Thursday, May 21, 2009

canes, crossings and opportunities

Hello everyone. I'm feeling pretty good today. Not fully rested by any means but not bad. It's going to be a pretty hot day apparently. Yesterday, I had another lesson with Ray. Things went more smoothly than I expected. This route involves a whole lot of straight travel right up until near the end. That'll make things easier than other routes I've tried. On the down side, a few of the crossings are of the awfully damned wide variety. It's going to take a while to get the nerve to just march quickly out there into the void. I cross far better when I do it that way as counter-intuitive as it sounds. Especially when you're in the middle of the crossing, there's a strong tendency to second-guess yourself. I'm slowly getting better at that though. We went through around eighty-five percent of the route and so far, the route seems to have been recorded correctly by the Trekkor Breeze. There are times when the Breeze loses track of my position. Ray doesn't really have the time to wait too much as it catches up. For the first months when I actually feel competent to do the route myself, I'll certainly be waiting after most crossings for that to hapen. There are a lot of fairly close turns in the final part of the route which I'll doubtless take longer to grow confident with. Still, I'm fairly positive that I should be able to make my way to Symposia's at some point this Summer. Ray also brought over a new cane which I asked him to order for me. It's good to have a spare one of those around again. My old grafite cane shows no sign of bending or waring down but if the elastic suddenly goes, I'd like to be ready.

In the meanwhile, God seems to be taking some action openning new doors for me. There's a church conference in Chicago which I've been offered a chance to attend. It would be the first trip of that kind I've ever taken. One thing which may get in the way is if I can't get a passport in time. I've never owned one of those and have no clue how long whatever processing which has to go on will take. Mom's going to take me out this afternoon to get a picture taken and help me apply for one. The workshops and schedule sound pretty stimulating. It's all about multiculturalism. Presuming things work out, I'll doubtless learn a ton and perhaps even be able to bring a fresh perspective. If not, at least I'll be more ready for the next opportunity to travel out of the country. Before that, I'm going on another camping trip with Ron and the gang. This time, I'll make damned certain my computer is left turned off. I'll also strive not to get as drunk as i got last time despite their likely efforts to the contrary. Good food, good fun and good conversation go a long way to making me feel connected to the world outside my family again.

I was happy to hear earlier this week from Ron. He seems to have turned a positive corner in life and is far more at peace with himself. A lot of people from his past who had lost touch during his ill-fated marriage to Sylve have gotten in touch with him again. As for me, I'm becoming more able to look forward instead of back at what Janene and I could have had together. There's a lot less anger and the sense of utter disappointment and anguish has lifted. I still don't really see myself becoming just friends with her. However, I can at least move on with things fairly contentedly again. I can't say I exactly enjoy being back in the trenches searching for another woman who might at least give me the ghost of a chance. I've had absolutely no luck on that front at all. I must have sent out at least sixty greeting messages to women who seemed like they might value what I have to offer and were actually close enough to perhaps meet with. However, not even one of them has even gone so far as to politely reject me. Back to the drawing board just doesn't do this justice. The excitement of having somewhere that actually lets me do the equivalent of looking back and responding to people who take time to look at me is quickly wearing off. It doesn't seem to make a damned bit of difference. I'll try to keep up my end and continue to look but I think God's just going to have to step in and somehow fudge the staggering odds against my success. It's starting to feel like I'm writing to thin air already. The only interest I've been shown is from women in other countries. None of them seem to be able to read and comprehend the simple fact that I can't see and never could. I've had three of them send me pictures and ask me to send some. I have to keep reminding myself that it's still early days yet. It already feels like forever.

On Friday, the space shuttle is coming back down after a very successful mission. I'll definitely try to catch the landing live online. Other than church on Sunday, the rest of the weekend is clear as far as I know. I may go out on Saturday to practice some of the route. Perhaps, I'll meet some new people along the way. Probably just wishful thinking but sometimes, that's all we have to go with. My only realistic shot at expanding my social circle in the short term is through church.

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