer I've gotten ready for her some time this week when I'm conscious and present. It'll be good to clear that and its old peripherals out of my small storage room. As far as I could judge with my somewhat flu-dulled hearing, it seems in good working order. I've even managed to find the drivers for my discontinued Trendnet N WIFI adaptor. That was the only real snag in the whole process of getting it up and running. I'm pretty confident that it'll serve her as well as something so old and well used can.

This has been quite an interesting year. I wouldn't even know where to begin my customary reflections. The many unfortunate incidents of needless gun violence in both Canada and the US. Shootings in very public locales in busy times. Many incidents were the results of unstable people who somehow got access to very powerful weapons. A bunch were gang-related. You'd think gangs would be rather more careful about collateral damage. I wonder whether anything concrete will come out of all the carnage. The NRA seems to stifle any attempt to better control who can legally own even military assault weapons. Canada at least has a better handle on things but needs to find a way to rid us of criminals who obtain and use guns in support of crimes. I think it's a clear sign that in our quest for our individual rights, we've lost entirely too much of what holds society together. Cohesion and empathy have gone way down. There are, however, echoes of those things that might still be re-ignited. There's still a longing for a life more inclusive and less divisive. I think of the people who I've volunteered with at the Dam. They've hung onto that dream and found ways of trying to help it happen. Many of the movies I've watch with the teens there evoke that sort of consciousness. How much of that really gets through remains a mystery to me on the whole. I'm just not that involved in their life situations. I guess the real important thing is that I'm willing and able to put myself in that space of helpful soul. Perhaps, more clear-cut answers will reveal themselves in this coming year.

The two big scientific stories this year have got to be the most inspirational in over a decade. The safe landing and explorations of Curiosity have fascinated people. No life-altering information has come to light so far, but it's still early days. Same goes for the discovery of the Higgs Boson particle. I remember my secondary school science teacher talking about it decades ago. It was so vexing that this particle just couldn't be proven to exist. Now, that big stumbling block has been removed. As with the Curiosity vehicle on Mars, the large hadron collider is also really just getting started. Quantum computing is also seemingly right around the corner. I've read just enough science fiction and had just enough to drink so that a dim understanding of the ramifications of societal change quantum computing might offer us is possible for me. It's going to be absolutely earth-shaking when it really takes off.

There have been so many interesting things both in my own life and in the wider world. In better health and circumstances, I would likely have more to set down here. Even over the past couple of months, we've lived through Sandy, that huge tropical storm. We've also seen the last widely discussed possible doomsday prediction come and go. May the Mayans rest easy. They at least left plenty of room for interpretation unlike a certain Mr. Camping. I do believe we're fresh out of doomsdays. Perhaps, that'll help more people start to look forward and try to help build a better future for all of us. I can still hope.

One of the areas of tremendous success for me this past year was in acquiring long saught after recorded books and audio dramas to add to my greatly enlarged library. Audible has been a gold mine when it comes to finding complete series covered by the same narrator. the Prydain chronicles is the last remaining fantasy series I have yet to obtain which I consider having influenced me greatly while growing up. I'll be able to complete that whole phase of collection early next month thanks to my Grandmother's generocity. A new series I'm keenly looking forward to is the KIng Killer Chronicles by Pat Rutherford which I plan to purchase once the third book in the trillogy has been released in audio format. My wishlist on Audible has grown to something over a hundred titles now so there's lots more to acquire. What I really didn't expect was that Audible would help me acquire so many excellent audio dramas that were otherwise unobtainable. The Inspector McLevy and Further Adventures of Sherlock Holmes being two stunningly unexpected finds. The CNIB Digital library has also offered up some splendid reading and made old favorites like Larry Niven's Footfall and Michael Crichton's Congo available once again. So much excellent narration was on those old four-track tapes.

For me, hope really sums everything up. The past year has given me quite a lot of that. A chance for a lasting stable love with Sara is the very surprising pinnacle of that. Seeing this relationship off to a good start is definitely at the top of my list. I know that in doing so, areas of myself which have largely starved and wilted over the past while are at last going to have space to grow properly. Having a special lady in life constitutes a very important part of my core sense of a fully realized adult life. It makes more of a difference than anybody else could quite understand. I've made a kind of peace with the lack of a job and the cascading lack of opportunity that entails. This wasn't easy at all and took years of soul-searching, creativity and frankly, anger management. It really hurts like hell to want to participate fully in society and feel utterly barred from doing so despite all the good qualities people say you have. I don't know that I ever could have come to a similar place where love is concerned. I've certainly reached a point where I can cope with the lack and find enjoyment without a female companion but it's still very much an inner struggle. Thankfully, it's one I need no longer contend with. Not for now, and perhaps never again either. Sara and I are continually surprised by how well we seem to click.

My creative projects await my attention as they probably always will. There's always going to be something I'm working on even if only slowly at times. I hope that this coming year sees a great deal more progress on that front. I've acquired a couple of interesting new books this year and still have to re-read my earlier finds more closely. I'm very hopeful that my experiences with Sara as we see where our relationship goes plus more excursions with friends will further feed my writing.

There's my home here which now has reached a state of completion in terms of furnishing. As a single man, there's really not anything else I think I might need. Things are about as perfect now as I could ever have imagined them being in terms of home facilities. It's taken a while to get to this point, but I do believe I've at last arrived there. I've succeeded in making a haven for myself and any friends or guests who might choose to visit me here. A place where I can both take care of myself and share my blessings with others.

It's now Friday morning. Approaching two thirty as I once again take up this entry. A hot cup of cider and a cookie await my pleasure on my desk. The flu hasn't quite let go of me yet but I'm coughing less often and using notably less tissue. I'm tentatively taking those as hopeful signs. I seem to have a little more energy for periods of the day but am still finding it necessary to sleep at inopportune times. Then, of course, I find myself awake at absurd times like now. The past few days have been rather uneventful. My new headset arrived and will be very adequate to my needs both for playing Swamp and while travelling with my laptop. The Logitech G330 doesn't even come close to the better headsets I've owned but then, I didn't pay nearly as much for them. They ought to do alright until I can really afford getting a better pair when these eventually ware out. One thing that very much recommends them is the comfort factor. They're light and very nicely padded. You can wear these for extended periods without begrudging the necessity. The mic does its job but again, is nothing spectacular.

The only package still on the way here are the lapdesks I ordered. The Lapgear Traveller lapdesks stand up very well in reviews and genuinely strike me as precisely what I'm after. A solid one-piece design with durable non-slip serf ice and microbead padding for long-term comfort. They're taking somewhat longer to get here. I ordered a second one of these for Sara. After hearing something rattling around in hers that was obviously picked up of some soft serf ice she used it on, I figured that this might make a practical first token of my growing affection for her.

It's now Friday afternoon. The lapdesks arrived and are pretty much as I suspected they'd turn out. They ought to serve us both very well. Just before I took delivery of the lapdesks, we had our first fire alarm of the new year. It was a small genuine fire I'm pretty sure. It may even have been on my level. After they announced that people could return to their suites, I opened the door and definitely smelled smoke. I've gotten things to the stage where I can just put the laptop and now my new lapdesk into the case and be ready to walk out within a minute of the alarm going off. I noticed they didn't announce which level the incident was actually on this time. This perfectly exemplifies why I don't just head out before I know something about a fire in progress. Had that been a big one on my level, it could have been far more dangerous to move out into it than to stay in the apartment and use a wet towl to block anywhere smoke was getting in. The doors here have steel cores and walls are concrete.

Informationally speaking, as long as I leave with that case and my iPHONE, I lose next to nothing at all. If I have time to grab a few nearby accessories like the bone conduction headset that's typically plugged in and charging at my desk, I lose no funcionality at all. Anything much beyond that would require advanced notice of an impending disaster. It's hard to hear a knock at the door from within the bedroom here so I'd rather not chance going for clothes and personal supplies in there. I've thought about why that is lately as I've spent a larger amount of time than I normally would lying down in bed. I don't think my apartment is any more than ten metres long end to end although perhaps it's close to that from the far bedroom wall to the door. The carpetting in the bedroom is much thicker than in the main apartment and seems to make the room disproportionately quieter. There's absolutely nothing else other than the bed that would absorb so much of the ambient sound. The blinds are hard plastic and the walls are ordinary.

Friday evening has arrived now. I've finished off the last of the pizza I ordered a couple days ago. Tomorrow, we'll see how a bacon and egg breakfast turns out. I have soup and other easy options ready to hand for supper depending on how things go. There'll doubtless be interesting stuff online to listen to. Eventually, I presume they'll put up the first episode of Under the Influence, Terry Oriley's excellent show about advertising and marketting. I've thoroughly enjoyed each episode of the first couple seasons and keenly look forward to this one. Spark is also staying strong and interesting these days. I doubt I'll keep even anywhere near up to date with all my podcasts with so much else likely to happen over the next year. I feel like it's pretty much bound to be a great one in so many ways. I realise that a large part of that optimism is due to Sara's appearance in my life. I guess I had simply forgotten just how much finding someone special can change. I hadn't realised how jaded I was slowly becoming. There's just so much to look forward to once I've ditched this flu bug. Hopefully, that won't be to lenghty a process. At least there's plenty to read here.

The Stuff of Life

Hello everyone.It's been longer than I thought it would be between blog entries. The new normal has settled in. Easter has come and gone once again leaving a legacy of love, forgiveness, family and food. Things have been quite peaceful and placid this past while. I've enjoyed good health and there's been plenty to keep me busy.

Easter was quite good this year. Unlike Christmas where I attended church on neither Christmas Eve or day due to family activities, I caught both services at Easter. There could well come a point in my life when I no longer have any family in easy reach. I therefore take most if not quite every opportunity to be a part of things. Increasingly, more occasions are coming up when I could actually do otherwise. That's still a relatively new phenomenon for me. I got to hear my nieces go on a very fast egg hunt. It was all in one room of my parents' house and the action was caught wonderfully on Audioboo. They found everything in well under the five minute time span I can capture at once with the service. The microphone in the iPHONE is really quite good. I just wish there was more control over the noise cancellation for when you want to capture more of the background noises. I'm glad I managed to record that little slice of life. Things seem to be going well for Dan and his part of the family. They had a great trip to the US recently and the kids seem to be enjoying their days in school. Here's hoping that lasts. I guess it'll be Ava's birthday soon again. Haven't really come across anything superspecial to get for her but I guess there's still a little time.

The new CNIB digital library has at last been unveiled. I've been able to circumnavigate the odd bug thanks to my multiple screen-readers, two browsers and some patience. Firefox seems to work best so far. I certainly appreciate the increased number of books available for download. This includes some long-time cherished favourites like Larry Niven's Footfall and Michael Crichton's Congo. I also enjoyed Jay Ingram's The Burning house, a non-fiction book about what is known about the human brain.

It's been nice catching up with friends lately. I've also started getting to know some additional people over a new app for the iPHONE called Zello. There's also a version for the PC. It works pretty well. Earle and a few other old friends use the app also. It works a lot like a walkie talkie with the addition of channels both public and private. Like most other such apps, I don't tend to have it open unless and until I actually want to chat. I've touched base with a few old friends, Earle included. I've also had some good conversation with Jessica, a lady in the states living in one of these house-trailers I've read about but have yet to actually feel. They apparently shake quite a bit when the wind picks up. Hannah, a listener of Mushroom FM who lives in the Philippines,told me quite a bit about what it's like for blind people there. They don't have any sort of social services or benefits. I was curious whether this provided any greater incentive for people to actually hire the disabled. Sadly, this is yet another of these idiotic theories that business-supportive idiots love to toss out there. Her experience has been pretty dismal. She's supported entirely by her family and can't easily travel around. There's all sorts of pressure to get a job that nobody wants to give her. A degree in computer science could very easily just go to waste and nobody over there would think twice about it. Although not very lucrative, my education has, I feel, been a substantial benefit to me and those who have come to know me in life here. She briefly had a job as an online language translator and conversational tutor but the experience left her feeling very exploited and drained with no money to show for it. I hope she catches a lucky break and wins through somehow. I wish I could help in some way. As it is with many people, I help her by having and taking the time to be an understanding listener who can, at least a little, relate to what she's going through.

I tend to like using gwconnect for Skype communications. Mainly these days, I've been talking with Rose. We make good sounding boards for each other but still run into patches where I tend to run out of patience. I get a strong sense of being productive, of doing something useful when I can be available for her. With all the crap she's gone through, she needs someone to vent to. If I can be even a small part of her journey to truly settle in and become a healthy part of the church community, then I've done a good thing. She has so much sheer knowledge and thought to offer that it takes your breath away. She seems to think some woman's going to find me soon and I won't have nearly as much time for her. As much as I'd dearly loved to believe her, I just can't. Similar to the whole god-guided versus reality-governed universe, all the signs in my experience point to a long stretch of single life ahead of me in a world of increasingly fragile fragmented busy people who don't truly value what I do. I've done everything I can within reason to increase my chances. Certainly, God could pull some long convoluted strings in the fabric of reality and bring a suitable woman into my proximity. While I hope that happens, I won't hold my breath while waiting nor spend any more time moping if it doesn't. I'll do my best to keep positive, to do what I believe God wants me to do, look for any places in life where what I know or discover can be of help to people, and continue to count my life's many blessings.

In around ten days, I'll be hosting a gathering at my apartment for Rose. She has nearly completed her hundred days in a row of Yoga. A damned remarkable feat considering the chronic pain and sleep deprivation she has experienced. Things are at last looking up for her. It helps to finally have a diagnosis. People are less likely to dismiss her concerns and will hopefully appreciate her efforts more in that light.

Work on Enchantment's Twilight continues. Just now, it's entering a somewhat dull patch that I can't say I relish overly. I'm trying to find the proper size for the board to be, a balance between speed of travel and there still being room for special locations and journey-related character development and events to occur to the characters. It would help tremendously if I could settle on a good travel system which felt experientially satisfying. It has to serve the purposes of getting characters from A to B, making travel fun, and adding to the overall atmosphere of the game. Pure random dice rolls don't quite give me what I'm after but neither does a completely predictable deterministic system. I believe I may be inching closer to an acceptable midpoint between the two but won't count my chickens before they hatch in this instance. A whole lot of old preconceptions have been tossed away and for now, a lot of balls are hanging in the air. The whole magic system breakthrough has opened quite a sizeable can of worms. It'll make for a very interesting Summer creatively. Another catalyst for all this change was another excellent game design book I just read. The Art of Game Design; A book of Lenses by Jesse Schell easily ranks among the top three game design books I've ever read. It makes for an excellent counterpoint to Ernest Adams's Fundamentals of Game Design. Thanks to Mr. Schell's more artistic sense of what it takes to achieve a game which gives the experience of fun, I feel much more properly directed as I set about nailing down the core aspects of Enchantment's Twilight. Mr. Adams has given me the order in which to try to accomplish things while Mr. Shell has given me tools to examine that work in a new light. Strange that one of the first results of reading the book is to be faced with the necessity of changing the board length and system of travel. But there's just no getting around it. The results are that critical, a bedrock on which to build the more creative castles in the air. Even in this important work, dealing with numbers continuously for this extended period has tinted life with the gloom that complicated numeric reality beyond the very basics always has. I've just never found mathematics enjoyable. Thankfully, they'll be behind the scenes when the player experiences them.

Looking ahead to the Summer, I'm actually quite confident it'll be interesting in other more social ways also this year. I've got my annual trip to Lake Jo scheduled for the start of July. I hope I can have as good a vacation as I did last year and come back without then getting sick as has happened a couple of times now. Hoping for the start of a steady love relationship on top of that stroke of good fortune is, I think, too optimistic even for me. There'll be the occasional trip to Canada's Wonderland with Carine and Kevin. I'm also hopeful of one or more excursions downtown to see Steve, Earle, Meko and the rest of that gang of good people. Slowly, more zest seems to be coming into life. May that process long continue.

No real action is happening on the relationship front. This past year has already seen two false starts. Not even a nibble from Plenty of Fish even after I finally figured out how to un hide my profile. Figured that might help a tad but experience isn't backing that assumption up so far. Meanwhile, my projects, online chats, visits with friends and a whole raft of podcasts and even TV are coming to my rescue. I'm certainly not wallowing through the muck of time anymore. Still, there's that void in life which just won't seem to go away. Too many thoughts, experiences and moments that I keenly wish were building blocks of a steady love. Thanks to this reserve of cheerfulness and an increasing sense of community connection, the square pegs I try to force into that round void work somewhat better than they once did. And yet, all too often, that emptiness makes itself felt. Is there truly no woman out there unspoken for who would either find my life interesting enough to share or, failing that, actually offer me a stable alternative? I wish I were one of those people who truly believed that God had pre-destined everything. Being patient is a whole lot easier when one has faith that God has picked out someone special just for you. I just can't subscribe to belief in a universe that really works that way. Well-wishers have offered that old platitude that "someone will come along at the right time.", or that whole notion that "the right person" simply hasn't appeared yet but will eventually. Both notions simply ring hollow to me. God need not control everything, solve every problem, and work miracles to a point where they're too common to be called such. Randomness and coincidence are plain facts of life to me. Virtue, compassion and prayer don't always lead to the positive outcomes we strive for. People far more faithful and devout than I have been left to suffer far worse fates than unwilling unemployment and singledom. Compared to getting nailed to a cross, I have the perspective to think I have it pretty easy in the grand scheme of things. That perspective helps in the same way that being thankful your leg wasn't blown off by a landmine lessens one's itch while suffering bites from black flies. I'm still in for countless days alone, conversations with people too distant to ever be more than friendly voices, counting and enjoying my many blessings in life in solitude when I'd be ecstatic to be able to share them.

The weather has been somewhat unseasonably warm lately with a few brutal reminders that we're not quite through with cold just yet. I've begun walking to the Dam on my own again. So far, things are working quite well. There's still a sense of uncertainty. I can't really let my guard down and just casually walk the route. However, it has stuck with me more solidly over the Winter break than any route has before. That area with the three gates and Basketball court is still all too easy to get badly turned around in. However, I'm getting better at recovering when this happens provided the GPS is locked in. The Trekker Breeze is doing quite well these days. I just wish there were more places within walking distance worth getting to often enough so the routes would at last stick semi coherently in my head.

I mentioned square pegs earlier. One of the latest I've tried out is a little audio game called Swamp. It's basically a first-person shooter for the blind pitting players against a zombie apocalypse. I finally remembered that I did indeed still have an old optical mouse and thought I'd give the game a spin. It's actually surprisingly addictive. I've always wondered if I'd actually enjoy such games provided they were accessible. Friends would talk about spending hours playing Doom, Quake and such and I just couldn't fathom how they sustained their focus. What kept them coming back? Now, I have an idea of how that works. If your character dies before reaching the safe zone with his or her loot, everything is lost but one's reputation and experience points. You can be walking around with advanced weapons and loads of ammo, get chewed up before making it back to the safe zone, and be forced to start yet again with nothing but an axe and pistol. It's keenly frustrating but you just keep hoping that luck will at last favour the bold and you'll come back with something impressive to donate for increased reputation. It's the old "Next time, things will work out better" pernicious pull that I guess hard-core gamblers must feel even as they sink into inescapable debt. Added to this pull is the very cathartic act of confronting a purely evil threat with the inability to even accidentally harm one's fellow players. It's a game with no real moral complications. You can blast those zombies to bits without any repercussions other than positive ones. Very unrealistic and therefore, most appealing. A clean safe way to blow off stress or anxt provided one has the discipline to stop. That is, in essence, the moral catch.

Complicating things for me is my poor orientation skill. I'm dead serious here. The game takes place in a map of a town with stores, houses, etc to go on scavenging missions in. I find it extremely difficult to keep a good sense of direction even with all the sonic aids. I've been killed numerous times right by the safe zone because I couldn't find the small entrance to it. Even when I remember in my panic that it's on the west side, it's still just a small gap in a solid wall. Buildings are pretty much deathtraps. It's so easy to get hopelessly turned around in them. I have yet to succeed in recovering an item needed for a quest. I keep getting lost and subsequently killed in the narrow confines of building corridors and other tight areas. This game could and should be used by orientation and mobility instructors. Finding my way around is nearly as time-consuming and frustrating as it is for me in real life. The only consolation is that you can just stop and do something else without actually being lost hours away from home. If you could actually hoof it around as quickly as your character with such impunity to muscles and energy, you really would be damned far away when you discovered how woefully lost you had become. And of course, being able to run at full tilt even while packing a minnigun is another power trip in and of itself. While wielding it, you actually have to crouch and brace the gun before firing it. Walking while wielding it does slow you down to a crawl. However, just pull out your axe or some other weapon and you can quickly carry that minnigun to where it needs to be.

Offsetting the navigation frustration is the pull of participating in a community of sorts. You can hear someone getting chewed to bits by a zombie and come to their rescue. Some of the expert players will actually carry on text conversations while on missions. The mouse really does help you move and shoot with more fluidity and precision. I keep hoping that I'll come up lucky and get enough reputation points to get me out of this starting grind and into the larger parts of the game like missions. Alternatively, I keep wondering when the painfully slow progress plus the annoyance of finding my way around will dissuade me from continuing to play at all. I've already seen the better part of two days pretty much vanish on me. Were it not for the fact that I've rearranged cords and items on my desk so that the long-neglected mouse has a home, I'd have to pinch myself to be certain I hadn't dreamed it and that today is, in fact, Thursday already! I haven't spent anywhere near that much time playing King of Dragon Pass yet and it offers far more substance and sense of meaningful accomplishment. How has Swamp just sucked away so much time? Even though I can barely get around, I think it's that sense of there being a community of real people not unlike myself who are engaged in an unreal but nonetheless epic quest for survival. I'm fitting yet another square peg into a round hole and just now coming to grips with what an imperfect fit it is. I dearly wish I could get lost in a real experience, even the relatively ordinary experiences of daily life, with real people on a more regular basis. Most of all though, I wish I could find love with a woman who shared most of my values and at least some of my interests.

Looking at the larger picture, a few news items have caught my interest over the past while. This being the hundredth anniversary of the Titanic's doomed voyage, all sorts of things are happening to commemorate it. An actual ship with passengers has set sail and will follow the Titanic's exact route across the Atlantic. At least one of the people I follow on Twitter is interested enough to have tuned into a feed reenacting the voyage with tweets about events at the times they occurred. There's a kind of creepy fascination that makes me pause for thought whenever I come across one of those. I've been meaning to find out more about how the modern reenacted journey is doing but have yet to get around to that. There's also a large collection of recovered artefacts which may go up for auction. That's sparking quite a controversy over the prospect of profiting from what some see as a grave site. Personally, I'm rather inclined to hope that the stuff of my life, understanding my circumstances and thoughts, etc, is worth bothering with enough so that the stuff of my life doesn't end up lying untouched and unwanted somewhere slowly disintegrating. The mind boggles at the risk and ingenuity needed to recover anything from that depth. Surely, those who have risked everything to recover historically valuable items deserve something for their troubles. Archaeology has rid us of many false conceptions and improved our understanding about where we've all come from.

Apparently, this is also the active season for the large hadron collider so there could be some interesting news coming from that quarter over the next while. Thanks largely to Rose, I'm now far more likely to hear about scientific developments via Twitter than I am anywhere else. I've begun to follow @bigthink, a fountain of large-scale thoughts scientific and otherwise. It's another square peg in a round hole making me feel more connected than I actually am. There have been some wonderful podcasts lately. From Our Own Correspondents is up to its usual quality. Everything from a meeting with a Japanese travelling poet and a Buddhist monk who drives fast and loves progressive rock to reporter's reflections on what it was like to cover the war in Sarajevo twenty years ago. I have vague memories of hearing news about that. It was certainly felt on the erindale Campus where I got my degree. Tapestry has let loose some excellent food for thought. I enjoyed hearing the perspective of an agnostic who, much as I had, made peace with his position of not knowing for certain whether there was a God. There was also an excellent episode which looked at the collision of religion and comedy. Am I forever doomed to hear so much excellent food for stimulating conversation while completely alone? It damned well feels like that's the case.

In order to balance the books, the government is making cuts all over the place. We're going to lose all sorts of people from health workers to food inspectors to border guards and people from the CBC. There's no real stopping this. We voted for this majority government and it can now pretty much do what it pleases. We're going to experience as a country what less of pretty much everything one would really want from a government feels like. I worry that these cuts will go too far and we'll end up with completely preventable tragedy as a consequence. Dad, on the other hand, thinks there's sufficient excess bureaucracy built up everywhere so that there really won't be much impact other than actually better balanced books. Back on election day, I was completely disenchanted with the continual wobbling about our government seemed to be stuck in. Elections kept being called before anything really substantial could get done. I was absolutely disgusted with the degree to which our leaders just couldn't work with each other instead of trying to grab power. Well we're now most definitely headed solidly in the direction of a smaller civil service and government. I hope those who now wield the axes in Ottawa are a heaping lot better at precision waste reduction and job cutting than I am at killing zombies with my digital axe in Swamp. I would have felt a whole lot better had the Liberals carried the day instead of being utterly decimated. Still, it could all work out for the best. the new NDP leader at least sounds good when he talks. We'll see what he can accomplish while leading the official opposition.

Tomorrow, I'll be heading over to Michelle and Gerry's. It's been a little while. Only one computer problem known about in advance effecting Michelle's ability to hear audioboos. At least I've already supplied the material for testing. I don't expect it'll be a very hard nut to crack but I've been wrong before. She's had some interesting and different problems with her computer. Nothing beets that one where the bloody clock wasn't set and therefore, nothing would work since it reported a date around 2005 or so. Her version of Jaws had yet to be written so its security wouldn't let her computer actually talk. Unbelievably simple presuming one can see and read the clock. Utterly insoluble without sighted help/knowledge. I would have suspected everything else first including the sound card. It's always fun to expose both of them to new thoughts and ideas. I always come away feeling like I've done something worth-while. They appreciate my efforts whether or not they're successful and are just all-around good simple folk caught in the interweb age.

I guess that pretty much covers what sticks in the mind from the past while. I've doubtless forgotten to write about some stuff I discussed in my far more frequent boos at:
www.audioboo.fm
I find it a whole lot more natural to just let those loose but will keep trying to update this blog a tad more regularly than I have of late. Until next time, faithful readers.

Amazing Meaningful Holidays

Hello everyone. A blog entry is again well past due. It's been a very eventful couple of weeks. So eventful that I'm not going to even attempt to put things in chronological order. You'll just have to follow my stream of consciousness as it meanders through the tail end of 2011 and start of 2012. It's been a tremendously restorative good time. It's very early on Saturday morning as I begin writing this. I'm awake after an early begun five hours of solid sleep. Hopefully, I'll grab a bit more later. A cup of herbal tea, Calm Infusion, sits beside me at my desk. My computer is also in the process of converting The Passage by Justin Chronen. Hope I got the spelling right. I waited two months so I had two credits to spend. As a result, a book which could have cost $70 has cost me $28. Not bad. It's a long five-parter.

Christmas was an absolute joy this year. So was Christmas eve. usually, I would go to church on one of those two days. However, unlike every other year, my family had events on both those days and then nothing on Boxing day. I doubt that'll happen again in the next decade. I don't feel at all convicted about not attending church over the holidays. God knows my heart and where it's at. Looking back over the past couple of weeks, I've actually spent quite some time thinking about and discussing faith with my friends. Christmas day was spent in Hamilton in my brother's house. That seems to be the best thing to do with three little ones who can open and play with all their stuff. They had a terrific day and seemed to appreciate all their gifts. Ava wrote her name right away in the notebook I gave her. The flashlight from Mountain Equipment Co-op went over very well. Dad now has some money to spend on iTUNES. Mom has six games from Bigfish Games plus credits for a couple more thanks to one small mistake and the generosity of Bigfish Games making it right. After all the hustle and bustle, it was good to have nothing planned on Boxing day. I needed it to recover. I was given a pair of gloves with conductive material in the fingertips which let me use my iPHONE while wearing gloves. That was a very thoughtful idea which really stood out for me this year.

The space between Christmas and New Year's was a tad empty in places. I had family visits and also found that catching up with people online somewhat softened the solitary days. I also found myself re-reading Stephen King's The Stand. Every once in a while, that book pulls me in for another dark journey. The time passed surprisingly quickly as I made preparations for my upcoming gathering. Another pastime was Pontes Backgammon. It's a terrific polished implementation of accessible Backgammon on the computer. I bought it for 13 Euros and will be enjoying it for years. It allows for single play against the computer or two-player games on the same computer or over the Internet. You can chat with your human opponents via text message. Check out what this Romanian charity group has pulled off at:
www.backgammon.pontes.ro
I'd still love to see how Spoonbill Software would do Backgammon. That would be nifty. However, it's hard to imagine a better piece of software. I guess the doubling cube is a missing feature. Mr. Humfreys would doubtless find other neat things to ad were he to attempt it.

New Year's Eve was interesting. The day began early as I caught the very tail end of Jonathan Mosen's new year's show from New Zealand. I later heard and enjoyed the podcast when more fully awake. The morning took a decidedly crappy turn when I discovered that the drain in my sink was plugged. Not wanting to bother anybody on New Year's Eve, I tried everything including plunging the drain and putting vinegar and baking soda into it. Nothing worked though and I had to call the superintend ant. They called the contractors who came out and ended up replacing my old pipe with a very smooth new one. They used a blowtorch to cut out the old one and/or put the new pipe in. Given all the wood and other combustibles in the vicinity of my kitchen cupboards, that was the last thing I was expecting to hear. I've never actually felt one of those contraptions but must conclude that they offer an amazingly focused level of precision. They also must be far smaller than I previously conjectured. I then had to clean up the place and counter area quite thoroughly before I felt I could continue with my day. Thank God they straightened that mess out so promptly. My drain now sucks down water like it never has before.

Half the potential guests I had invited failed to show up for my New Year's party. There were six of us for a brief while. Joseph and Rose wanted to also be a part of the church's New Year's activities. Adam, Jeanette, Stephen and I stayed up until around four AM. I'm very glad Joseph and Rose were able to make it for a good chunk of the festivities and got to know my other three guests. It says a lot that I still had such a good time even though so many friends failed to appear. I very much hope I can get more friends at some future gathering. It's always so fascinating to hear friends who have never met each other and how they interact. A smaller group trades that pleasure for a more intimate level of conversation that I find equally enjoyable. There was some disappointment but this was far outweighed by a strong sense of just how blessed I am by the friendship of others.

That sense was further strengthened by a journey I went on at Stephen's invitation after we had recovered from the New Year's celebration. We spent another couple of days at my place. Shirley came for a visit that I believe was much longer than she had originally intended. Good conversation just kept it going for something around four hours. Originally, I think she intended to stay perhaps half an hour. I hope she makes it to a New Year's gathering one of these years. She'd fit right in and enjoy herself despite the age gap. On Monday, Stephen and I set off for down town Toronto. I ended up spending four days in his company as we travelled around visiting friends. I got to meet Judy and reconnect with Jevan, a young lady I once encountered while at the SCORE camp run by the CNIB. She certainly seems to have found her stride in life. I was surprised she remembered me especially from that long ago. It was a very pleasant bit of travel and visiting.

I also got to visit Michelle McQuigge along with Steve. We showed her how our iPHONES worked and let her take them for a spin. She loves her old Nokia phone with its tiny keyboard. Given her amazing facility to text rapidly versus my agonized snail's pace tortured texting, I can't exactly blame her. Texting is far less a priority for me than for her. The benefits of having an iPHONE far outweigh the annoyance that I find typing on it to be. Not so for Michelle. Our discussion was pretty far-ranging and she seemed full of energy. She certainly handles a knife well when chopping vegetables. Steve and she seemed to hit it off well right away as I suspected they would. Sadly, during that first day, I lost the speaker for my Trekkor Breeze. They cost $25 each. It's the second one of those which I've had to purchase as the first one broke. While I was at it, I also bought a new battery for the Breeze. Add the expense of a set of Urban Ear headphones for my iPHONE as well as renewing my Apple Care plan for my iPHONE and you've got a pretty expensive start to 2012. We never checked the kind of cab someone found for us at the subway station so there was no way to inquire about the speaker. The driver was convinced that the noise was the seatbelt dangling and that's what I thought until we were well away from the cab. A mistake I don't plan on making again any time soon. From now on, the speaker goes into my pocket even during short cab rides or whenever it's not in use. An easily avoidable stupid absent-minded mistake on my part.

I was able to attend Meko's birthday celebration due to weather completely changing initial plans for Tuesday. Tuesday was just too cold to think of travelling. Stephen and I had a pleasant relaxed day at the Murgaski house. I got to show Steve a bit of Backgammon and we caught up with what had captured our interests over the past while. As always, the food was great and the conversation stimulating. I've always felt very comfortable and open around the Murgaski's and hope Steve has felt the same around my parents as has seemed to be the case over the many years of our friendship.

Wednesday was a chance to reconnect with Earle, Meko, and others I haven't seen in quite a while. I guess the last time I saw a lot of them was at Steve's going away party before he headed off to India. What an awesome adventure that turned out to be. Earle has a very spacious sounding apartment. He seems pretty happy with it over all. After hearing about that incredible fire in 200 Wellesley, I guess I had expected to find him in a far smaller more cramped space with the added presumption that most units in the building would be similarly small cramped affairs. The reality is of course quite different. It's too bad he had to lose some irreplaceable stuff as a result of the fire but I'm glad he wasn't anywhere near it when it happened. I remember the newscasters remarking how people would just go out on their balconies when they could have left the building. 2011 really seems to have been an eventful year for a lot of us. It's as if time just reached out and caught us in its fast-moving currents for a while.

While Earle, Steve and I sat together in his place, talk naturally turned to others from our grade school days when we first became acquainted. Apparently, Daniel still thinks rather uncharitably of both Earle and I. He apparently thinks we're Radio Shack quality people, whatever that means, and that we should be eliminated. I couldn't help but observe that when dealing with such remarks, one should always consider The Source. They got it. I'm amazed that he's still thinking about me at all after such a long time. I really must have struck one heck of a nerve with my last letter to him all those years ago. Hopefully, it'll ultimately work to his good and help him become a better person. That was, after all, the spirit in which I wrote it. I don't wish him any misfortune at all but believe he'll bring that upon himself unless he's changed or will change substantially from the man I once knew.

Steve and Earle both have superb mobility skills combined with a sense of location and geographical context that I can only dream of. The ease with which Steve guided me around the city was nothing short of profound. Even after extensive lessons in an area, I don't enjoy anywhere near that level of sense of location. I'm always waiting and hoping that next landmark will appear and dreading that it won't because I can't keep a larger mental map in my head for any length of time. On the other hand, it wouldn't surprise me if I actually move around a little more safely. Steve remarked that he thinks my place was nicely set up. It certainly is and I guess I do tend to keep it fairly neat. Still, I'd think his place would turn out somewhat similar if and when he obtains one. He still sees advantages living with his parents. They're very nice folks much like my own. Also, he has more freedom of action due to his navigation skills than I do. Even so, I would still conjecture that it would do Steve's sense of self and family good to have his own apartment. This is especially true when you start to connect with the community. I couldn't put into words how much that has helped me deal with everything.

Last week's trip has certainly opened things up in a pretty deep way. I keenly look forward to similar adventures in the future as ODSP economics permits. As much as my old friends help me get around, I believe I can help them in other ways as we all navigate life in this strange place society has put us. Earle wants to come out to my place for a weekend to show me more of the Mac operating system and feels I didn't give it enough of a chance. I would welcome such a tour from someone so accomplished and experienced as he is. However, I simply don't see myself just abandoning Windows even for a month as has been suggested to me. Simply put, I have other things on the go than mastering a whole other operating system. If I find that it can really do things better for me, that's great. I'll certainly make use of what I have. However, after my initial experience, I need a higher degree of proof that it's really worth my time mastering it. I just haven't been swept along with all the hipe. For me, the main blessing here is simply having reconnected with Earle, Meko, and others and not feeling like it's just a one-time thing. I absolutely welcome this new doorway which has opened even as I continue to hope for greater community involvement here in Meadowvale.

Some of that will happen fairly shortly. I've been invited out for drinks with people from my church who I never got a chance to connect with over the holidays. Doug and Nan are always a blast to be with. Tomorrow, I'll be meeting with John Morgan. Haven't seen him in quite some time. I'll be showing him some of what my iPHONE can do.

It's now very early Monday morning. I just had the most disgusting disturbing dream that has graced my subconscious in at least a year. I had a great time with everyone last night and don't think I deserved this nasty mental nugget at all. In the dream, I had to chop off the head of a deserter or face the prospect of him still being decapitated and my being drawn and quartered for good measure. He was such a nice man too. I felt absolutely rotten but there was no way out of the situation. My sword stroke wasn't strong enough to do the job neatly so I ended up lying the guy down and sawing through the rest of his neck. I don't believe I've ever felt so utterly disgusted and bad about what I was doing in my sleep before. You can appreciate why the thought of just lying down for more sleep seems quite absurd at the moment.

The one major event that I haven't written about at all is that I've broken up with Emily. There were a number of pretty big differences right from the start. My compassion can lead me into situations that I just don't have the resources to handle. I've got to be honest and acknowledge that my strong desire to find a life partner played a part in this misadventure also. Emily just completely shut down on me over the holidays being afraid that telling me her problems would have lead to the result which has now happened. Too much special meaningful time passed without her being a part of it at all. It made me see clearly how a whole lot of circumstances are going to have to come together for her to achieve any sort of real stability. As a friend, I believe I can be of real help to her in this journey. However, I just don't have the ego anymore to think that I have what it takes to deal with someone who just shuts off communication and disappears on someone she loves. She did the wrong thing for the best of reasons. I feel bad about how things went and wish I could turn back the emotional clock somehow. However, whatever spark of love I felt has simply disappeared. It's as simple as it is messy and un fare.

given all that's happened, I find myself in a place where that need for love has taken somewhat more of a back seat. Life has at last reached a point where I can see myself really being content as a single man from here on out. I would still very much hope to find someone stable, cheerful and intelligent to partner with. Having had two ladies show interest in me over this past year, I find that I have a great deal more hope that I will eventually come across a more suitable match for me. I fervently hope that Emily too will eventually find comfort with someone who shares more of her interests, likes Stevie Wonder's music, and doesn't mind the prospect of owning cats among other things. I very much want her to find happiness in life. Sadly, I've simply come to the conclusion that I'm not the one who can give it to her. It looks like we'll be able to stay friends once she's had some time to adjust her feelings toward me. Having that happen with someone who is actually near enough and has the time to come and see me would certainly be a refreshing welcome turn of events. Of course, there's still the question of whether or not to put up my dating profiles. I guess I probably will despite how ineffective they've been. Increasingly, I'm of the opinion that the next one will be someone who I either meet locally, at Lake Joe, or who finds and takes an interest in my blog. I guess the dating profiles can help lead people to that. If nothing else, it'll help me move on a little having left out my welcome cards so to speak. Meanwhile, I have a sense that there's now enough opportunity, meaningful connection and activity in life so that it doesn't feel like there are major pieces missing. I no longer feel so incomplete like a puzzle piece that can't quite slot in anywhere.

At last, it's approaching seven in the morning. That's a far more reasonable hour to shave, shower and prepare for the day. I'm feeling a tad tired but otherwise quite good about things. Writing things down always tends to help me work through stuff. I feel like this blog entry hasn't done these holidays justice. I've had such a wonderful and profoundly meaningful time. What I've captured here seems so inadequate but will simply have to serve. This year has already started off so full of surprises. I've never had a Winter like this which hasn't slowed to a painful crawl of days so similar and devoid of events that they blend into each other. Life really seems to have changed fundamentally for me. I'm very grateful for such changes and the challenge they bring. I know that God has blessed me with the friends and family to see me safely through them one way or another.

Good Times Ahead and Behind

Hello everyone. Figured it was time to put another blog posting up there so readers could move on from the darker heavier last posting. It's been a pretty interesting couple of weeks. Insomnia has struck again rather hard lately. I think perhaps the change of seasons as winter weather starts to arrive may have set it off. Thankfully, I've avoided hitting absolute bottom this time and may even be on the way back upward. Getting my darkest moments written down and out there in the open has been wonderfully cathartic. I hadn't realized how much it had been weighing upon me all this time. I guess it's my way of truly turning the page on things. This year has really been one huge page turner for me.

The forum at the Dam last week went exceedingly well and we had a great discussion on societal expectations and self-worth. Every so often, that kind of thing happens to remind me what hopes I had when I originally volunteered and keep them alive. There won't be any more forums until after the holidays. However, there are a couple more drop ins before Christmas. There's also a Christmas party this week which I'll be attending. It'll be interesting to see how the teens react to that. I haven't gotten the sense that any of them are religious.

Last week, I went to the Mountain Equipment Co-op store in Burlington. I've been thinking of purchasing a travel pack for quite a while now. As it turned out, my parents purchased the pack as my Christmas present for which I'm very grateful. For the record, I ended up with the Sojourn travel pack. There was some confusion about which pack I preferred. I got the one I liked better but didn't realize that due to some mix-up possibly about which racks they were placed on, this pack was the Sojourn rather than the Walkabout. What finally twigged me to this was being completely unable to find any sleeping bag compartment as was mentioned in the Walkabout description. The Sojourn lacks such a compartment. It has internal compression straps which I could use to hold a sleeping bag neatly in the main pack. I've never been great at rolling those so that's going to be helpful. The main pack has plenty of room for stuff. The day pack is roomy enough for my computer gear, water bottle, and other items. I'll use it when I go to the Dam.

It's Tuesday afternoon now. Just had a delicious brunch of bacon and eggs. The week is going pretty well so far. My Christmas shopping is as done as it'll get. I have to get mom and Emily's gifts somewhat closer to the day. This time of year really shows how very different things are for Emily than for me. She wasn't in a very cheerful mood last time I talked with her. That's very understandable given her circumstances. I'm glad she's found somewhere to go on Christmas day. We've just begun the process of getting to know each other and it feels far too early to bring her into a family Christmas. I'm hoping she can join me for my second New Year's party here. That ought to be something special. I can't help but think about and sympathize with her. I'd love to be able to snap my fingers and fix everything for her but that's a process which takes time, love and care. We've decided to keep carefully exploring the possibility of being more than just friends. I'm glad she had a change of heart there. That took courage finding the strength to hope. Things should begin to improve for her in the new year. This is, I hope, the bottom of the painful valley life has forced her into. I very much look forward to trying to help her find a more stable plateau in the months ahead. I've reached a point in life where I'll be alright if a relationship beyond friends doesn't ultimately prove to be in the cards. Here, there's enough to keep me going in life either way. It's a very good position of stability from which to seek companionship even if it somewhat limits prospective partners. If things don't work out for us as more than friends, it'll certainly be painful but nowhere near as devastating as losing Janene was. That has far more to do with the circumstances in which I now find myself than with Emily. She isn't used to seeing herself as of much value or as very intelligent. She is though. I've just begun to scratch the surface there in our conversations. She doesn't have formal educational credentials but she has absorbed an awesome amount of practical street wisdom.

Over the past while, I've gotten to see a number of friends including Adam and his girlfriend Jeanette. It was great spending the day with them despite my insomnia-induced nodding off at one point. They'll likely be at my new year's party. So will Mark and Wendy who I also got to have dinner with here at the apartment. Plans to try a new chicken place fell apart so we ended up cooking dinner and eating here. It's always a treat having them over. A friend from Meadowvale Secondary School has contacted me via Facebook. Patrick and I used to have the odd class together and had some wonderful talks back then. A few of us including Adam and I will hopefully be able to get together with him here in Meadowvale for a small fun reunion. Facebook just keeps proving its worth despite all its hastles.

Today has been very pleasant and busy. It has more than made up for the frustratingly slow and unproductive cession at the Dam yesterday. None of the kids did more than say a quick hi. It was still nice chatting with the staff and volunteers. I got precisely nowhere on the article I'm working on for a future church newsletter. I'm far from giving up on it but it's proving a damnably tough nut to crack. Today started out with the yearly Christmas breakfast in our building. I chatted with a couple of building management staff I had never come across before. Shirley also showed up for a good chunk of it later on. People were very relaxed and things went quite splendidly. A bunch of them recognized me this time. Yet another positive sign that I'm starting to really belong here in this community.

Dad picked me up and we went to a few places. He treats me to beer and I stocked up on Paddock Wood Czech Mate and Sleeman Fine Porter. The Paddock Wood beer is my favourite discovery of the year in that department. It has a different fruity taste that I find very refreshing. One of those things which you'd think wouldn't work but really does. I believe I'll wait until tomorrow or Friday to see how the Sleeman Fine Porter stacks up. Dad and I each had two martinis with lunch. That's plenty of alcohol for one day. Thought I had tried pretty much every Sleeman beer there was but didn't know they made a porter. I'm expecting an excellent and interesting flavour. Sleeman's is about as mainstream as I tend to get with my beer selections but they're not above putting out some nicely unique beers from time to time. I enjoy different beers. All the more when I get to share them with guests.

We had a look around the Dollar store where I came across a gift for little Amia. That was my only remaining missing gift to obtain. Last weekend, I ended up seeing Carine and Kevin for the first time in a while. They had to do some Christmas shopping and I chose to go along. That gave me a chance to grab a few small gifts for certain people who shall remain nameless lest they happen to read my blog. I've been very blessed over this past year and I always enjoy sharing as much of that as is practical with others. Carine has a treadmill which may suit my needs and spacious bedroom admirably. Something to investigate over the next while. Thanks to my grandmother's recent generosity, I can actually afford to pay a little for it. I've wanted one of those in here for quite some time now. I've never felt comfortable listening to headphones in more public environments. This way, I can listen to whatever's on my netbook while exercising and not disturb anybody else. A while ago, I started a savings account which automatically took ten dollars per month from my checking account. I've put around $200 in there from my grandmother's timely gift. That would have taken around two years to save up myself. I'm still not quite at the point where I could purchase a new laptop or something like that if I had to but I'm a ton closer to it than I thought I'd be. My little jewel of a netbook is still holding up wonderfully so I should be there well before it kicks the bucket.

For brunch at the Symposium Cafe, I decided to try their barbecued chicken dinner. It didn't disappoint. The chicken was delicious and they do very enjoyable vegetables and roasted potatoes to go with it. Definitely something I'll have again. Dad's still got a bit of his cold but it seems like he's getting better. He's thrilled with his iPAD and has picked up some games for my nieces to play on it when he visits them.

The groceries arrived in good time this afternoon. One new experiment I'm trying is fair trade chocolate. Ken's lecture on how most of the world's chocolate gets its coco struck a nerve with more than just me. Don't know how effective it was for the teens but it got me thinking twice about buying my usual Mars bars. I decided to try Coco Camino chocolate bars and bought two hundred-gram ones. Thankfully, they're divided into small squares making rationing easier. It makes chocolate more of an expense and reduces how much I eat at once. We'll see how that goes over the next while. It's a small gesture in the grand scheme of things but I feel better for trying. I got almost everything I ordered. There were four substitutions which were perfectly fine with me. I am, however, disappointed that they didn't have Kind Bars this time. I've come to very much enjoy those as a healthy if somewhat pricey snack once in a while. I especially like the almond coconut ones. Despite that tiny disappointment, I'm very well stocked for the holiday period ahead. Far more so than a number of people I know. It's certainly an interesting place full of many oddities that society has seen fit to stick me in. I very much hope that history remembers me as a man who counted and shared his blessings. ODSP only works as well as it does for me because of a number of fortunate circumstances which attend my life and not others on the system. Chief among those circumstances are a stable supportive family and a wonderful cast of friends new and old. Also, I really lucked out beyond my wildest hopes with subsidized housing after ten years of life in limbo. I can't imagine a more perfect place for me to live short of Heaven itself. In many ways, I'm a profoundly lucky man.

I've been re-reading Robert J. Sawyer's The Terminal Experiment over the past few days. It's neat to read a book about a year you've lived through that was written around a decade earlier. That book is just as profound as his WWW trilogy which I've just finished at last. That guy has so much hope for the future. I'd love to meet him some day. His books seem to pass that optimistic perspective on to their readers. He sets me a very fine example as I write this blog, work on other creative projects, and conduct my extraordinary life.

Tomorrow, I'll be attending the Dam's annual Christmas party during the evening. The fire alarm tests will make the next couple of days very un conducive to lengthy writing of any sort. I'll use them as an opportunity to catch up with news and also with my favourite podcasts which have been very neglected this past half year or so. Perhaps, this trove of countless unheard hours of listening material is one of the largest testaments of just how much life has changed for me over the past year. Like good friends, I know they're waiting and ready if I should need them again. In particular, I feel a tad guilty for missing episodes of Spark and From Our Own Correspondents. How appropriate. Winamp, in its infinite random wisdom, has just picked out Step By Step sung by Huey Lewis & The News. A perfect song for my reflections. Life is going great right now. Not perfect. I don't live in some sort of faerie tale. There are plenty of limitations, thwarted desires and frustrations. When you get right down to it though, they're the friction that keeps everything real. As 2011 comes to a close, I find myself in a wonderful groove. My efforts have paid off in splendid fashion and there's plenty of scope for action. Lots to learn, enjoy, and do. How appropriate. Winamp has now picked out Vanessa Williams Oh How the Years go By. Inspiring music, both pop and instrumental, is certainly one of the many blessings I count. This song once caused me to painfully dwell on not finding a soul mate with whom I could face life's ups and downs. Now, it gives me hope of doing so while causing me to reflect on the many friends I've found to share my adventures with. Hope, effort and patience really do pay off. I keenly look forward to what 2012 brings.