Thursday, April 16, 2009

Getting On

Hello everyone. It's been a couple of days now since Janene broke up with me. Quite a wild internal ride. That shaken twisted gutted feeling denied me any sleep that first night. Tuesday was pretty much a complete write-off. How can one concentrate on anything after having such hopes for a better future dashed? Everything seemed so certain and so good for us. She truly loved me and got on fantastically with my family and friends. Everyone is completely shocked. This even included Adam who I wasn't at all certain could be shocked by anything.

Yesterday was quite a surprise. It was as if something inside me just said: "Mike, you did everything you said, kept all your promices, and gave her everything. You were willing to step out into absolute uncertainty with her. The fact that she feels the need for time on her own after what she's been through over the past while is a huge letdown but not your fault! Cheer the hell up!" I found myself feeling quite happy in an all too fragile punch-drunk kind of way. I was able to listen to CBC Radio and find it interesting. It was a podcast that was, appropriately enough, all about the concept of the haven or sanctuary. I didn't exactly get anything done but had a couple of good conversations with people. Last evening, I went out with Adam for some wings. Monahan's still does them absolutely scrumptiously if a lot more expensively than before. We had a very enjoyable time and conversation. However, I wasn't really up for a gaming cession afterwards. It works for him but for me, like alcohol, I can only enjoy them safely when I'm happy with life in general. They could all too easily entrap me if I were too careless about that. I don't think it'll be too long before I can start enjoying them again without reservations. Getting back to serious writing and work on Enchantment's Twilight is going to take a while longer. So is truly getting started on the mobility initiative. I'm going to get a lift from my parents for this much-appreciated visit with Ron and his friends. Once Ron's got a new cane tip and/or a whole new cane, I can try getting him to show me the route to his place via the bus. Ray, my instructor, will also be able to help with this as well as getting to Tony and Anje's place. Truly mastering those two routes plus getting to Adam's is probably going to take quite a while. There's also the digital recorder which has yet to actually arrive.

Other things also loom ahead to keep me busy. I'm going to switch entirely to using my cellphone. It's just not economical to pay for both and I don't know how long I'll be here. Over the next week or so, I'll have to make certain everyone has the new number. Strange to think of local incoming calls as being the most expensive. Skype will take care of most outgoing calls and also let me get voicemail without paying through the nose. I believe it'll work out reasonably enough. Also, in another twenty days or so, I'll start trying out a new computer security package. AVG has been pretty good to me over the years but I've heard good things about Nod32 Internet Security in terms of better accessibility for blind people as well as it being faster and less resource-intensive. Before I lock myself in for another three years with AVG, I figure I may as well look at the road not taken first.

It's afternoon now. In a little while, I'll be heading over to Ron's for a visit. I can't seem to locate my flashdrive for some reason. I use it frequently to move files between the netbook and PC as well as just to have a backup of important stuff. I'll probably have to get a new one and then, right after I do that, the old one will reappear. I had an incredibly long sleep last night and feel strangely clenzed. Things certainly don't seem as bleak and I know life will sweep me along given some time. I just hope somebody else comes along before time and solitude take too high a toll. Regardless, I'll make the very best of whatever comes my way that I possibly can and continue to share my gifts with the world.

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