Hello everyone. Happy Canada Day. It's approaching five o'clock as I write this blog entry. I'm at last able to sit comfortably out on my balcony. No noisy construction wrecks the experience. Nore are too many jets flying over. It's very peaceful with a jentle wind blowing in over the rail. Last weekend, I went on a camping trip with Ron and his friends. Despite the rain, it was a splendid outing. I met some very interesting people and had an excellent time. As we all get older, things are losing that wild quality they once had. That suits me just fine but the down side is I can't rely on these trips to cure my insomnia. Last night, I enjoyed my first really good sleep in quite some time.
Things are going quite well lately. I've started my mobility lessons and am now concentrating on learning to reach the TD Bank which is near the Meadowvale Town Centre. It'll probably take four or five more lessons or so to really nail that down. The only area where things are going horridly is in my writing. Blog entries and emails are one thing but creatively, I'm in the middle of the longest droubt I've known and feel like it'll take a miracle to unlock things again. I've sat for hours trying to write anything creatively but have nothing to show for my efforts at all. The only thing left to do is to simply stop trying for the next while and try to simply enjoy things. With the nice weather, I've been doing more with people outdoors. That side of life is finally starting to shape up. This evening, I think I'll head down and see if people are celebrating around Lake Aquitain or perhaps at the community centre on the way to the mall. The rest of the weekend will be more family oriented. My grandmother is arriving some time tonight. We'll be doing various things over the next while with her. Poor Ava is ill at the moment so I don't know whether we'll be seeing Dan and his family or not. We'll also be seeing other friends of the family. It's nice not to have an empy long weekend staring me in the face. Think I'll get this posted and continue to enjoy it. Happy Canada Day everyone.
Showing posts with label sleep. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sleep. Show all posts
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Saturday, July 25, 2009
a quiet rainy saturday
Hello everyone. It's approaching four thirty on this rainy Saturday afternoon. Thankfully, I had an excelent sleep last night. It can make all the difference. I certainly would have enjoyed getting together with friends but I've had a pretty pleasant time of it nonetheless. I puttered around the Internet most of the morning and then made a couple of egg and bacon english muffins for a very nice brunch.
The afternoon started with me listening to a repeat of Quirks and Quarks where they went through ten ways in which the world could end. After that, I went to For-The-People which is a chat community for blind people that I'm registered with. There was a pretty diverse bunch of us from places as distant as Trinidad and Norway. We passed quite a nice piece of time in wide-ranging meaningful chatter. I didn't come away with anything very profound but it does take the edge off that lonely disconnected feeling.
Just before I started this entry, I listened to the descriptive version of The Bucket List for the second time. It's certainly one of those movies which really ought to be watched and discussed with either close friends or someone special. However, like a lot of such pleasures, I can either enjoy them alone or not at all. There's a great deal of wisdom and wonderful dialogue in The Bucket List. For me, I would rather have my pivital experiences and moments of wonder while I'm still in good health and have the rest of a lifetime to reflect and act upon them. Presuming I'm lucky enough to find a woman to love, I would hope to spend my last days with her, my family and friends. I don't think I'd feel good about going off for one last grand adventure like Carter and Edward.
There are certainly some experiences I'd love to have during my life. I'd love to actually be able to finish Enchantment's Twilight and may indeed ultimately succeed in that. To enjoy my travel desires would require either close friends and/or a wife/girlfriend to experience them with. Presuming such people plus the funds were available, I'd love to go:
1. To somewhere along the shore of an ocean when it was warm enough to actually get in. I've always wondered what it would feel and sound like to hear it live rather than recorded. Ideally, there would also be a town or city there whose people I could get to know a little.
2. To the peek of a mountain. I'd love to hear what it's like all that way up there. However, I don't particularly feel the desire to climb up or down it. I Imagine it might sound quite vast and interesting presuming wind didn't completely override one's ability to hear the surroundings.
3. To England. British stories and culture are pretty well woven into my life and I would love to actually visit that country. Ideally, I'd like to go with another person who actually hasn't been there and done that already. It would be damned refreshing to discover a new place like that along with someone elase who was keen and eager.
4. To a tropical island. I've wanted to do that ever since I read Treasure Island over two decades ago. That desire has only strengthened while I've worked on and thought about Enchantment's Twilight. I'd like to have a proper sense of the lifestyle and atmosphere. Chances are also good that the history of whatever island I went to would also interest me.
I would most likely find a trip to pretty much anywhere interesting so long as I did it in the company of other people whose reactions and conversation about whatever they saw I could hear and participate in. That's really what it comes down to for me; Being with people who are keen to get the most out of the excursion. Whether I ultimately get to any of those places or not is of secondary importance to me when it comes to overall life satisfaction. When you get right down to brass tacks, I'd like to look back on a life where I've been able to make a positive contribution to peoples' lives. Preferably, I would appreciate it if I could do so in a community where I actually lived. Having my own place which I could sustainably afford is definitely important to me. However, being a part of a loving marriage where I could meaningfully contribute to a woman's happiness is even more to be desired. Even if our economic quality of life was worse than mine is now, I've experienced enough of love to know how much that relationship can make up for in terms of other hardships.
Not much of a bucket list, is it? Many of my friends might find it strange that I can be such a deep thinker but have such basic ultimate goles. But then, that's the sort of thing deep thinking leads one to realise. It's around ten after seven now. My parents have come back vrom babysitting Ava and Amia. They're pretty worn out as usual. Those two kids plus two kittens can be quite a happy handful. We've had our simple supper of left-over KFC and I'm back up here in my room again. New age music is playing tcourtesy of Sky FM's new age station. It doesn't seem to be raining outside at the moment. Wonder how long this interlude between downpours will last.
Tomorrow should be much better on the social front. There's church in the morning. I presume we're having a different guest preecher this week. I've little doubt he'll be as good as the last one was. Something new to think about at any rate. Tomorrow evening, I'll be joining my parents going over to a party our neighbours are having. That'll certainly be out of the ordinary. On tuesday, I'll be meeting with Nadia at the Bramilee City Centre. I keenly look forward to that. Wednesday, I have another lesson. If possible, I'll head out on monday or tuesday to test that section of route that I'm a bit concerned about. I just hope it dries off a little over the next day or two. Tramping through puddles isn't exactly a thrilling prospect but I'll take that over getting rained on. Dad and I may also go out and get a new TV for me which is capable of receiving audio description. If I'm to be stuck as a single person who is largely housebound for the next while, I'll at least be able to take advantage of audio descriptive service when it's offered. Yet another one of those things I could cheerfully do without if my social outlook and transportation options were better. Paradoxically, I'm glad I didn't arrange to go to Lake Jo. That would be one week of excellent social conditions with no transportations issues surrounded by weeks of still sapping solitude. I'll be better prepared to appreciate such a trip next year when the chance for a completely different future which has so recently left me won't be so keenly felt and missed. It's been a rought ride.
The afternoon started with me listening to a repeat of Quirks and Quarks where they went through ten ways in which the world could end. After that, I went to For-The-People which is a chat community for blind people that I'm registered with. There was a pretty diverse bunch of us from places as distant as Trinidad and Norway. We passed quite a nice piece of time in wide-ranging meaningful chatter. I didn't come away with anything very profound but it does take the edge off that lonely disconnected feeling.
Just before I started this entry, I listened to the descriptive version of The Bucket List for the second time. It's certainly one of those movies which really ought to be watched and discussed with either close friends or someone special. However, like a lot of such pleasures, I can either enjoy them alone or not at all. There's a great deal of wisdom and wonderful dialogue in The Bucket List. For me, I would rather have my pivital experiences and moments of wonder while I'm still in good health and have the rest of a lifetime to reflect and act upon them. Presuming I'm lucky enough to find a woman to love, I would hope to spend my last days with her, my family and friends. I don't think I'd feel good about going off for one last grand adventure like Carter and Edward.
There are certainly some experiences I'd love to have during my life. I'd love to actually be able to finish Enchantment's Twilight and may indeed ultimately succeed in that. To enjoy my travel desires would require either close friends and/or a wife/girlfriend to experience them with. Presuming such people plus the funds were available, I'd love to go:
1. To somewhere along the shore of an ocean when it was warm enough to actually get in. I've always wondered what it would feel and sound like to hear it live rather than recorded. Ideally, there would also be a town or city there whose people I could get to know a little.
2. To the peek of a mountain. I'd love to hear what it's like all that way up there. However, I don't particularly feel the desire to climb up or down it. I Imagine it might sound quite vast and interesting presuming wind didn't completely override one's ability to hear the surroundings.
3. To England. British stories and culture are pretty well woven into my life and I would love to actually visit that country. Ideally, I'd like to go with another person who actually hasn't been there and done that already. It would be damned refreshing to discover a new place like that along with someone elase who was keen and eager.
4. To a tropical island. I've wanted to do that ever since I read Treasure Island over two decades ago. That desire has only strengthened while I've worked on and thought about Enchantment's Twilight. I'd like to have a proper sense of the lifestyle and atmosphere. Chances are also good that the history of whatever island I went to would also interest me.
I would most likely find a trip to pretty much anywhere interesting so long as I did it in the company of other people whose reactions and conversation about whatever they saw I could hear and participate in. That's really what it comes down to for me; Being with people who are keen to get the most out of the excursion. Whether I ultimately get to any of those places or not is of secondary importance to me when it comes to overall life satisfaction. When you get right down to brass tacks, I'd like to look back on a life where I've been able to make a positive contribution to peoples' lives. Preferably, I would appreciate it if I could do so in a community where I actually lived. Having my own place which I could sustainably afford is definitely important to me. However, being a part of a loving marriage where I could meaningfully contribute to a woman's happiness is even more to be desired. Even if our economic quality of life was worse than mine is now, I've experienced enough of love to know how much that relationship can make up for in terms of other hardships.
Not much of a bucket list, is it? Many of my friends might find it strange that I can be such a deep thinker but have such basic ultimate goles. But then, that's the sort of thing deep thinking leads one to realise. It's around ten after seven now. My parents have come back vrom babysitting Ava and Amia. They're pretty worn out as usual. Those two kids plus two kittens can be quite a happy handful. We've had our simple supper of left-over KFC and I'm back up here in my room again. New age music is playing tcourtesy of Sky FM's new age station. It doesn't seem to be raining outside at the moment. Wonder how long this interlude between downpours will last.
Tomorrow should be much better on the social front. There's church in the morning. I presume we're having a different guest preecher this week. I've little doubt he'll be as good as the last one was. Something new to think about at any rate. Tomorrow evening, I'll be joining my parents going over to a party our neighbours are having. That'll certainly be out of the ordinary. On tuesday, I'll be meeting with Nadia at the Bramilee City Centre. I keenly look forward to that. Wednesday, I have another lesson. If possible, I'll head out on monday or tuesday to test that section of route that I'm a bit concerned about. I just hope it dries off a little over the next day or two. Tramping through puddles isn't exactly a thrilling prospect but I'll take that over getting rained on. Dad and I may also go out and get a new TV for me which is capable of receiving audio description. If I'm to be stuck as a single person who is largely housebound for the next while, I'll at least be able to take advantage of audio descriptive service when it's offered. Yet another one of those things I could cheerfully do without if my social outlook and transportation options were better. Paradoxically, I'm glad I didn't arrange to go to Lake Jo. That would be one week of excellent social conditions with no transportations issues surrounded by weeks of still sapping solitude. I'll be better prepared to appreciate such a trip next year when the chance for a completely different future which has so recently left me won't be so keenly felt and missed. It's been a rought ride.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
very long long weekend
Hello everyone. I'm feeling remarkably good this Sunday afternoon. My sleep is still somewhat broken up. The new sound machine seems to do alright at blocking out the damned birds but there's a kind of rhythmic element in its idea of white noise that my mind has a tendency to snag on. At least this one doesn't stop due to a non-optional timer. It also doesn't yell at me like my netbook did at around five one morning this week since I forgot to deactivate Jaws. Oh yes, folks. Sonically contending with the birds has certainly been an ongoing issue this week. The days have dragged quite a lot due to them waking me up and my inability to get a solid sleep. Last night was different though. I believe I'm finally moving in the right direction on that front.
None of my friends have been available to visit with this long weekend so far. However, I've heard from Mark and Wendy. They want me to come with them to a festival at Erindale University in a couple of weeks. It's good to have an excursion like that to look forward to at long last. Yesterday, I started reading Charles De Lint's Spirits In The Wires again. There's a surprising amount of hope and optimism packed into that book. I've only read it once before so I'm finding new things I missed the first time through it back when I was still married to Rebecca. De Lint invokes a tremendous sense of wholesome wonder which I hope I can fill my writing with. It's done a lot to dig me out of the sense of futility and lethargy the break-up with Janene threw me into. And then, there was that helpful soul on Plenty of Fish who thought to start a thread asking what our favourite thing which happened last week was. That got me to do something seriously which I hadn't thought to do in quite a while. It's important to stop and count one's blessings. As I started writing down all the positive things which were sprinkled through my week dominated by insomnia, it was like a dam broke which had held the majority of my optimism back.
Attending church this morning was another extremely helpful thing which has rekindled my overall drive to continue work on Enchantment's Twilight. The sermon was all about God putting us in the right place at the right time. Pastor Cooper gave some very contemporary examples which put everything back into proper perspective for me. I had such a sense that it wouldn't ever matter enough to anybody how hard I tried to have a positive impact in life. Having a woman who I had earnestly come to love decide to suddenly jump ship profoundly hollowed me out. I was seriously starting to question, in my sleep-deprived frustrated state, whether all those blind folks who just gave up on pretty much the whole shooting match didn't have a good point after all. You know; The ones I plan to spend the next five years working on a game which shows them that we can have a meaningful impact even when it seems we're sidelined by life? My sense of hope, vision and drive just seemed to go completely out the window for a while. Thankfully, I have it back in large measure again. During the sermon, a frustrated woman felt compelled to disagree with a point she thought the pastor was making. I decided to follow that up and asked to be brought over to her. It felt a bit strange to take that step in a community of people I'm still just starting to find my feet in. However, my life experience and different perspective on race relations as a blind person seemed to have a particular bearing on things. She apparently doesn't usually speak up at all during sermons. We had quite a good and fairly lengthy conversation. Perhaps, my perspective did some good as I thought it might. Or, perhaps, she just needed a good listener. There's a slight chance I may be able to be of further help to someone she knows. If nothing else, I feel better for having stepped forward and making the effort. Starting to go to this church was clearly a good move on my part. Being in a community who sincerely try to make a positive difference helps a lot.
I thought I'd be going to see the Star Trek film with Adam today. It turns out that he's gone off with another friend to see another movie. Yes, I've been stood up, or more precisely, left sitting here by one of my best friends. It's hard to feel too bothered by such a small scratch after Janene's recent comparative artillery shell along those lines. He apparently often goes to movies in the morning. That strikes me as one of those things which are certainly doable but daft. Rather like having beer with one's breakfast. You're just asking for trouble having beer with breakfast. There's a proper time for stuff. For movies, it's early afternoon or evening. Beer seems proper to drink possibly as early as mid-afternoon in special circumstances but should typically be drunk after five o'clock at the earliest. Pretty much all my friends, Adam included, have seen the latest Star Trek film already. That's keenly frustrating since it's one of two movies that I would very much liked to have experienced either with Janene had she not dumped me or with friends my own age. You'd think that having a free pass for another person along with free popcorn and drink would have been enough of a draw. I guess not. Dealing with the fallout from breaking up, I haven't exactly been up to gaming cessions with Adam over the past while. Far be it from me to hold his feet to the fire therefore. I'd have made dreadful company being as prone to dozing as I've been over the past while. Presuming today's not just a fluke, I'm at last over that now. Still, it would suck if he's gone to see the latest Terminator film. That's the only other current movie I've heard about which has any appeal to me. It would suck, but the way things have been lately on that front, it wouldn't surprise me in the least. It would have been damned nice to see something like that with a small group of people who had time to hang out somewhere afterwards and talk about it. My family has never really done that. After a show, we just head back home and continue with life.
It looks like I'll be going to see it with mom and dad tomorrow. They both want to take it in and it's a long weekend so it all works out. Thankfully, my parents can understand where I'm coming from wanting first and foremost to do this kind of thing with friends. They get how frustrating it can be for me not to have been able to move on in life. They're off to see the Survivor finale tonight. I haven't taken an interest in that show for a couple of years now. Come to think of it, the year Rebecca and I separated, 2007, was the last season I paid any attention to Survivor.
Presuming I've actually ditched this insomnia as I believe I have, I think I'll take a stab at picking up work on Enchantment's Twilight again tomorrow. It'll be a few weeks yet before I'm ready to do more extensive practice on the new route by myself if prior experience is any indication. There doesn't seem as much point in putting all my eggs in the mobility basket anymore. I'll still do the three routes to Symposia's, Adam's and Ron's and put in more time than I have previously over these next warmer months. The audio documentary is also going to get priority whenever I come across useful source material for it. Given what I've learned about my condition and there being no need to rush, I'll take my time and put effort into writing again as well. Going six months without touching that really wouldn't be like me at all. If I continue to be single and nothing major changes socially for me, work on writing is going to go slowly. I've reached a point where I need more interaction with my peers and some new experiences to draw upon. I'll do my best to make do with second-hand sources like books and documentaries. One way or another, the world is going to get my best creative efforts. My hope that things will eventually change for the better is back in full force. If and when somebody new decides to give me a looking over, they'll find me firing on all cylinders. Dan was write a few days ago. I should put writer in the occupation field on my profiles. Just because I haven't been paid doesn't mean I haven't done the deed.
None of my friends have been available to visit with this long weekend so far. However, I've heard from Mark and Wendy. They want me to come with them to a festival at Erindale University in a couple of weeks. It's good to have an excursion like that to look forward to at long last. Yesterday, I started reading Charles De Lint's Spirits In The Wires again. There's a surprising amount of hope and optimism packed into that book. I've only read it once before so I'm finding new things I missed the first time through it back when I was still married to Rebecca. De Lint invokes a tremendous sense of wholesome wonder which I hope I can fill my writing with. It's done a lot to dig me out of the sense of futility and lethargy the break-up with Janene threw me into. And then, there was that helpful soul on Plenty of Fish who thought to start a thread asking what our favourite thing which happened last week was. That got me to do something seriously which I hadn't thought to do in quite a while. It's important to stop and count one's blessings. As I started writing down all the positive things which were sprinkled through my week dominated by insomnia, it was like a dam broke which had held the majority of my optimism back.
Attending church this morning was another extremely helpful thing which has rekindled my overall drive to continue work on Enchantment's Twilight. The sermon was all about God putting us in the right place at the right time. Pastor Cooper gave some very contemporary examples which put everything back into proper perspective for me. I had such a sense that it wouldn't ever matter enough to anybody how hard I tried to have a positive impact in life. Having a woman who I had earnestly come to love decide to suddenly jump ship profoundly hollowed me out. I was seriously starting to question, in my sleep-deprived frustrated state, whether all those blind folks who just gave up on pretty much the whole shooting match didn't have a good point after all. You know; The ones I plan to spend the next five years working on a game which shows them that we can have a meaningful impact even when it seems we're sidelined by life? My sense of hope, vision and drive just seemed to go completely out the window for a while. Thankfully, I have it back in large measure again. During the sermon, a frustrated woman felt compelled to disagree with a point she thought the pastor was making. I decided to follow that up and asked to be brought over to her. It felt a bit strange to take that step in a community of people I'm still just starting to find my feet in. However, my life experience and different perspective on race relations as a blind person seemed to have a particular bearing on things. She apparently doesn't usually speak up at all during sermons. We had quite a good and fairly lengthy conversation. Perhaps, my perspective did some good as I thought it might. Or, perhaps, she just needed a good listener. There's a slight chance I may be able to be of further help to someone she knows. If nothing else, I feel better for having stepped forward and making the effort. Starting to go to this church was clearly a good move on my part. Being in a community who sincerely try to make a positive difference helps a lot.
I thought I'd be going to see the Star Trek film with Adam today. It turns out that he's gone off with another friend to see another movie. Yes, I've been stood up, or more precisely, left sitting here by one of my best friends. It's hard to feel too bothered by such a small scratch after Janene's recent comparative artillery shell along those lines. He apparently often goes to movies in the morning. That strikes me as one of those things which are certainly doable but daft. Rather like having beer with one's breakfast. You're just asking for trouble having beer with breakfast. There's a proper time for stuff. For movies, it's early afternoon or evening. Beer seems proper to drink possibly as early as mid-afternoon in special circumstances but should typically be drunk after five o'clock at the earliest. Pretty much all my friends, Adam included, have seen the latest Star Trek film already. That's keenly frustrating since it's one of two movies that I would very much liked to have experienced either with Janene had she not dumped me or with friends my own age. You'd think that having a free pass for another person along with free popcorn and drink would have been enough of a draw. I guess not. Dealing with the fallout from breaking up, I haven't exactly been up to gaming cessions with Adam over the past while. Far be it from me to hold his feet to the fire therefore. I'd have made dreadful company being as prone to dozing as I've been over the past while. Presuming today's not just a fluke, I'm at last over that now. Still, it would suck if he's gone to see the latest Terminator film. That's the only other current movie I've heard about which has any appeal to me. It would suck, but the way things have been lately on that front, it wouldn't surprise me in the least. It would have been damned nice to see something like that with a small group of people who had time to hang out somewhere afterwards and talk about it. My family has never really done that. After a show, we just head back home and continue with life.
It looks like I'll be going to see it with mom and dad tomorrow. They both want to take it in and it's a long weekend so it all works out. Thankfully, my parents can understand where I'm coming from wanting first and foremost to do this kind of thing with friends. They get how frustrating it can be for me not to have been able to move on in life. They're off to see the Survivor finale tonight. I haven't taken an interest in that show for a couple of years now. Come to think of it, the year Rebecca and I separated, 2007, was the last season I paid any attention to Survivor.
Presuming I've actually ditched this insomnia as I believe I have, I think I'll take a stab at picking up work on Enchantment's Twilight again tomorrow. It'll be a few weeks yet before I'm ready to do more extensive practice on the new route by myself if prior experience is any indication. There doesn't seem as much point in putting all my eggs in the mobility basket anymore. I'll still do the three routes to Symposia's, Adam's and Ron's and put in more time than I have previously over these next warmer months. The audio documentary is also going to get priority whenever I come across useful source material for it. Given what I've learned about my condition and there being no need to rush, I'll take my time and put effort into writing again as well. Going six months without touching that really wouldn't be like me at all. If I continue to be single and nothing major changes socially for me, work on writing is going to go slowly. I've reached a point where I need more interaction with my peers and some new experiences to draw upon. I'll do my best to make do with second-hand sources like books and documentaries. One way or another, the world is going to get my best creative efforts. My hope that things will eventually change for the better is back in full force. If and when somebody new decides to give me a looking over, they'll find me firing on all cylinders. Dan was write a few days ago. I should put writer in the occupation field on my profiles. Just because I haven't been paid doesn't mean I haven't done the deed.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Finally! A really good sleep!
Hello everyone. Yesterday was somewhat distracted. The window work interfered with what I had previously planned to do. The banging wasn't too terrible but when you throw in the smells and stuff all around the house, it seemed better to stay inside my room for the majority. I haven't heard the weather yet but I gather it's going to warm up over the weekend. At some point, I'll test out this low-cut filter idea for my digital recorder. Today and tomorrow, there's a Goalball tournament being broadcast. That'll certainly provide me some welcome interactive amusement over the weekend. DNTO on CBC Radio is doing an episode all about mistakes which ought to be interesting. Age of Persuasion usually doesn't disappoint either. Sunday, I'll be going to church in the morning and then to Ava's birthday party in the afternoon. That ought to be quite a good day.
My sleep was excellent last night. I feel quite good today. As a single person, I'll always have a sense of not living to my fullest potential. I could go so much farther, give, and get so much more with a partner in life. However, if I'm going to be single, the world will get the best person I'm capable of being given those condisions. I've been set on a different path than I would ever have entertained had I not encountered Janene. I have to believe God has something more in store for me and try to be as ready as possible for whatever presents itself.
My sleep was excellent last night. I feel quite good today. As a single person, I'll always have a sense of not living to my fullest potential. I could go so much farther, give, and get so much more with a partner in life. However, if I'm going to be single, the world will get the best person I'm capable of being given those condisions. I've been set on a different path than I would ever have entertained had I not encountered Janene. I have to believe God has something more in store for me and try to be as ready as possible for whatever presents itself.
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