schooo's out!

Hello everyone. I'm back at home after my last mobility leson. I believe I've now learned the route to the Symposium Cafe as well as I'm going to. Five months, numerous batteries and something approaching three gigs worth of recorded lessons and independent practice walks later, reaching this point has been a long time coming. With Ray's help and the guidance of the Trekker Breeze, I can now go there for meals or simply an afternoon drink. It's a damned good feeling. You can check out the site for the restaurant which wil serve as my new social haven in the real world at:
http://www.symposiumcafe.com/

Yesterday's brunch with Minnie was terrific fun. I managed to get there in plenty of time. She had no trouble finding me and we enjoyed omelets, toast and potatoes. She sounds just the same in person as she did last time we got together. Hopefully, it'll be a shorter time between visits this time. We must have been there eating and talking for a couple of hours. A very pleasant way to spend a morning. Having a female friend I found in life there to share the experience with has at last completed the process of moving on with life after losing Janene. It's been quite a long road. Near the beginning of the Summer, a neighbour sympathetically offered that cliche about being at square 1.2 rather than back to square one. At the time, I thought it was about as far from the truth as one could get. Time seemed to have be gripped in absolute stagnant frustrated despair of my life ever changing at all. If a woman could come to love me and still end up ultimately walking away, what cause did I have for hope at all? I felt so confined and discontented with circumstances that I remember being somewhat surprised at the well-meaning neighbour's remark. I figured that it must be visually obvious that I had been sent back far into negative squares. Now, at long last, I believe I really have arrived at suare 1.2. I have somewhere to actually go on my own where there's at least a chance of new developments taking place outside my family. I can come and go there on my own terms. Treeting her to brunch was an absolute pleasure. I had wanted to do that with someone all Summer.

Minnie came back with me wanting to see how my Trekker Breeze worked and how I got places. She seemed quite impressed. We sat on the patio out back for a while enjoying a cold drink. She met my father who is still getting used to being at home more of the time now that he's retired. It always feels somewhat strange having friends over. Once you've lived in your own place, one's parents' home just isn't yours any longer no matter how much they might wish that it were. My parents don't mind me having people over at all and likely wish I would more often. Yet, it just always has that sense of intruding on someone else's domain. for the foreseeable future though, it's just how things are going to be.

In the evening, I went out with Adam for a meal and gaming cession. Turtle Jack's did an excellent job of my barbecue chicken salad. Unfortunately, I had been awake since five yesterday morning and ran out of mental steam around ten o'clock or so. I believe I got a better sleep today.

In around a month, I'll be heading to Winnipeg for a trip to see some relatives. Other than that, there's really nothing else ahead of me. Life will revolve around working on Enchantment's Twilight, going to church, seeing friends, and walking over to Symposium once or twice a week to break up the stale routine. There'll be CBC Radio1, the BBc, NPR, documentaries, and podcasts as well as music to keep my ears and mind occupied. Enough, I hope, to keep me open to new ideas and interesting to other people. This Summer has certainly shown me that there's no way of fending off the ordinary other than being as ready as one can be for the extraordinary. I've at last made it out of that hellish emotional valley to a point where I can actually practice what i preach again finding the positive in life on a more constant basis. It feels very good indeed to be back in that zone of being once again.

a morning of conversation

Hello everyone. Acording to the weather people, it's supposed to be a nice day again. I'll find that out first hand as for the first time, I'm heading out to Symposium to meet up with someone. Minnie is the only person who's kept in touch with me from the years I've spent at the Clearview CRC church. She's about as unlikely a platonic friend as you could dream up for me. She's from Trinidad originally. Her voice doesn't carry in crowds all that well and it can be a little tricky to understand her at times. She does a lot of work taking care of children, cleaning houses, and the like. Around ten years older than I am, she's just now starting to get into computers. While she doesn't think of herself as all that educated in the formal sense, she's living proof of how life is the ultimate classroom. This will be the first time we've gotten together in something like three or four years outside of those brief encounters after church services. She seems to value my opinions and thinking on various topics. In a very real sense, she's like a penpall who you keep in touch with occasionally. Strange to think that she's all who remains from a seven-year ongoing relationship with a church. Here's hoping I find a way to do better this time around.

At long last, now that my time on EHarmoney is nearly expired, it has coughed up two women who found me interesting enough to at least start communicating with. I believe that both of them are too far away to get together with but I might be wrong about that with one of them. I certainly hope so. A hundred bucks is a lot to throw down for a couple more people to exchange emails with. It turns out that while I can at least choose my answers to multiple guess questions effectively, I couldn't tell which answers I was given to the questions I sent. Thank goodness things got to the point where you could write out answers to each other. I can now say that I've completed their "guided" communication process. My ultimate conclusion is that it absolutely sucks. Turning the search for love into so mechanistic a venture as EHarmoney does is just not where it's at for me. I'm thankful I haven't walked away completely empty-handed. Who knows? Perhaps, something will develop eventually. This seems to be the summer of finding women who'll make very interesting email friends but are too far away for me to hope anything more comes of it. "Water water everywhere and not a drop to drink." Still, things are at last feeling better for me. I can enjoy my time again even when it's spent alone. My work on Enchantment's Twilight is still somewhat prone to stalls but I'll take that over a complete stop any day.

Last Sunday was a terrific day worthy of note here. I joined Joseph for his birthday lunch at Tucker's Marketplace. Two other friends plus a guest of their's joined us as well. A very good group to get to know better and splendid food to boot. It doesn't get much better than that. After lunch, Joseph and I went to the "games night" which absurdly takes place over a period from mid-afternoon to early evening. I didn't meet any new people but Joseph and I had quite the game of Monopoly on my netbook. He also tried Jim Kitchen's audio version of Pong. It took him a while to get the hang of that but he did it eventually. It certainly drew the attention of a few people who came over to ask the odd question. I hope to eventually snag more of a group of people to have a go at Monopoly, Talisman, or perhaps Tenpin Alley from PCS and Draconis Entertainment. That would be fun despite my being utterly out of practice with it. I hope that as more people see me join in things like that, they won't be quite so hesitant to get to know me.

Trip to Canada's Wonderland

What a busy day it's been. Our expedition to Canada's Wonderland ultimately turned out to be a moderately positive experience. I guess Ava and Amia are still a bit too young to fully enjoy the place. They were too short to pass the requirements for most rides even in Hanna Barbara Land. As a result of that, the trip was rather more full of disappointments than expected. There didn't end up being anything their Uncle Mike could do about that. I couldn't really even carry on much of a conversation with them as they were too absorbed in what they were seeing around them. Particularly for Amia, it must have been daunting. There were still numerous enjoyments however. Just being there again brought back a ton of memories. Honestly, I felt more like I had returned to fimiliar surroundings today in Canada's Wonderland than I did returning to Erindale Campus where I got my degree. Mark and Wendy took me back there earlier this Summer. Ultimately, it was certainly still a worth-while trip. They certainly had a very interesting visual experience. As they get older, I believe I'll be able to add more to excursions such as that one.

After all the walking and fresh air, I'm feeling rather tired this evening. Having awakened at five AM again, it's been quite a long day. A very good day though. I got some work on Enchantment's Twilight done. Also, you'll be pleased to hear that Eldrex had quite a good day of adventure in Dragon Tavern today. Thorebar is also reincarnated once again and slowly progressing towards fame and fortune. I'll try to play him a bit more conservatively this time around and see if I can't keep him alive. Not one of the hundred odd emails I've received today has proved the least bit interesting. Also, Plenty of Fish was distinctly lacking in progress in the quest for a special lady. Nothing too surprising there, but none of the latest batch of forum topics were all that compelling either. Oh well. Tomorrow is another day. A day with nothing at all in it. Doubtless, I'll feel differently after a good sleep, but at the moment, that's not such a bad prospect. I have this month's magazine service from the CNIB awaiting my attention. Reader's Digest and Mclean's are always worth a checking out. There's also the list of new books added to the collection. Dare I hope they've gone and added something of interest to yours truly? I believe I actually have enough optimism in stock for such as that. Presuming my legs have recovered sufficiently from today's walking, I may pop down to Symposium for an afternoon fruit drink. That would go down very nicely on a hot day like today was. We'll see what happens.

a good day winding down

Hello everyone. I've just had a most enjoyable Thursday morning. The weather is about as good as it gets. a beautiful morning to head down to Symposium for a relaxed brunch. As always, the food and drink didn't disappoint. I tried their deluxe omelet which was absolutely splendid with home fries and toast. It came with coffee. The thought of coffee on a hot day has never struck me as all that brilliant. I've heard that stuff about how it actually helps keep your body cooler drinking something hot but that line of logic just doesn't quite ring true. Nonetheless, it's still quite counter-intuitively enjoyable provided a colder drink is at hand. I filled that requirement with a delicious pineapple strawberry fruit freezy. The atmosphere was quite enjoyable. There will probably always be a sense that someone ought to be there with me to talk to across the table. Being able to listen around a place hearing bits and pieces of other peoples' lives does take some of the edge off the sense of isolation I've dealt with since the break-up. I take my netbook along in case I happen to hear something which sparks a good idea. No luck yet on that score but I'd hate to not be ready again when that happens. There have been one too many such agonizing times in my nearly thirty-five years of life. Whipping out my digital recorder and saying the idea just doesn't work as well for me. It's good for getting peoples' phone numbers or instructions but the act of typing something down seems to help me clarify them at least a little. There's more of a chance of the idea eventually coming in handy if I'm able to edit and clarify it. For obvious reasons, a pencil and notepad just doesn't cut the mustard for me. A netbook turned on and left in standby mode with Jarte loaded, on the other hand, is about as close to perfect a tool for a travelling writer as humanly possible. If I ever want to read anything I produce publicly, I would need a Braille display. However, at present, one of those is well beyond my means to acquire. Netbooks are just the right size. Not too small to work with like one of those pocket-sized cell phones that are the modern equivalent of the Swiss army knife. Not so large that you feel like you're carrying enough equipment to set up shop for the day. You actually are, but unlike a full-sized laptop, one doesn't get that impression.

Going there and back went without any problems whatsoever this time. I met a security guard who came over to see if I needed any help getting there. It was wonderful to be able to say that I actually didn't. Hopefully, over time, people will see me as someone who would be interesting to get to know rather than just someone who might need help. What i really need help doing is connecting with such people who are geographically close enough to change the tambour of my life. I had a wonderful chat earlier in the morning on:
www.vipconduit.com
There's a fairly consistent group of folks who cybernetically congregate in "the coffee shop", one of several chat rooms open to registered members. They're mainly scattered all over the US. They're pleasant and interesting folks, most of whom are somewhat older than I am. It makes for a pleasant enough start to a day. Not as good as enjoying brunch with a group of regular attendees would be, but for the present, it's what I'm going to have to make the best of. Slowly, I'm adjusting to that reality. Acceptance, grudging though it might be, is lifting away the cloud which has hung over me all Summer. I don't dread the Autumn or even the Winter. Hopefully, I might even have two or three months to enjoy the fruits of my labour and further solidify my first true victory in the area of mobility which directly benefits my own interests before snow and blustery winds make the walk too dangerous.

Yesterday, I had my second-last mobility lesson for now. The next one will be a mere formality to have him watch me do the route there and back and impart any last tips or other thoughts Ray might have. He's been a superb instructor. Very patient and always up-beet. Nevertheless, I'm pretty much burnt out for now in terms of learning how to go places. For me, learning that route was about equivalent in terms of time and effort to passing a third-year course in university. Not something to be undertaken lightly. Think about it. If you had to put in that much to learn how to get somewhere even relatively close, how many places would you get to on your own? I've essentially done two of those back to back. For the first one, I was just approaching mastery of that route to see Janene when she up and left me. It was a complete waste of my time as well as two interns and one of the CNIB's best instructors. I didn't even get the satisfaction of using what I had learned once before it was brutally rendered irrelevant. I'll never put myself through that again unless and until I've moved out of here and into a permanent place of residence. It has to count for more than just smoke on the wind from now on. Learning one route doesn't make learning the next one any easier for me. I won't feel at all guilty asking people for rides. Once I'm settled somewhere more permanent, thanks largely to the quirky but helpful Trekker Breeze, It'll actually be a worth-while investment to learn to get places within walking range on my own. A potential bonus from this victory might be the community centre. Presuming I can find a way to the entrance rather than merely what I presume is the rear wall, perhaps, there'll be something there that I can contribute my time and talent to or otherwise participate in. Something to investigate on an upcoming jaunt. It may be the same place where The Dam operates. I got the impression that this work happened inside the town centre mall itself on an upper level but that might have been mistaken. Wouldn't that suck if the one place I could get to and potentially volunteer at was the very same organization which has already barred me for not knowing for absolute certain that I'll be here at least two years? At least this time, it won't be my inability to get there on my own which will block me from volunteering or participating. Dare I even entertain the hope that for once, something else won't bar me from inclusion?

Prior experience certainly cautions me not to hold my breath in anticipation of success. And yet, to a profoundly surprising extent, I can't help it. Where on Earth does this endless inexhaustible hope for a better future where my abilities are actually put to more optimal use come from? "Sorry, Mike. Your good character, willingness to work and university degree don't count for shit. We'd sooner hire a secondary school dropout." "Sorry, Mike. You bent over backwards trying to make the marriage work but I'm eight years older than you and my depression-clouded judgements about life and people count for more than your more positive level-headed ones. See you." "Sorry, Mike. You've spent two years building a loving relationship and being there when I needed someone who would let me vent and not judge me by my looks. I know I accepted your engagement ring and said at the time that you were foolish to entertain any worry that I'd say no. However, you're ultimately not worth marrying. Have a nice life willing to do your part but trapped on the cusp of adulthood anyhow." "Sorry, Mike. I know you paid a hundred bucks to give Eharmony a chance like the rest of us but you're not even worth the mindless effort it takes to return your introductory volley of multiple guess questions let alone actually go out to dinner with." Now *there* was a case where I would have done better buying up a hundred bucks worth of lottery tickets. As astronomical as they are, my odds of success would probably have been greater. You'd think I would have learned by now. God knows why I haven't given up the ghost of hope yet.

Hey! Come to think of it, he *does* know. It's *his* fault entirely! He made me this way and then stuck the good friends and supportive family in place to make certain I felt compelled to cheerfully jump down each and every well which might possibly hold the refreshing water of life experience despite having the intellect to expect the stony bottom of rejection. Said people now include two adorable neaces who I'll be spending tomorrow with on a trip to Canada's Wonderland followed by a swim and visit back here at my parents' home. I at least have the title of Uncle Mike firmly under my belt. Regardless of what fate has in store for me, I'll do my best to be the wise, ever resourceful, creative, fun and loving uncle they both deserve. He also produced whoever came up with the game which has helped me get through the profoundly long and lonely Summer.

Yes, folks. Who would have thought that I, a man who detests games of pure random luck, would grudgingly admit that I'm grateful for a game nearly as mindless as Bingo or a slot machine? I'm talking about:
www.dragontavern.com
for those foolish or profoundly bored enough to follow in my digital footsteps. Basically, you create a character and use your daily allotment of action points to send him or her on completely random adventures where you have absolutely no control over the outcome. The only things you decide are the level of risk, how best to invest resources and skill points as well as when to use an action point to return to the tavern in order to sell loot and heal up. Essentially, taking away the fantasy trappings, you're left with a glorified game of Chicken. Whenever my creative engine stalls for lack of live experience upon which to draw, I've turned to this pastime. My main character Eldrex is a warrior slowly approaching level 40 who I sadly sent into danger once too often earlier today and died as a result. Fortunately for him and me, that merely accrues a fairly hefty debt of experience to be painfully paid off over the next couple of days worth of mindless fun. All the investments of equipment, skill points, and dearly bought advantages are safe and secure. Thorebar, my "hard core" character, has gone and snuffed it countless times since his original creation. I keep thinking he's ready for one too many risks and get him killed off yet again. He has to start from scratch every time. It's a pure ego thing but I keep starting him over for the pure random heck of it. He gets fifty action points per day. Combined with my main character's twenty-five action points, this forms a healthy daily dose of nearly brainless chance-driven chaos. I hereby swear by the two hapless six-sided dice which have resided in my desk drawer for well over a decade, that I'll make a grand thing of these two digital beings. They will stand shoulder to shoulder as testament to society's unswerving ability to waste the time, love, and talents of a man who still remains eager for more of what life has to offer. Let those numbers, hidden away in an obscure, inanely simple but nonetheless addictive game, be the extent of my virtual vengeance for reducing me to such a stupendous low point over these five months. I suppose I may as well go and attempt to reincarnate poor dead Thorebar and begin his journey to hard core glory once more. I have nothing better to do.

Fortunately, this Sunday after church is looking less dull than usual. I'll be going with Joseph to Tucker's Marketplace for a lunch. I believe other people are going as well but am not certain of that. After that, it looks like the church is having its first games night from mid afternoon to early evening. Perhaps, I can attend that also. Weekends have been quite good lately. I just need to fill up the weeks. A trip or two to Symposium will help a little, but you'd really think there would be more scope for at least social action or volunteering if not actual employment for someone like me. A lot of folks are praying and rooting for me online. I literally find myself hoping to God that it does some real-world good. I've done absolutely everything I can think of now. If more inspirations come my way, I'll certainly entertain them. However, my future truly rests in his hands. There's a certain relief in that but also a tremendous frustration.

on the right track

Hello everyone. I got a very good sleep last night. It's sunday afternoon. Church was very interesting. The guest speaker had a brilliant way of bringing the bible into the modern age and illustrated how we're all called upon to bring some of God's kingdom to earth. It might not always seem like it but even our troubles can be a part of that. I also met up with Pastor Sam who wants to have breakfast with me at Symposium one day soon. That'll be an interesting morning for certain. Joseph has certainly proved an interesting companion in church. He usually gives me a lift to and from. Today, he got me to feel a shoebox stuffed full of flashcards. There were over seven thousand of them and they were all five-letter words. The box was nearly full and had quite the heft to it. Thinking about all those myriad cards spread out, each with its own five-letter word was just mind-boggling.

Last night, I visited Mark and Wendy. We tried out the game of Talisman which I have on my netbook. It's a lot more fun with three or more players. The dynamics just work well. We must have played for a few hours and they'd be up for a full game of it one of these days despite Wendy eventually having been turned into a toad. It's a fantasy game which doesn't take itself too seriously and works well for groups. Dinner was excellent as always.

This afternoon, Ava, Amia, and Allison are coming over for a visit. It sounds like everyone is doing well. In fact, I believe I hear voices downstairs now. Think I'll pop off and see who's here. Later, folks.

Delicious Victory

Hello everyone. I've finally worked up the nerve to try and get to Symposium on my own. After writing since around five A.M., I figured I just damned well wanted a good breakfast and a break. I've placed my order and am writing this blog entry while it's being prepared. I've essentially been waiting all summer to be able to do this. At last, I've succeeded in getting here on my own. There's still the getting back part. However, I made certain dad was around in case I screw up irretrievably there. I don't expect to though. It's pretty quiet here this morning. I just overheard a man essentially get hired. Who would have expected that given these hard times? Very nifty. I expect I'll find out his name eventually. It was also apparently some little kid's birthday but I couldn't tell whether it was a girl or guy.

It's damned nice to finally be able to get somewhere on my own like this. I hope to come here once a week. Not certain I could financially sustain coming much more often than that. Breakfast was absolutely scrumptious. Bacon, eggs, home fries and toast. Delicious! Service has been very quick also. I got here somewhere around nine and it's now just ten after ten. I'm enjoying an orange juice before I head home. They don't rush you here which is something I deeply appreciate.

It would have been infinitely better had there been a friend or two available to share this personal victory with. Eating here alone is comfortable enough but one does feel the absence of companionship. Even facing yet another personal victory by myself, I still feel like I'm on cloud nine. Making the podcast documentary of this isn't going to be easy but I ought to have enough source material. I'll look at that starting on Monday. it'll take a while before I feel completely competent with the route. In particular, the part going back. However, I've done it once now. That counts for quite a lot indeed. I'll finish my drink, pay my bill, and head back home.

I'm back safe and sound. It's approaching eleven thirty. Guess I was walking out there for around an hour. Going there was just so straight-forward and went so well that I guess I was a bit overconfident. There were a few little adventures on the way. I got confused and took some guidance from Al, a friendly man who saw me in a moment of confusion. He unfortunately took me to the right intersection but wrong corner. It took quite a bit for me to sort that out. I need to have a couple more lessons about the initial part of the route going home. However, all's well that ends well. Breakfast was awesome. I wouldn't dream of having lunch today.

The netbook didn't find any wifi signals within range. However, I can easily do without the Internet should I choose to go and do some writing there for an afternoon while enjoying a fruit smoothy. Now there's something to look forward to. Better yet would be to line up a few people near my age for an afternoon chat but one can't have it all I suppose.

I still have to find an offline encyclopedia somewhere which I can load onto the netbook. Haven't solved that problem yet. However, I did manage to round out my sound effects collection this week using some of the money my grandmother sent. I can now be absolutely confident that I have everything I need in the sound effects department courtesy of Sound Ideas. I got the XV MP3 collections since they have a 30-percent-off Summer promotion on. Guess that's almost over now. The only thing I'll eventually have to take care of in terms of assets for the game is a suitable opening and closing theme. None of the music I've already acquired quite works for that. Once I've developed more of the soundscape and audio presentation overall, I'll be better able to choose those pieces of music wisely. I have what I need for everything else. All that's such a very long way off. I don't kid myself that my current creative burst is going to last especially given current social circumstances. I need there to be more to life and there just isn't anything now.

I've started reading a book called Haulted State by Charles Stross. Hope I got his spelling right. It's about a poor hapless cop who finds herself called in to investigate a bank robbery which took place in an online fantasy game. I've barely scratched the serfice but it's pulling me along so far. I've also started listening to a series of documentaries I grabbed from the BBC Documentary podcast all about gold. There's also a nifty series of discussions they're doing called the Athiest and the Bishop which I have to make certain I catch the rest of. The first one was absolutely awesome. They're going at the harder questions and not pulling any punches. Other than that, there's not a whole lot else on the horizon. I've pretty much given up on hearing anything more from that teacher I was starting to have some slight hope for. There's certainly a degree of dark amusement at the thought of overwelming a teacher with too much information but it's still disappointing. Haven't heard from Sarah up in Niagara Falls either. She was going to be pretty busy until the Autumn though so I guess we might still actually get together eventually. God! This has been an extremely solitary Summer. There's no end to the status quo in sight either. I've picked up some more online penpals and found another chat community to join which is mainly populated with blind Christians although they hope this changes over time to be more inclusive of other Christians as well. They've survived for around four years so far. Not too shabby at all. It's certainly better than total isolation but when you've been praying for more time with friends and/or a special lady who's actually present in person, it just feels like putting a square peg into a round hole. There just aren't any alternatives within my reach. At least it passes the time a bit more pleasantly.

life goes on

Another saturday is upon me. I had a broken but ultimately sufficient sleep. Hopefully, I'm not in line for another hard fight with insomnia. That would truly suck. Yesterday, my parents and I joined our neighbours for a corn roast. It certainly made for some interesting conversation. The corn was scrumptious and so was the catfish I got to try for the first time.

Psychologically, I'm feeling more able to cope with the life I've got rather than wishing like hell for drastic change. I guess all the isolation finally thumped me against rock bottom. Society sees fit to utterly squander my gifts. Under such circumstances, I'm doing all that I possibly can to enjoy the copious time at my disposal while doing what good I can. I no longer feel that I owe the world more effort than I'm giving. The certainty that things will ultimately improve either by my lucking out in the love department or at least by eventually obtaining affordable housing has taken better root in me. Over the past couple of days, I've actually made quite a bit of progress with Enchantment's Twilight's design document. There's still a ton to do. Even the design document is going to be quite a substantial size when it's finally done. However, I'm hopefully going to avoid the problem of wanting to continuously add new aspects to the game when actual development starts. It'll be especially useful for maintaining a cohesive vision if I ultimately choose to try and turn this into a collaborative Internet community project to be published for free. I'm nowhere near that major fork in the road.

This afternoon, I used Skype to call my grandmother. She sent some money to all her grandchildren and I always like to thank her for it. It makes quite a difference for me. Skype worked quite well as did the new gaming headset. She had no trouble hearing me but couldn't hear other people who were farther away from the mic. Also, she didn't seem to be disturbed by hearing her own voice come back at her despite the pc speakers being on. Dad tried it out also and they had quite a good conversation. It seems we'll be going on a family trip out to Winnipeg at some point. That ought to be a damned nice change of place for me. I've had all too few of those this Summer and it unfortunately shows in my overall lack of progress with Enchantment's Twilight.

Last thursday, I went out with Adam and his latest girlfriend for a meal at Symposium. It was damned good to be there with a couple of people my own age. We thankfully didn't get caught in that major storm walking over there. It struck during our dinner and seemed to be finnished by the time we left. As usual, the conversation was good right along with the food. Keith, one of the waiters there, happened to be serving us and remembered me. All the staff are quite friendly. It's a major reason why I'm fighting as hard as I am to learn how to get there and back independently. Even if, as seems likely, I don't meet anybody new there, I'll still come out ahead. That makes a very nice change of pace when most of the time, my acomplishment and experience don't seem to ultimately count for much more than praze from people I'll never meet. It's the sort of thing that gives me hope for better things to come if I can just hang on, be patient, and try to keep cheerful.

Plentyoffish is a busy place today. I couldn't get in this morning to check on the forums. It seems I somewhat overwelmed the teacher who seems interested in me with too much information. Online dating is so awkward that way. You get no feedback until you've gone and written too much and then, it's done. Revealing too little seems to have made it all to easy for people to keep hold of negative presumptions about me and simply move on. Revealing too much is problematic also. However, at least I'm left with a sense that they've got something to work with if they're actually interested. I've always felt better about things which start with all my cards on the table. I don't want anybody ever to feel that I'm hiding information or less than honest. If they're going to turn away from me, better they do so without any excuse of that nature. There was a time when I had more of a sense of undamaged hope about newly started connections to people. Janene has clearly destroyed a good chunk of that. I fervently hope that some day, I'll meet someone new who can put me on cloud nine again. I'd like to think that I still have enough remaining optimism and faith in people for that to happen. We all need some spark of magic in our lives.

Next up for me, I guess there's church in the morning. Other than that, there's nothing on the radar until wednesday morning when my next lesson comes around. One week has been much the same as the last for too damned long. I'm a bit behind in my podcast listening. By romorrow, there'll be a bunch more for me to grab. Nice to have a small stockpile to give time a good swift kick in the ass when it starts to crawl. I ordered a couple of new accessories for my netbook yesterday. One is a key-operated Kenzington security lock I found a recommendation for in Smart Computing. Subscribing to that website was a splendid investment on my part. I also found out about a new notebook stand which may work better for the netbook and be more portable than the table I've been using. I'll know one way or another about that in around a month I guess.