Doomsday and Other Happennings

May 22:

Good incredibly early Monday morning. It's just after midnight but it's been a long while since I've felt such a sense of wholeness, hope and restoration. It'll be a while before I turn in despite yesterday's early morning intentional venture from bed. But I'll get to that in due course. There's so very much I ought to blog about.

When last I posted, I was about to go for a TV interview for a new show starting this Fall on the Accessible Channel. Nothing about it went as expected but it was still a very interesting experience. The transportation company hired to pick me up was over an hour late. For me, it was quite a pleasant hour waiting outside during a period of sunshine amid some gloomy days. I met and chatted with some folks outside my building. getting to the studio, the pace picked up as people tried to adjust their timeline to fit my late arrival. A lady put some dry powder on my forehead and didn't seem to worry about the rest of my exposed skin. I guess I had thoughts of being covered in some sort of goo so this was a pleasant surprise. Next, it was into what seemed an overly large studio with acoustics which made it hard to hear my interviewer at times. Presumably, it looked good though. As things turned out though, there wasn't much time to cover the subject at all. I had planned on demonstrating at least a couple of PC games followed by Stem stumper on the iPHONE. Things moved far too rapidly with too much time taken away by the introduction to show and studio. Pong is a great starting game but a very underwelming example of how advanced these games have become over the years. I just hope they provide the links people will need to find out more on their own initiative. There's so much story and fascinating history after nearly fifteen years of audio games but they simply don't offer much eye candy for the lumination dependent. A good radio documentary would do more for us I think. I rode back in a limousine they sent, presumably as a way of making amends for the late trip in. The driver was interesting to chat with. This impressed me far more than some fancy car ever could. And thus ended my first appearance on TV in a very long while.

As predicted, things sort of settled down after that. I say sort of because there was, of course, Mr. Camping's prediction that Judgement Day would fall on Saturday. This man and his organization has come from the fringes and somehow gotten an extraordinary amount of attention. His prediction is the first supernatural doomsday scenario which I've been old enough to consciously observe. I have no memory at all of his 1994 prediction invading my social surroundings at all. Things were very different this time. Everyone was talking about it as well as the people who went to such effort to tell the world that it was about to end.

I have somewhere around 120 followers on Twitter. They're either people I've come to know and respect due to their online efforts or people who seem to think I'm worthy of following for whatever reason. The rapture just kept coming up. None of them really bought it. Many saw it as a perfect example of why we'd be altogether better off without religion. There were endless snarky quips and questions. God won't be judging us on the 21st, Mr. Camping, but on the 22nd, we'll all be judging you. Would god remember to clean up his mess taking the bodies of those raptured up to heaven, or would the rest of us be stuck burying them while dealing with everything else? What time zone was God in again? I couldn't get through a day without someone who knew of my faith asking me weather I really thought the day of reckoning was upon us. I didn't for a moment, but it's strange how much these things unleash even in the sceptical.

It was all supposed to begin in New Zealand at precisely 2 AM Eastern time on Saturday morning or the dreaded 6 PM their time. And where was I when that very first hour of doom fell? I could have quite easily been asleep despite every intention not to be. Meaning to catch the start of Jonathan Mosen's Rapturous Explosion at 1 AM, I thought I'd snatch a couple hours of sleep first. I awoke at around 1:35 AM and was in full virtual attendance before 1:40. Cutting it somewhat closer than I intended but I made it to his virtual non-rapture party. Being agnostic, Mr. Mosen has got to be one of the most respectful people of the beliefs of others Who I've ever encountered. He's a family man who has let all of us follow his journey, come to know his wonderful second wife and children, and genuinely cares about others. He's one of the people in the world who help shape my belief in a kind, merciful and loving God who must surely have a better and more just judgement and end planned for us than what Mr. Camping predicted. I believe that I, as a believer, am saved and will live on in Heaven. If I'm to enjoy my eternal life, it's pretty much imperative that God deals with those good people who don't believe in him fairly. Should he fail to do that, people of conscience like me are going to have extreme difficulty deriving any enjoyment from existence. I don't for a moment believe that all good and deserving people will come to believe in Christ before they reach the end of their lives on Earth. If Doubting Thomas was able to touch him in order to believe, I have to think that God will provide similarly for those whose hearts are in the right place before passing judgement. Beyond the whole "no man shall know the hour" thing in Matthew which instantly gave me a gut level sense that Mr. Camping was just irretrievably off the mark, the utter lack of mercy during his envisioned sequence of world ending events struck me as preposterous. I knew that Mr. Mosen and company would have a fun time with this. Jonathan has been editing sounds, podcasts and shows for years now and the possibilities of what he might do for such an occasion as this were endless. I wanted to catch it all live and participate if I could. How far would he go in the interests of fun? Would fun win out over respectfulness? Might he pretend to be God, or when the time came, try to scare everyone via a well-executed audio mini disaster epic?

Many of my expectations in life have never been realized. This is especially the case in the areas of friendship and love. I have a number of very good friends but most of them are too busy, far away, or both to do a whole lot of regular hanging out with or wouldn't be all that interested in, for instance, going to a festival or other events which I'd have liked to experience. I've remarked on more than one occasion that I don't have many guests at all in the apartment. Also, there's no real place to go where you can just spend time conversing with people without there being other expectations or activities attached. In short, I have yet to really find my in-crowd to live life to the fullest with. That process has certainly slowly begun to happen here. I have some real hope of being in the social position I thought I'd occupy by the time I turned thirty when I hit forty. However, for the present, the closest thing to such a hangout and in-crowd that I've managed to find is being on Twitter while tuned into a show on Mushroom FM. Through listening to shows on this wonderful internet radio station while tweeting with the hosts and other community members, you eventually build a surprising sense of connection. It's a slow process as trivial or funny observations, brief commentaries, and bits of their lives build up like dust in the mind. Eventually, you're surprised by just how much you've come to care about the authors of tweets you've read. Not nearly as vivid or constructive as what you have with people you get together with, it's nevertheless a whole lot more worth-while than one might expect. Agreeing to share brief thoughts over a continual expanse of time builds a different sort of friendship. A year ago, I would have felt utterly cheated once again passing through yet another historic moment entirely alone. However, at some point around last November, things changed. Somehow the self I once was who could find a level of contentment in his circumstances and the bright side in everything was restored to me. In a very real way, I wasn't alone this time around. My apartment might be as empty of people as ever, but I nevertheless had a very real sense of participation with others on my Twitter list who were tuned in and listening. Jonathan and company provided the ambience and event while all of us could tweet in and thereby be a part of it.

Meka, a long-time listener from the US and talented would-be singer, wrote in to say how much she'd miss Jonathan and Julia and how good it was to have known them. Peggy, another American, joked that she was listening to hear Jonathan "get what was coming to him" with a to show she meant it jokingly. Another believer, Ray, expressed the hope that there be beer in Heaven. With the poise and wit we all love him for, Jonathan quickly shot back that Jesus had made wine before so he might be in luck on that score. There were the song requests for REM's End of the World as We Know it, Final Countdown, and Tom Lehrer's We'll all go Together When We Go which spoke volumes of those requesting them. Jonathan's wife Julia was present for part of the show after she had finished preparing a dinner of roast duck. Jonathan remarked during the show that he wasn't certain whether or not Julia would be raptured but that at least dinner was in the oven. Not knowing him, one might easily take that for a dreadfully chauvinistic remark. However, anybody who had listened to either of them for any length of time could only laugh and marvel at the deep abiding love those two have found. The quips and jokes flew thick and fast. A fellow show host in Australia hoped that two believers weren't flying the same airplane because that could get rather dicey.
Considering the whole Noah thing, wouldn't pets get raptured? Where does 2012 come in? Wasn't the world supposed to end then?

One thing that was unleashed in a lot of my followers and I over the past days was a great deal of reflection on our lives. No matter how sceptical we were that they'd soon be over, there were countless tweeted or blogged about moments of that. People glad to have found love, to have lived well, etc. A whole lot of us, myself included, couldn't help but count our blessings publicly. If any good came out of the efforts of Mr. Camping and his followers, I think that kind of thankfulness for what we've had was at least something positive.

Jonathan played All you Need is Love by the Beetles as his "last" song. The countdown came and seemed to fly past exceedingly quickly. As time was pulled out from under me like a magician's tablecloth, I experienced such a crowd of thoughts as to defy description. It couldn't be true, could it? I thought of all the friends I had known and briefly wondered whether any would make it into Mr. Camping's estimated 300 million lucky souls. I was thankful for all the wonderful podcasts, documentaries and shows which had given me so much food for thought over so many lonely days here. I may not have done as much in the world as I'd have liked to but there have been so many interesting trips of the mind. There was regret that I had been unable to find a special lady to have married and possibly shared the moment with. As usual, there was just furniture; The chair and desk which had served me quite well for years, the new Imac computer I was still just getting to know, the recently purchased keyboard my hands were poised on allowing me what human connection I had found at what just might be the end of everything. There were so many snippets of current history both personal and global sweeping through my mind. As I thought of my church, family, the events in space and on Earth, it just seemed so preposterous that it could all be swept away like garbage by any sort of loving God. Earlier in the week, Winamp had picked out Pop Goes the World by Men Without Hats. Hearing the song, I couldn't help but imagine Patrick Stuart, in his Captain Picard voice saying: "Oh the world won't end with a bang. Not even a whimper. Just a playful pop." As it had the first time, that thought forced me into a state of good cheer. And then, at last, the moment arrived. There was an awful stretch of time, a ghastly moment of inevitable dreadful uncertainty. We humans must be hard-wired to accept ideas as true at a subconscious primal level. I had dismissed all of Mr. Camping's thinking as bunk since I first heard of it, but for one brief moment, there was a gap in time where it all seemed plausible. I found myself bracing for some sort of impact and feeling surprisingly light and free of past regret. Even as I sadly contemplated all the good friends I'd never see again and hopes which would never be realized, there was a sense that I had given my best and gotten more than many for my troubles. Were things to actually wind down, I'd have felt robbed of whatever the future holds for me here on Earth. I wasn't the only one to experience that horrid moment of uncertainty. Many people tweeted in a similar sense of surprising relief that nothing had happened. Even Jonathan, as sceptical as he was, admitted to a moment's tention and surprising relief when it became evident that Mr. Camping was off the mark with his timing at the very least. Jonathan and company started to party in earnest now. "It looks like Judgement Day waits for another day. And what better cause for a global party is there? he said as Elton John's Still Standing came on the air.

Considering the sound editing skill this man had at his disposal, we Christians have been shown a good deal of grace by this man. He's a living example of why I'm so careful to keep a guard up when it comes to my religious beliefs. It can do a lot of good provided one doesn't go overboard and start trying to do God's judgement job for him. Sadly, even after such thoughts, that's easier said than done as I would learn not even two days later.

Saturday and Sunday were terrific. I enjoyed a wonderful brunch on my balcony sitting on one of my two new comfortable sling back chairs. The only slight downer was having run out of salsa for my scrambled eggs. I couldn't help thinking that had I been among the far too select group of Christians to have been raptured, I would have lessened the ability of looters who broke into my apartment to enjoy any of the eggs which had yet to go rotten. They'd have to do what I did and use garlic and spice instead. As they say these days, "Oops! My bad." Other than that, I believe I'd have left them in reasonably good shape food-wise. I enjoyed that days' Bear's Lair on Mushroom FM out on the balcony while slowly sipping at a margarita on ice. A cool gentle breeze blew in over the rail. I've spent many long excruciating hours wishing I weren't alone. However, the solitary life does have its sublime moments. One couldn't help but feel renewed living in time that, if only for a brief instance, had been uncertain. This was definitely one of them. After the show, I went out and walked around the lake a few times. I had several conversations and met a woman who was actually named Me. I'm not certain of the right spelling but that's how she said it. Never encountered someone with that name before. Hopefully, I can eventually get to know her further. As the dreaded hour of six o'clock arrived in Ontario, I was at home eating dinner with my parents. We had a good meal, caught some of the news, and then I went to work on dad's laptop. It uses XP Pro and when Microsoft Security Essentials refused to install on it, I thankfully found that Avast would work on his machine. It's a very slow old thing and I'm convinced there's stuff running on it that, being retired, he no longer needs. However, I have no idea what he could remove which would speed things up. He doesn't seem to mind at all. It took quite a while to get things sorted out.

Sunday started with a church service. When Pastor Sam asked us whether we had attended any rapture parties, I hesitantly started to raise my hand while thinking that "Sort of..." might have been the best answer there. Mark and Wendy came over to go out for dinner and Joseph was able to join us. I wanted these three to meet for some time now. As I thought would be the case, we all had a good time. Joseph knew of a burger place called Five Guys that the other three of us had yet to try so we'll hopefully do that eventually. Symposium Cafe got our business that evening. I should have done an audioboo while we were all there. Didn't have it ready to go like I should have. My three guests having left after a stroll around the lake, I decided to get my Trekker Breeze and go back out alone to do something I've waited to do all year.

Long-time readers of this blog may remember the keen sense of frustration I felt last year when I couldn't even find my way out onto the path around the lake near my building to join others during fireworks. I remember sitting on my balcony after at last giving up trying hearing how close the explosions and people enjoying them were but being completely unable to reach them. I've spent the majority of my life basically at the mercy of the willingness of others to attend such events with me. Although I prefer going to activities with people, the confinement of not being able to move around and go where I'd like to on my own terms has at times been very hard to live with. Unless you've been similarly limited in some way, I doubt you could comprehend the effect this has on one's life. This year, at long last, I succeeded in joining the people enjoying the fireworks set off near the lake by my building. It was absolutely wonderful to spend a couple of hours appreciating the sounds and warm weather, walking around in complete confidence of being able to return home, and most importantly, being with people with time and inclination to talk. There were a number of curious kids with questions I was happy to answer. I also met some adults who seemed around my age doing precisely what I was. It felt profoundly good to at last be in this position knowing that even if nothing else ever changed in my life here, there would at least be other such evenings to look forward to. I don't know if I'll encounter the people I met again, but there's at least a little hope on that score. I haven't felt such a sense of triumph, of being part of a community without owing my being present to another person's kindness before. I could hang out as long as I liked, drift around with the crowd, and head back without anybody's help. As things turned out, I did take a wrong turn and get briefly lost on the way back to my apartment. People had largely dispursed by this point so there wasn't anybody immediately there to ask directions of. I had brought my iPHONE on the off chance that I got into some sort of real trouble. However, using the new capability for the Trekker Breeze to route to landmarks, I was able to select one and so get directions back onto the proper pathway. I then set the Breeze to track in on the park entrance of my complex which lead up from the path around the lake. It was a simple matter to find my way back to the building with my wrong turn and recovery merely adding to my sense of long-awaited victory. Here's hoping it doesn't prove to be an overly wet summer this year. Wouldn't that just suck? FTo finally be somewhere I know how to get around only to be stuck indoors? Could happen that way I guess.

Upon getting home, I set up my netbook on the balcony for a while in order to start off this blog entry. However, I soon discovered that there seemed to be bugs out there and that it was starting to cool off. My netbook wasn't on all that long. However, a worm had managed to slip past my defences and access my email address information. It sent many spam messages without my being aware of the problem until I was alerted by people on my Twitter list. Thanks to them, I was able to quickly change my Gmail password preventing the worm from sending more emails. The next day, I set about eliminating the problem using Microsoft Security Essentials. I performed two full scans. They each took around three hours. I did the first one while the netbook was offline to prevent any possibility of spreading further harm. Thankfully, Security Essentials was able to detect and eliminate the problem. I then went online to get any unreceived updates for Windows in general and specifically for Microsoft Security Essentials. Once these were obtained, I took the computer back offline and did a second full scan. Six hours is a long time to wait and a long time for my netbook to be working at full throttle. I don't believe I've ever felt the thing while it was so hot. The fan inside truly got a workout. At last, the scan was done. No threats were detected this time. I've had no reports since of any further spam emails from my account being received by anybody. Remember when I said we should back away from being so willing to judge others? Well, I had a relapse on that score. Before I even really thought about what I was typing, I tweeted "If they rounded up all malware creators and spammers, they could make very good use of a low-yield nuke." In retrospect, this does strike me as perhaps a tad harsh and hasty. I've always tried to be as trust-worthy as possible particularly online. I treet my online identity as seriously as my offline one. They're the same thing and I try to take responsability for whatever is posted online in my name. People who undermine my identity by impersonating me in order to turn a profit will, I hope, get their punnishment. However, perhaps, a low-yield nuke would be a tad too drastic for God's liking. In some parts of the world, people are forced into criminal acts in order to survive or feed their children and one can sympathise after the initial anger of victimhood fades away. As Sandra, a church friend of mine said once, they're all victims too in one way or another. One has to let go and let God. Like I said before, that's a process easier recommended than followed. The human tendency is to lash out in defensiveness and vengefulness.

Helping my friend Joseph move into his new condo was unfortunately another exercise more in frustration than in heavy lifting. For most of the time, there were only three of us. One other man came forward to help when Joseph asked during the church service. However, he was only there for a brief time. Had there been even one more person from the beginning, things may have gone differently for me. As it was, I ended up spending most of the time standing around while the other two moved things. If people just take the twenty seconds needed to explain what they need me to do, I'm perfectly able to lift and even walk backwards while someone tells me where and when to turn. I felt exactly as I did when helping John and Sandy get his computer desk set up. Sandy and I were basically left to converse while John, a kindly octogenarian, put the desk together by himself. Words of explanation are all that are needed to make use of my brain and body. Sadly, it seems like sighted folks would rather spend time recovering from over-strained muscles or backs than take the much shorter time needed to make better use of me. To be ready, willing and able to help but rendered unable to safely do so for a lack of communication is exceedingly frustrating for me. I was eventually taken back home in time to go to the Dam as usual feeling like I could have done much more with the morning. There's nothing for it but to keep putting myself out there and hope that circumstances allow my gifts to be better recognised and put to use.

May 30:

It's now a week later. For a while there, nobody knew what Mr. Camping would do since his prediction had failed to happen. Speculation ranged from him having blown himself away rather than face his disappointed angry followers to all manner of other possibilities regarding what he might come out with next. Like it or not, he's still stuck on the planet with the rest of us. Eventually, Mr. Camping did what a lot of people likely expected him to do. I had held some faint hope that he would come to his senses and admit he was in error. Perhaps then, he would walk away from what the bible clearly says is an impossible task from the start and turn his long years of study to something more benneficial. No such luck though. We're now T minus 5 months and counting. The world will end, acording to Mr. Camping, on October 21. Couldn't he just wait until some time in November letting all the kids enjoy Haloween? There's also the matter of my birthday on October 29th. Come on, God. Hold those horsemen a while, will you? What happens when that date passes by with no drastic events whatsoever? I guess then, he could go for December 21, 2012 and grasp at the straws of the Mayans he has previously laughed at so much. Are there any doomsday predictions after that date? I don't believe I've heard of any at all past 2012. I guess there must be but they haven't caught on culturally at all.

It has certainly been fascinating to have experienced one of these supernaturally based predictions. The whole 2000 world-end stuff always struck me as being more about our ability to wipe ourselves out so I don't really count it as being a widely held supernatural doomsday scenario. The buildup to it had a very different feel than did Mr. Camping's date of reckonning. I pitty his followers who he managed to string along this far and are now prepared to follow him for yet another half-year. His prediction has completely ruined a whole lot of lives. I think of the children caught up in their parents' misplaced zeal. How many families have had their well-earned prosparity erased through a misguided attempt to do God's work? There are countless ramifications. For how many people will Mr. Camping's prediction prove to be the final nail in the coffin of former faith in a loving and merciful God? How many families have been needlessly divided by hurtful remarks and worse as people dealt with this sudden call of "Time's up!"? There's not much one can do to counter the effects of extremists among one's faith. I have an idea how the Muslims must feel as the actions of a very small number of Mohamed's followers get all the attention leaving moderate sensible people to be painted with the same harsh brush of damnation. For my part, I'll continue doing what I've always done; simply try to enjoy the good in God's world as much as I can while attempting to increase it for as many people as I can. In the final annalysis, that's all we can do; show the world through our own conduct, words and actions that we're not all like that. I have a lot of blessings in life. I have a comfortable apartment in an area that I'm finally starting to feel very familiar with. I still take the odd wrong turn but for the first time ever, I can actually imagine a day where I'll be so familiar with my surroundings as not to even have to think about them. Travelling around won't be the act of heavy concentration that it usually is for me. Starvation, freezing to death, and running completely out of money aren't concerns for me unless I did something incredibly foolish. I suppose anything is theoretically possible. It's hard to actually save up money especially with the odd unexpected expense or opportunity popping up. Grocery costs have gone up more than I expected. However, I can still hold my own fairly nicely. I've found a purpose and direction in life through my writing, recorrding events in this blog, and being where I can be of use to others. Unlike many families, my own is very supportive of me. Life on ODSP is so much harder for people without that advantage. I think of the kids at The Dam and hope that God sees fit to help them and their families maintain as healthy relationships as possible. When real life takes the stuffing out of you and crushes your hopes and dreams, it's been my family and some very good friends who have been there to help me pick up the pieces and cary on.

I've gotten up much later than intended after taking my sleeping aid of choice in the small hours being unable to drift off. I believe I'm skirting the edge of insomnia again and will take appropriate defensive measures. Thankfully, there's a lot going on this week. That tends to help. Also, June seems to be shaping up as a busy month overall. I have Minney coming over on thursday for computer assistance and a visit. It'll be good to see her again. There's the Dam tomorrow afternoon. The multiethnic conference covers the tenth through twelfth. The weekend after that, it appears I'll be camping with Ron and his crew of friends. That takes me right past the middle of the month and leaves me looking forward to Canada Day and my week away at Lake Jo. I'm very appreciative of how time just isn't dragging slowly along any more in my life. One or two days in a row with absolutely nothing happening can still be tougher to slog through especially on weekends. Periods where it rains often are becoming more oppressive for me. There have been a number of rainy days and I've noticed that they make me feel more gloomy than they did in earlier years. Whether it's an age-related thing or simply a reaction to having found more freedom outdoors and having that freedom eliminated by rain, or just being more sensitive to dampness in the air, I don't know.

Yesterday, I went to my youngest niece Alleah's christenning. She was very good during the service but people applauded after the baptism and I think that scared her a bit. The service stirred some old memories as it was very similar in ritual and form to what I remember growing up in an Anglican church. I don't believe I could ever go back to attending that kind of services again regularly. Too ritualistic, one was left with the feeling that if one didn't jump through X, Y, and Z hoops, you weren't a proper part of God's kingdom. My faith and innate sense of what's right tells me that the ongoing friendship between oneself and God is far more important. All that ritualistic back-and-forth just doesn't square with what worship is all about for me. Given my own period of wandering and then returning to faith in God, I trust that this will guard and keep her until she's truly ready to decide for herself, as I have, what she believes.

Staring someone's doomsday prediction in the teeth truly makes one conscious of God's gift to us of time. We still have time to wander, explore, live life as fully as our circumstances permit, and find our best potential. There's thankfully still time for us to enjoy what we have and to hope for still more opportunities to add to the richness and scope of our lives. One of these has come upon me this week. I had an excellent conversation with a man named Ryan Strunk. He's a programmer and long-time admirer of an old project I haven't thought much of in damned near a decade. It was a game called Sparkle. He believes he can program it into an audio arcade game, the very thing I had originally envisionned it as. It'll be a very long slow project. Both of us have other things on our plate. Having a game idea of mine actually programmed and playable has been a dream since childhood. It also gives me motivation to start tinkering with Goldwave and my large sound effects collection again. The experience I gain in sound combining and editing will serve me well years down the road when Enchantment's Twilight reaches a point in its development.One way or another, this Summer isn't going to be nearly as much of a creativity washout that last summer was. There's a whole lot more scope for hope on the social front. There'll be a lot more casual conversations with different people as I take greater advantage of the lake environment and perhaps the odd stop in Symposium Cafe for a meal or refreshing fruit smoothey or perhaps something stronger. Ideas are starting to emerge for Enchantment's Twilight. Nothing huge yet, but I'm just grateful it's moving at all at this stage. It adds to the sense that there are possibilities.

Riding the Wave of Life

Hello everyone. It's another tuesday morning. The weather hasn't been great over the past few days. I had a great time late last week though. We had a few very nice warm days. I spent quite a bit of time outdoors walking around the lake meeting people and reacquainting myself with the area. I'm not quite at the point of competence I was at the end of last Autumn but that'll come back quickly enough. The Trekker Breeze is working splendidly. It seems I'm not the only one on ODSP around here. I met a lady who has a couple of mental conditions which mean that her brain can only function fully for a few hours a day at most. The rest of the time, she finds it hard to focus on things clearly and get much done. I was able to get her laughing and that felt good. I hope I never have to find out what it's like to truly lose my mental faculties. That thought creeps me out even more than losing my hearing. Given how much I rely upon sound, that's saying something.

I've also been gearing up for tomorrow's TV interview for the Accessible Channel. It's nice to know people out there still care about games accessible to blind people and that my expertise in that area is still valued. Recently, I did a podcast with Serotek as well about games for the IOS devices. I'm just beginning to get into those on my iPHONE. Now if I could just get the creation of Enchantment's Twilight back in gear again,... well, I guess all there is to do is keep trying and be patient with myself. God knows I've tried forcing creative stuff to come out of my brain and it just won't until it's ready. Thank goodness the weather is finally getting nicer. I can go for walks and at least put myself in the path of potentially interesting inspirational people.

This latest May 21st end of the world prediction keeps popping up everywhere. My twitter followers are having endless fun discussing it. This is the very first supernatural world end prediction that I've been conscious of. The group made an earlier 1994 prediction apparently but I have absolutely no memory of that enterring into life at all back then. The 2000 end of world stuff was more based on man-made disaster. I certainly remember people quoting bible verses and the like but the real thing hoverring over everyone was the fear that machines would cause disasters by failing all over the world as the dates rolled over. This time, God, out of patience and full of wrath, is front and centre in the worst way possible. The ultimate dad throwing the ultimate tantrum. No more warnings and no more Mr. nice guy. Just all the "good" folk snatched away and five months of Hell on a shaking Earth.

I don't believe God has left us any sort of code to crack when the time is right or anything like that. It'll just happen when it happens. All one does by making predictions like this is set oneself up for failure and give skeptics yet more reason to be so. My major problem with what they say is that it's simply too capricious. The merciful loving God I believe in just wouldn't act as this group tells us the bible says that he will. It just doesn't jive for me. I don't claim to know God all that intimately. I'm a relatively recent Christian who has yet to read the whole bible. However, I believe we're still very far from any sort of point of no return. Also, the whole thing about churches being utterly useless since 1998 simply doesn't fit facts. It certainly gets you thinking though. How do groups like this get so much attention? Are people that desperate for an escape from this world that they'd welcome such cruelty for those who don't believe? What if all the effort, time and money pumpped into spreading this latest cry of wolf were directed to more worth-while ends?

In other prior incidents of predicting the world ending, we've seen people do extraordinary things, give away all they have being convinced that they'd be raptured and not need it, etc. However, there are a couple of different elements to this latest scenario. The horrid but relatively brief post-rapture period they describe wouldn't leave anybody in shape to actually make use of what was given away. Also, and this is by far the saddest element to all this, salvation will be utterly impossible after the 21st. This leaves approximately five months of earthquakes and supernaturally caused insect-bite agony for any who remain on Earth. Such pain wouldn't be any sort of last-ditch attempt to get peoples' attention. It would simply be God's final fit of anger, an utterly unmerciful, dismal, and hopeless winding down of time. Giving stuff away would therefore not do anybody the least bit of good. I'm left wondering what, if anything besides presumably praying, members of this fringe group are doing to prepare. You don't exactly need to pack stuff before being raptured, do you? I guess they're trying to "save" as many souls as possible as quickly as possible. If my experience on that journey to faith is anything to go by, that kind of "believe or miss out" argument just isn't a good place to start. Also, what happens after the 21st when they're inevitably proved to be wrong as all too many others have been before them? Apparently, not all such dissapointed? groups fade into the sunset after their chosen dates come and go. Will we see another sect emerge to somehow try and compete with the multitude of existing branches of Christianity? You'd think there'd be enough for everyone already. What will all those people do after the long weekend I fully expect to enjoy?

There isn't a whole lot else extraordinary to talk about. Podcasts, family visits, and various conversations have kept life moving fairly nicely along over the past while. Doing the Serotalk Tech chat and talking to the creator of StemStumper was a distinct pleasure. I look forward to any more such opportunities. After tomorrow's interesting trip to a Tv studio, I expect things will once again settle down. I don't have any plans for the long weekend. Presuming nice weather and no other happennings, I may go out and see what goes on down at the lake. I may go again to the multiethnic conference held by the reformed dinomination to which I belong which happens in early June. Other than that, my week away in early July at the Lake Joseph centre is the only other thing planned over the next hopefully warm and mostly dry months. I don't want a damp rainy Summer. I wish I had more people or a special lady to hang out with and go places with. However, one way or another, I intend to spend a lot more of this Summer outdoors. I'd love it if I could spend that time in conversations which built and lead to stable friendships, but can't bring myself to expect that after last Summer. Most likely, there'll be many pleasant conversations which may well inspire my creativity but won't really break any barriers which would let me onto a more connected sustained social plane. I'll hear about festivals or events which I'd love to attend with people but won't know anybody interested in going. Barring something drastic and unexpected, my road to really changing that state of affairs is going to be long and very slow as people gradually learn more about me and I them during brief passing conversation or through church. Twitter has really been helpful in keeping empty days moving along and feeling less like they've been lived in a vacuum. I'm still amazed at how good I'm feeling overall. I'm not used to being able to just get through even very dull days and not find myself trapped in a blue funk of no escape. Last saturday was another such gloomy day which could have, even should have, brought me down from whatever emotional pillar I seem to be on. However, I was able to enjoy it quite well. Overall, I just seem to be more accepting of how things are and on more of a positive track. Hard to believe that it's been like this since November.

Soon now, I'll be off to the Dam for another afternoon. One thing I've got to do over the next while is try and hook up with Steve now that he's back from India. I haven't had a good talk with him yet about his trip or what I've been up to over the past while. There's a lot to catch up with there. I've been fiddling more with Audioboo lately and figured out how to add pictures to my "boos" as they're called. Haven't gotten many comments on the ones I've taken already but I guess a lot of my followers are blind and wouldn't see them. One new addition I'm very happy to have is a couple of very comfortable slingback balcony chairs. They're far more comfortable than the plastic ones I've used up until now and it'll be much more pleasant sitting out on the balcony this Summer presuming no loud construction work. They're very porous so they shouldn't be carried off by the wind or be too wet from the rain.

Post Election Thoughts And Other Happennings

Hello everyone. It's been quite a week. Mainly, family events have predominated. My grandmother came from Winnipeg and I did quite a bit with her while she stayed with my parents. She was a bit overwhelmed by all the technology in my life during a brief stop in my apartment. It's such a different mode of existence than what she has known. The slot machines at the casino are more her speed. It's her favourite pastime. Joining her and my parents on a couple of excursions to said establishment, I can't say I'm at all more inclined to go there any more often than when she visits. I can justify it as a way to spend time with her and my family. It's good to hear her enjoying herself. She has more than earned the right to over a long life well lived. I do, of course, gamble only with some of the money she gave me. This time around, I actually won enough to pay for a couple of app's like Navigon for my iPHONE. Should anything happen to my Trekker Breeze, I'll at least have something to work with once I figured this app out.

Over the weekend, I celebrated my niece Ava's fifth birthday. That really spilled over into Monday, her actual birthday. Dan and Allison hosted a very well run happy party of kids at their house in Hamilton. Ava was far more happy to turn five this year than she was about becoming four last year. On Monday, I joined them for an outing to Chuck E. Cheese and had an enjoyable time helping carry tokens, pushing in the odd otherwise unreachable gas pedal as a good uncle ought, and hearing Ava and Amia enjoy themselves so very much. After that, we went back to my parents' house for more celebrating. I captured a little of it with a new app on my iPHONE called audioboo. It made for a very long but happy day that began with news of Osama bin Laden's death and ended with the formation of our new government.

On both subjects, my feelings are mixed but optimistic overall. Osama's death will very likely trigger revenge attacks. The man built his whole organization with the idea that he would very likely die sooner than later right from day one. Instead of one mastermind with a theoretically cohesive plan, we now have multiple heads on the snake free to strike at their own whim and all venom-spitting mad. Hope the Americans thought that through a bit. The man got better than he richly deserved. Were I a vengeful sort after retributive justice, the last thing I would have wanted would be for him to have died quickly. Perhaps, had he been chased by those operatives into a cave like everyone thought he was hiding in and left to rot there, that might have appeased some anger. However, he's just dead now. No information can be gleaned from his corpse. Nor can any further punishment be inflicted upon him other than that which God will certainly inflict. While his death prevents him from killing anybody else, it brings none of his victims back from the dead and elevates him to martyr status. Pandora's box has been well and truly opened.

Turning to the election we just had, I never thought things would be nearly so polarizing in outcome. Despite being a mainly Liberal-leaning man, I think the NDP will make a far better balance to harper. Jack struck me as the right man for that very important job provided he remains healthy. The Liberals can and must finally focus on cleaning house and regaining their consistency. Conservatives should look at this as an opportunity to show us more liberal-minded folk that they do actually care more than the negative campaign portrayals would have us believe. Harper has precisely what he's wanted now. "Give me a majority so I'm not perpetually hamstrung!" he asked us. Well, for better or worse, Canadians have given him that majority. We'll now at least stop wobbling about and head in a stable direction over the next while. That's something at least.

Conservatives do in fact care for those who are less fortunate. My father has been a staunch supporter of Conservatives for as long as I can remember. Despite that, he still very much values me and others in my predicament. Despite not having much prospect for steady jobs, we aren't of no value to him. I don't for a moment believe that all those who support the Conservative agenda ipso facto don't care about the environment, giving people second chances, etc. My father and I have had very different life experiences. He's seen the world of business largely work from his perspective. His efforts in school paid off with steady work which was available from very early on. He has remained with the same company General Electric, for his whole working life right up to an only slightly early retirement. He's been able to support his family well and kept a pretty healthy balance between work and the rest of life as far as I've been able to tell as his son.

I, in contrast, found that my education didn't lead to such a successful road. I've gotten to know many people whose efforts and gifts should have but weren't snapped up by big or small business. It's been a very different world for me than what the so-called experts predicted for my parents and I as I grew up. A world where virtue is often simply untapped. Where people can stay out of trouble, get a degree and still end up chronically unemployed. I've met too many people who have fallen through the cracks despite every effort not to and who had far better credentials than I. I can only hope that by the time the teens I try to be a good friend and mentor to at the Dam are ready, steady jobs are waiting for them. Hopefully, going with the devil we know was the right choice for that to happen. Everything depends on the willingness of this new parliament to sit down and really keep things together. The opposition has got to do a far better job at accepting that for better or worse, the Conservatives have won by a landslide and only oppose the will of the people where it really makes sense to and is necessary. The Conservative agenda was chosen in a pretty fair if somewhat too fear-driven personally negative election. I do so wish all the personal attacks could be done away with but am enough of a realist not to hold my breath. By the same token, I hope Mr. Harper listens to any objections and suggestions as he has said he would. The loudest message I think we've sent as Canadians is that we sure as shit don't want another election any time soon. We want things to get done in orderly and sensible fashion.

There's certainly room for some interesting developments. We've got a 19-year-old parliamentarian, the very first Green Party member MP, Quebec NDP members making a large part of our opposition in a party who has never been in that particular role federally before. They cleaned house in Quebec and devastated the Bloc. And no, reader. My optimism doesn't go far enough to believe that this means Quebec sovereignty is at last a dead horse. At best, it'll lie dormant for a while as we see how well Quebec interests are taken into account by Ottawa over the next while. I have a small hope that perhaps, at long last, some movement might be made toward healing that old tear in the fabric of our on the whole good nation. There are also something like thirty Liberals who have hung in there and survived the utterly crushing night for their party. A lot of very interesting pieces on the board now. Perhaps, there'll be more room for such individuals to make a real difference behind the scenes. Or, perhaps, that's just my incurable ever-present hope and optimism talking. I guess we'll all find out over the next while.

Happy Easter

Hello everyone. It's yet another Easter weekend. This year, it has been excellent thus far. I went out with Mark and Wendy for lunch at a place called The Fire Pit. The burger and fries were excellent. Have to go back and try their souvlaki at some point. Things seemed pretty dead there. Guess most people were doing other stuff. My computer has behaved itself very nicely this week. I have now acquired a time capsule and magic trackpad thanks to a generous financial gift from my grandmother. The Time capsule is a combination backup drive and router. Setting it up was very easy. Thankfully, I was familiar enough with the Mac way of doing things to get things going. I also have now produced an image of my current Windows state and copied it over onto the time capsule should the problem I encountered last week resurfice. I very much hope that it won't but can't know for certain. Still, it's nice to know that restoring to that point in time is far less of a headache to rebuild from. I also am able to transfer files between my netbook and the pc wirelessly using the time capsule as an intermediary drive. This will be very nice indeed when I'm out on the balcony this Summer.

This morning, I managed to walk to the mall and back by myself for the first time this year. That felt wonderful. It didn't go perfectly. I ended up at the wrong mall entrance going there and took one long wrong turn going back. However, the Trekker Breeze did its job and got me back on course with minimal fuss. Rose joined me for a coffee while I had brunch there. It always feels so much better to have someone across the table to chat with even when there's absolutely no chance for romantic attachment. We're too different in too many ways. She's an interesting lady whose mind is always ticking away. If there's anybody who I feel is likely to say something which gives me an inspirational idea for my writing, it's her. Also, when I need to know about animals, especially horses, she'll have the first-hand knowledge I'm after. She's also studied mythology among other things which can be very fertile ground for story strands and such.

Today and tomorrow, I'll be hearing as much of the Mushroom FM birthday bash as I can. Hard to believe they've been around for that long. It has certainly become something for which I'm very grateful. It's interesting how the Easter long weekend has revealed both the blind community at its worst in earlier years, and what is unarguably an example of us at our best this year. I can think back to at least two aweful examples where a lack of patience and short tempers have provoked disasterous damaging arguments within the online community. In both cases, I felt that the stakes were too high for me to stay out of them letting things spiral out of hand. It would seem so very odd to celebrate with family while feeling forced to engage in these out of control messes during the same long weekend. This year, in a wonderful act of redemptive contrast, I can sit here and join in the Mushroom FM birthday bash. This is an absolute triumph of the blind community. The presenters have drawn in a very large friendly audience who have proved to be a very stable restorative bunch to hang around with online. They really appreciate their listenners and are willing to engage in ongoing conversation with their audience members via email and twitter. I've gained many followers who are fellow listenners. A year ago, I was really hoping and striving for more offline "real world" friends and largely trying to turn away from the digital world. It seemed like such a hollow and meaningless place that I felt utterly trapped in. That's all changed now. I still hope for more engagement with people around me and less time in front of the computer. I'm gradually getting my wish there. Slowly, people are getting to know me more. This Summer should result in more of this as I encounter people on outdoor walks and possibly at the Dam. That stays open during the Summer also. Over the past while, the value of what I've acomplished and what I participate in online has been restored to me. There's a greater sense of being connected in a meaningful if somewhat different way. Twitter has certainly grown on me over the past while and I largely have Mushroom FM to thank for that.

Tomorrow, there's a church breakfast before the Easter service. It ought to make for a very cheerful morning with a community who, sunday by sunday, I've slowly become a part of. After that, I'll be joining my family for Easter dinner. It'll be great to catch up with everyone. My parents have enjoyed a trip along with their neighbours. My brother Dan has had laser sergery and begun the process of trying to switch from a career in restaurant management to being a firefighter. Who'd have ever thunk? Doubtless, I'll also hear lots about what my cute little nieces have been up to while they snarf down Easter treets and race around under sugar power. There's nothing planned for monday. However, there's a slight possibility I'll be woken up by a phone call telling me I've won $500 from Mushroom FM. Can't say I'd mind that at all. I've stumbled across a couple more free books about game development so I'll be looking through those over the next while to see if they have any lessons or ideas I might find useful. It would feel so good to get Enchantment's Twilight really moving again. When I finally finish the design document, I know I'll feel like a million bucks. That's quite a ways off though. It's good to feel a sense of the possibility of life; that new conversations and adventures might be waiting around the next corner or in the next hour. It's good to be at peace with myself and life in general. It's been a long time coming. I hope that all my readers enjoy a happy Easter long weekend weather or not they believe.

First Crisis with New Computer

Hello everyone. It's been a long last few days. It looks like I've just pulled through my first major crisis with this new Mac of mine. Slowly over the past while, working in Windows became more and more impossible as Windows Explorer would keep crashing and not being able to recover. This rendered the computer pretty useless for most things. Strangely, I could still always get speech and Kurzweil going. However, merely trying to examine a folder on the hard drive was usually a death sentence for Windows Explorer. I had to call the good folks at Frontier Computing who, when we found recovery was hopeless otherwise, showed me how to restore the complete Windows partitian from the Mac side using software called Winclone. This restored me to the state my computer was in when they first delivered it. I ended up having to perform this restoration twice more as I'd keep reaching points where I couldn't get speech going for love or money. Each time I did this, I unwittingly forfeited an authorisation for Jaws. Now, I've at last succeeded in reaching a point of apparent stability. I did this by disabling Jaws and using System Access and NVDA while the system obtained a whole thwack of updates for Windows7. The only other major difference is that I have elected to keep Internet Explorer 8 and not get 9 for now.

It was quite a long tedious process reaching this point. I feel like I've fought ten rounds only to win due to an unseen slippery patch on the ground that my enemy happened to step on. A pure fluke of luck. Did updates get installed differently? Did I do something different and crutial durring the last attempt that saved the day? I have no idea. Presumeably, I'll get new Jaws authorisations tomorrow and will be able to use it and my Braile display again. Meanwhile, I've been using mainly System Access. I managed to recover the text from the error event viewer which logged one of the last Windows Explorer crashes I experienced. Unlike before, the system was able to restart Windows Explorer and keep going without crashing. I have absolutely no idea why. Hopefully, the event error text will be more meaningful to other folks than it is to me. I'd hate to think I had gone through that slogging for no gain at all. Whether I've staved off the problem for good or it's slowly building to strike again is still uncertain. I'm going to back up absolutely every piece of writing I do for the next while. I'll also be slow to install more software until a virus of some sort is ruled out. Needless to say, I've tripple checked both my Imac and my external drive for any such thing. Initially, I found a couple of infected files including regcure and an unidentified trojan. Both have been killed and haven't resurficed.

On friday night, I was unexpectedly invited out for drinks and dinner with friends from church. It couldn't have come at a better time. Lost in my computer struggle, I had no idea it was as late in the evening as it was. Great conversation and good food were just what the doctor ordered. I enjoyed the evening thoroughly. On coming home, I stayed up until after two AM working on my computer. Had pretty much everything sorted and under control by around eleven. The rest of the day and today have been quite enjoyable. Damned nice to be able to look in a folder without freezing the system. Here's hoping it stays that way. I also fixed a lon-standing issue with Juice, my podcast grabber of choice. It's now operating very well. A matter of using compatibility mode. Once I get Jaws sorted out, I'm thinking of trying to use Winclone to make a backup image of Windows that I can restore much farther and faster from should I run into the same crap again.

I very much hope the weather at last makes up its mind to stay in Spring mode over the next while. It was snowing out there today and raining yesterday. I'd like to start getting out there and walking a bit more. To be at all motivated to do that, I need nice weather. Perhaps, this week, I'll also finally get to digging more into the Voiceover user guide and getting more of a grasp on the Mac OS which has seemingly just saved my busted Windows7 ass.

Personal Thoughts on Election 2011 and More

Hello everyone. Things are off to a good start this week. My afternoon at the Dam went quite well. It's getting warmer out there and people tend to hang out and talk outside. That suits me and will all the more as it gets warmer. Time spent actually engaged with the teens in conversation is starting to go up. Monday was notable for its insane amount of wind. Had I ventured even a couple of metres away from the building, I may never have found my way back nor heard anybody ask if I needed help even if they yelled. The wind never let up all day. The day was also notable for the most off-kilter Twitter conversation I hope ever to have. It put me in mind of when the chief engineer responsible for Michael Chrichten's Jurassic Park explained about resonant yaw. It's an effect that happens when a rocket is launched incorrectly due to irregularity in propellant or some other deficiency. Once launched, it would go wildly off course and there was just no way at all to correct things. My conversation with Paul felt very much like that. Each of us were busy doing other things but kept being drawn back to this un sequential argument conducted in 140-character chunks over the course of the day. A lady at my church talked about how we all craved the understanding of others and hated to leave things in a state where we felt misunderstood. She's absolutely right there. I should have just realized how utterly hopeless things were much earlier on and continued with my own agenda. However, I just couldn't walk away thinking that a basically good man who I respected had been left with such a false impression of what I'm about and how I've conducted my life both online and off. Some times though, the only thing to do is to simply get on with living and let the judgement of others attend to itself. Easy to say but very difficult to do especially if you have as much solitary time on your hands as I do.

I've spent considerable time looking over the platform launch videos and reading the full platforms put forward by the Liberals, Conservatives and New Democratic Party. I've read all three completely now and have also heard last night's debate. Now that I actually have somewhere I can think of as a permanent home and community to build some semblance of a life in, I feel a lot more disposed to put some time into casting my vote intelligently. While I don't for a moment expect my circumstances to drastically improve or deteriorate due to who's in power, I do feel that our votes are a part of the legacy we leave. In that very small way at least, I can help to shape my country and give it something of who I am.

Kurzweil1000 stood me in good stead with the pdf files of the platforms. Converted them from inaccessible to accessible in very short order. There were some glitches but most were small chunks of nonsense I figured were page headers or something. One more major annoyance was having a whole chunk of text in the Conservative platform about how the opposition had forced us into an unnecessary election kept on being repeated again and again and... again!! all through the damned file. I've never been so fervently sick of hearing words I completely agree with. Somehow, I don't think that was the desired effect. I presume that in print, it appears only one time near the top of the document. The NDP and Liberals have their platforms on their pages in HTML. With the Conservatives, I had no option but to deal with the pdf file. That's not a huge deal for me although having the ability to click to various sections was nice. The NDP platform was by far the shortest. The Conservative and Liberal platforms seemed of pretty much equal length although I think the Conservative one was longer. I haven't done the whole university student thing and taken copious notes or anything. What I'll write about here are the impressions and things that have stuck with me. Perhaps, someone will find them to be useful. I'm no political junky. I don't pay all that much attention between elections and can only offer the in site of an educated mind given more time than most to think about news and things due to being unemployed. Also, being blind all my life, I may very well be missing visually obvious stuff like the condition of streets or other things in my environment that I don't come into contact with or hear in any way. Same goes for body language and such.

Frankly, I don't believe that we really needed another election just now. Democracy is being discredited as it has been since that idiotic attempt to form a coalition government to bring down Mr. Harper some time ago. That was definitely a low point of no return and the dust hasn't really settled since. Enmity between the parties just shouldn't have reached that point where they couldn't work together when we most needed them to. Harper's response of proroguing parliament really didn't sit well with me and still doesn't. You just shouldn't be able to call a halt to parliament when things don't go your way. You have to face the music then and there one way or another. Both sides sort of backed each other into a place where extreme action to unblock things and carry on was necessary. Surely, there was a less fractious and better way to go through that than the political game of Chicken we all found ourselves helplessly dragged through.. A national embarrassment if there ever was one.

I often think that perhaps, sending government and parliament on team-building exercises together might be a very good national investment. I think of the Saw movies where people are often presented with a means of mutual survival if they all cooperate. The cannon fodder in the films never seems to see the cooperative option in time before basically killing each other off thereby dooming themselves. I've often wondered seriously whether our politicians, placed in similar horrific circumstances, would see the cooperative option. Would any survivors perhaps be better able and more quick to seek cooperative solutions, or would we be back in quagmire territory like we are at present before a year was out? I certainly wouldn't hold my breath hoping for the former to be true after what I've heard.

The end result of the whole crazy alliance crap was that the Conservatives indeed changed course and came up with a stimulus plan that everyone could theoretically live with. So far as I can tell, this plan is indeed working and we're clawing our way back towards a more even prosperous path. Prices of things are certainly rising which must mean more average people can afford more than previously. Now that this plan concocted to appease the opposition is on course and actually working, they still can't get their thinking caps around the fact that a steady hand and patience to let this plan fully conclude is what is needed here.

I believe that the Conservatives really did need to come to their senses and give us an action plan to help people get through the recession. At the time, it really did strike me that the country needed more action and direction given what was happening elsewhere and starting to creep into this country. The method used to get that message to sink in is what I strongly objected to. Harper actually came through with what was needed though.

I'll be honest here. I'm not a big fan of the Conservatives. I tend to lean more liberal/NDP. Big business just doesn't always care enough about the people working for it or others effected by it. Short-term profit-driven thinking definitely needs to be balanced and curbed by regulations which take a longer more holistic societal view. Harper himself has never really struck my fancy either even before he called an inexcusable timeout on due process. However, the more deeply I look into things as this campaign unfolds, the more impressed I've become with the Conservative platform. I've even come to respect what Mr. Harper has managed to achieve despite all the stupidity we've seen lately. He and his party have put forth a platform which makes a tremendous amount of sense now. He has done the best job of convincing me that his party's agenda is what this country needs. There just isn't any big excuse to rush into an election. The excuses the opposition have trotted out just don't hold enough water for my liking.

Why the hell are these F35 fighters such a big deal? Our fleet of F18s is getting long in the tooth. The Liberals previously supported getting into this deal and tasking some of our brightest scientists to help develop these jets. Something like eight or nine other countries are involved in this project. That's a whole lot of expertise, ideas and research. Now that development and research is well underway, they suddenly want to pull the plug. I agree that it would likely have been better to have had open bids and due debate about the options before one was chosen. However, thanks to both governments, we're here now and have to start looking forward from this point. I don't know that I feel good about our brave pilots flying around in the absolutely cheapest thing we could get them. Anybody willing to put his or her life on the line for Canada deserves better than that and these F35s sound like they'll deliver a good compromise between the need to modernize our air force and the need to balance the books. There's also all the research and development benefits, spin offs, and doubtless Canadian jobs maintaining these fighters to consider. Why not learn from the Arrow and do something other than squander efforts already made this time around? Just a thought from a guy who can't get a job but did finish secondary school and paid attention in history classes. We have to stop changing direction on things and pick a course we can all stick with for a while. Five years is often enough to have an election.

Regarding law and order, I tend to agree with the Conservatives that the pendulum has swung too far in favour of criminals and away from victims. I've often heard about how overcrowded prisons are also. If we want people to serve more of their sentences like a lot of us do, we'll need more prisons. Whether it helps reform them or not, there are clearly people who ought to be locked up for the safety of everyone else. That shop owner, David Chen, was perhaps the most clear-cut example of the need to clean house with the law. He should never have been arrested let alone charged with assault for defending his shop and detaining a repeat criminal. I still remember how disgusted I felt when I first heard of that one. If crap like that can happen, things clearly need to be fixed. I would love to believe that a good enough carrot would make everyone see that honest is best. Being blind exposes me to a lot of the good in people. I often have no option but to take them at their word and have mainly found people to be honest, considerate and willing to help if I need it. However, even I see the need for there to be ultimate consequences to at least deter crime if not teach the criminal the value of morality. Some people can do a whole lot of damage and cause lots of misery if they aren't stopped or jailed. Having read each party's current crime strategy, I have to concede that the Conservative approach seems like it would fix more of our troubles than the others at present.

If there's one thing I can't stand, it's how parties make it look like they're at opposite ends of an extreme. There's a whole section in the Conservative platform dealing with measures they're attempting to implement which give people the chance to reform and/or prevent young people from engaging in crime. On the other side, it isn't like the Liberals or NDP are suddenly going to fire the whole police force either and start handing out millions to criminals to satiate their greed. We have three different but reasonable approaches to an array of issues and must use our best judgement to pick which set of answers we like best. That should be the end of it, but no! I dearly wish all parties would get it through their heads that their opponents aren't complete idiots and neither are the voters. Politics could be so much of a higher civilized art than it is these days.

There's far too much antagonism. All parties are responding to what they see as the pressing needs of Canadians. People shouldn't have to come within inches of calling each other traitors to get their point across. Thankfully, the party platforms dial down the mud-slinging and give us actual directions to consider. The Conservatives really lay out their case well. They give good examples, back up what they say with a good amount of background info as with the F35s, and come across as a whole lot less extreme than I was expecting. They explain why it makes sense not to raise corporate taxes given where we are economically. They also put forward an excellent case for why the legal system needs a good hard jolt.

The Liberals and NDP also put forward quite good platforms. I liked a lot of the Liberal agenda as I was expecting to. In particular, the Learning Passport stood out as a capital idea. I've got one friend plunging into debt getting a college degree after losing his job during the recession. Another one, blind and on ODSP like me, tried and succeeded with a second attempt to get a degree. However, there don't seem to be any jobs for him and he's slowly paying back the money. There's supposed to be a procedure for debt forgiveness if work can't be found but the process is too damned long-winded and hard to complete and he has pretty much given up on it. I also think ahead to when my three little nieces are old enough to think about post-secondary education. Another angle I very much favour is the Liberal idea of bringing more accountability and openness to government. Both their ideas on making the default position of agencies to release information to the public and their thoughts on deploying the Internet to allow greater participation and openness are quite good. We've certainly lost at least one well-regarded civil servant who disagreed with Harper's agenda over the long-form census. It wouldn't surprise me to learn we've lost a lot more. I've also read about how government scientists feel pressured not to speak publicly without first checking with a government person responsible. That shouldn't be the environment in which publicly funded science takes place at all. That sort of thing should be more the kind of thing to spark an election than being unable to provide cost totals for extremely large and complex projects like upgrading our air force.

The NDP were the only party to really say they would do a lot for people with disabilities. Were we in a different place, I may very well have voted for them on those grounds alone. Jack also appeals to me as a leader for the country. I think he'd do a good professional job and stand by what he says. He's always struck me as that sort of man. However, I'm really not convinced that a government's actions will result in all that much immediate direct gain of actual opportunities for folks like me. Certainly not enough to override my stronger sense that the whole election should not have been called in the first place just now. Had the parties just waited and remained loyal working opposition while harper implemented the plan they held his feet to the fire to make him come up with in the first place, Either Jack or Michael could have had my vote. Mr. Ignatieff would, I think, make a good prime minister also. I naturally gravitate to his hopeful fatherly compassionate teacher's style and outlook. However, I first have to see that the Liberals and NDP are able to work with the government that we actually elected and help make certain stuff gets done well. Michael and Jack would be very good leaders but they rushed in too quickly before we really saw that. Had they waited even a couple more years, I may have felt differently. As things stand now, I'm leaning strongly in favour of letting Harper complete the plan which seems actually to be helping us out of our financial pickle. He's the devil we know. Once we're on more of an even track financially, we can more reasonably think of other directions. Just now though, we need a steady course and a calm captain. Harper may not be the most likeable man but I think he has shown himself to be able to stick to this plan. We can't keep wobbling back and forth like we've been brought to the brink of doing.

The debate very much put Harper in an excellent light and somewhat hollowed out Mr. Ignatieff in my judgement. Both the Liberals and NDP could have used the time much more profitably to give us more of the actual alternatives available rather than attack Harper as much as they did. Harper actually gave us quite a lot of the Conservative platform there and that puts him ahead for me. I doubt many people will have read all three platforms and watched all three launch videos online like I had the time to do. Everyone else seems to be running around working themselves to death just to keep up with the bills. It wouldn't surprise me if we had a very low turnout this time around. People are so fed up with the sniping and back-and-forth, the being on the brink. Whatever happens, I hope whoever wins gets a majority. More importantly, I hope the losers actually accept the judgement rendered this time and just get on with actual governance.

Wow! Where'd the day go? Didn't think I'd take this long to really get my thoughts down. Haven't really done a whole lot else. I went for a late afternoon walk with Shirley where we discussed mainly politics both British and Canadian. I think we walked three or perhaps even four times around the lake this time. We always seem to find things to talk about. I often feel like we're in some sort of tunnel as we don't tend to say hello or talk to other people as much as I would naturally. I think she's a bit too worried about a collision particularly with all the dogs and other animals out there. Little kids also seem fascinated by my cane. The Trekker Breeze is behaving quite nicely and I'm almost at the point where I'll start walking around the lake more on my own again. It's all coming back but it wasn't quite as instantly familiar as I had hoped. I actually had more of a sense of familiarity when we walked to the Dam yesterday. Next week, weather permitting, we'll walk there and back. Shirley apparently doesn't mind going both ways so I can take a stab at how well the reverse route has remained in my mind. I can't just presume that it has stuck as well as the route there seems to have. I have to record landmarks for each direction and hope that basically remains as a separate entity in my head. Simply trying to reverse a set of directions has never worked overly well for me. I've had to stop for sometimes minutes at a time thinking through whether a particular turn on a reverse route was in its proper place or not.

Tomorrow, there's a fairly hefty load of laundry to do. Also, I need to knuckle down and spend more time going through the Voiceover user guide on the Mac operating system. This whole political thing has kept me fairly busy these past few days. Having a place one can call home puts it all in much deeper context. The rent review came back from the folks at Peel Housing and I don't have to worry about rent increases at present. That's good to know. It increases that sense that I'll be here for as long as that's needed. I've lived for so much of my adult life with the prospect of not knowing where I'd ultimately end up in subsidized housing that having a permanent place still strikes me as a new sort of thing. Decisions I make here will actually have long-term ramifications to people who I'll slowly come to know over time. I'll perhaps run into some of these kids from The Dam when they're all through getting their educations and settling down in the community if they choose to. It's quite possible that a government I voted for might do something which has a direct profound effect on someone I actually know. There's my brother and his family, my parents, friends, and complete strangers who I'll hear about on the news or Twitter or email. So many voices out there.

So many in here too; the computer has several, the alarm clock, the microwave, the Trekker Breeze, the iPHONE. I'm slowly getting used to other gadgets having female voices but still find it slightly uncomfortable using one of those as my computer's main voice. A few women have pointed out how silly that is especially when I'm reading dating profiles and/or emails from women. That does strike me as strange when I hear a female's email read in a British man's voice I mainly use while in Windows7. However, I think I'd find it slightly creepy using a female voice for that because it would be the wrong woman's voice once I had heard the real thing. Incidentally, I have yet to hear from that lady who added me to her favourites on PlentyofFish. I suspect she has decided to look the other way like so many others. It's too damned easy for all of us to do that these days. How does one sharpen a virtual hook anyhow? There'll be a whole bunch more podcasts to grab tomorrow. I've been somewhat neglectful of those lately with the exception of last week's wonderful episode of Spark all about the prospect of digital companionship. It was superbly done. Nora, Dan and the rest of the Spark crew just keep cranking out good stuff. Have to catch up with From Our Own Correspondent, Tapestry, and many others. It's nice to have a surplus of podcasts. Actually having to pick and choose what to listen to feels damned good. I have a James Rollins thriller waiting in the wings also. His book Deep fathom was very nifty. I'm saving the new one for the weekend. I hope it stays as nice as it as been lately. If that's the case, I may spend a good chunk of Saturday afternoon out walking around after catching The Bear's Lair. That'll make for a nicely social day. Heard a beautiful song last week called The Journey by Lea Salonga. Didn't like a lot of other songs of hers I purchased but that one's a real treasure. The real trick for me is to try not to let myself come to a dead halt in silence like I did last weekend. I just have to plunge right into the next thing more and not pause for thought quite so much. If I do that and keep jumping at any opportunity to connect which comes along, things will at least be more tolerable and eventually become more interesting more of the time. Looking back, I've felt good most of the time since November or so. Quite a change from last year and downright stupendous when compared to the one before it. On that note, I believe I'll finally get this thing posted and hit the bed for a while. It's approaching one in the morning. Haven't been up this late in quite a while. Good sign? First step down the road to another dose of insomniac hell? Find out in the next captivating episode.

Suds, Sounds, Songs and Sentient Life

Hello everyone. It's been a while since my last update so I figured I was about due for another. It's a very nice day out there. I went with Shirley for a walk around the lake. Presuming this warm weather continues, Shirley is going to walk with me to the Dam this tuesday. It'll be the first time I've done that in quite a while so I'll be glad of her company the first couple of times. Hopefully, things will fall into place in my head and I can go confidently myself after that. The Trekker Breeze is working pretty well out there around the lake calling most landmarks off in timely fashion. I'm hopeful that as things warm up and I spend more time out there, more people will start to get to know me. There are a few things in my favour this Summer over my first one here:
1. I haven't burned the building down after more than a year here. They may not be able to imagine how I can cook and clean safely, but they have to face the fact that I've clearly been doing so for some time.

2. I know more of my way around and won't always be travelling with an instructor trying to teach me. Makes actual casual conversation much easier.

3. More stuff is landmarked in my Trekker Breeze so I won't be as worried about getting lost due to not hearing landmarks I pass.

4. I'm generally recognised as a friendly person by people around here. Haven't gone mental and thwacked anybody with my cane during my time here. I trust people have noticed this and nobody is concerned about that presuming they ever were.

5. I haven't needed a whole lot of help doing stuff and taking care of myself. Getting involved with me isn't like being indentured. I gratefully accept help when it makes sence to and am just as ready to turn around and help people when I'm able to do so.

I've finally gotten another nibble on Plenty of Fish. I had pretty much given up on that place. People seem to add me to their "favorites" rather than sending a greeting message of any sort. It makes you wonder how on Earth you could have made anything like that kind of impression on them. Perhaps, I'm merely overly sensitive to absurd use of words among other quirks. As usual, I sent her a greeting message in response to her adding me to her list of special folk. What will it be this time? Will I at last make a friend or something more special with someone close enough to visit and get to know? Will she lose interest once her initial curiocity has been slaked about what life is like for a blind man and simply disappear into the ether? Or, am I at last in for the third ironic or otherwise stupendously funny rejection to complete the trilogy of those grim dating chuckles I've experienced spread out over the past couple years? That penny has yet to drop. I'll try to use the tranquility and inner peace I've at last found here to take whatever comes in the best way possible.

I've just finished my second meal of pizza and wings. A young man tipped me off to a new place called Michaelangelo's Pizza and I figured this weekend was as good a time as any to give it a spin. Sadly, their first impression wasn't all that favorable. The wings are very small and weren't properly sealed in their container. As a result, most of the sauce leaked off the wings and into the bag they were in. Fortunately, that bag wasn't the kind to leak so there wasn't too much mess. That could have been horrendous. Enough sauce remained on the wings for them to still be enjoyable but like I said, they're very small. The large pizza was in fact large. However, it's way too soft and flexible when hot and fresh. I've enjoyed it far more cold. I still have some of that for tomorrow's dinner or lunch. I doubt I'll feel much like pizza after I'm finished it. However, should such an occasion occur, Pizza Pizza may get the contract. I got the app for my iPHONE and might take it for a spin. It'll probably be a while though. Nice not to have to cook more than two meals over the past couple of days as well as tomorrow though.

Things are going pretty well over all in other areas. I can only tolerate crawling through the Voiceover guide in small doses. It's as well written as any other manual I've ever come across but I just haven't needed to learn in this fashion for a very long time. I'll get through it though. My trainer came over for another cession and got me hooked up with a fellow Mac user in Barry who he knew. He was able to get me past at least one major hangup I was having with the Safari browser. I now have Skype up and running on the Mac side of things. However, it doesn't want to automatically read incoming messages like it will on Windows. There's probably something obvious there which both I and this friendly guru don't know yet. Windows7 is by no means as familiar to me as XP but I'm quite comfortable in it and can always find out how to do things in pretty short order. It's proving to be a very nice and efficient system.

My friend Stephen will soon be back from his trip to India. I very much look forward to seeing him again in person and hearing more about his adventures. His blog has made fascinating reading over these past months. Doubtless, he'll need time to recover and adjust to being back in Canada again. Another young friend of mine is about to start in on university life. He's currently pondering which of the offers he's received to accept. Clearly, all that private school education is paying off in that way at least. I just hope it does so when he actually goes job hunting; when the rubber truly hits the road. It would be an absolutely criminal shame if such a gifted man finds himself as shut out of normal life as I have. I very much intend to keep in touch over the years and follow his progress. Like me, he has a very supportive family backing him up to the hilt. That in itself makes so much difference in life. Volunteering at the Dam has given me a new appreciation of that.

Earlier today, I put in my next grocery order. It's a bit more expensive than any in recent times. I'm experimenting with some new things, restocking on others which have at last run low, and also going to see if I can make this ordder last all through the rest of April. My last order has seen me through around twenty days so I think I've got a fair chance given the odd meal out and such. I very much doubt my social life will change all that radically over the next while. That still bothers me but not nearly like it used to. A year ago, a dull and solitary saturday night would have felt like nails run over a chock board sounds. Not so now. I sit here having just polished off a rather enjoyable beer. Fearing propelling myself into gloom, I would likely not even have had that. Tonight, I'm listenning to randomly picked songs courtesy of Winamp and contemplating pouring a second beer soon. There are plenty of podcasts, a bunch of emails and always the slim chance of a phone call. Twitter is up and running. I find that it has grown on me over the past while. It'll never replace sitting in the real present company of friends. However, it really does take the edge off these solitary evenings and prevents them from dragging too terribly. Good heavens! How appropriate. Wang Chung's Everybody have fun Tonight was justpicked from my nearly 700 songs on the drive. Gotta love those coincidences. That settles it. Time for that second beer.