Changing Times

Hello everyone. It's been an inexcusably long time since I've last blogged. Life has ben eventful and gone on pleasantly. I've enjoyed very good health and overall far better sleep thanks to the CPAP machine. It's not a complete cure. I still experience insomnia and shifting sleep hours. However, I typically get around five or six hours of unbroken sleep. That makes a stupendous difference. My dozes during the day have diminished greatly and I feel much more energetic in general. However, I seem to be stuck on getting five or six hour chunks of sleep and then being very awake. This can make for some long days at times. Every once in a while, there's a sort of small return of the old days where sleep is scarce and badly chunked. However, these stretches last one or two nights rather than the seemingly endless weeks I used to slog through.

All the sleep in the world couldn't hold a candle to my most exciting news. I am once again an engaged man. Sara and I hope to be married in around a year and a half or so. Neither of us fancy a Winter wedding. Beyond coming to that agreement, we haven't set any sort of date. However, simply having reached this point is thrilling beyond words for me. I ultimately proposed to her in the familiar comfort and privacy of my apartment. Originally, I had other more involved plans which Michelle, a very good friend to both of us, managed to convince me to abandon. Ultimately, Sara indeed preferred it that way. It got the nervous bit out of the way right at the start so from that point on, we could celebrate with friends and family as an engaged couple. And we have indeed celebrated in fine style.

The congratulations came pouring in via Twitter, email, audioboo and Facebook. We thoroughly enjoyed our Japanese dinner as well as a Babylon 5 movie. It was an excellent evening. I believe it's safe to say there'll be a great many more tranquil enjoyable evenings ahead. It's so indescribably good to be with someone who appreciates and shares many of my interests. Given the financial constraints living on ODSP puts people under even when in subsidized housing, sharing interests becomes absolutely critical to sustained happiness. She liked the ring I picked. The diamonds are small and imbedded into the ring. I thought that might be less of an interference to her when she played instruments. One thing which attracted me to the ring I chose was how very different it was than the engagement rings I bought for the two women who chose to walk away from me. Sara is very different from either of them as is the deep abiding love we've found. The foundation for something truly lasting is so much better this time. It deserved something which felt unique. Sara and I are starting out with a whole lot more in common. Emotionally, we're both stable cheerful people who tend towards being grateful for what we have and making the best of circumstances. Our financial prospects and circumstances are both pretty similar too so there'll be no destructive disparity to contend with. Also, we'll have this apartment to live in. That in itself makes the footing for this latest adventure in love far more solid. Our attitudes towards religion do differ somewhat but the basics are the same. Also, what we want out of earthly marriage is the same. We're both creative people who need some alone time to work on our projects. We also deeply value our families and friends and the time we can spend with them. Neither of us expect any sort of perfection from the other. Stability, tranquility and good communication are keys to a whole lot. There's definitely going to be disagreement on things but I believe we're both mature enough to keep things in perspective.

We had a wonderful week together visiting Steve and seeing friends in Toronto. Mom and dad took us to Symposium for brunch and we had a good time with them. My parents really like Sara and are very happy for both of us. She fits in very well with my family in general.

Soon after that, Steve arrived to stay with us for a couple days. He added wonderfully to our conversation and was, as always, the good and true friend I've known him to be. During our time in Toronto, we stayed with him at his parents' place. I've known the Murgaskis since early grade school days. They've always been very thoughtful and generous people. Steve took us to some very interesting places. There was lunch at Derry Queen with Earl and Meko. As fun as it is to see their children, it was good this time to be able to have a conversation without them having to be so vigilant. We also tried out an excellent Korean restaurant. I very much enjoyed that and can now say that I've tried kim chee among other things the names of which failed to stick in my memory. We also went back to Commo Encassa where we had a delicious meal with Michelle Mcquigge. I very much wanted to revisit that particular restaurant as it featured prominently in our very first Toronto trip. The owner went well out of his way to be helpful. I hope re return every now and then. All of us enjoyed the food and atmosphere. It was really good to catch up with everyone and start life as an engaged couple in such good company.

Each of us did Christmas with our respective families. We'll work out something more together and equitable from this point on. We both had a very good Christmas. Gifts were well received and given. My nieces were very rambunctious and happy. Dan gave me a gift card to be used at Symposium Cafe. My parents got their gifts from me early. The digital download links expired sooner than I thought they would. However, all ended well and they have the adventure games I picked out for them. One of the funny moments during Steve's stay with us was when he basically let the cat out of the bag concerning my present to Sara. I knew of her need for a new headset and took time to pick out the best fit for her needs that I could. Unlike my choice of rings where I felt woefully inadequate like I was grasping at intuitive straws, this was another matter entirely. I hoped it would come as a pleasant Christmas day surprise. However, I also worried about the card I made possibly being damaged in transit. As things turned out, she was glad to start using them right away. I was also on hand to explain the card. I guess nobody else had made her a picture using Braille characters. It's funny that I've always just taken for granted that most blind people using Braille would either have made or encountered such pictures. It seemed such a natural thing to experiment with as a child.

It's now Wednesday, January 8th. I'm in the living room of the house Sara and her parents now live in. It's my first time here. I can appreciate why it took Rockie time to adjust. Originally, he couldn't tell which floor Sara had called him from. It's a single-story very open plan house with a basement. This trip has done a great deal to reduce my sense of the unknown regarding both Sara's family and the Orthodox church she attends. On the home front, we've had several meals and a few evenings together during which to converse and get a game of Trivial Pursuit in. Haven't played that in ages. I've felt pretty comfortable around them since the first meeting but certainly feel good that we've gotten to touch base more. Despite very icy cold conditions, they've been working quite a bit. Sara and I spent a good deal of time here indoors when church events weren't happening. I introduced her to Calculating God, a favourite Robert J. Sawyer book. Each of us have acquired some new books over this period largely due to the podcasts and shows we jointly listened to. Due to the Orthodox Christmas season, she also had some work to do for her church.

Sara's faith experience is a very different one to my own. The people of her church are just as welcoming and seem pretty cheerful on the whole. The church itself is somewhat smaller and people tend to stand most of the time during services. That definitely takes some getting used to. Thankfully, despite being done in what I'm told is a more Russian style, things are all in English. This includes the innumerable prayers, singing parts, and chants. I have yet to hear anything I'd think of as a proper hymn. People sing things which strike me more as short passages, refrains and litanies. The overall impression is one of somewhat rigidly scripted interactivity. There's a tremendous amount of repetition. I find that somewhat jarring and less useful in terms of my own walk with God. Other than very brief sermons in comparison to what I'm used to, I don't get the sense that there's much in the way of commentary and thought from week to week about how life should be lived with God. That, as I understand it, is something left more to individuals. Resources are provided to support such spiritual development in abundance. There's a calendar and devotions, various fasts and feasts, prayers for various days, etc. All of this would certainly lead to a life in which one was extremely conscious of God, the church, and those who have tried to follow God's path in earlier times. I'll be honest here though. Most of what the Orthodox people put themselves through strikes me as needless overkill. I don't feel the least bit personally convicted due to my not having done any of this. Nor would I consider members of other faiths condemned in God's eyes for a less overly rigorous approach to worship. God wants us to be friends with him, not ritualistic robots jumping through endless thousand-year-old hoops. The whole Orthodox approach seems too much based upon the fear of God and of change itself. These are, of course, only initial impressions. I would have been far more hesitant to delve deeper into a relationship with God had I encountered an Orthodox church rather than a Reformed one right off the bat. The first church visit would have frankly sent me packing quite smug and secure in the knowledge that I had thereby avoided a lot of what would have struck me as ridiculously inflexible requirements. Due to my faith experience so far, I can at least appreciate that we all worship the same holy trinity simply taking very different approaches to reach the same sort of healthy transformation of the soul. Their methods clearly help them feel more spiritually in tune. However, they simply don't speak to my sense of what's actually called for in this time.

Contrary to what I might initially have presumed based on my impressions of Orthodox church life so far, the people have proven to be quite interesting, tolerant of people who disagree with them, unfailingly kind, and appreciative of worldly culture and creations. Conversation after the services was interesting and lively. You get a clear sense of a healthy small connected community. Because I've gotten to know Sara so well, I can more easily approach the idea of such a radical eventual change to my church life. All the ritual and such which sets off some gentle alarm bells for me really helps give Sara a strong sense of belonging both to God and to her congregation. I can understand the attraction of so much sculpted routine even if I don't share it. It builds a strong sense of community and shared experience markedly different from everyday life. Sara is deeply respected and valued both for her considerable gifts and her dedication to living a Christian life. She also takes the time to think about why she does things and what she believes. She really gets into the details of stuff. Using an old Braille note taker, she is able to have notes with her in the church which she can review silently leaving her ears free to focus on what happens around her. It was a real treat to be standing right next to Sara and hear her completely in her element going full tilt. She does a truly splendid job and her congregation deeply values her efforts.

Every so often in my walk with God, I'll encounter people who just seem to be in precisely the right place at the right time. A friendly small business owner whose good cheer was tinged with a quiet gloomy sense of a wonderful yet fallen world was an early mentor of mine. I still miss his friendship. We parted on excellent terms but his deep involvement with his own church and doubtless engaging with others as he did with me keeps him very busy. A very knowledgeable female pastor was there to keep me interested in God while my first marriage and what felt like my whole adult life crumbled to dust. Given my prior comfort with agnosticism, that was no small accomplishment. In my current church, there are numerous people who stand out similarly in different capacities. Pastor Sam is a clear case in point. You couldn't find a better pastoral voice if you tried. He's exactly the kind of man who illustrates how and why Christianity is still very useful and relevant in today's world. It's apparently his 20th year at the Meadow vale Christian Reformed Church. He was exactly the spiritual leader I needed to help me recover from when Janene broke off our engagement.

I've often remarked at how belonging to the same church since childhood would give you a strong sense of community and could improve one's prospects of finding a soul mate due to that extensive shared experience and history. Despite feeling very comfortable in the reformed church I presently attend, I'm not nearly as deeply embedded in it as I would be had I grown up in the community. I don't know all the right responses, don't sing the hymns, didn't go to missions, youth groups or school with any of them, etc. Coming in as an adult, there's always that sense of distance and a lack of shared history. We just don't really have the experientially common ground to properly take each other's measure. This makes the thought of eventually switching to a very different church community where I will likely feel even more distant paradoxically easier to contemplate. My own walk with God has always been a different and deeply internal one. It manifests itself in all sorts of decisions where other people might not necessarily realize that my belief in God had any bearing on a given situation. Ongoing reflection, observation and relationship are at the core of my experience.

Today, Sara's at a funeral. Never having met the man being laid to rest, I didn't feel comfortable attending as a kind of sociological observer. I'm sitting in the living room using my laptop's battery for once and working on this blog entry. I return to my apartment tomorrow afternoon. As much as \I enjoyed this visit, I look forward to picking up this hopefully final year of bachelorhood in earnest. The first order of business will be cleaning up the apartment and doing some laundry. At some point, I'll be getting my new iPHONE. I keenly anticipate that. I have a whole lot to reflect on over these next quiet days. A whole lot of exposure and experience has been packed into a relatively short time.

It's now Saturday afternoon on January 18th. I've been working on this entry off and on for around a month as life events piled up in wonderful profusion. The novelty of the year being 2014 is finally beginning to subside into normalcy. For me, the next couple of years will be a time of preparation and transition. Even after marriage, I would still count the first married year as part of that more fluid period where life rhythms and priorities are shared and established together. In a way, this past while has been a fitting and fond farewell to the largely contented single life I eventually managed to put together for myself. I let go of my customary financial discipline and simply let enjoyment of the beginning of what I fervently hope will be a life-long journey together take precedence. These past weeks have been exceptionally enjoyable ones starting life as an engaged couple. We've had relaxing days and stimulating ones with friends and family. Things change once you're engaged even if no day of marriage has been settled upon. Priorities change. As a single person, it doesn't matter quite as much if you overspend on books here and there. That's one area where I really have to start using wish lists more rather than just buying books right away. The same goes for music now that I've spent the iTUNES gift money I received. The focus naturally shifts to solidifying our relationship and saving money for a less solitary future. There are still important people in Sara's life who I have yet to be introduced to. Having money for such excursions is definitely more of a priority when you're one half of a couple. A lot of expenses including a missed Rogers bill, renewing apartment insurance, holiday gifts and groceries, the ring, accessories for my new iPHONE, etc, have mounted all at once placing me in a much tighter financial position than I'm accustomed to being in. My parents have been very helpful in that department but it will still take two or three months of very careful restraint to return to a more comfortable and familiar debt-free place. The basics are covered. Food, shelter, Internet and phone. It's those smaller impulse buys of books and tunes that I need to curtail almost completely over the next while. The same goes for snack foods. Also, I simply won't be ordering dinners from Justeat or Swiss Chalet for myself nearly as often as I used to. I'd much rather have that money to spend on such things when I'm with friends or have guests. Thankfully, I'm starting that journey from a position of having plenty to keep me mentally stimulated. This is especially true when it comes to books. I have assembled a magnificent digital pile of food for the mind. It should stand me in excellent stead whether I'm travelling lite with just my iPHONE or am at home on the couch using my laptop.

There are also many changes of habit to contemplate. Time spent with each other is slowly becoming less like a vacation as we allow aspects of our respective ongoing commitments to intrude more into our time together. Admittedly, Sara has done more of that than I have to this point. I guess I've simply been captivated by the wonder and joy of being in love. Now that we're sure of wanting to make the commitment of marriage, all sorts of conscious and subconscious changes will happen. As a single bachelor, I've tended to let things slide. This includes everything from skipped meals when I'm having a good creativity day to neglecting to shave in the near certainty that I wouldn't be getting together with people for several days. Dishes pile up in the sink. The vacuum cleaning is left for tomorrow or, ... whenever. As part of a married couple, prior experience has shown me that better habits do take hold out of necessity. Marriage adds more people to life who approach you as friends or relations to your partner. That makes a difference. You care for and about your soul mate. As a consequence of that, you end up taking better care of yourself too. It's a different sort of mental life space. Going through this preparation stave for the third and hopefully final time, I find I'm walking a tightrope between trying to learn from my experience and simply letting this relationship follow its own path. I have a tendency to over-analyze everything and have to be careful not to ever let that remove me from the present experience. I think I've done well at that so far. I think it'll actually become less of a factor once we're married since I've only had one of those and it took place in very different conditions.

I'm very much enjoying my new iPHONE 5S. It's a tremendous upgrade from the iPHONE 4 which has served me these past three years. It will now serve my father. Due to his iPAD experience, things have gone quite well so far. It's basically just a smaller iPAD with phone capabilities and GPS. One thing we just discovered today was that he never learned to close apps. All of the games my nieces played on his iPAD have been open in the background. The book I read while learning my iPHONE went through the app switcher and how to close apps you weren't currently using. Voiceover also gave instructions on how to close apps whenever I was in the switcher. No such hints are given sighted users apparently. You'd need to have read the user guide I suppose. It makes me wonder how many people who have complained about the battery life of iPHONES and iPADS simply haven't been closing the apps they're finished using. I keep hearing how less people read manuals before starting to use a product. With something like this situation, you'd think Apple would have found a way to make it visually obvious how to close apps and that you ought not to leave them all open.

It's very early on Sunday morning now. I went to bed feeling very tired at around ten last night. I've been having itchy eyes and a slightly stuffy nose this past while. That combined with the tiredness makes me wonder if I'm perhaps fighting something off. If I am, I can't complain too much about my lot in life given the wonderful time I've had these past weeks. Eventually, the ride ends and one has to metaphorically pay the piper. I'll be off to church in around seven hours or so. These early rises sure fiddle with one's sense of a proper day. I may perhaps get a couple hours more sleep but I'm somewhat doubtful of this. I'm feeling wide awake and not stuffy in the least.

There's more for me to learn about the capabilities of my new iPHONE 5S. I find the touch screen a lot more accurate and responsive. Voiceover jumps around far less than it did on my old phone. It's so good to have the extra storage space. That opens up a lot of new possibilities all on its own. For instance, I now have the complete English textual contents of Wikipedia as of September 2013 available to me regardless of whether I'm online or not. That takes around four gb of space. I don't have to be as careful with the selection of music and audio books I carry. I can have more old favourites while still having room for new stuff. The camera is noticeably better. I'm getting much better results when using apps to identify stuff. I have yet to experiment with OCR capabilities. I never got very good results before using Prismo or Text Detective. However, given my positive experience with item identification, perhaps this too has changed. I've begun to dabble with Siri. Getting familiar with its capabilities and quirks is going to take a while. There's also the new motion sensor chip. I'll be taking on the challenges of Zombies Run in a more serious fashion this year. I'd like to get into better shape and make exercise more of a daily habit. Yes indeed. Changes all over my personal life. I'm happy that circumstances have put me in this position including the financial aspects. I've fallen into consumerist habits lately that need to be better mastered. I managed to take control of my Mars bar addiction. Therefore, I have no real doubt that I can succeed when it comes to books and small purchases. I'm certainly not contemplating abandoning anything. Such items will simply have to do their time on wish lists. If I lose interest in them, they get taken off the list. If my desire for particular books or songs survive that trial by time, I may purchase them. It's a matter of putting the breaks on rather than chucking out the engine. You value things more if you have to wait for them. I used to do that more often and it's about time I got back into that groove. I don't take this as a loss of freedom. It's more like a restoration of balance. I don't regretted the majority of my investments. My instincts are good and I'll get lasting enjoyment from them. I just have to let more of the low-hanging fruit continue to hang. There was a time when I went something like four years without buying a single CD. I can do this.
There have been so many smaller enjoyments and life experiences which really deserved their own blog entries over this past half year. While I've captured many of these in audio boos, this blog has languished. Rectifying this will be one of this year's higher priority objectives. Expect to see at least one entry per month. Hopefully, there'll be far more shorter entries than that. These entries will hopefully be more specific to individual experiences or topics as opposed to these large sprawling postings. I'm also hopeful of making far more progress with Land of Trivia than I have so far. It has also suffered a lack of attention. I'm still searching for a more cohesive objective. Once I find that, substantial progress ought to be easier to achieve.
It's Monday. I got a very good sleep last night, the first in quite a while. There's no stuffy nose and my eyes are only very slightly uncomfortable. I go long stretches without noticing it at all. A nice change from a week ago. I'm not the only one fighting off this sort of thing. A number of friends, family and Twitter followers seem to be suffering similarly. Dad is getting used to my old iPHONE. It's been a pretty smooth process. Since he's not on a contract and doesn't want cellular data, it's a very inexpensive and powerful phone which will be put to occasional use. I've been using Siri more on my new phone and liking it very much. Papa Sangre II is also now playable for me. I couldn't use it on my old phone. It's a pretty incredible audio game. I'm very impressed with the user interface and game mechanics. Can't wait to see what Something Else comes up with next. There's still plenty to learn about and try on the new phone. I'll likely be discovering new and easier methods to accomplish things for months.
As this new year gets underway, I'm feeling very positive and hopeful. Having a credit card debt is a bit of an unwelcome novelty for me. However, I'm pretty confident that it won't take too long to pay it off. Winter slows things down when it comes to social life expenses. In other areas, I'm pretty well stocked and should be able to keep grocery expenses down over the next while. I've also recently succeeded in getting Qcast, my favourite podcast player, up and running on my desktop again. Additionally, I've figured out a setting change in the speaker configuration which seems to have improved overall how sound is handled. As fond as I am of my laptop, I feel good that I've figured out how to get a more satisfactory experience from my Mac. There are at least a couple of years before I'm eligible for upgrading my equipment and I like to go longer between upgrades if at all possible. I've been experimenting with NVDA and System Access. At the moment though, I need Jaws to use Jarte, my favourite word processing program. There are numerous other things where Jaws works better than my other two screen readers. However, work is constantly being done to improve each of them so I don't expect that situation to last too long. Uninstalling and then re-installing Jaws seems to have improved its performance so I've gained through my explorations despite having to conclude that Jaws is still a very necessary part of my digital arsenal.
I just did my first mission of Zombies Run for this year. Thankfully, I didn't have to start all over again. That holster on my Otterbox Defender case is actually pretty useful for when you're working out in a familiar environment. I just wouldn't trust it for travelling with. It's just too easy to imagine my iPHONE getting grabbed or snagged on some bush while walking around the lake and popping free of the holster. There's also Carine's experience of having her holster actually break. Recently, Earle had his phone actually stolen in his own building. I wish all the bad fortune in the world upon the miscreant who did that. These devices are so personal and so very useful to blind people. I hope the police are able to help recover the phone or at least rid the neighbourhood of one really heartless thief. Earle's done so much to share his knowledge and test apps for accessibility. I think of all that when I think of him. All the thief saw was easy money. There are some people who really make me question my normally compassionate stance. Thankfully, a friend was able to provide and inferior model for his use but I hope he beets the odds and gets his own back. I've only had my new phone for less than a week and I'd already hate to have to go back to my older one. One thing's for sure. I've enabled all the security features. I'm pretty sure Earle had them enabled too though. The Touch id is working very well for me and I have mine set to erase all info if ten failed access checks happen.
People often say that I live in a safer area here in Mississauga. I certainly have felt largely sage here. During my three years in this building, I've heard only one situation which might have turned violent had it continued. A man was dumped by his girlfriend and somewhat lost his cool in verbally spectacular fashion. I was ever so glad to be seven floors up on my balcony. Still, I only go out when at my most alert and don't take that safety for granted. Earle's building is somewhat larger than mine but I'd bet he's at least as well-known there as I am here. Most people seem to know my first name and will offer greetings or occasional casual conversation. Going much beyond that point seems to be asking a lot. Some friends who live in buildings owned by subsidized housing agencies have said that they feel that it's easier to find and maintain friends since everyone's facing similar circumstances. You don't have the gulf that comes when everyone around you has found their way into that ultra-busy successful consumer groove. The law has more of a hold on what people are willing to do since they have much more to lose in the first place, or so goes theory. As much as solitude has hurt over the years, I have been spared from the kind of victimization some friends have endured. To me, that now seems a fairly acceptable trade. Five years ago, I would likely have come to the opposite conclusion. What a stupendous difference half a decade can make in one's outlook.
It's now Tuesday morning. The water is shut off in my building for repairs of some aquatic sort. I'm nicely stocked up with water even if something went terribly wrong and we didn't get water back for several days. That's never happened during the years I've lived here. They keep this place very well. I've gotten my apartment queries answered by my contact at Peel housing. It looks like I need not worry about signing a lease each year like I thought I'd have to. That's nice to know. I asked about the procedure we'd have to go through when Sara and I reach the stage where we're ready to live here together. There's not much of one at all. We just need to meet with both our ODSP workers and Peel Housing and make sure the paperwork is all done prior to the move. There shouldn't be any problem at all. I was pretty certain that would be the case but it's good to hear it from an official source. We should be pretty much able to set our own pace.
I caught part of a discussion on Ontario Today, a talkshow on CBC Radio1. It was all about how something like half the work force in Toronto was in temporary contract work. I've been hearing more and more alarm expressed about what this profound lack of job security is doing to communities and society. It definitely worries me these days. People who work temporary jobs are less likely to complain since they then simply won't be offered another contract. It's an employer's makret where there's always someone else despirate enough to put up with being taken advantage of and keep quiet about it. Also, there's apparently no protection or garantee of receiving payment one is owed after a work contract expires. Very scary. I heard people talk about how that uncertaintly stops them from getting married, buying a home, moving away from their parents and starting families. I have time to listen, but does anyone in power who could actually make any kind of difference? It feels more and more like everything I once deeply valued as being part of the Canadian identity has eroded and is in danger of crumbling away in favour of short-term greed. Apparently, other countries have instituted legislation and measures which make job insecurity not such a terrible thing. I hope the paranoia of socialist ideas felt by our large neighbour to the south doesn't scare us away from implementing some. I don't believe we've passed a point of no return but I think we're on a slippery slope to such a precipice. All I can try to do is be there for the people who I've come to know. I can appreciate them and try to make them aware of their priceless human value. If we can rekindle a more outward sort of public consciousness, I still have enough hope and optimistic imagination left in me to envision radical positive change taking place within my lifetime. The building blocks of decency are all over the place. The just get buried in the daily scramble to keep afloat.
Today, I've begun to help with the newsletter put out by Disability Concerns Canada for church advocates. Over the next while, I'll be walking that tightrope of doing the most I can for my current church and denomination keeping in mind the eventual certainty of moving onto a whole new faith community. I don't want to be so intrenched that my leaving does any brief damage when that point comes. On the other hand, I'd like to avoid going through a large swath of time where I'm not doing anything for my church. The church has given me a community where my talents are put to use and appreciated. I've felt very valued there as a member despite not being able to contribute much financially. Unlike other spheres of society, the church is very good at respecting and recognizing other forms of contribution. Unlike the working and secular volunteer sectors, people in church seem more willing to put in some extra effort, such as getting me where I'm needed, so that my abilities can actually come into play.

Perhaps, new possibilities for community involvement will become available as married life turns from heart-felt wish into actual reality. Maybe, some bit of writing I let loose or someone I manage to help in some small way will connect the dots to a meaningful new adventure I can't even imagine now. Stranger things have happened. Slowly, the building blocks just keep on clicking into place. They come from new technology, new ideas from books and conversations, from the splendid music I've been able to obtain, from experiences shared with friends and family. As long as I keep myself ready and willing to give back, God sees to it that I'm able to in endlessly surprising ways. While nobody will ever convince me that one branch of Christianity has somehow gotten things all right, my journey up from spiritual bottom has firmly convinced me that there is a very real, merciful, loving God.

Where Faith Meets Fun and Fantasy

Where Faith Meets Fun and Fantasy

By Michael Feir

As a game developer and a believer, I've taken a keen interest in where these two important spheres of my life intersect. Hoping to create a game which helps bridge the gap between people and faith, I've been wrestling with two key issues for quite some time. One of these is how much of an overt factor religion should be in the fantasy world I'm creating for Enchantment's Twilight. In tandem with that issue is how to go about representing the force that one or more god-like beings may exert over the events in the game's story. Too much influence can render a game broken since players feel too HELPLESS AND INCONSEQUENTIAL. Why strive for victory if some god can just will the needed circumstances into being? On the other hand, too little influence renders supposedly super powerful beings mere tools for clever players to make use of. Who needs to gather all that treasure to be able to afford good armour if Zeus can just fry one's adversaries with a few bolts of lightning? It's a very tricky balance with dangers of detracting from the experience or giving offence to people of faith. Striking that balance rewards both the players and the game designer with a more richly woven experience. It also provides a ready agency for injecting control over situations at crucial points.

It is certainly possible to create a fantasy world for a game or story without directly involving religion. Tolkien, a devout Christian, chose this approach in his Lord of the Rings books and still packed them with undeniably Christian values. When creating good fantasy, it is vital to maintain internal logic and consistency. Basic questions normally answered via religions must still be addressed in some fashion in order to have fantasy which hangs together and is meaningful.

Representing our Christian God or a pantheon of gods such as the Hindu, Roman, or Greek ones in a game is very problematic. Even more so, in fact, than in a fantasy novel. In a story, the author retains full control of events. The whole idea of a game, on the other hand, is that its players shape the outcome through their own decisions, luck and skill. The whole point of games is that they are interactive experiences.

As a player, I've experienced two different approaches to simulating god-like entities in games. In most computer role-playing games, gods are essentially treated like vending machines. Pray or sacrifice to this god and you'll get that reward. Lets say I've come across a magic hat on the floor of a cavern I'm exploring. I decide to try it on hoping it will bestow a magical advantage upon me. Instead, it makes my fingers slippery and sticks fast to my head. For it is a cursed hat of fumbling fingers! Picking up anything is hard and takes time but there are precious diamonds scattered throughout the cavern. I'm naturally averse to leaving any behind. Spending precious moments gathering up all the diamonds I can carry allows the goblin hoard that pursues me to enter the cavern! I am discovered and now badly out-numbered! I flee to the cavern's far extremity where I come across an altar to Blorn, the god of second chances. As the goblins close in on me, I draw my enchanted sword. I take heart as this gives them a moment's fearful pause ... until it falls from my hand! Drat that cursed hat! Perhaps, there's a lesson about greed to be learned here. If I hadn't spent so much time gathering every diamond I could see, the goblins wouldn't have caught up with me. That gives me a notion. I throw down a good portion of the diamonds onto the altar and pray to Blorn. There's a clap of thunder and the diamonds on the altar are consumed in a shaft of brilliance. The cursed hat falls from atop my penitent pate. I can now retrieve my sword and make my escape with a small quantity of the diamonds.

The above is a basic example of the most common way in which god-like beings are featured. Consequences tend to be immediate and well defined. This approach has the advantage of being simple to plan out and program. You can dress it up with spectacular effects and grandeur, but one can't ultimately escape the profound hollowness of this approach. The rules are simply too apparent to the player. There's none of the wonder, awe, humility, uncertainty and fear that actual worshipers would experience. This is why such games almost never use deities who are still actually being worshipped today. Real religions that have stood the test of time tend not to limit their gods to such basic immediate reactions. Actual belief tends to weave a rich and deep tapestry into one's life far more complex than mere action and reaction.

King of Dragon Pass is a game for the iPHONE and other Apple devices which attempts to address this common shortcoming. This game puts you in charge of a clan on a fantasy world with many gods and spirits to contend with. You need to pick and choose which ones to worship and sacrifice cattle or goods to. Unlike the vending machine model, there is no certainty here at all. You can't easily quantify how effective a given blessing is or predict when or what the result of rituals will be. This uncertainty creates some of that missing experience of mystery and awe. As the player, you definitely have to pay careful attention to mythological detail and tread with caution if you want your clan to prosper. King of Dragon Pass has something like three novels worth of text. There is hand-painted artwork, music and sound to help bring the player deeper into the experience. However, despite all that, Orlanth and his fellow gods are ultimately just very powerful and unpredictable game elements to be used or ignored at one's own peril. However, thanks to this richly detailed background, the game isn't reduced to mere number crunching. You can't help starting to care about your clan and the fictitious people who comprise it. The game teaches valuable lessons regarding leadership, responsibility, the benefits of practicing faith on an individual and societal level, and more.

Far from weakening my faith, playing King of Dragon Pass has given me a sense of deep gratitude that there is just one true God and that he loves us without conditions. We need not know a thousand different rituals to keep in his good graces. For us, asking his forgiveness and accepting his son as our Savior is sufficient. Exploring alternative world views can let us appreciate our own faith all the more.

The original vision God gave me of Enchantment's Twilight definitely depicted aspects of religion. I remember priests and places of worship. Characters seemed to have a sense of supernatural forces larger than themselves being active in their universe. While I'm confident that God wants me to incorporate some sort of religion into the game, I'm very uncertain how he would have me proceed in that area. However, if past experience is anything to go by, this will eventually be revealed to me. It's another thread in a very large and complex tapestry. God has given me some indication through the respectful great care he has taken with me. He has given me plenty of gentle nudges or taps on the shoulder, but has always allowed me to find my own unique path and pace to his truth. That spirit of wonder, reverence, and compassion over all is the one in which I approach bringing the vision of a grand interactive epic God has given me a glimpse of into being.

Life Goes On

Hello everyone. It's another tuesday morning. Life is certainly moving along. In three days, I'll be heading off to a church conference in Grand Rapids Michigan. I've been gathering things in accesible form like the schedule and information about the speakers. It's all going on my netbook just like two years ago. Yes, shocking as it is, that much time has truly passed. Events like this certainly have a way of putting one's life in perspective. Back then, I had no idea that I'd be in my own apartment. Going into this, I feel at least a little more knowledgeable than I was last time. Still, it's such a different world and there's loads to learn.

Facebook is one of those sites which I find very annoying to deal with. However, every time I get close to thinking about deleting my acount there, something happens to stay my hand. This time was no exeption. A couple who I inadvertently lost touch with around eight years ago found me thanks to my Facebook profile. Michelle used to attend a youth group for blind people back when I was growing up in Mississauga. She's a very simple soul who had the misfortune to slide through the cracks of the education system. Enough sight to make teachers think she was being lazy and not give her the help she needed. She's very short and if you heard her, you'd swear on your life that she couldn't be any older than thirteen or so. However, in reality, she's as old as I am. Get past the appearance which I'm told is child-like and the voice to match, and you'll discover that time and adult life have indeed left their marks. She's amazing when it comes to travelling around on public transit. When she wants to do something, she has a surprising degree of stubbornness. Last saturday was a prime example. It was absolutely pouring out there. I called to warn her of this but she still insisted on coming over with her saintly husband Jerry. He would have preferred to stay home and dry but Michele was quite determined to get together with me. I believe I was able to make the trip a worth-while one for poor Jerry. I only met him once before we fell out of near orbit and drifted into separate directions. It's ironic. I've been pushing as hard as I could and hoping to find new friends around here. Who'd have thought that my social prospects would improve for the Summber by having old friends chance upon me?

Michelle and Jerry both have computers but haven't gone very far yet in learning to use them. I certainly have the time and inclination to help them more into the digital age. They, in turn, are quite willing to help me go into Toronto and hang out with people in the blind community there who I've also lost touch with. I've never been very comfortable using public transportation on my own. It takes months to even try to learn a route somewhere for me. These two have been doing it non-stop and don't even have to have instruction to learn a new route. They'll just get up and go wherever they like. I wouldn't have thought of asking them to go so far out of their way to include me. It adds at least an hour to whatever trip they'd make. However, they just up and offered to do it with a simple natural manner which completely surprised me. Unlike most people I've dealt with over the past while, they have lots of time on their hands. Now, I have some sense of how other people feel when I offer my time as I have. I'll happily take them up on it. In turn, I'll spend the time it takes to help them make better use of their computers and take advantage of the online world. My father was good enough to drive us between the mall and my apartment during the rain.

We spent the afternoon and evening mainly chatting and catching up on what befell each of us over the past near decade. I introduced Jerry to margaritas, a favorite drink of mine. Michelle doesn't drink. The highlight of the visit was thanks to Twitter and Mushroom FM. I sent a tweet into Lulu Wells, a broadcaster from South Wales. Within five minutes, she mentionned my guests by name live on Internet radio. It just blew their minds that this sort of thing was possible. They want me to go over their way and teach them to get in on Twitter and internet radio. I'll be quite happy to do this. There are dead spots in my week which such excursions would fill very nicely. After a very good first visit, I walked them back to the mall and the busses with my Trekker Breeze. It took a while to lock on but I know the beginning of the way quite well even without the Breeze now.

The church had a barbecue on sunday which very nicely polished off the weekend. I've been marvelling over the past couple days how life seems to be filling in for me. So many things are sliding into place. I just got a call from John Morgan this morning. Now there's an excellent reason to miss a chunk of Lulu Wells's excellent extra Bear's Lair broadcast on Mushroom FM out here on the balcony. Haven't heard from John in quite a while now. He's kept pretty busy. However, he'd like to see about Sandy and also see me and the new stuff I've been masterring over the past while. I ran into Sandy as both of us were headding out to different places recently. He sounds alright but hasn't taken any steps to get back in greater touch with me. I don't have his number so John plans on buzzing him when he comes over eventually. Both of us are busy over the next while but we'll get it together at some point soon. It's so damned good to be able to say that. I've spent so much time with no scope for hope or change. That dead time seems to be well and truly over. God seems to have found me new engagement with people at last. Now, I know I'm in the right place at the right time. This need not be a box where I've simply been stuck away by society to slowly rot. There are possibilities to do good and enjoy it in turn. I just needed the right people to come along to hook up my engine to the great machine of life.

It's getting close to noon now. I'll be packing up my netbook and taking my gear inside. The breeeze coming in over the balcony rail has ben very nice. It's time to head in and make my brunch. Haven't had bacon and eggs in quite a while. After brunch, it'll be off to the Dam. Tomorrow, I'll be at Symposium Cafe having lunch with my father. Got a load of laundry to do after that among other chores. My world certainly does keep turning. Wouldn't have it any other way.

Interesting Times

Hello everyone. It's been an interesting while since I've written an entry. I've met my newest niece Leah. She's a very cute and healthy baby. I forgot just how incredibly small they can be. We celebrated mom's birthday in fine style over a weekend with both friends and family. Ava and Amia were in their usual high spirits as well. I've eaten a lot of interesting and good food lately. We went to Lucy's Seafood place where I had my first experience with lobster in the shell as well as crab legs. I can understand lobster as there's enough meat to justify the effort of extraction. It tasted quite good in garlic butter. However, I fail to comprehend why crab legs are so expensive. They're thin spiny things which are difficult to crack open. Once you do this, the return is a sliver of meat no bigger than a thin french fry. I've also been to Jack Aster's with a family from church. I hadn't been there in at least a decade. Their burgers are very good indeed. Eating out has certainly helpped to stretch my groceries over the past while. I'm still tipically getting orders in the $200 range which last twenty or more days.

Normally, I would have gone to Games night last sunday. However, I had the opportunity to meet a family who goes to our church. They think of themselves as radical christians and definitely live up to that description. Had I come across them earlier in life, they very well might have scared me away from belief in God for keeps. They have some very strong oppinions about people which I simply can't agree to. I think they're going to be very interesting and challenging friends. We'll have to agree to disagree about quite a bit I fear. Despite disagreeing with them and having my overly litteral scriptural interpretation alert set jangling like no tomorrow, I thoroughly enjoyed my afternoon and meal with them. As Captain Robert April says in Diane Carey's Final Frontier, "It's exploration of a worthy kind." I feel sharpenned in my own faith and hope they feel the same having met me. It'll be fascinating to see how they get on in church over the years to come. It certainly doesn't seem like it would be the best fit for them.

This desktop PC continues to be more scarcely populated with software and data as I continue to ready it to be given to a new owner. In contrast, my netbook is very full while it serves as the home base for my iPHONE. That little device is slowly starting to feel more natural to use. I don't find myself having to consciously think about quite as much while I operate it. There's still a slight hesitancy as I answer calls and such but that's finally seeming to fade a bit. I just keep expecting buttons and there aren't any.

Today, I've learned what true musical torture is. Who would have thought that the Chipmunks would do a version of Achy Breaky Heart? It was the most repulsive combination I hope ever to hear. Two annoyances blending together to make something truly dastardly. I wanted to tune it out but the shere timpanic monstrocity held me transfixed in my anguish. Talk about a vicious earworm. I'm left longing for the damned smurfs theme or something equally vapit but pernitiously catching to get those chipmunks out of my poor head.

Tomorrow, I'll be doing lunch with dad at Symposium Caffe after hearing the Discovery landing for the last time. I've been thinking lately of how many times I've heard that ship launch and land over the years. Space activity has captivated me for as long as I can remember. It's such a clear reminder that we have so very much to learn about the place God made for us. I don't want to go there myself but can't wait to hear what people get up to out there.

I learned on sunday that I had been recommended by someone to fill a position of a governing elder in the church. I never would have expected that. I've only been going to the Meadowvale CRC for nearly a couple of years. I guess I presumed that people would have had to attend longer than that. From what I've heard so far, it sounds like something I might do well at. It's a three-year commitment but it's not like I have a ton else going on. I'll put my name in the hat and see what happens. God so far seems equivical on whether I do so or not so I ccan't exactly say I feel called to serve any more than I'd feel compelled to jump at any other opportunity to make a difference which presented itself. Perhaps, that's all the calling God deems necessary. I guess we'll see what happens there.

Saturday Thoughts

Hello everyone. It's early saturday evening. Jarte decided to crash on me in a very rare instance of recalcitrance. I had been lax in saving my work so this is my second attempt at a blog entry today. Follow me down yet another stream of consciousness. It's been a pleasant day. I've spent so many similar saturdays utterly frustrated at how excluded I've been from life. All that anger and frustration seems to have disappeared as if God just figured he'd zap it all away. I know I've written a little about this before but I'm still completely stupified by the phenominon. Too bad the cellulite didn't vabourise along with it. I'm not euphoric or anything. There's still a longing for more inclusion, more time talking with friends rather than typing to distant ones, and to be in love again. However, there's a kind of positivity which sort of balances that off now. Even during days spent completely alone, a kind of quiet enjoyment or joviality prevails for the most part. Insomnia and writer's block are still annoying me but that no longer prevents me from enjoying other things while I wait for them to leave off. I just know somehow that it'll all work out in the end and that things will get etter/more interesting.

I'm certainly in for some interesting changes over the next while. I've been approved for ADP upgrades to my access technology and that process is now underway. After ongoing discussions with friends and other blind folks, I've set my sights on getting an iMAC which has Windows7 on it. That way, I can best take advantage of both operating systems and can hopefully better dig myself out of trouble if stuff goes wrong given the Mac OS's built-in accessibility. I also hope to get a short and portable braille display. Negociations have begun with my preferred vendor and we'll see what they can do for me. That'll open up a lot of new possibilities when it comes to presenting my writing, doing more podcasts, perhaps even voice acting. At the very least, I'll hopefully be in a better position to help people in both the PC and Mac community.

An even larger change starts this tuesday. It'll be my first afternoon volunteering at The Dam. I've been eagerly anticipating this welcome addition to my weeks for quite some time now. My father will drive me over for the first week. The weather has been very cold and snowy lately and walking there would be somewhat dangerous. I have a few people I can turn to for rides so the Winter should be manageable enough in terms of getting there. I'll walk there and back myself in the spring, summer and autumn. Unlike when I published my computer guide, I don't have the jitters. I've done all I can to prepare and must simply try to be the best man I can be for the young kids and for those I'll be volunteering with. That's really all there is to it. I'll learn more once I'm there.

That attitude very much puts me in mind of Stephen Murgaski. He's made it to that school for the blind in India after some initial frustrations. I had to let slip the hounds of Google to find his blog since he didn't really tell me he started the thing. Unfortunately, he doesn't yet have the wireless internet access he expected and must post updates when he can plug into an ethernet cable from time to time. Hope they get those technical rinkles ironed out soon. They've certainly set him a challenging task. I'm not at all certain I could pull it off but if anybody can, he'll find a way as long as he can get the information needed. You can read more on this without needing to make use of Google by going to:
http://steveinindia.wordpress.com/

I can't help wondering if anything we do as young blind people will really make a bit of difference in our lives other than to our character. It seems like nothing we acomplish is ever enough to really make a difference to prospective life partners or employers. Society puts us in a very strange box. Not many people my age have met as many famous people, been on television and radio, had articles written about them online. We are given unique access to resources like funding for expensive access technology to enhance our personal lives. And yet, it's like we're punching at a brick wall for all the effect this has on the 80 percent unemployment rate the blind community suffers. It's like we're damaged puzzle pieces that simply can't quite fit anywhere unless something extraordinary happens to make a spot for us among the rest. I don't feel damaged. There are plenty of able-bodied folk who strike me as having far more damage to their integrity, honesty and other things. Yet, it too often seems that they'll get even second and third chances at at least a moderately good living while I'm barred from even earning a basic one. All due to that one sense I lack and they have. Once in a while, like when there's a blackout, people will actually need our particular skills and we'll be sought out. Once every so often, we'll notice that we haven't heard a curious child who has snuck away from parents. We may be in the right place at the right time to notice some strange sound or the absence of a sound that nobody else present notices. These things might just save lives once in a while. More often, we're in the right place at the right time when someone needs a good listenner or we come out with some thought that people think is profound. I've never thought myself particularly extraordinarily wise. I've just had more time to actually think about things than most people. That's what happens when you get largely sidelined by so-called normal life. Every great once in a while, some experience will befall us which enriches us or gives us a rare opportunity to really make a positive difference somewhere. I stil hold out some hope that we'll somehow cross the threshhold where people start inviting us into life's more serious commitments of love and secure jobs. That we'll somehow stumble onto a hidden experiencial equivalent of a spring which catapults us into that realm. Whether Stephen succeeds in India or not, he'll come back a somewhat changed man. I think of incredible human capital in someone like Stephen. To just march off like that speaks such volumes about him. Will even that be enough to make a prospective imployer or special lady change their question from a worried "what if?" to an eager "What can?" Sadly, I doubt it. It's definitely going to be a formative experience for him either way. Such things come upon us so infrequently that the effects can act as a lense for our thinking and worldview for some time after. My relationship with Janene was one such. It has definitely cost me a degree of selflessness, trust, and optimism. I won't be nearly as willing to just go off and start life fresh with someone unless I'm very convinced that they're really in it for the long haul. That's a pretty substantial change in character for me. No doubt my time at The Dam will prove a more positive such formative experience. I'll meet a lot of people with very good intentions and a lot of precious young minds. It is very unlikely, given past experience, to change my future prospects much at all. Going in with such expectations would be foolish and could damage the good I hope to do. I'm far more interested in learning about how today's kids and teens think about things. Especially moral issues. I can take those observations and eventually use them in building Enchantment's Twilight. I'll feel fantastic if I actually manage to help one or more young people avoid some nasty pitfalls. Everything else is just icing on the cake. I've come to believe that the only real way forward is to do as much good as selflessly as one can and let the chips fall where they may. I've seen so much good in people like Ron go to waste. There are tremendous transformations in character like what Earle has gone through. I've spent so many empty hours raging at how there never seems to be a positive echo for us; how the only satisfaction we gain is internal. Now, inexplicably, it just doesn't matter that this particular lot falls to me. Rage has done me very little good and I guess a bit of me has finally simply realised that. Our measures of success must simply differ from so-called normal able-bodied people. I didn't set out to be special and would trade all the extra time in the world away for a more ordinary life. However, society seems to need us where we are, ready to fill in the atrocious gaps left in the hectic lives of everyone else. I guess I've finally made a real kind of peace with that which wil see me through until either the next extraordinary experience or more drastic permanent change comes along.

Inner peace is one thing. Why then am I so very cheerful? It's as if I knew I was going to win a lottery or something. I guess I've just know that I'm at last on the cusp of an ongoing stable opportunity to actually do some good for people. Good has its own reward which I've experienced numerous times now. At the moment, it's a kind of glimmer of good feeling that tells me I'm on the right path. At times, I've experienced waves of sublime clarity. Sometimes, I have that sense when some profound idea initially presents itself to me. Usually, it's when I've done something which I find out has unexpectedly helped someone. Personal Power has given me many such moments over the years. So has Audyssey. There were times when I worked on those things that I felt absolutely fulfilled and content. A euphoric sense of rightness would sweep over me as if God was saying so that my very guts could hear: "Well done Michael. You're in the right place at the right time doing precisely what you were meant to." My world just suddenly seems to make fundamental sense regardless of all the disapointments and imperfections. I haven't tried any recreational drugs and have no desire ever to do so. However, I'd be willing to bet that none would produce a sensation which even came close to that kind of tranquil sublime euphoric contentment.

I've begun reading a book called Outside The Wire. It's about the experiences of Canadians over in Afghanistan. Any secondary school kid who smurks at Rememberance Day ought to be forced to read the book at gunpoint. It really brings home what kind of courage it takes to try and contend with political greed, stupidy, lust for power, and corruption. Even more than the CBC audio drama Afganada, this book gives you a substantial idea of the human cost of what we're trying to do over there. Reading the emails and letres of those who have died is particularly heartbreaking. How can so much shere good be so misconstrued that some folks there would try to kill these excellent people? It takes one's breath away.

Well folks, I believe I ought to sign off here and head to bed. I have a somewhat busier day tomorrow than I've just had. I welcome that. I went to bed early friday night for lack of anything at all to do. I feel far better about today even if I did lose a good chunk of blog posting due to not saving often enough. Where does that sense of digital immortality come from anyhow? Now there's a profound question to dream about.

Very Welcome Changes

Hello everyone. It's been quite a while since I've updated this blog of mine. I've started this entry on a somewhat cool feeling Sunday morning. You can smell rain in the air which must have fallen earlier. In a little over an hour, I'll be off to church. This evening, I have what I believe is the last of the membership classes I've been taking. The different perspectives on things and questions raised by my fellow attendees have been very welcome stimulation on these Sunday evenings. I'll be making what they call a profession of faith in church and will be a full member after that takes place. It's good to have found a community to belong to. That public ceremony will actually feel meaningful to me. It's a step along a path I've chosen and followed of my own accord. Unlike so many other milestones I've reached, I won't be alone this time. It's not the end of a journey and parting of ways like when I graduated from university. Nor do I have the sense of being utterly burnt out after finally finishing work on my Personal Power guide for blind owners of accessible computers. This time, it's about having reached an important point on a life-long path. I've found an actual physical community where it really matters to me how things turn out and what decisions are taken.

Recently, I attended a conference in London Ontario along with other interested church members concerning the adoption of a new confession of faith. The Belhar confession deals with the issue of racial diversity and discrimination. The conference was clearly organized by people strongly in favour of adopting this confession. I read the document after attending the multi-ethnic conference last year. Personally, I too would strongly support its adoption. It's a very well written document from the South African churches which originally arose out of the idiotic racial segregation taking place in that country. However, they certainly don't have a monopoly on such baseless discrimination. It didn't all vanish when Mr. Mandela was freed. Hiving it stated categorically in our articles of faith that we oppose segregation and injustice is a good thing. Drawing from my own experience as a former community leader, it just plain makes sense from another angle. There are clearly large segments of the church who feel that they haven't been taken as seriously and been given the respect afforded to the white originators of the denomination. Having this confession ratified would send a clear and long overdue signal to them that they are both listened to and valued members even if it is being adopted over twenty years too late to have done maximum good. I honestly can't see what harm it would do anybody to adopt this confession but I'm no theological expert. Whatever happens, I know that my own church certainly lives out the principle of inclusiveness.

On the social front, it looks like I've finally made at least a little progress. Rose has started coming over for walks and visits. She's a very talented woman. When she gets going about science, hang on for dear life. She knows her stuff and has come up with the best theory I've ever come across about how the supernatural is possible. Thank God I've always enjoyed science fiction and techno thrillers. That's the only reason I was able to follow her at all. She's unemployed and recovering from a back injury. That gives her the time to visit me. I seem to make a good sounding board for her. It'll never get beyond friendship. We disagree about quite a bit. However, she's an extremely interesting and engaging new friend.

To add to that, I've had my first group of four guests over. Shane, Chrissie, Angel and Sue were able to join me Friday evening for a wonderful dinner. They enjoyed my potatoes and brought some delicious hamburgers and potato salad. It felt terrific to actually have them over to talk to and hang out with for the evening. There wasn't any rush or agenda. Over the past while, I've gotten to know Shane a bit more. We've gone out a couple of time for drinks. Life has at last lost that lonely empty quality. It's wonderful to have finally broken that "see you next Sunday" barrier.

Mobility lessons are going to start again for me. Harp al is going to be my instructor this time. I had her before in Oakville. Hopefully, what I learn this time will stick better. Harp al did as good a job teaching me to get to Ron's in Oakville as anybody could have. However, I couldn't make use of that route soon or often enough once I had learned it. Within about three months, I couldn't have gone there to save my life. This time, I'll stick to places that I can walk to. One of the first things we'll do is go on the route I've almost mastered from my apartment to Symposium Cafe at the Meadowvale Town Centre. I want to see if she notices anything or has any comments which her training and experience predisposes her to which the people who have been helping me learn the route may not have. Other routes I hope to master include going to my parents' house, the church, the bank, and perhaps learning some of the interior of the town centre that would be easily reachable from the Symposium entrance. That may even be too ambitious an agenda for this first Summer here. I'm presuming I'll see her once per week unless I'm away or she's on vacation.

It's now Wednesday morning. Grocery Gateway has just delivered my groceries for the next while. Unfortunately, I neglected to order some minniolas this time and ordered a very small quantity of very small potatoes. Still having potatoes from the last order and plenty of rice, the mistake with potatoes may not even matter at all. I'll miss the oranges though. Timing is everything. I have lots of other fruit for now. There was only one substitution this time. I could actually recognize everything I ordered without needing my bar code scanner.

I don't usually take this damned long to update my blog. I actually meant to write an entry soon after I went to that conference. Writing hasn't gone well at all over the past while. I barely got an article for my church newsletter done on time and don't at all consider it on a par with my better writing. It seems to have gone over well from what I've heard from people so far though. That's something I guess. Heather seems to have boundless creative energy. She's already working on the second chapter of her part of the project. That's despite having a full time job. She's even entering a three-day novel writing contest. The thought of trying to write a whole damned novel in three days is something akin to downright painful even when writing is going well for me. She has a lot more faith in me than I do at the moment. Thankfully, it looks like I'll have plenty else happening this Summer. June is certainly pockmarked with reminders in Calendar Magic. That program is finally getting some regular use.

I've heard quite a few very moving and interesting documentaries and podcasts over the past while. I really ought to get better at updating this blog more regularly so they get included. I love it even better if I had people to share this sort of thing with regularly. However, nobody seems to have the time or inclination to listen. In all good conscience, I should be at least tweeting about these audio gems as I come across them. I just can't get into Twitter and never know quite what to say in 140 characters or less. Hopefully, one day, I'll come across a special lady who actually values that important aspect of my life. You'd think there'd be someone suitable out there. I guess there are plenty of sports-loving men out there who dearly wish their wives would take an interest in watching their games of choice. One thing I heard was an episode of Babylon 5 which I somehow missed before. It was called Comes The Inquisitor. It was the twenty-first episode of the third season. It dealt with issues of how we can come to believe we're chosen and what can happen when that goes astray. How do we truly know we're the right people in the right place at the right time? In case anybody actually follows through and decides to take it in, I won't spoil the brilliant haunting ending. It's a perfect example of why there's still hope for humanity. There's so much depth in that series but it approaches key moral and life issues with such engaging style. Educators ought to use it in secondary school classes. For anybody contemplating political or leadership roles, it should be mandatory viewing. Another really moving story was a BBC Radio4 documentary called The Travelling Electric Chair. It featured the granddaughter of a black man called Willie McGee who was put to death for sexually assaulting a white woman. She talked to a number of people who either had memories of or were relatives to people involved in the tragic incident. The case stretched over six years and involved people in the early civil rights movement. Right up until the very end, Willie maintained that the sexual encounter he had with this white married woman was consensual. The prosecution claimed that he had threatened her with a knife he was carrying. Both of the participants are now dead so there's no way to actually know for certain. People in the area have put this divisive incident behind them and it was hard for Linda to find people willing to talk with her about her grandfather. I really felt for her. She wasn't out to hurt anybody. She just wanted to know the truth as far as that was possible. She had no malice toward anyone involved. You could hear that in her voice. She ended up talking to the son of the man who prosecuted Willie. He had to decide weather or not to share Willie's last words as told to him by his father. You could hear him weigh his thoughts about confidentiality against this young woman's simple desire to know something of her grandfather. I also found it interesting when she went to see the travelling electric chair which had killed Willie. She was surprised when it turned out to look like something you might sit in on your front porch and watch cars go by. Who would have thought?

As usual, From Our Own Correspondents was pretty nifty. There were a few episodes I hadn't gotten around to listening to. One reporter living in Germany told about how her little girl was afraid in their house and thought she saw ghosts. That's quite a problem over there. She was going to talk to a sculptor who was making stumbling blocks designed to remind people of all the Jews and other innocent people killed during the Nazi period. I guess they're also supposed to help the dead rest easier or something. Some day, all this input will result in more meaningful output into one of my projects. If I could find my in-crowd of people who were actually interested in more of the same stuff I was, that would certainly help in a number of ways. Stephen Hawking's special on the Discovery Channel was also quite a nifty show. In that instance, Rose had also seen it and I had the pleasure of having some discussion about it with someone who was actually interested in the same thing. Like I said before, Rose knows her science.

It's now Wednesday afternoon. Lunch has been eaten. Dishes have all been washed. The counter has been wiped clean. I'm enjoying a cup of chi tea as I resume writing this. During lunch, I listened to another BBC Radio podcast called Digital Planet. They're in South Africa during this world cup soccer thing. Soccer has always bored me to tears but technology and innovation certainly haven't. I just heard how cell phones, open source software and social media platforms are changing the lives of even poor and crime-ridden communities there. Pretty nifty stuff. Didn't think I'd hear from a guy who was just inches away from killing his mother only to be stopped by, as he says, the hand of God. Now, he's doing his part to help his community and is no longer paranoid. Another deep thread running through there is how important stories and narrative are to South Africans. Even people unable to type are becoming able to tell their stories online via You tube. I'm hoping for much the same thing initially for Sandy. I'll be working on teaching him to go to the voice chat rooms where he can start to get to know his fellow blind community members. He's growing more confident going to radio stations. That took a little longer than expected but I'm slowly learning what his pace is. In a couple of hours, I'll be going to Shane's birthday celebration. That ought to be interesting. I've only met one of his friends so far but he certainly seems like a thoughtful man. Tomorrow, I've got my mobility lesson in the afternoon. I'll probably try to get laundry done in the morning since there'll be some sort of repairs going on in the building Friday. Presuming the noise is confined mainly to the lobby and first floor, I may make yet another attempt at making progress with my writing and smashing through this damned writer's block. I'll also try and hook up with Sandy to hopefully get him to a point where he can go onto the chat rooms when he likes. My monthly cd of magazines has also arrived from the CNIB. I'll get to those over the next while.

slowly winding down

Hello everyone. It's approaching eleven PM as I settle in for this blogging cession. Over the past while, my sleeping has steadily gotten worse. I hoped that I could stave off this insomnia with pure discipline, patience and perseverance. It's always such a boost to the ego when I manage to avoid having to use those Equate pills to nudge things back in the right direction. It would have been all the more a nifty ego boost now while I'm not getting much writing done. I would at least have conquered something. Sometimes though, that male machoism just sets us stubborn guys up for a rougher ride than if we let common sense prevail earlier. Thankfully, Equate isn't adictive or really all that powerful. It's a cheeper form of Gravol. I probably have that spellt wrong. Personally, I tend to want to deal with these things without resorting to pills out of some misplaced sense of fair play. This is one of those times when one must simply conceed the point and swallow both pills and pride. I need to be in as tip top mental shape as possible over the next chunk of time.

Yesterday, I spoke at my church about my journey to faith as a blind person and offered some observations and perspective as a blind person. All the feedback was quite positive. In fact, I may have an opportunity to speek at a Polish church later in the year. We had a guest worship team from there who apparently enjoyed my remarks. It's always a pleasure and an honour to do things like that. I certainly have a greater sense that I am indeed where God wants me to be. I'll be able to have some positive impact in the community over the years as people come to know me through opportunities like yesterday. It certainly seemed to cause some interesting people to pop out of the woodwork. I talked to one lady named Rose who is in the process of translating the new testament. Apparently, she'll be the first woman to actually do this. Other such efforts seem to have been performed by men. That surprised me greatly. You'd think that in this day and age, some woman or other would have crossed that gender boundary some time back in the fifties at the latest. She's also had some interesting experiences ministering to criminals. That might prove very useful when I begin working on orchestrating the evil forces in Enchantment's Twilight. Another lady who suffers from Parkinson's wants to start writing down her experiences for a possible blog or book. I'll be pleased to help her do this and determine how she wants to present her work online for people. Her name is Geneva. Thinking back, I can't recall having met anybody else named after a city.

PlentyofFish has also coughed up a very interesting lady. She's another teacher who doesn't seem nearly as prone to being scared off by too much information. We've exchanged a number of lengthy emails. So far, she doesn't seem interested in me commiting crimes for her. She does seem genuinely interested in my writing and in becoming friends. What's more, she lives close enough that it would be possible to actually go out somewhere together or have her come to visit me. That would certainly be a most welcome change.

Today has largely been a writeoff due to that lack of sleep I mentionned. I've swallowed my pills but am still feeling quite wide awake. I dozed off a number of times today so I'm rather glad I had no plans or deadlines just now. I watched U 571 on my computer for the first time with my Bose Companion3 speakers rather than my prior set of 5.1 surround sound ones. The main issue I had with those was that the sub-woofer fires sound downward into the floor. Moving into an apartment, I figured that because of this, those speakers might not be such a good idea. I've seen the movie Enemy Below and have no desire to inadvertently create the real thing. Fortunately, the Bose speakers have a subwoofer which fires forward rather than down. It ought to be less likely to wreck some poor soul's day. The virtual surround sound works quite well enough for me. Another item I took care of today was obtaining the manual for my grill. It took a while to track down the model on the site. However, they had a link to the pdf manual right there. Kurzweil1000 version 12 has just proved its worth by very quickly producing an accessible copy of the information for me. It took around ten minutes at most to recognise and present twenty-one pages. I don't think many of those pages were actually in English. However, I was quite happy to discover that even the tables with cooking times for food came through splendidly. Very nifty indeed. When I start scanning my regular mail in the new apartment, I don't anticipate any difficulties at all.

Over the weekend, I got together with Mark and Wendy. They have a table that I'll be borrowing for a while for the dining area until I get a better idea of what sise table will be suitable for the apartment. We had a very good dinner at the Lion Heart which I now have in my GPS. I have to remember to bring that along and keep adding landmarks of places when possible. Now that I'm going to be living here for the long term, it makes sense to do that. They'll be coming over on the saturday to help get me settled in. It's great to have such good friends as they are.

Hopefully, I'll be better rested tomorrow. It'll be time to start working with the talking microwave and perhaps take care of some other things like that router. I'm actually starting to feel tired so I believe I'll sign off before I go and write anything too obtuse.

Tranquil Spirits

Hello everyone. It's been a couple of weeks since I last posted a slice of my life. For most of that time, there just hasn't been much of substance to justify an entry. Life has mainly drifted along with one day being much like the next. After my blood testing was done, my doctor started me taking some vitamin B12. Apparently, the lack of it can have some fairly serious consequences. I've taken my pills quite faithfully since I was asked to but can't honestly say I've noticed any difference. On the bright side, I'm confident that there won't be any side effects like there can be with various drugs. The past four or five days have been very good ones which have left me feeling more useful, connected to my community and hopeful than I have in quite a while. This is particularly true of the weekend I've just had.

Things started to pick up early last week when an event I've long hoped would happen finally did. Blast Bay Studios released Q9, a basic but very competently done sidescroller game for blind people. The best way I can describe the experience is that a part of the childhood of video games which I could only live vicariously through others was finally presented to me in a form I could actively participate in. At last, it was possible for me to truly understand the adrenaline rush and excitement of this style of game. You'll find a more detailed review in the next issue of Audyssey Magazine when Ron publishes it. Meanwhile, check out the game for yourself at:
www.blastbay.com

I also got to see Adam last week. He's looking for a new job but doesn't seem to be overly troubled by current circumstances. I took him out for a late birthday dinner. We also got some good gaming in. He has that new Dragon Age rpg which is actually quite impressive. It's full of dialogue which has actual consequence to it. The sounds and music are top of the line. After dinner, we played some more of that Docobone Dungeon board game on his PS3. However, I found myself starting to doze off fairly early in the evening. I hate that when my sleep gets out of order. It's frustrating. These days, I find that I get up around five AM and then tend to turn in at around ten thirty or so. The dry cough doesn't do wonders either but I'll gladly take it over the flu I had a couple of weeks back.

Nothing too exciting has happened on Plentyoffish in quite a while with the exception of a deliciously absurd rejection. I was contacted by a woman in Toronto. All was going fairly well at first. She didn't seem to have a problem with my current circumstances. However, after she found out that I had no interest whatsoever in becoming a hacker and commiting computer crimes, she blocked me right away. Isn't that just priceless? Rejected for being too honest! Who would have thunk? All one can do is throw up one's hands and laugh. With the kind of friends this lady seems to be seeking, I trust she'll watch her back.

I found what I hope will be an excellent Christmas present for my two adoreable neaces Ava and Amia. The Discovery Store had a talking globe for sale designed for pre-school children. I think Ava will learn some things from it while Amia, being only two, will still enjoy hearing it respond when she touches it. In coming years, I suppose I'll have to be more careful what I reveal in here when Ava starts learning to navigate the web and read. They're growing up fast. Ava seems to like going to kindergarten. Hopefully, I can fill the role of the wise uncle with the interesting answers as they start to become more sophisticated in their thinking. I certainly look forward to that.

The real treasure was this past weekend. I've joined a church program designed to combat racism and better respect diversity. A group of us are being taught how to facilitate a series of workshops designed for adults to participate in. The people I find myself engaged in this enterprise with are very dedicated to breaking down barriers and promoting the kind of fair world that I also would love to live in. A world where people can count on being treeted equally. They're people who I could cheerfully converse with for hours on end were the opportunity ever presented. There are breaks and such where we've had a chance to do this briefly. There's quite a bit of material to cover though so things are kept moving at a good pace.

I felt absolutely recharged after last friday evening but still got to sleep fairly quickly. It's such a tremendous treet for me to finally have an opportunity like this. I've wanted to join a quest which was larger in scope and less solitary than the ones I undertake alone at this keyboard. I couldn't have asked for a more worthy torch to take up nor a better equipped set of companions. There's still a whole lot to learn and read. I'll be plunging more into that over this week. It makes all the difference in the world to at least have the possibility of greater interaction with people ahead. Not knowing when I might be moving into affordable housing, it's hard to find anything I could commit to. God seems to be opening an interesting doorway for me. Time will tell where it ultimately takes me but as usual, he'll have my best efforts. I was very tired after saturday and went to bed at around ten. However, it was that good kind of tired which comes of actually being engaged in something you believe in. Next weekend, I'll be experiencing the full effectiveness of the program I'm to teach first hand. I'll also have a chance to get a better sense of how much my abilities and past experience can be brought to bear. I've never considered myself to be cut out for formal academic teaching as such. This dialogue learning stuff seems like it's something I can hopefully facilitate pretty well though.

If my patience, ability to listen and unique point of view can even help one person take a fresh look at their prejudices, that would be more than reward enough for me. I've already gained a lot from this initiative which will inform future projects. Already, what I've learned has caused me to begin to re-evaluate my approach to Enchantment's Twilight as a whole as well as how I'd like the game to begin. I'm less happy with the idea of having each player control two characters and may just start with the island councel members having been chosen at the start from a roster of double the needed characters. A whole lot to read and think about over the next days. that's for sure.

That old recurring nightmare of mine paid me a visit last friday evening. I wasn't able to get any sleep afterwards so I'm glad I didn't have that blasted dream any earlier. Why I still have the nightmare is something of a mistery to me. I've written it down, thought about it a great deal while awake, prayed about it, and experienced it countless times over the years. Is there some piece of greater understanding I'm supposed to draw from it that has so far escaped me? Is it simply there as a foil to make me more thankful for the normally more pleasant sleep I experience regularly? Perhaps, someone who reads my account of the dream in A Life of Word and Sound will have some fresh insights. The item is called A Pawn of Fear. After recounting the nightmare, I go over the major conclusions and thoughts that I've come up with already. I look forward to any speculations my readers may have.

Listening to some peaceful positive music and actually having something to do with other people on saturday morning both helped dispell the jumpy shaken feeling the dream usually leaves me with. The music from the game Oblivion features some excellent pieces for relaxed contemplation. The work of Kevin Kern, Age of Echoes, Blue Stone, and David Lanz certainly give a positive sonic ambience. Bill Brown does some excellent music for various games and movies also. He has a bunch of his stuff up for people to grab freely. check him out at:
www.billbrownmusic.com

One new thing to keep in mind while using a netbook is that you can't just close them up and expect them to go properly into standby mode before they've finished booting. I lost around thirty percent of one battery due to this during saturday morning. I guess it was still trying to load stuff or do some scan or other during a period where I didn't need to use it. When I pulled the netbook out to check it later, I immediately noticed the warmth coming from it. It doesn't seem to get alarmingly hot but you can tell when the netbook has been exerting itself. Despite that blunder, I still had over half of my second battery's charge remaining at the end of the day. Not too shabby at all. University days would have been a lot easier with such long-lived batteries to hand. There were more than a few occasions where I'd have to head back to the house I lived in on campus, plug my old laptop in, and type every scrap I could from memory of a class where my batteries failed. As much as I enjoyed the lectures and wide diversity of people to talk to, I'm damned glad those days of corses are behind me.

Sunday was a very good day as well. The church had a soup lunch after the service. Those are always enjoyable. I met and talked with some interesting people. During the evening, I went out for dinner at a local pub called Lion Heart with Mark and Wendy. It was damned good to catch up with those two very good friends. The food was absolutely delicious. I had a curried chicken dinner and my first beer in around two weeks. After I got the flue, I thought it prudent to hold off until I felt better. However, life just carried on and I never got around to enjoying any beer despite having plenty of it at hand. I'm rather glad I go through times like that and don't particularly miss it. It helps me be certain that I can occasionally enjoy a drink without alcohol getting any sort of foothold on me. I'm entirely too familiar, through people I've known over the years, what devastation that can bring to one's life. Anyone who chooses to walk with me in friendship or love won't have to deal with those issues. I value having a clear mind entirely too much for that. They'll just have to cope with my deep thinking, strange intelectual sense of humour, insomnia, irritability due to writer's block, etc. That's enough for folks to contend with.

I've finally gotten around to getting a spare battery for my cell phone. It's now fully charged after three hours plugged in. I figured I should get a fresh one since the one I was given with the phone didn't always last the whole day. Also, like a lot of access technology, it's a pretty specialised phone. It would truly suck to find that I could no longer use it because I waited too long to get a backup battery and the company went under so I no longer could. That kind of thing can happen when there's lots of competition for a small market. The last thing I need is one of these overly complicated newfangled phones which can do six impossible things before breakfast. I don't even text for heaven's sake.
Life is certainly moving in a good direction. I very much look forward to this coming weekend. Before that, I have my little neace Amia's second birthday to attend at some point this week. Given what I've been up to lately, I may not go to Symposium. I've got to stretch out my cash a little more with the holidays approaching. I'm in good shape financially but a lack of discipline could undo that in a hurry. I find that as long as I try to pace things out properly, I do well on that score. The only access technology related purchase is an update to Kurzweil 1000, the print-reading software I use which also can help with pdf files among other things. I figure I'll get the latest version of that in the new year. Pretty soon, the holidays will pull me into their magic. I believe I have Christmas gifts well sorted out but I haven't given a great deal of thought to New Year's Eve yet. It would suck to find myself with no friends to spend that with. I guess there's still lots of time to sort that out. Perhaps, an interesting opportunity will come up there. One of these years, I'd love to join in one of the larger public New Year's celebrations. Unfortunately, I don't know anybody who would enjoy attending that sort of thing with me. Heading to something like that alone would be less than safe and none too practical. It'll certainly be different without Janene there. So many possibilities snuffed out. Ah well. I at last have the possibility of greater community engagement ahead of me. Something to be profoundly thankful for.

a quietly satisfying day

Hello everyone. The evening draws near on this very nice first day of November. This morning, I got up quite well rested at around six AM courtesy of that extra hour we got from daylight savings time. MY computers took care of themselves but my watch and cell phone didn't and I had to set those manually. Something to remember for next year's time changes. Church was a very different service this morning. It was all about ministering to God. A lot more standing than usual but I didn't mind. I hope that it was actually God prompting me to share that truth about how envy is really a bad shortcut of thinking and breaks down with a moment's careful examination of all the things our envious impulse glosses over. It seemed to resonate with at least one lady so I guess it fit. After the service, a group of people prayed for God to give me more vision. I always feel a tad uneasy when people pray for my physical sight to be granted me. That's a medical impossibility and after you've had numerous people do that, you start to get concerned about how many of their faiths will be shaken when, predictably enough, they remain just as invisible after the attempt than they were initially. I certainly appreciate the good will. They also prayed that I would have increased insights from God. Those are things I would gladly accept.

After that experience, I was driven home and decided to head out to Symposium for a rather late brunch. I don't believe I'll bother at all with supper. Those deluxe omelets and fruite freezies are just delicious as was the mocha drink. The walk there was made more interesting by a mother and son I met. Terry, the mother, has schizophrenia and is also on the same government support that I am. Her son also has special needs. We chatted for a little before I went into the restaurant. Things were absolutely hopping busy today. It was good to hear. Having the place close down on me for lack of business would royally suck after all the effort I put into learning the route there. I would have greatly enjoyed being swept into a conversation there, but despite that not happening, it's pretty much impossible not to have one's spirits lifted there. The staff are friendly despite the bustle, and the food, as I've stated already, is splendid.

Things have pretty much wound down now. Nobody is in the chat sites I frequent and no interesting new postings are on Plentyoffish. I wrote a couple of new ones over recent days so perhaps, I'll be contacted as a result. Not much more to say really. Normal life begins again tomorrow. Back to working on Enchantment's Twilight again. The first working day of my thirty-fifth year. Here's hoping it's a productive one.

current happenings

Hello everyone. It's been around a week since my trip to Winnipeg. This weekend, I went to see Mark and Wendy on Sunday after a soup luncheon at church. It was damned nice to have a full day like that after a mainly empty drawn out week. The church is having a workshop on diversity which I'll be joining. I find learning about different cultures to be interesting and hope that my perspective might add to the work being done in that area. It'll certainly give me something interesting to do over a couple of weekends. Some time soon, I'll be discussing what blindness is like with the sunday school class they've got going. That kind of thing is something I've always found enjoyable. All I really need to do is find something which makes the weeks somewhat less empty and I'll be off to the races.

Mark and Wendy are doing pretty well. They made an excellent Morokan chicken dinner and the evening passed in the pleasant, thoughtful, conversational way in which time with good friends like them ought to pass. I introduced them to a nifty youtube video where some people forced some laptop batteries to explode to demonstrate the consequences should that happen. It's one of those things that I always would have been curious to hear the sound of but would never dream of instigating myself. Glad somebody else did it and recorded the somewhat dangerous results. The batteries they have these days are quite safe. They had to go to some trouble to cause the cells to vent explosively.

I was more tired than I would have expected to be after getting back from Winnipeg. It seemed so obtuse. We didn't exactly leap over tall buildings while we were there. Still, I'm back in writing trim again. On the way home from another scrumptious omelet at Symposium Cafe, I met a nice couple who just moved into the area. I think God has stepped in to at last fudge the odds in my favour in the socialisation department. I got turned around on the way back ending up near a school and pharmacy. Thankfully, the Trekkor Breeze was eventually able to get me back on track. Had that not happened, I would have missed them entirely. Colin and Ena seem like the kind of down-to-earth good people who I can get along quite well with. We've exchanged phone numbers and emails. It was good to chat with someone completely new for a while. Also, it was a damned nice day to get lost in. It's quite warm out there for this time of year. A much better way to spend time than contending with writer's block. It looks like dad will get in another game of Golf today. He passed me as he left and I returned home. Thank God the water is back on. It was cut off this morning while they fixed pipes. While I'm writing this, I've been enjoying a substantial glass of it. Work on Enchantment's Twilight is proceeding in dribs and drabs. I think I'll have to just get used to that kind of slow pace until a greater variation of events or a change in circumstances gives me more life experience to work with. A couple of ladies have contacted me on POF and Dating4Disabled.com but they seem to lose interest. I always leave them with questions so they have an easier time thinking of what to write back but I haven't received any answers in quite a while.

That's pretty much the sum of things here at the end of my thirty-fourth year on the planet. I fervently hope there's more social activity and opportunities to be of some help to people who are actually in this community. Things feel like I'm finally on track for some healthy change. I hope I'm correct in thinking that such change is actually on the way. Even if that isn't the case, I'm still thankful not to be in the dismal mental place in which I spent most of this past Summer. Even with the occasional reprieves provided by the church, friends and family, there was just way too much squandered dark lonely time there.

The rest of the week looks like it'll get more interesting. My birthday is on thursday. I don't have any special plans but will doubtless have some sort of celebration with my family. Alison's birthday is coming up also, and then there's Halloween. While I was visiting Mark and Wendy on the weekend, Ava and Amia went with their grandmother and aunt to a pumpkin patch. Both of them apparently had a good deal of fun. I would have thought that perhaps Amia was too young to grasp a lot of Halloween's fun but it seems she can handle it so far. They enjoyed the haywagon ride. I vaguely remember those. TV ought to have some interesting offerings over the next while. Halloween always brings out the better horror movies. G4TechTV has had some interesting stuff about various horror-related games and such. Nothing immediately useful for my own creation, but it certainly passes the time. I suppose I should also keep an ear on the Accessible Channel over the next while. They'll doubtless have the odd interesting thing fully described. I purchased an audio drama series from CDBaby last night which sounded promising for Halloween. That's been a bountiful harvest lately for me. The Ann manx series has proved excellent so far. I haven't listened to all of it yet. Overall, its depiction of a future universe is somewhat thin on details. However, it's supposed to be more of a comical romp and they did a splendid job with sound effects and voice acting. Not quite as good as The Adventures of Sexton Blake from:
www.perfectlynormal.net
but definitely up there overall.